


My Guiding Moonlight

by doodlesky



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Bloodborne!au, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Secret Identity, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, blood shouldn't be used that way, if you do you'll notice i repurposed some quotes here and there eheh, you don't need to know it i infodumped all you need to know to understand what's going on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:55:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 104,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26746972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doodlesky/pseuds/doodlesky
Summary: Kurapika disguises himself as a hunter in order to infiltrate the Healing Church to destroy it and to discover the identities of the band of executioners who had massacred his people five years prior. Hiding his vileblood heritage from the world, after a Night of the Hunt he meets Chrollo, who figures out his disdain for the Church and joins him in his quest. Little does Kurapika know, Chrollo too hides a secret...
Relationships: Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer/Kurapika
Comments: 59
Kudos: 112





	1. Prologue

Bound to one another by tradition and blood, none of the inhabitants of Cainhurst Castle were normally allowed to freely leave their ancestral home anymore. Once a place of flourishing commerce and art, all had turned sour in the years after the establishment of the Healing Church.

Discovered by the scholars of the College of Byrgenwerth, a Holy medium denominated Old Blood had been exhumed from the intricate labyrinth of old ruins which lied beneath the city of Yharnam. Soon, the scholars had found out about the miraculous properties of the blood, seemingly capable of curing all diseases. Wary of the effects of the medium, Provost Willem had warned his students to fear the Old Blood, but a scholar named Laurence had defied his master's wishes and founded the Healing Church. The institution had quickly spread throughout the city and gained more and more power thanks to the ministration of the prodigious fluid, so much that even foreigners had eventually begun flocking to the city in order to be infused with it. And if the people's eyes had seemingly started to sink over time, if their teeth had become sharper, if their nails had become sturdier, well, no one had been none the wiser at first.

Meanwhile, another man had betrayed Provost Willem, stealing a strand of forbidden blood from Byrgenwerth and taking it to Cainhurst Castle. Accepting the cursed offering, subsequently tainting the castle and the inhabiting people, they too had become something other than human.

Considered heretics in the eyes of the Church, the nobles of Cainhurst Castle became known as Vilebloods and had been at war with the clerics of Yharnam ever since. In order to protect their people, the elders had carved cursed runes along their walls of stone, effectively isolating it from the rest of the world.

Most of the younger members of the covenant couldn't remember or were unaware of the circumstances of their isolation. Many of them had developed some curiosity over the years, but the truth had been kept secret in wait for them to reach maturity, and eventually all accepted "protection" as a good enough explanation, putting trust in the elders' wisdom and experience.

All except one.

After years of begging and strict testing, only one had finally been granted the privilege of venturing into the world outside, on the strict condition that he not reveal his heritage to anyone and that he stay away from Yharnam. He had been informed of the reasoning behind their hiding and of the scourge of the beast that had been plaguing the land only before his departure, and made an oath to never speak of it to the others, to never speak of his birthplace in the world outside. He was to keep the secrets of Cainhurst Castle to his grave, and had sworn never to get close to the source of the beastly plague.  
Still a boy of only 12 years old, a beaming Kurapika had bid goodbye to his friends and family, unaware of the executioner's axe hovering above their heads.

As a young child he had snuck many times inside the grand library of the castle, reading of a time when his people used to be in contact with the outside. But the elders had always refused to answer his questions and talk about it at first.

"As you know, our blood is special" was all they had used to say, urging him to behave and be a good boy.

But the adults' command had fallen on deaf ears and not only had Kurapika's interest for the world outside grown even stronger, but the child's nagging had only increase tenfold, exasperating everyone to the point that many of his people had started avoiding him in order to escape from his incessant questioning.  
Begging for the elders' knowledge had soon stopped being enough for the blond boy, and eventually he had begun sneaking out to explore the forest beyond the bridge that connected the land to the rocky formation in the middle of the lake upon which stood Cainhurst Castle. It hadn't been easy at first, but he had been small enough to fit between the bars of the iron gates, and the shadows cast by the stones hid his presence well. Sometimes he had been accompanied by his closest friend Pairo, but the boy's weak eyes and fragile body hadn't allowed for many such outings.

The forest beyond the bridge was dark and uninviting, but Kurapika's juvenile excitement had muffled any fear and although sometimes he heard strange cries in the distance, he had never once stopped to question them due to his impulsive and confident nature.

A few years after the beginning of this frequent ritual, he had met Sheila.

***

«This isn't a good idea, what if it's a dangerous animal or something? Or a person? Kurapika, I don't like this.»  
«It's fine, we're together, aren't we? What's the worst that could happen?»  
«No, I still think this is stupid.»

Despite his friend's fretting, Kurapika fearlessly crept towards the source of the smell.

''Blood'' he suddenly realised with a jolt, hurrying his pace and pushing the overgrown plants out of his way with his arms, until he noticed something on the ground until he got to a slightly less cramped area and he stopped in his tracks.  
Hidden between the bushes and the rocks was a person clad in a bloodied black attire. The two children froze, thinking her dead, until the slight rising and falling of her chest proved them wrong.

Running to her side with panic swelling in his chest, the blond boy began calling out to her, shaking her shoulders with trembling hands, Pairo carefully lowering himself down next to him.

It had taken her a while to gain back consciousness but when she did, she had a serene expression on her face and didn't seem to be in any pain, surprising the children.

«Miss, miss are you hurt? Do you need help?» cried Kurapika.  
«Is everything alright, ma'am?» asked Pairo in a much softer, but still trembling, voice.

Seemingly unfazed by the presence of the scared boys crouched by her side, the woman smiled and, patting their heads in an almost nurturing way, spoke smoothly, no trace of drowsiness in her voice:

«Oh don't worry for me, little ones. I was just dreaming.»

She introduced herself and called herself a hunter, gesturing to the pistol and the cane strapped to her clothes.  
To Kurapika, her weapons didn't seem like the ones his brethren used for wild game, which he found weird, but he assumed it normal for the people from the outside to use such peculiar and unknown objects to him.

He tried to run his hand along the steel out of curiosity, but quickly retracted back and hissed in pain when he felt a stinging sensation across his palm. Apparently the edge of the weird weapon had been as sharp as a knife, and a streak of crimson blood was now adorning the polished metal.

Sheila let out an amused sound and asked him if he needed any help, but he only told her it was fine and scooted back next to Pairo, immediately hiding his hand between their bodies to conceal his quickly healing skin from view.

«Where are you from, ma'am?» then asked Pairo with a curious tilt of his head, leaning slightly towards Kurapika to further hide the arm beside him.  
«Oh! I'm from Yharnam. Now though, what are you boys doing here? The woods are a dangerous place, you know? But oh, silly me! I haven't even asked for your names.» if she had noticed the children tensing up upon hearing just where she was from, she had chosen not to comment on it.  
«I'm Kurapika, and this is Pairo! We're from-»  
«We're from Yharnam too!» interjected his brunet friend, gripping the cloth on the other boy's back. Pairo had always been the level headed one of the two, and he had feared that Kurapika wouldn't have kept their origin secret in such a state of euphoria. «We just came out here to play, ma'am!»  
Nodding emphatically next to him, Kurapika flashed Sheila what he hoped to be a confident smile. «Yeah! We come here really often, it's not dangerous at all!»  
«Oh?» exclaimed the woman in a melodious tone, «I see, I see. Well, I must go back to the hunt. It was a pleasure to meet you, little ones.»

She wanted to ask them what had been the point of wondering where she was from when Yharnam was the only city in the radius of several kilometres and why they had felt the need to in the first place, but upon further reflection had refrained from commenting on it.

After this, the hunter got to her feet and brushed off the fallen leaves from her leather garb, Kurapika and Pairo following suit.  
Unnoticed by them, Sheila's dark eyes quickly swept over their bodies, taking note of their peculiar and rich attire.

How amusing of them to pretend to be yharnamites while being dressed in such fine silks, when even the richest men now had started resorting to tearing out their own golden teeth to beg the Church for salvation in exchange for their riches.  
Her eyes flicked towards her weapon, noting how the boy's blood contrasted with its stark grey color.

With a soft chuckle, Sheila looked back at the children in front of her and raised her hands to gently pet their heads one more time.  
Oh, how eager would the others be to hear about that meeting.

«Goodbye, little ones.»

«Goodbye, miss Sheila!»  
«Yes, goodbye ma'am!»

«But, boys, do remember to be careful.»

«Huh?» Kurapika and Pairo exchanged a confused look.

«After all... Not all hunters hunt beasts.»

She had flashed them a smile before turning away from them and disappearing between the woods with these parting words, but Kurapika had been too naive to catch the shadow that had fallen over her face.

He had been too young to understand.

Soon his meeting with Sheila had been pushed to the back of his mind and life had gone back to normal.

Just the following month, the elders had granted Kurapika the key to freedom.

***

They had come at night.

A full Moon had been high in the sky, dyed crimson by the executioners with the blood of the Cainhurst Vilebloods.

***

The massacre happened six weeks after Kurapika had reached what he thought would be the peak of happiness, having achieved his dream of freedom.

After days of walking he had finally reached a new town along the seashore, so he had deemed it the right place to rest in order to ease the sores of his travels and replenish his strength. It had almost been a week since he'd set foot in a city, and he was ready to enjoy his time there.  
He had been strolling through the marketplace on that day, taking in the different smells coming from the stalls in awe and observing the colorfully dressed people around him when suddenly he overheard two strangers' conversation in passing.  
He hadn't been able to discern all that was being discussed, but his ears had distinctly picked up the words "Cainhurst", "bloodbath" and "all dead".

Freezing in his tracks, Kurapika stared incredulously at the two men, dozens of objections already surfacing in his mind. It couldn't be true, he certainly must have misunderstood. Cainhurst Castle was protected, his people couldn't have died. With shaking legs he approached the two men as discreetly as possible and spoke in a wobbly voice.

«Excuse me, sirs...?»

«Huh? What, it's just a kid.» said in a gruff voice the shorter of the two, a man clothed in a tattered travelling cape. «What do you want?»  
«Now now, you shouldn't be so rude to strangers, mister.» rebutted his companion, who was dressed in a much more sophisticated fashion. Although his words were repriming, his tone or the expression on his face were anything but.

Kurapika looked uncertainly between the two men and swallowed the lump in his throat before speaking. «I- I'm sorry but I accidentally heard what you said and, uhm, I'm from Yharnam and I just- I couldn't help but worry. Just what....What were you talking about?»

Despite his best efforts Kurapika's voice came out raspy and agitated, but he hoped the men in front of him had fallen for his lie and believed him to be worried for the yharnamites. The taller man made a show of looking him up and down, settling for a few long and uncomfortable seconds on the blond's shaky hands, and then answered in a shrill voice.

«Oh, but the vileblood massacre, of course!»

Kurapika's heart in his chest skipped a beat. Unaware, or uncaring, of the panic swelling up inside the boy, the man continued to talk cheerfully.

«From the looks of it, it seems like the Healing Church had been preparing for this attack for a long time too! I heard that they had been training a new division of executioners just for the occasion! Isn't it interesting? Someone told me that their screams were so loud that they could be heard even back in Yharnam. Quite freaky, wouldn't you say? It's a shame though, all the riches they must have had- I'm sure the castle has already been raided for all its treasures. I wonder, maybe something was smeared with so much blood to the point of going unnoticed? That'd be so lucky! Who knows how many corpses one would have to step over to get to it, though...»

His smile was sinister and out of place and Kurapika felt a chill run down his spine upon realizing that to this man the macabre carnage of his people had been nothing but a source of gossip and entertainment. A wave of nausea surged over Kurapika and he felt the blood drain from his face.

The scruffy looking man seemed irked at his companion's chattering and rolled his eyes in annoyance and interjected with a huff.  
«Shut up, moron. Stop dragging this out and be done with it, we've got things to do. I don't want to be here all day, rat.»  
«Oh? My, my, that's too bad! But why must you always be so crass with me, my friend?»

Kurapika stopped listening to them, or rather, he could no longer pay attention to what they were saying.  
His vision was becoming hazy and his breathing more rapid, more shallow, and he felt like he was on the verge of blacking out.  
He had to get away, he had to hide, he couldn't be in this men's presence any longer.

The blond boy hurriedly excused himself and bolted away down the street, not bothering to wait for a response from the two men. He bumped into several people along the way, but he couldn't stop or open his mouth to excuse himself. He was openly crying now, his tears tracing scorching streaks along his wan face.  
But he could only run.

As soon as he had put some distance between them, Kurapika ducked into a narrow alleyway and braced himself against the wall of a building, throwing up all the contents of his stomach. The acidic fluids burned his throat and he struggled to keep himself upright in order not to fall into the puddle of his own vomit. Kurapika cried harder and choked on his tears. He felt his chest grow tight as bile rose in his throat once more, worsening the pain in his chest, and he heaved again.  
He felt like dying.

After his stomach had seemingly settled, he tried to take some deep breaths, but failed. He couldn't stop hyperventilating and he let himself slide down against the wall in exhaustion, curling in on himself, his eyes open but unseeing. He couldn't tell how much time he had spent in that state, but his heartbeat eventually steadied and breathing became easier. His limbs felt heavy and his insides still felt on fire, the stench of his puke burning his nostrils, but he slowly felt himself come back to his senses, almost as if his soul had previously left his body and had come back to inhabit it just then.

"Dead"  
"He said they were dead"  
"My parents, Pairo, everyone"  
"Dead"

Was it true? Could he even trust the words of a man who had obviously enjoyed making him squirm in fear? Surely it couldn't be, surely it was all a lie. A misunderstanding. A joke. Cainhurst Castle was protected, no stranger could ever-

"The blood"

Kurapika choked on his newfound breath.

"Sheila"  
"My blood. It was my blood"  
"Sheila"

He felt a sudden surge of rage swell in his chest, but he couldn't tell who it was directed the most towards. Sheila and the Church. The executioners. That vicious man.

Himself.

He should have died.  
He should have been there and he should have died with them.  
No.  
He was the only one who should have died in the first place.  
He deserved to die.  
It was his fault.  
It was his fault.

It was all his fault.

***

Although it had been only a little less than two months since he had last placed foot in the valley, Kurapika already felt like a stranger in his own land. He carefully and silently made his way through the ominous forest, making sure not to encounter any beasts. He shivered at the thought of what would have happened had he not been lucky to not cross his paths with any of them in the past. When he had first left Cainhurst Castle he had sneaked around the outskirts of Yharnam to leave the valley, and the sight of a crazed mob setting the mutilated body of an humongous hairy creature on fire had haunted his nightmares for days. He could only imagine what facing one of those things outside of his imagination would be like.

The vegetation of the forest had already started to claim the long bridge that connected his home to the outside world, while Cainhurst Castle stood alone in the middle of the misty lake, silent and dark despite the early hours of the night.

"Visible to everyone" realized Kurapika with a shudder.

Only then did true dread really start to settle on Kurapika's shoulders. He couldn't make peace with it and unconsciously he had still clung to the hope that it had all been a lie, that he'd be able to see his brethren again.

Having finally set foot in the courtyard, Kurapika immediately smelt the faintest scent of blood in the air. His stomach churned. All blood scents were slightly different from each other, but he had soon learned to differentiate between normal humans' and his brethren's, and he could definitely tell just which had been spilled the most there.  
He felt nauseous already, but he took a shaky breath and walked forward.

He had to see.

Puddles of dried blood already littered the ground and he forced himself not to look down. Before he could even reach the castle doors, he suddenly stopped in his tracks.

The ground in the middle of the courtyard was burnt. A large and deep hole had been dug in the middle of the courtyard and the ground was burnt. With a choked cry, Kurapika burst into the castle and began running through the corridors.  
Blood, blood, blood. Everything was covered in dried blood, but people, people-

No one.

He had found no one.  
He didn't know how many doors he had opened, he didn't know how many corridors he had passed. It might have been minutes, hours, days even, but he didn't know.

He hadn't found any bodies.

He had no one now, not one to mourn over, not one to bury.  
All his brethren's bodies had been cremated.

"Just like they do with beasts"

Upon the remains of his ruined home, Kurapika fell to his knees and cried.

«Curse the fiends! Their children too! And their children, forever, true!»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT NOTE: Not much is known about the vilebloods and Cainhurst Castle so a lot of what I wrote is just something I made up. The story takes place before the events of the game, but the timeline is arranged according to what is useful to me and some things had to change, sorry lol. To give you a REALLY bad summary though, we can say bloodborne is about a magnified werewolves vs vampires fight with a sprinkle of cosmic horror. Note end/
> 
> Hi, I have no idea what I'm doing.  
> Bloodborne is one of my favorite videogames ever and my brain has been in a kurokura mode since August and some weeks ago it just clicked that bb + krkr = Heaven, so here we are.  
> I've never written multi chapter fics, so this is a bit of a scary experience ahah. I'm already working on the second chapter and I have a list of what is Supposed to happen, but I don't know how it will and I'm already 100% sure that I'm going to derail at some point (Ging and Pariston's presence is already something that just happened as I was writing, for one). I actually have no idea how many chapters long this fic is going to be either...  
> I'll try to work at a steady pace, but my uni courses are starting next week so I don't know how long it'll take me to finish this, still, I'll try as hard as I can!!!
> 
> Fashionborne, aka the outfits (and more):  
> -Sheila, Yharnam Hunter set: https://pin.it/7vWW4pv  
> -Sheila's weapons, the Threaded Cane and the Hunter Pistol: https://pin.it/52j9c2M, https://pin.it/72Shpv3  
> -The Vilebloods (these are mostly knights but just to give you a sense of the style): https://pin.it/24o2THb, https://pin.it/5kHoAh6, https://pin.it/3JVoszb, https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0-P-E9W8oh4/WMHvLRj3tUI/AAAAAAAAQfc/-UVsMIg3ITwPOT8Nn8D__gMH7bJJDWpQACLcB/s1600/image_Arianna_Woman_Of_The_Night.png  
> -The Executioners: https://pin.it/5Y49dH2
> 
> 17/12/20 EDIT: Changed something that had been bothering me for ages, aka the tenses during Kurapika and Pairo's meeting with Sheila, nothing major. The short dialogue between the children is the only new thing I've added.


	2. The Night of the Hunt

_5 years later_

It was a Night of the Hunt.

The pale Moon hung high in the sky, full and beckoning.  
The labyrinthine streets of Yharnam were desert, the doors locked and the windows barricaded.  
Against their better judgment, several foolish men armed with torches and pitchforks were patrolling the main roads in groups, some even accompanied by guard dogs or holding onto shotguns for security.  
The sound of their steps against the paved street echoed against the stained walls of the worn buildings around them, their ragged breaths heating the chilly air of the night with small puffs.  
Despite the pungent smell of fear in the air, they marched on. Waiting. Searching.

The cry of a beast rumbled in the distance. Somebody let out a whimper.

A loved one, a relative, a friend. By then, everyone of them had already lost someone to the scourge plaguing the city. Everyone in Yharnam had.  
They wondered how many and who it would be this time.  
Sometimes, beasts still retained the use of the word. Sometimes, a distinctive strand of cloth still clung to their body. Sometimes they were just beasts, and only the desperate screeching of the people they left behind indicated who had transformed.

"One day it might be me"

One of the men shook on his feet and had to clamp a hand against his mouth not to let out a strangled cry.  
Someone cursed.

«What are you doing here?»

Everybody screamed at the sudden interjection and immediately scrambled to hold their weapons in a defensive stance.

Clad in a dark garb, a lithe figure stood at the foot of a wrecked building.  
Hidden from the moonlight, shadows almost completely obscured their body and, if it hadn't been for their questioning, they would have easily gone completely unnoticed.  
Recognizing their attire, one of the men in front of the group snarled.

«You fiend, stay away from us!»

The figure left the side of the building, taking a few steps towards the men.  
Their facial features were almost completely hidden due to the cloth covering their lower face and the distinctive hunter's hat on their head. Some locks of hair framed their face, the golden color catching the rays of the Moon, while the rest was tied behind their shoulders with a crimson ribbon, swaying in the wind. In their right hand they held what appeared to be a rapier, but a large and weird mechanism was mounted on the ricasso of the blade, making it seem much heavier than a normal sword would be. Still, the person in black gave no sign of fatigue or ache.

«You shouldn't be outside during this night. Go home.»

Their voice wasn't particularly commanding, nevertheless it was firm and resolute, though it hid an edge of irritation.  
Some of the men bristled, and one even spit at the ground by the androgynous figure's boots.

«Who do you think you are, ordering us around!?»  
«This is all you people's fault anyway!»  
«Scram!»  
«We don't want you here!»

One of the men strode up to the hunter and tried to push them back, but he hadn't even fully raised his hands when suddenly the point of their weapon was pressed against his throat with inhumane speed. Their rich brown eyes were much more visible so up close, and the man let out a whimper at the ill concealed rage within them.

«I see I haven't made myself clear: go home.»

A loud snarl on the other side of the street made the group of men jump and stopped them from responding to the order. The only reaction of the leather clad figure was a tightening of their hold on their weapon and a careful widening of their stance.

Two beasts, one completely canine-like and one still somewhat humanoid in form, emerged from the darkness and started racing towards them. With a swift movement the hunter positioned themselves in the front to intercept the foul creatures, issuing one more order without even turning their head.

«I said go home!»

Terrified by the blood stained and growling beasts, the men finally moved from their position, running in the opposite direction and scattering all over the streets.

Finally alone with their prey, the hunter jumped forward and swung their weapon, slashing across the humanoid creature's chest, making it fall to the ground. Before the wolfish one could pounce, they quickly grabbed the pistol strapped to their belt and shot it in the snout, making it stumble several feet back.  
The other creature had already gotten to its feet and tried to grab the hunter by their cloak, but they rolled out of the way just in time, making it crush against its similar. Getting to their feet and aiming their weapon at its back, they pushed hard with their left leg and thrust their blade through its vertebrae. Kicking back against its back before the other beast could reach over it towards them, the black clad figure quickly put more space between themselves and the creatures, taking in some deep breaths.

Blood was gushing out from a hole on the fully transformed beast but otherwise the creature was still completely unharmed. The biped one had received injuries that would have been mortal for a human, but still it managed to stay on its feet. An ulterior sign that the scourge had already plagued their body, but it hadn't yet ultimated the metamorphosis of its mind, seeing as it had started to back away instead of trying to attack them any further. Touching the protruding lever on their weapon's ricasso, the hunter grit their teeth.

It was time to finish it.

With a click, the mechanism mounted on their blade activated and a gun fully clicked into place.  
The wolfish beast seemed to respond to the metallic sound, letting out a growl and jumping forward to attack the hunter once more.  
Placing their weapon protectively in front of their body, they blocked the beast's clawed paw's trajectory towards their chest and immediately swung back the blade, cutting across its arm.  
Jumping forward under its muzzle, they fired two shots into its chest with both their firearms, making it let out a pained screech, and thrust forward without wasting a second with their right arm. When they slid their rapier back, the beast fell to the ground with a dull thud.  
They had cut through its heart.

Without missing a beat, they raised their right arm once more and stalked towards the humanoid creature. The blood loss had caused it to fall to the ground, but despite everything it was still trying to crawl away. With a kick, the hunter turned it over on its back and then planted their foot on its torn chest. The bloodied creature clawed weakly at their legs, tearing open the leather and drawing blood, but the pale skin of the figure clad in black regenerated in a matter of seconds, leaving no trace of injury behind.

They tried to look into its eyes, but found neither a beast nor a man there. Just a dying being clinging to the last remains of its life.

With a shuddering breath, they swung as hard as they could, severing its throat down to the bone. The creature helplessly gurgled on its own blood and spasmed. The hunter saw the light leave its eyes and in a matter of seconds all movement ceased.  
It too had died.

Taking a deep, calming breath, they straightened their spine and looked around the street. They presumed that the two beasts had been attracted by the men's shouting and wondered whether they'd find more of them in the part of the city where they had come from.

The stench of blood was making them nauseous. They had to leave that place.

As they began walking in the direction from which the fiends had come, some screams in the distance caught their attention. Pausing for a few seconds to pin down which direction they were coming from, they growled in frustration.

"They must have encountered some beasts on their way back"

Sighing, the hunter swung their weapon through the air in a quick motion, splashing blood against the ground, and ran.

It was going to be a long night.

***

When the first rays of sunlight peeked through the mountains, all citizens of Yharnam let out a sigh of relief. Hardly anyone was ever able to sleep during the Night of the Hunt, in fear of a beast tearing through their door or of someone transforming inside their own home, so the coming of the Sun was a symbol of hope for the yharnamites.

The streets were covered in blood, viscera and corpses, both human and not, and some of the people had already left the comfort of their homes to pile them up in the middle of the squares in order to burn them as soon as possible.

A lonely young man walked through the filthy streets of Central Yharnam.

He had lowered the cloth around his face as soon as the Sun had raised over the horizon, enjoying the first light of the day on his skin. The visibility was still impaired because of the clouds, which meant that the few people who would see him along the way wouldn't be able to recognize him anyway.  
He was among the hunters who had joined the hunt that night, and he bore the signs of it all over his form.  
His dark clothes were shredded in several places and his whole body was covered in blood, some of it even sticking to his golden hair.  
He had two dark bruises under his eyes, though the sleeplessness of the previous night had only marginally contributed to them.  
His weapons weren't firmly gripped in his hands anymore, but strapped to his thick belt, brushing against his legs with each step he took. A batch of unused blood vials resided inside his pouch.

His foot caught against a pebble and he stumbled upon his feet, bracing himself against the wall of the building at his side to keep himself steady.  
He felt a profound exhaustion creep deep in his bones and his head swayed with each step he took.

The stench was making him feel sick.

Everyone who saw him probably assumed that the haunted look in his eyes was due to the happenings of the previous night, before turning away in distrust when noticing his clothes. Little did they know, he was reliving another great other horror inside his head.

He walked for a few more minutes, distancing himself from the busy streets of Central Yharnam and heading towards its outskirts. The sounds of the waking folk eventually became weaker and weaker, until he reached one of the last streets before the city's end.  
Blinking his tired eyes, he slowly looked up from the ground.

He had stopped a few paces away from a small, old house's door.  
The windows weren't covered in wooden bars anymore, which meant that someone inside had already taken care of everything, probably staying awake all night waiting for him to come back. He sighed, exasperated and amused in equal measure. He tried to walk closer to knock on the door, but before he could even react the thing was suddenly swung outwards, almost hitting him in the face, and he barely had time to brace himself before being nearly tackled to the ground by a person much shorter than him.

«Kurapika!»

Clinging to him was a beaming dark haired boy of only 12 years old. The child had a tired look in his eyes, but all sleepiness had been practically shoved away as soon as he had seen his friend come from the window.

«Gon, don't, you're getting all dirty-»

«Kurapika!»

Another pair of arms completely engulfed him, effectively locking him in place and almost knocking him off of his feet again, Gon included. This new person was a young man around his age, with short black spiky hair and a lanky figure. Kurapika couldn't see his face, but knowing his friend he was probably smiling, or crying, or both.

«L-Leorio you're choking me, I can't breathe, you're choking me-»

A child Gon's age leisurely leaned against the threshold, sending Kurapika a lazy salute. He hadn't thrown himself against him on sight like the other two had, casually crossing his arms behind his white hair, but his eyes seemed to light up in relief upon seeing him.

«Yo-ho! Welcome back.»

Shaking his head in amusement, Kurapika sent a sheepish smile his way.

«I'm back, Killua. Now help me get these two off me!»

***

After Leorio had basically force fed him and Gon and Killua had begged him for stories about the previous night, Kurapika locked himself in the bathroom and exhaled tiredly.

He quickly discarded his clothes, carelessly throwing them in a basket by the door, and drew himself a warm bath, eager to get the disgusting reek of blood off of him and to let his aching body rest for a while.

While the water was heating up he tried brushing his hair, but he had to wet it several times before the dried blood softened enough for the comb to slide through the matted strands. When the tub had been readied, he splashed himself with cool water to get rid of most of the filth of the night, and then carefully lowered himself into the heat.  
Kurapika immediately sighed in relief and automatically relaxed his tense muscles, resting his head against the back of the wooden basin.  
He tried to push the events of the night to the back of his head, to forget about the beasts.  
To forget about everything.

The vapour made his head feel dizzy and he lowered himself further into the tub, until only his face was out of the water.

Suddenly he heard screeching from the floor below. He froze for a second, but softly chuckled out loud the next moment.  
Gon and Killua had started another of their childish arguments, and Leorio was uselessly telling them to quiet down, but making much more noise than both boys combined.  
They were a weird bunch, but he couldn't help loving them deeply.

***

He had met Leorio, or rather, Leorio had found him five years prior.  
Kurapika had been mindlessly wandering through the woods, numb and unresponsive. It had been a week since his arrival in Cainhurst Castle, and he hadn't eaten or drunk anything at all in all that time. After having spent the first three of these days in a catatonic state by the hole in his home's courtyard, he had abruptly felt the need to get away and ventured into the woods, uncaring about his fate.  
Four sleepless days later he had somehow reached the other side of the valley without encountering any beasts and had been on the verge of blacking out, when suddenly a boy not much older than himself had run towards him, catching him just before his body could hit the ground.  
To that day he had no idea what Leorio had been saying to him, but he clearly remembered trying to make sense of the soundless words coming out of his mouth and looking into his worried eyes before completely losing consciousness.

When he had first woken up in the foreign house he had tried to leave, but Leorio had immediately jumped him, pushing him back down on the bed and forcing a disgusting broth down his throat. "To counter your dehydration", he had said.  
This had gone back and forth for several days, until Kurapika had just given up and accepted the insistent boy's cures. His issues run much deeper than dehydration and hunger, but Kurapika had refused to utter a single word about the reason for his night terrors and sudden panic attacks, about why he cried himself to sleep every night.  
Eventually Leorio had stopped questioning him about his origins, and in turn Kurapika had never asked him why a lone teenager had been living in a house obviously meant at least for a small family. They had clashing personalities, but their frequent bickering had helped distract him from the pain in his chest, and soon he had started to consider the older boy a friend.

«At least do you have a place to go back to? Surely you can answer _this_ question.» he had asked him one day a couple of weeks later.  
Kurapika had taken a long time to answer, his fringe hiding his trembling eyes.  
«...No, I don't.»  
Leorio had looked at him with pity- no, understanding in his eyes and slowly turned his head to look outside the window.  
«... Well, you could always stay here.»  
It had taken a while for the words to register in Kurapika's brain, and he had jolted in his seat when they had.  
«What?»  
«I- I mean! It's not like I want you to stay or anything, I'm just saying, it's ok if you do! I got the space and sure, I don't have much, but we could find you something to do around the city and you're... You're okay, I guess.» by that point Leorio had almost completely turned away from him, trying to hide the embarrassed flush on his face.

Kurapika had cried.

He had broken the oath he had sworn on his life to his elders and felt awful about it for days, but what was the meaning of keeping it anymore anyway?

After that it hadn't taken him long to realize that living in Yharnam meant possibly walking by his brethren's murderers at any point of the day.  
He had always been on edge at first, and watching the Church members hustling and bustling through the city made him see red.  
Many of the yharnamites had lost their faith in the Healing Church over the years, but at that time most of the citizens still blindly believed in the miraculous properties of blood ministration, and he had felt disgust crawl through his intestines whenever he thought about what that entailed in the long run.  
Strangely enough, Leorio had seemed to share his contempt for them.

Kurapika had found out about this only much later on, but Leorio too had lost all his loved ones because of the Church's doing, mainly the scourge of the beast caused by the infusions with the so called Holy medium.

***

The realization had struck him a little less than five years ago while he had been helping Leorio barricade the windows before his first Night of the Hunt there. Kurapika had been on the verge of bringing down the hammer against a nail when a thought had suddenly struck his mind, causing him to miss and accidentally hit his friend's finger. Leorio had shouted at him, but he had paid him no mind.

Despite the steady spreading of the beast plague, the Healing Church was still Yharnam's most powerful institution. Yet, not even its most faithful followers could deny its shortcomings and its involvement with the illness anymore. Those creatures- they were not something any average person could face.

But he wasn't.

His blood was special. Hadn't the elders always said that? Surely the bloodthirsty beasts would be attracted to it, and if not its properties would only aid him during a hunt.

He could fight. He didn't even need to use the Healing Church's blood for protection, like normal hunters did. After all, his body had always taken care of any wound he had ever gotten on its own in a matter of seconds, or minutes at most. 

He'd get strong, stronger than any other hunter, stronger than any other beast, and then he'd get closer to them.  
He'd even join their ranks, if they asked him to. He'd find them, all of the members of the disbanded group of executioners that had slaughtered his brethren, all the people who had commanded it. He'd find Sheila.

And then he'd kill them all.

***

Gon and Killua had joined them only a few months back.

Kurapika had been home reading when suddenly one evening Leorio had barged through the front door carrying a severely injured Gon in his arms, shouting at him to get his equipment from his room. Due to his hatred for the Healing Church, Leorio had been studying traditional medicine for a long time - even before finding Kurapika in the woods, actually - and secretly practiced it on any willing participant, to the point of becoming the unofficial underground doctor of many of the yharnamites.

Kurapika had quickly done as told, standing by as Leorio worked on closing the dark haired child's wounds on their dining table in case he needed anything else. Hearing a different cry, he had then looked down, finally noticing Killua, who had followed Leorio through the front door and sat down in the corner of the room. His face had almost been as pale as his hair and his clothes had been stained with blood.  
"His blood" Kurapika had realized, glancing back at the injured boy for a second after carefully smelling the air.  
He had tried to talk him into taking a bath or at least changing his clothes, but the white haired child had only snarled at him, telling him he would never leave his friend's side.

Eventually even Leorio had snapped at him after he had finished stitching several deep wounds along the small body, and the child had finally complied, accepting Kurapika's old clothes with a growl and locking himself into the bathroom. Meanwhile Leorio had proceeded to wrap the boy's left leg, lining two pieces of wood along its sides and securing them with the bandages.

Kurapika had handed him a glass of water after he had let himself fall on the armchair beside the fireplace, questioning him with his eyes. Sighing tiredly, Leorio had spoken after taking a large gulp of the clear liquid.

«I found them near Old Yharnam. I was coming back from one of my patients- you know how it is, when I suddenly heard screaming. And what do you know,» he had then gestured towards the child passed out on the table with a nod of his head «First thing I see is a beast trying to bite through the kid's leg.»  
He had paused for a second, taking a shuddering breath before continuing.  
«We were lucky some hunters were already on the scene, otherwise we would all have died.»

Kurapika hadn't answered, only looked at his friend with sympathy and rested an encouraging hand on his shoulder.

At the same time, the other boy had finally come walking down the stairs. His eyes had been puffy and red and his hair still moist from the bath, but at least the metallic scent of blood has stopped clinging to his skin.  
It had taken them a while to make him talk, but in the end he had caved in.

He had told them their names and said that they had come to Yharnam to look for information on Gon's father.

«Say what now?»  
Killua had thrown Leorio an irritated glance and repeated himself with a huff.  
«Gon's father used to work here some years ago. We came to look for some information on him.»  
«Didn't you have any idea how dangerous it would be? Do you have any idea of what could have happened to you!?»  
«Shut up, old man, you're not the boss of me.»

Leorio had been on the verge of exploding at that point, but Kurapika had managed to help him keep his cool, scolding him for getting in a fight with someone so much younger than him. He hadn't mentioned how his words had hit close to home for him, too.

It had taken Gon several days to finally come back to the land of the living for more than a few delirious minutes at a time, and only when he finally managed to hold down his first real meal after his encounter with death had the haunted look in Killua's eyes finally dissipated.

Gon's injuries had almost completely healed by then, but his leg was still too tender and weak for them to leave on their adventure again, and the streets of the region too dangerous for two children to traverse alone anyway.  
Only after a lot of insisting on Leorio's and Kurapika's part had the two of them agreed to stay.  
"But only until I'm completely healed and ready to go!" had exclaimed Gon, to his friend's amusement and the older two's exasperation.

***

When Kurapika woke up, it was to the sound of someone knocking on the bathroom door.  
He hadn't even noticed he had fallen asleep and he shivered when he realized how cold the water had gotten. He immediately got up and patted himself dry, looking outside the window.  
From the Sun's position in the sky, it was approximately still mid morning.

«Kurapika, are you ok? Did you fall asleep again?» spoke Killua with a snicker.

He rolled his eyes in annoyance and quickly dressed himself, moving his hands along his arms to warm up his cold skin. Killua grinned at him when he opened the door and waited for him to grab the basket with his discarded attire before opening his mouth again.

«Leorio's already gone out to help with the bodies and Gon's downstairs pouting because he wanted to go too but he ordered us to stay put until you had gotten some rest. So, are we going?»

Kurapika inwardly sighed, but nodded in affirmation.  
He really didn't want to go.  
He had learnt to block out the constant reek of blood that pervaded every street in Yharnam during the first few months of his stay there, but the days after the Night of the Hunt where dreadful nevertheless. Still, the cleansing was part of his duties as a hunter, and he couldn't let anyone suspect anything about his nature. He had to be strong.

Retrieving a wheelbarrow from the storage room and heading out with Gon and Killua in tow, he tried to pretend that he was elsewhere, that he wasn't really living any of this, as if he was only seeing somebody else's actions through their eyes.

Old and Central Yharnam were always two of the most filthy parts of the city at the end of the Night.  
Luckily many people had been working since dawn, so the corpses littering the street were already many less than they had been when he had walked home, and a lot of the blood had dried or had been cleaned up.  
The people in the squares were already gathering up wood and straw for the cremation happening that evening. Without being noticed, he threw his shredded clothes into a pyre and looked away. He'd replace them that night.

The three of them had been on their fifth journey back when abruptly a commotion broke down the street. The kids immediately perked up in curiosity and ran over to see what was happening, while Kurapika grunted in irritation.  
It wasn't uncommon for fights to break out the day after the Hunt, but it was never a good sign.

He tried to look at what the crowd had gathered around to get an idea of what was going on, but couldn't see because of the agitated mob. He couldn't see Gon and Killua anymore, which meant they had found a way to get to the front already. Hoping no one's anger would turn against him as well, he began pushing his way through the crowd. The people's cries made it very clear what type of person he was going to see.

«We don't want you here!»  
«Fiend!»  
«Wretched hunter!»  
«This is all your fault!»  
«Go away!»  
«They all died because of you!»  
«Scum!»

Standing in the middle of the street, surrounded by the crazed mob was a raven haired man in a bloodied hunter's attire. He had his back on him so Kurapika couldn't see his face, but he could tell that the stranger hadn't even bothered to raise the protective cloth draped around his neck to hide his face. He wasn't wearing their withered feathered hat either.

"Arrogant prick"

Maintaining anonymity had become essential for hunters for this exact reason.  
Despite everything, the origin of the scourge was an open secret by then and, since the members of the Healing Church were unreachable by the common people, the hunters had ended up shouldering most of the anger. Not only that, but their duties made them no less susceptible to bloodlust than normal folks were.  
The Church's miraculous blood was essential to them, seeing as it enhanced their abilities and cured any wound, but eventually even hunters turned into terrible beasts, often much more dangerous than the others.  
Some of the people had even started to believe that the Church itself had willingly caused the plague to spread in order to tighten its hold on the city, employing the hunters as both mercenaries and spies.  
It was no wonder the citizens of Yharnam always took the chance to unleash their rage upon them whenever the occasion rose, and most of them had started hiding their identity for their own protection in response. Even dressing as one during the day had almost become taboo.

The man didn't seem particularly fazed by the current situation though, and he wasn't responding to the shouts sent his way either. Rather, from the tilt of his head, Kurapika thought that he looked bored, or maybe... amused?

He hadn't had the time to ponder further on this thought when a man suddenly broke from the crowd, a hoe gripped between his hands. He tried to swing it at the hunter's head, but the raven easily jumped out of its reach.  
A metallic sound sharply cut through the air and next thing Kurapika knew the attacker was on the ground, writhing and screaming in pain.

Tightened around his arm was a whip.  
Despite it being a weapon intended specifically and exclusively for beast hunting, the man clad in black had had no qualms about unleashing it on a normal person.  
The lash wasn't made of simple leather, but the wire was metallic in nature and along its length were inserted the shards of a blade, or rather, the wire passed through them.  
The sharp fragments had easily torn through skin and muscle, butchering the man's arm and even sinking deep into his bones.

The crowd immediately recoiled in fear, while rage surged through Kurapika.

Pushing the person in front of him aside with a hard shove, he strode forward and grabbed the back of the stranger's coat, violently turning him around and shouting in his face. He distinctly heard Gon's and Killua's voices behind him telling him to stay calm, but the only thing on his mind was stopping the leather clad man from hurting the person on the ground any longer.

«What the hell are you doing!?»

The man seemed nonplussed for a second, his grey eyes widening but a fraction in surprise, but otherwise looked unbothered by this turn of events.

«I'm defending myself.»

He had spoken in a flat tone, but an almost imperceptible twitch of his lip had betrayed his amusement for his situation.  
Kurapika growled in anger and tightened a hand around his lowered scarf, gesturing to the bleeding man with the other.

«He wouldn't have been able to harm you in any way! Aren't you a hunter of beasts!? Don't you have any pride!? Retract your weapon!»  
«He attacked me first. He should have known he had nothing to gain from it, and I retaliated accordingly.»  
«Are you a child!? You didn't have to react this way!»  
«The only one who's acting like a child here is you. Can't we have a civil discussion like two normal people?»

The black hair man fully smiled down at him, and Kurapika saw red.

He brought his fist back and punched him across his jaw with all the strength he could muster.

Again he heard Gon and Killua shout his name, this time with much more panic in their voice than before, but paid them no mind.  
He hadn't broken any bones, but the sound of the other's teeth clanging together gave him great satisfaction nevertheless.

«So what? Aren't you going to retaliate now?»

The stranger stared at him incredulously for a few seconds, touching the injured side of his face with the hand that wasn't holding the handle of the whip. They looked at each other for a long moment, Kurapika tensing waiting for a fight, the man still with a weird expression on his face.  
He was the one who broke first from their staring contest, letting out a low chuckle and adjusting the bandana covering his forehead.

With a swing of his arm, the whip released its hold on its victim's limb, splashing blood against the ground and tearing away pieces of flesh.

The man had never stopped crying out in pain all that time, but this time his screeching was so loud that Kurapika feared he would tear his own throat by his own.  
People immediately gathered around him to help him stand and bring him to a blood healer. Despite the Church's doing, the yharnamites had developed an addiction for the healing blood and the man would lose the use of his arm without its miraculous properties.

When the stranger turned again towards him and returned the whip to its normal state, Kurapika's heart skipped a beat.

So that was what Sheila's weapon had been.

Gon and Killua were now flanking his sides with defiant expressions on their faces. After a beat of silence the raven haired hunter slightly tilted his head to the side and spoke again.

«Well, it's been a pleasure,» his eyes moved between Gon and Killua for a split second before meeting his once again, glinting in a strange light «...Kurapika.»

Having said this, the stranger just sent him an amused smile and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At last, they meet!  
> Chrollo's just arrived and he's already causing trouble lol. I'm really excited for what's going to happen next, but also really anxious because it'll be a mess. In the meantime, I'll leave you with this: I was listening to Emo Boy by Ayesha Erotica while writing that scene.
> 
> I think I'm done with the flashbacks for a while. Sorry about that but I wanted to really explain how everything has set into place in Kurapika's life and now that that's over and done with, I can move on to the real plot!  
> I'm not sure the threaded cane is particularly fitting for Chrollo. I had half a mind to give him the saw cleaver or the blade of mercy (both for the irony of it and because it's a really cool weapon) at first, but in its transformed whip state the threaded cane kind of reminds me of indoor fish's scales, and it also ties back to Sheila. Maybe I'll see to it in the future, who knows.  
> Speaking of weapons, Kurapika wields traditional vileblood ones. Is it a smart move? Not really, but it's not like the citizens of Yharnam have any idea about it, to them the hunters' weapons are just weird creations to kill beasts, and I don't think anyone in the Healing Church even bothered to retain any information about them after the massacre.  
> I wonder who does know about their origin, though ;)))).
> 
> Tiny hint of leopika there because despite everything I ship them too but don't worry, nothing's going to happen between them. Sorry Leorio, you're not getting the man.
> 
> Back to Fashionborne:  
> -Kurapika and Chrollo, Hunter set: https://pin.it/74n26gF  
> -Kurapika's weapons, the Reiterpallasch and the Evelyn: https://pin.it/5qw1w55, https://pin.it/7mQfglu
> 
> If you're curious to see how Kurapika's and Chrollo's weapons work, here are two short videos: https://youtu.be/e1NObI86vx8, https://youtu.be/M8xBhsnJ6BA
> 
> I feel like a youtuber with all these links. Subscribe and click on the notification bell guys!!!!!! lol
> 
> EDIT so I realized that Kurapika was 17 by the time he became a hunter so I changed the time skip from 4 to 5 years just for him to be closer to his actual age at the beginning of the series, nothing major.


	3. Mercy

  
The sickening smell of burning flesh and fur saturated the air.

Kurapika suppressed the urge to vomit and looked away from the sizzling fire, glancing around the sorrowful crowd around him.

Thanks to the people's efforts, by late afternoon all the remaining corpses had been amassed in stacks of death and eventually countless funeral pyres had begun lighting up the ailing city of Yharnam. Both the fumes and the reek polluted the air and made it hard to breathe, contributing to the eerie atmosphere that the threat of beasts lurking behind each corner already created. The Night of the Hunt had become part of the local culture over the years because of the increased likelihood of transformations happening during the full Moon, but the unfortunate truth was that the scourge could take over in any instant, making constant vigilance an integral part of survival in the city.

Gon and Killua had sat by his side, mindfully silent for once, Leorio standing beside them, he too with a sombre look on his usually open face.

The four of them had reunited a couple hours prior by the great bridge in Central Yharnam soon after Kurapika's argument with the arrogant stranger, and had worked side by side all day.  
After the fires had finally been lit, everyone had gathered around them in mourning, contemplation or prayer. It was a humbling experience and there was something almost comforting about sharing such an intimate moment with so many people.  
When he had gone back to Cainhurst Castle and found out that the bodies of his people had been given to the flames Kurapika had thought of it as a punishment, an ulterior denial of peace, and he had been horrified. It had also been the Healing Church's way to hide the existence of the beast plague in the beginning, after all.  
But during his years of residence in Yharnam, he had realized the importance of this ritual to the common folks. At the end of the day they were victims too, and to many of them this had become a way to cleanse the beast from their loved ones, to purify them before sending them off to a better life.  
He still resented it happening to his people, for the executioners had obviously acted according to the Church's way of thinking, but he also knew he couldn't hold these individuals up to the same standards as them.

Kurapika was suddenly jerked out from his thoughts when a hand landed on his shoulder. Turning his head sideways, he found two curious amber eyes staring up at him.

«Is everything okay, Kurapika?»

Gon didn't seem alarmed or anything, but from Killua and Leorio's questioning expressions he had probably ignored several of his previous attempts at talking to him.

«Yes Gon, don't worry. I'm just a little tired.» he lied.  
«Oh... Oh, right! You still need more rest, sorry, I forgot about that!»  
«It's alright. It's about time we head back, anyway.»

At this he rose to his feet with a heave, extending his hands for the kids to take. Gon and Killua accepted his help and stood up as well, stretching their legs out of their stiffness. Leorio pushed away from the wall and began walking ahead, but not before sending one last wistful glance to the pyre in the middle of the square where they had stopped.

When they got home they ate dinner in silence. Soon after Gon and Killua retired to their shared room, but from the fickle candlelight visible through the crack under the door and the hushed whispers it was obvious that they hadn't yet turned in for the night. Leorio sat on the armchair near the fireplace, a tattered medical text between his hands.

Kurapika retrieved his trusted weapons out of the chest where he had previously locked them in and then sat at the small desk inside his room. He ran his hand along the length of his pistol, tracing the intricate designs carved on the cold metal. Getting out his tools he set to work, cleaning the barrel and scrubbing away all splatters of dried blood from the complex patterns. His fingers lightly brushed against the name engraved along its side: "Evelyn". Kurapika didn't know why, but for some reason all the pistols once brandished and produced by his people in Cainhurst Castle were branded that way. The young man wondered if this Evelyn had been someone important to their inventor, or if the mind behind the weapon had given her creation her own name.  
Once he was satisfied, he secured the pistol to his thick belt and reached for his sword.  
He repeated his actions for the pistol mounted on the blade and then went on to polish and clean the remaining blood from the rapier.  
The reiterpallasch was a beautiful weapon, quick and deadly, and it always fascinated him even when he had been a child. Memories of him and Pairo trying to sneak into the castle's armory assaulted his mind and his chest tightened painfully.

Fetching the weapons hadn't been easy.  
He hadn't set foot in Cainhurst Castle since his first and last visit after the massacre months prior, and when he finally had he was already clad in the black set of the hunters of beasts. The Church member he had spoken to had provided him with two of their workshop's creations, but he had only accepted them in order to fully complete his infiltration without raising any issues. As soon as the saw cleaver and the pistol had been in his hands, he had set off towards the forbidden woods without looking back.  
When he had gotten to Cainhurst Castle he had felt himself die all over again, but by then the rage inside him had already taken hold of his heart, motivating him to walk on and avenge his people's deaths. When he had walked out again, a reiterpallasch and an Evelyn were at his sides, the saw cleaver and the pistol nowhere in sight, abandoned in some blood stained and dusty corner of the fortress.

***

Later that night Kurapika covered himself with an old cloak and wrapped a big scarf around his lower face. His black hat had been the only part of his attire spared from the previous hunt's savaging, and the only distinguishing article of clothing he was currently wearing.

Leorio saw him off, reminding him to be careful and then locking the front door behind him.

Making as little noise as possible, Kurapika ran all the way across Yharnam towards Cathedral Ward. Most of the Healing Church's activities were in that section of the city, and the hunters shared this space with it for the manufacturing of weaponry and gear.  
After trudging through the imposing stone buildings for several minutes and navigating through the mazy stairs extending outside the towers he finally reached one of the workshops intended for this last function.  
He hated every second he spent there, waiting for the workers to find all pieces of the hunter uniform in the right size, and tried to avoid even looking them in the eye.  
Sometimes he heard them exchange comments about how much more work they had those days, about how people transformed much more frequently than before, and he struggled to keep himself and his temper in check. His fingernails left deep creases on his arms through his shirt and he gritted his teeth hard, biting the inside of his mouth to use the pain as a distraction and to keep himself grounded.

It made his blood boil, how those people had the nerve to complain about a situation they themselves had created. He wanted to shout at them, to attack them and to make them pay, but the logical side of him reminded him that he still had a long way to go and that killing those people there and then wouldn't aid him in his quest.

Ten minutes later or so a short woman finally came out of the backroom and handed him a bag filled with his new set of clothes, which he stiffly accepted and paid for. He hurriedly changed into his new uniform, telling himself to be more careful next time in order not to come back there any time soon.  
He had exited the workshop and had been heading towards the set of stairs he had come from when a voice suddenly made him stop right in his tracks.

«Fancy seeing you here, Kurapika.»

The blond hunter turned around with a jolt.  
He tried to look around but despite the lack of illumination he could tell that there was no one there. A muffled laugh coming from above caught his attention and he looked up in irritation.  
Leaning lazily against a balcony railing a couple of stories higher than the platform he was standing on was a man. He couldn't make out who it was at first, but when his eyes adjusted to the dark and he met a cool gaze his breath caught in his throat.  
It was the hunter from that morning.  
He hadn't made any attempt at hiding his identity that time either, wearing an almost mocking expression on his face, and the wry tone he had used made the young man clutch his fist tightly.  
Kurapika noted with some satisfaction that a big green and yellow bruise was adorning the skin on his left cheekbone.  
He hoped it hurt.

«How could you tell it was me?» he questioned with narrowed eyes.  
«People aren't set apart simply by a face,» answered the man with a lazy shrug «Besides, your reaction was rather telling. Are you already heading back to the hunt?»  
At this Kurapika bristled.  
«What would you know? I might just be a worker here.»  
«Oh please,» he said with a chuckle «Try to say it with less venom next time and maybe someone else will believe you. Also, anyone with developed thinking skills would have guessed you were a hunter from your reaction this morning anyway.»  
«Bastard...»

Kurapika was about ready to climb up the wall and punch him again, but he sighed and forced himself to stay calm.  
This guy wasn't worth it.

«Whatever. Why are you here? Are you following me.?»  
«Don't flatter yourself. I just had to replace my pistol after it got damaged last night, me meeting you here was just a happy twist of fate.»  
«As if. I would have been happy with never seeing your face again.» answered Kurapika with a scoff.  
«You wound me!» replied the dark haired man with a laugh that sounded almost genuine «Not even going to ask for my name?»  
«I truly don't care. I don't have any time to waste on someone like you.» concluded Kurapika with a roll of his eyes, turning his back on the other hunter and heading again towards the stairs.

He abruptly heard something land on the ground a few paces behind him.  
Whatever. If the man tried to attack him he'd get the fight he clearly wanted, but unless anything happened he had no reason to pay attention to him.

«Eager to go back to spying on the Church, I presume?»

Kurapika's heart in his chest stopped.  
He immediately whirled around to face the other man, who was much closer than he had previously thought. The dark haired hunter showed him a sinister smile.

«What are you-»  
«Or maybe you've gotten tired of waiting and are finally on your way to start killing its members?»

Kurapika gritted his teeth.  
His hand immediately reached for his reiterpallasch but the other man quickly raised his hands in surrender, although his relaxed expression gave away his lack of fear or apprehension. Rather, his grey eyes seemed to appraise his weapon with a spark of interest.  
Kurapika uncaringly pointed its blade under his chin and gripped his black coat with his other hand, hastily dragging the taller man in the shadows of a near alcove. His dark eyes locked with the other's steely gaze and he spoke in a low, deathly voice.

«Tell me immediately everything you know, or I'll cut your throat.»

Just like that morning the man didn't seem to feel threatened by his reaction, merely standing there and letting Kurapika push him around as if the point of a rapier wasn't grazing the fragile skin covering his carotid.

«You're not as inconspicuous as you think you are,» he answered in a calm voice «And you're lucky these days my loyalty towards the Healing Church is nowhere as firm as it would like it to be, otherwise you'd already be ashes.»

Kurapika growled in anger and pushed his weapon harder against the other's neck, breaking skin and drawing blood. He hated the man's nonchalant demeanour and he felt powerless facing his indifference, but couldn't think of anything to make him break. Trembling with rage, he spoke again.

«I'm not playing this game. I said tell me _everything_.»

Silence stretched for a tense moment, until the other relaxed against the wall and stared at him with a serious expression.

«Not here. We're going somewhere else.»  
«I'm not following you anywhere!»  
«Have you forgotten where we are? Fine then, go ahead and try to kill me since you're so keen on risking to get caught.»

Kurapika's trembling grip on his weapon tightened even further and he was tempted to do just that, but he forced himself to take a few deep breaths to clear his mind.

«... Fine,» he eventually agreed «But you're handing your weapons over to me and you're walking in front of me.»  
«What if we encounter any bea-»  
«Then you'll just have to hope I decide to save your skin.» interrupted Kurapika with finality and a hard gaze.

He slowly took a couple of steps back, giving the man space to move, but still kept his reiterpallasch pointed towards him. Finally the other complied with a sigh, reaching towards his belt and retrieving the cane from that morning and a brand new looking pistol.

"At least he had been honest" supplied Kurapika's mind with irony.

He hesitated for just a heartbeat before taking what his mind identified as Sheila's weapon from the other hunter's gloved hand, gripping it with much more force than necessary when he did. Lowering his trembling arm he gestured to the dark haired man with his head, urging him to start walking.  
He did, looking back at him only once before guiding Kurapika towards the place he had in mind.

«My name is Chrollo, by the way.»

***

A tense half an hour later they arrived in the outskirts of Old Yharnam and began walking along an uneven path leading towards the lowest point of the district.

The man - _Chrollo_ \- had been silent and idle throughout the journey, only walking and jumping out of the way when Kurapika had to take care of the few beasts that had been blocking their way.

Eventually the paved street gave way to dirt road and wild vegetation, and a big building came into view in the valley below. Some of the walls had partially crumbled and its structure was highly damaged, making Kurapika wonder what kind of miracle was keeping the whole thing from collapsing completely. Because of the dark he couldn't tell whether its front stones were adorned or carved with any decorations, but from its general design he guessed it used to be some sort of church. Something from a world prior to the formation of the Healing Church, or maybe something from its early days.

He had gotten so lost in his contemplation that he almost didn't notice Chrollo stopping in his tracks, nearly stabbing him in his back with his sword. The dark haired man merely regarded him with amusement and then finally opened his mouth to speak.

«Welcome to the former Church of the Good Chalice, Kurapika.»  
«Why did we have to come all the way to this old ruin?» asked the blond, scrunching his nose.  
«That's mean. Is this how you always treat your hosts?» retorted Chrollo with a mocking smile.  


Kurapika bristled.  


«I'm not following you in there!»  
«You will if you want to talk, otherwise you might as well go home.»  
«As if! Tell me what you know, now!»  
«I refuse. You haven't seemed to realize this, so I'll say it clearly: whatever it is that you want to do, it won't work. You don't have a clue how delicate the current situation is, and at best alone you'll manage to kill a few members of the Church and die in the process.»  
«And what do you care!?»  
«I truly don't, but your pointless suicide mission would only make the higher ups tighten their security and that'd be annoying for me.»  
At this Kurapika scoffed in irritation.  


«Why should I even care about you? If you want to break the rules like this morning so bad then give up the hunt and go be a bandit somewhere else.» he spat, crossing his arms.  
«I'm not telling you to care about my situation, I'm telling you to stop being careless. Did you really think no one would ever notice you creep around Cathedral Ward, or that the Church members wouldn't have anyone patrolling the area for that matter?» answered back Chrollo, this time with a hint of irritation in his tone.  
«I would have killed them!» shouted Kurapika, striding up to him «Just like I'm going to kill you if you don't stop beating around the bush!»  
Chrollo stared at him for a long moment with a dark expression.

«I'm sure you would like that, _vileblood_.»

A beat of silence.

A shiver ran down Kurapika's spine and his breath caught in his throat. He felt cold sweat form on his forehead and the hair on the back of his neck rose.  
His body moved on its own and before his mind had the time to catch up to it he swung his weapon at Chrollo.  
The man had predicted his attack and managed to jump out of his range in time, but Kurapika immediately followed after him, instigating a game of cat and mouse.

The blond still had Chrollo's weapons strapped to his belt and the taller man tried to reach for them several times, but always had to retract back to avoid being hit by the other's swings. In his enraged state, Kurapika never even considered activating the gun mounted on his sword or reaching for his Evelyn.  
His only instinct was to hurt the man in front of him and he was too busy with trying not to panic over the situation.

Kurapika had always known of the risks of wielding the weapons of his people, but had assumed that no one would know or care to remember about the creation of a presumed extinct bloodline, and even then owning a reiterpallasch and an Evelyn didn't make someone a vileblood.  
As the man from his memories reminded him, countless people must have looted Cainhurst Castle over the years, after all.

"So how!?" he kept screaming in his mind "How does he know!?"

Just before he could launch another attack against Chrollo, a hard hit against the back of his head made him fall to his knees.  
His ears distantly caught the sound of breaking bones, but a thick fog immediately clouded his brain and an excruciating pressure forced him to heavily lean on his shaky hands not to fall face first into the dirt.  
His vision blurred and he felt a warm liquid run down his head, his neck, his face, staining his hair, his clothes and the ground. In the back of his mind he realized he was profusely bleeding from a severe wound on the back of his head, but the pulsing pain compelled him to lower himself to the ground and almost made him black out.  
He could hear voices, two- no, three, or maybe more, but he couldn't concentrate enough on what they were saying.

His already shallow breathing had sped up considerably and the lack of oxygen made his head hazy. He tried to turn on his side but his body failed him, and realized that he had been letting out half choked wails of pain only when his throat closed around his whimpers.  
He couldn't think, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't stand the pain anymore, he just wanted everything to stop.

The fear he might be dying caught up to him and made him shake even more, getting a desperate sob out of the blond.

Not yet, he couldn't die just yet.  
Not before he got his revenge, not before he killed Sheila, not before he found the executioners.

"No, not yet..."

"......Mother....... Father........"

"..Pairo........"

He tried to move his arm to feel his head, but his senses only registered exhaustion and fuzziness.

The voices were loud, but distant.  
They made his head and ears hurt. He wanted them to stop.  
He wanted the pain to stop.

He wanted everything to stop.  
  
He distantly felt a hand touch his arm.  
He wanted to fight it, to get it off him, but his eyes couldn't see anymore and his muscles didn't respond to his commands.  
His breathing failed him and the last remnants of his defiance gave way to oblivion.

His consciousness slipped away and a single tear escaped his eye.

He didn't want to die.  
Not yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I think I'm done with the flashbacks for a while" she said, and lied. I'm so so sorry, I kept it as short as possible in exchange. Maybe I'll edit that part and make it longer in the future but not now.  
> I know nothing about weapon maintenance so let's pretend I didn't just go through that part really fast.  
> Long dialogues of any kind are the bane of my existence, but I tried. Kurapika is not having a great time, but that will be a recurring occurrence in this fic as I'm sure you've already guessed. He heals really quickly in virtue of being a vileblood but he's not invulnerable and he's had a couple of exhausting days so... yeah.  
> Gee I wonder who he's going to meet next time when he wakes up.
> 
> No fashionborne this time :(


	4. Pact

When Kurapika gained back consciousness, he didn't immediately realize he was awake and neither did the previous night's events come to his mind.

His head felt like he was underwater and his skull throbbed with a sensation that he identified as pain only a few seconds later, when coherent thought eventually caught up to him. He realized he was laying on his side on a soft surface, which he recognized as a mattress of some sort by touch alone. When he reached the edge of his supposed bed his skin brushed against a cold surface, which meant that it was placed on the floor instead of on a frame.  
His eyelids felt heavy and he couldn't immediately open his eyes, but when he did he was met with a dimly lit room and a wall made of stone. He sluggishly turned on his other side and realized that it wasn't exactly a room, but rather some sort of big alcove. Where he expected to see a door was an arch, and he noticed that the only thing separating that place from the rest of the structure he was in was a thin curtain forcefully stuck between the stones.

He tried to get up, but his arms felt weak and his head dangerously swayed with each movement he made and he almost immediately fell back against the mattress.  
Confused, he brought a hand up to his temple and was surprised when he felt bandages there. He took them off in disorientation and jolted with a start when he noticed they were stained with dried blood. He stared at them for a moment, dumbfounded he hadn't even noticed its scent earlier. He tried smelling the air for good measure but came up with nothing, only Yharnam's usual foul odor.

So his senses must be weakened.

The blond then hurriedly ran his hand through his head, feeling the crusty dried blood clinging to his hair, and identified the back of his skull as the source of his injury.  
The skin there felt tender and soft, and a gasp almost escaped him when he pressed it too hard.

"What the hell- !?"

Memories of the previous night abruptly came to the front of Kurapika's mind and he hastily sat up, ignoring the waves of nausea and dizziness that washed over him.

Something, or someone, had hit him in the head while he was trying to get to Chrollo, making him pass out.  
How much time had he been unconscious? Hours? A day? He didn't know, but from the light visible through the curtain he could tell that it was at least the next morning. Looking at all the stone around him, he guessed he was somewhere inside the decrepit church Chrollo had guided him to.  
The strike to his head had definitely fractured his skull and the pain he had felt was indescribable, it was no wonder he had blacked out.  
He realized with a shiver that if he had been a normal human, he would have died.  
And now an unidentified number of people knew about his nature.

All because of some trick Chrollo had pulled.

"That bastard!"

He had to take care of him, and he had to do it as soon as possible.  
For some reason the detestable man had known about his origins and had even figured out his plans, or rather had known about them for some time now.  
But why hadn't he approached him before? He had also mentioned something about a situation in the Church... What was the meaning of all of that?  
Shaking his head, he reprimed himself. That wasn't the right time to reflect on it.

Kurapika looked around the alcove, but couldn't see his weapons anywhere. It didn't surprise him, but he had wanted to hope that at least luck was on his side. He threw off the light blanket covering his body and noticed for the first time that even his outer robes were missing, both from his person and the room.  
Huffing in irritation, he was about to get up and make a run for it but a quiet pitter patter made him freeze in his movements.

Someone was quickly closing in on the alcove and he looked around the space in panic, looking for something, anything, to defend himself with but came out empty handed.  
He crawled backwards towards the wall in a last attempt to put some more space between himself and his unseen enemy, firmly settling against a dusty corner of the room.

Soon the steps stopped in front of the curtain and his heart jumped, cold sweat beginning to form on his temples.  
He still felt weak from the previous fight, which meant that it must have taken his body a lot of energy to completely heal the wound, and he was totally unprotected against the unknown.   
When the curtain was moved sideways after a beat of hesitation, Kurapika recoiled back at first, waiting for an attack, but when he looked up he was stunned.

A tiny figure was leaning sideways into the room, body half hidden by the cloth and a single eye peeking out curiously behind a curtain of hair.  
For a split second he mistook him for Killua, but the person's white strands were much too long and smooth and their demeanour too timid for him to be his friend.  
His facial features were completely hidden by his hair, which gave Kurapika pause. He thought he saw bandages wrapped around his face, but the shadows covering it were too dark for the blond to tell whether his eyes had been right.

When the person locked eyes with Kurapika and realized he was awake, he took a surprised step back, letting out a tiny gasp, and tightened his hold on the curtain.

Dumbfounded by this turn of events, Kurapika merely stared at him immobile.

Wasn't that a child? What was a child doing there?  
Had Chrollo kidnapped a child, as well as him?  
What was going on?

Meanwhile the child seemed to be appeased by his non reaction and relaxed, walking back up to the arch. He slightly tilted his head sideways, his single visible eye regarding Kurapika with interest. He slowly lowered the curtain covering his body and the long, worn robe he was clothed with became visible.

Kurapika was at a loss for what to say or do.  
He didn't know how the child would react to him trying to talk to him, and from his earlier hesitation the blond would certainly scare him if he tried to move. He slightly shifted his body to test this, and indeed immediately the white haired boy rose the curtain back to his chest.  
Figures.

Suddenly, a voice echoed through the corridor the child had come from, taking the issue out of Kurapika's hands and creating a whole other problem altogether.

«Kortopi! Where are you?»

The long haired boy made a little jump on his place, as if to indicate his position to the cheerful voice that had called out to him. Stepping back out of the alcove, he took to moving his eye back and forth between Kurapika and the other person.

Kurapika tensed again.  
This new individual sounded nothing like Chrollo but the two of them were definitely connected, and even the child, Kortopi, seemed more at ease, which made his earlier assumption less likely.  
Just how many more people were in that place?

«Ah, you've come to see our guest then!» exclaimed the person after stopping just out of view «Is he awake yet?»

The child bobbed his head, nodding his affirmation, and let out a little sound from the back of his throat. Immediately, a blond head popped into view and the beaming smile on the baby faced man in front of him left Kurapika speechless.

«There you are! Well, come on get up, we're going to the boss!»

Kurapika remained motionless on the floor and sent the other a vicious glare.

«Absolutely not! Where are my weapons!?» he snarled at him, causing the boy to hide behind his companion's leg.  
«Easy, easy! We took them, of course, we wouldn't want anything bad to happen, after all!» answered the smiling man with a shrug of his shoulders.  
«Why don't you bring this boss of yours here then? I'm not going anywhere with you!» spat Kurapika with venom. He felt mocked by the other's demeanour and he couldn't tell whether he was faking such cheerfulness to fool him or if he was naturally like that.  
«Now, now, don't be like that!» the other blond said with a laugh, moving fully into the archway and raising his muscular arms in mock surrender «The boss has a lot to tell you, we shouldn't keep him waiting after all the trouble you've caused already!» At the end of his little speech he shifted slightly to the side, showing off the pistol strapped to his belt in a subtly threatening way. His smile hadn't even left his face, but now there was a sinister edge to it.

"So this boss person he's talking about is that bastard" reasoned Kurapika with anger, thinking about Chrollo's smug face.

He held the other's stare in defiance for some other tense seconds, until he looked away with a grunt.  
Moving his clenched fists from his lap to the ground, Kurapika carefully pushed himself up. He could tell his legs were still unsteady and he had to lean against the wall for support, but eventually he rose to his feet.

The other blond had gone back to smiling in that irritating way at him and had even tried to offer him his arm to help him walk, but Kurapika only shoved him aside and stumbled into the corridor on his own, managing to stay upright on his legs.

Shrugging his shoulders with nonchalance the muscular man began walking, Kortopi holding onto his trousers and occasionally looking back at him.

Despite its outward appearance the cold wind blowing through the broken walls and the broken tiles covering the floor, the church's inside was rather spacious, the corridors long and the aisles wide. Kurapika saw several curtains of various dimensions hanging from both the walls or the ceiling, and guessed that they functioned as makeshift divisors and doors, even creating "rooms" in certain cases.  
He instinctively wondered if these people actually lived there, as Chrollo had previously implied.  
He also noticed that several high columns of bricks, stones and wooden pillars had been built all over the place to support the weight of its roof alongside the original columns, finding an answer to his previous musings on how the whole thing hadn't yet crumbled on itself.

As his two "hosts" led him towards the back of the church, the blond was surprised to see that a completely intact altar still stood there. One would think it'd be one of the first things to be stolen or destroyed after such abandonment and ruin.  
Yet, the three mourning figures carved in the white marble were without a scratch, and the deceased figure at their center would have passed for real if it hadn't been for the inhuman candour of his skin.

Lost in his reverie, Kurapika didn't see the other man moving towards a curtain and slightly pushing it aside.

«Boss, he's here.»

Kurapika jumped to full attention with these words, tensing all over again. Only now that silence had fallen did he realize that several voices had been whispering back and forth up until that moment.  
His eyes zapped to the taller blond's back, waiting for him to move out of the way so he could see the inside of the makeshift room.

«Come on in, Shal.» said someone from the inside, and Kurapika bristled when he recognized that voice.  
He felt anger rise again deep within him at the thought of laying his eyes on the man again, and wished he had his weapons with him.  
He was ready to immediately jump at the other's neck bare handed the second he saw him, but the scene that was presented to him when "Shal" beckoned him closer gave him pause.

Chrollo was sitting on an old church bench in the middle of the room, his grey eyes focused on them. At first glance he appeared as aloof as usual, but there was something about his pose that seemed fabricated, as if he was feigning a relaxation he wasn't really feeling.

Scattered around the room were three other people, staring at him with various degrees of distrust. Kurapika recognized one of them as the woman who had handed him his new uniform when he had gone to the workshop.  
Was it just a coincidence, or had these people been watching him without him noticing? And if that was the case, how long had it been going on?  
His knuckles turned white for how tightly he was clenching his fists.

Closer than the others, sitting on an armchair in front of Chrollo was a girl around Kurapika's age, maybe older. She had messy short hair and despite her seemingly placid but vacuous expression her face's green tinge made her look sick or on the verge of heaving. She was fiddling with what appeared to be an old doll but wasn't actually paying attention to it, if the distant look in her eyes was any indication.  
Kurapika saw her mouth move, but whatever she was muttering was too quiet for him to hear.

Kortopi immediately ran past him and the other blond man, sitting his short frame on one of the chair's armrests and patting the girl's arm. She didn't have much of a reaction to that, but her fiddling slowed down a little.  
Even Shal left him alone in the entryway, plopping down on a near cushion.

Chrollo ignored him, seeming to think that observing the two interact was more important than paying attention to the fuming young man standing just a few paces close to him.

Eventually, Kurapika exploded.

«What the hell is going on here!?»

The weird people immediately reacted to his shout.  
The two men sitting furthest from the entrance of the room abruptly got to their feet and began striding towards him with angered faces, the woman from the workshop sent him an annoyed glare, Shal sighed and Kortopi cowered against the girl, who merely looked at him in confusion, as if she hadn't noticed him before.

Only Chrollo didn't seem to be surprised by his reaction, raising a hand to stop the men's advance.

«I see you still haven't calmed down.» he said in a contemplative voice. A vein in Kurapika's forehead twitched.  
«How was I supposed to calm down after what you've said!? What you've done!?»  
«None of that would have happened if you had just complied with my directives, you should know that.»  
«As if I would ever trust a bastard like you!»

A knife abruptly cut through the air, grazing his cheek and thrusting through the cloth behind him. Touching his already closing skin, Kurapika swiftly moved his eyes from Chrollo and met a glacial stare. The shorter of the two men now in the middle of the room was looking at him with a murderous expression, his throwing arm still extended towards him.

«Boss, don't like this brat. Kill?» said the dark haired man in a raspy voice, waving a weird looking staff at his side.

Kurapika growled at him and took a defensive stance, but before the situation could escalate any further Chrollo stood up, making the short man lower his weapon.

«We've already talked about this, no one's dying until I say so...» began Chrollo, giving Kurapika further confirmation of his position among those people «... And now you are coming with me.» he finished, looking at Kurapika.

The blond wanted to protest more, but he realized that he wouldn't get anywhere without his weapons and he didn't want to test the others' patience until he had the means to protect himself.  
Gritting his teeth, he followed Chrollo out of the room.

He was really starting to get tired of being led around like a dog on a leash.  
With each step he took, he imagined a different way with which to hurt the man in front of him, to wipe that calm expression off his face.  
The more he stared at his shoulders as he walked, the more his anger rose and countless doubts ran through his head, mainly on how he would manage to get the answers to his questions out of him.

Chrollo led him up a spiral staircase, taking him far out of earshot of his comrades and bringing him to a balcony on the second floor of the ruined church.  
Despite the building's height, not much of Old Yharnam was visible from there due to its position in the low valley.  
From looking at the Sun Kurapika guessed that it was around noon, but of which day he wasn't sure.

His mind went to Leorio, Gon and Killua.  
They had to be worried sick for him and he felt guilty for disappearing without notice, but the fire of rage inside him reminded him that it hadn't been his fault.

Turning his glare on Chrollo, he tried to control his voice and spoke.

«Now what? Are you going to answer my questions or are we just going to stand here?»

The other man didn't immediately respond to him, seemingly lost in his contemplation of the city.  
Kurapika was about to repeat himself in much ruder tones when finally the other broke the silence.

«You're not aware of the ins and outs of the Church, are you?»

It wasn't something the blond had expected to hear and he suspected that it was Chrollo's way of dodging his question but he decided to humour him, if only to see if the other would reveal anything useful to him.

«I'm not, and I don't need to be. I don't care who they are, I'm going to take care of every single one of them anyway... I'm sure I don't need to tell you why, since you seem to know so much.» he added in the end with venom.

Chrollo seemed as unbothered as ever, simply looking at him with his sharp eyes. After a moment he let out an amused huff and went back to watching the city.

«You sure are a confident one,» he said, leaning on his arms against the stone railing of the balcony «But " _this is going to happen because I say so_ " isn't going to cut it, sorry to burst your bubble. I'll tell you what I know about the Church and answer your questions, and in turn you'll stop poking around Cathedral Ward as if it was your house's backyard. It won't do you any good in the long run, anyway. We have somewhat of a similar objective so my men and I can help you, but you'll have to cooperate with us, of course. Do you accept these conditions?»  
«You're asking me to make a deal with you?» questioned Kurapika incredulously.  
«I'm not asking you. You can either agree and leave with your head still attached to your body, or you'll die here.»

Chrollo had spoken matter-of-factly and the hair on the back of Kurapika's neck rose.

«Why bring me here if you weren't going to give me a choice in the first place!?»  
«I never said I would, telling you this was my intention all along. You're lucky that my men were the ones assigned to patrol Cathedral Ward and that their loyalty lies with me, otherwise you would have already been found out.» he answered with a tight smile «Talking to you wasn't high on my list of priorities yet, but I figured I should take the chance fate had given me, and that's why you're here.»

Hearing this, Kurapika's fragile hold on his temper slipped.  
He hastily closed the distance between them, grabbing Chrollo by the collar of his shirt and forcing him upwards.

«Priorities this, your men that, just what the hell are you talking about!?» he snarled in his face «And why should it concern _me_!? The only reason I still haven't pushed you off this roof is because you still haven't told me how you knew about me!»  
«That'd be useless and you know it,» responded Chrollo in a light tone «It's not high enough for me to sustain severe damage and I have blood vials on me. Also, if you tried to escape by following after me, my men wouldn't let you take a step out of this valley anyway.»

Kurapika's hold around his shirt tightened further. His hands trembled in rage and his breathing was harsh against the other man's face.  
He was tempted to throw him off the balcony anyway, but the logical side of him reminded him that the taller man was right and that there were many things he wanted to know.

"But at what cost!?" screamed something inside of him.

Giving up his freedom? Working with someone who had no qualms about hurting weaker people and who had even threatened to kill him?

«Do you accept...» repeated Chrollo without any hesitation in his voice, grey eyes unblinking «My conditions?»

Kurapika's breath caught in his throat.  
All the anger was making his head spin and he felt exhausted, weak.  
He didn't want to accept, he just wanted to crawl into the hole in Cainhurst Castle and rest.  
He was so tired.  
Yet, his people's faces abruptly flashed before his eyes.  
The bodies ashes, their screams silent.

"It was all my fault"

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he slowly let go of the other's collar and took a step back.

"I'm not doing this for me"  
"I don't care what happens to me"

«Okay.»

***

«First of all, there are different factions inside the Church.»

The two of them were now sitting on the opposite ends of a stone bench, Kurapika with his hands clenched on his lap and Chrollo leisurely leaning against the wall. The Sun was still high in the sky, but a chilly wind had begun to rise, almost making Kurapika shiver in his seat.  
He didn't know why Chrollo wouldn't just act like a normal person and talk about it inside. At that point the blond had just started to assume that he was doing it on purpose to get on his nerves, or to fancy himself some sort of bard.  
He wanted his damn coat.

«I had at least figured as much.» commented Kurapika with petulance, but the other man simply paid his interjection no mind.  
«The ones you commonly see around the streets are mostly blood ministers, doctors, vicars, maybe even scholars...» he began listing «...Though you might also see clerics and blood saints mingle with the crowds these days. Obviously many people don't hold them in high regard anymore, but it's still imperative that the Church presents itself as a strong institution, ence all these members scattered around the city; I assume they've been doing the same in the rest of the region, too. It's not like the common folks can take direct action against them, after all.»

This last remark made Kurapika think about their first meeting and he outwardly cringed. Chrollo didn't seem particularly bitter about it, if anything he looked like he was just talking about the weather from his casual tone.

Something about the way he had spoken about the Church members gave Kurapika pause, though.

«I assume you and your "men" have something to do with these people?» he asked suspiciously. Chrollo's satisfied smile told him that yes, yes they did.  
«One of them is on his way to become a vicar. You might have even seen him, last time he reported to me he had been assigned to Central Yharnam. Lanky guy, bald, ring any bells?»  
After reflecting about it for a few seconds, Kurapika reluctantly shook his head.  
«No, I don't think I've seen him around...»  
«Then he's been doing a good job.» said Chrollo with what seemed genuine happiness for once «We've also got a blood saint among our ranks, but she's stationed in Cathedral Ward so at most you might have spied on her through a window.» he then added with irony, making Kurapika glare at him again.

"He's definitely doing it on purpose" thought the blond, gripping his tights not to smash his fists against the other's face in retaliation.

«Was that all?» he spat out through his teeth.  
«I wish. Unfortunately, there's a bit of a situation, you see... We're aware of further internal division, or rather, conflict within the Church, but the high ranking members are quite wary of letting outsiders into their little circle and most information about them is kept hidden, even from their own subordinates.» explained Chrollo «I admire your confidence in thinking that they'd ever let a simple hunter uncover their secrets, but as you must have realized that's not so easily achievable.»  
«Would you stop belittling me!? I get it, I should have been more cautious!»  
«I'm not, but I'm glad to see you still respond to reason.»

Swallowing down a few dozen insults, Kurapika let out a deep sigh. Resorting to that wouldn't get him anywhere.

«... You mentioned we had a similar objective. Surely you know why I want to wipe out the Church, so what is your reason then?»  
«Oh, that is none of your business.»

The words didn't immediately register in the blond's brain.  
When he fully processed Chrollo's response, he abruptly sat up straight in his seat, staring at the other man with incredulous eyes.  
For a moment, the anger had been stunned out of him.

«What do you mean it isn't my business!?» he shouted.  
«Exactly that. I have nothing to say to you, just know that working together will be beneficial to the both of us.» responded Chrollo matter-of-factly.  
«So you just expect me to follow your orders like a puppet!? I'm not one of your lackeys, you owe me at least some answers since you're forcing me into this!»  
«You aren't in the position to make any demands, I thought we had established that.» said the raven haired man «But I guess there is something I can tell you, and I'm sure you're eager to ask me about it...»

Kurapika's breath caught in his throat.  
His earlier panic started to rise again in his chest, and he struggled to keep his voice at bay. Staring hard at the man's profile, he slowly exhaled.

«So you'll tell me how you know about me?»  
«I will.»

His eyes met a grey gaze and for a moment Kurapika swore that his heart stopped beating.  
He could almost hear in the back of his head his ancestors' reprimands for letting someone discover his origins, but he tried to ignore them.  
Chrollo's expression was a blank mask, and it unnerved him that he couldn't tell what was beneath.  
The older man appeased him for some time, silent and thoughtful.

«"Curse the fiends", I believe were the words.»

A shiver ran down Kurapika's spine, his dark eyes widening in shock.

«I think there was something else, but I don't remember well. Something about children, maybe?»  
«H-How... How do you...» his voice was trembling, and even his vision was becoming hazy.  
He couldn't breathe.

Chrollo stared at him for a long moment, his deep eyes unblinking.

«I heard you.»

His tone hadn't been cruel, but his words still felt like a knife through Kurapika's heart.

He heard him? What was he saying? He couldn't understand.  
Distantly, he could tell that his hands were shaking, he could feel his nails sink deep into the flesh of his tights, but all physical sensation seemed muffled. All he could hear was the hammering of his heart in his chest, his ragged breathing, the sound of Chrollo's voice.

«The Church stopped caring about Cainhurst after the massacre, but I figured that exploring the castle would be useful. I found out several interesting things hidden in the towers by visiting that place over the weeks...»

The corners of his eyesight were turning black, dread rising in his chest.

«I was there.»

A choked gasp escaped from Kurapika's mouth.  
He tried to think about something to say, but his mind came up with nothing and he just tried to utter soundless words.

He had been there?  
He had been there.  
He saw.

Kurapika was in the hole again.  
Around him was ground, ground, ground. The stench of his people's blood, their ashes mingling with the earth, their bodies one with the wind.  
He tried to dig into the ground with his bare hands, but rocks hidden in the terrain cut his fingers and he bled.

Red.  
Everything was red.  
Bile rose in his chest and he struggled to swallow it back down.  
A ghostly hand caressed his head, but when he looked up no one was there.

He wanted to call out to his parents, to Pairo, to the elders, but the words died in his throat.  
He felt something painfully squeeze around his jugular, choking the breath out of him.  
He tried to struggle, but he realized he couldn't move.

But what was the point?  
They had all died because of him.  
Losing his life on their unjust tomb was more than he deserved.

He closed his tearing eyes in acceptance, waiting for his heart to stop.

But it never did.

Kurapika felt something shake him by the shoulders.  
He was disoriented for a few seconds, unable to understand what was going on.

"When did I sit on the floor?" was the first coherent thought his mind managed to form several minutes later.  
He had been trying to get his breathing under control, barely able to keep himself from passing out due to the lack of oxygen.  
Confusingly, he brought a hand up to his face, touching the warm liquid staining his cheeks.

"When did I start crying?"

A warm hold tightened on his shoulders, and only then did he finally notice the silent person in front of him.

He looked up with a jolt, meeting a cool gaze with his swollen eyes.

Chrollo was on his knees in front of his crouched form, as calm as ever.  
He was merely looking at him, a contemplative look in his grey gaze.  
His pale hands on him weren't particularly comforting, but for some reason they were a grounding presence, helping him steady his breathing and control his tremors.  
Kurapika didn't know what to say, or whether he even needed to say anything, just sitting there with his blood still rushing through his veins.

Before long, the blond felt the warmth leave his shoulders and he saw Chrollo stand up to his full height.

«The people you saw downstairs are only some of the members of my troupe,» he said, looking down at him «But the others should be back soon. You should come meet them, I'll introduce you.»

He didn't offer him his hand, but Kurapika wouldn't have taken it anyway.  
He slowly got to his feet, making sure not to seem as weak and shaken as he felt. If Chrollo noticed the trembling of his legs, he didn't comment on it.

«Let's go.» he said, guiding him back towards the balcony door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chrollo: quit your job  
> Kurapika: why  
> Chrollo: join my emo band
> 
> *holds Kortopi and Shalnark really close* they are fwems... Why is Kortopi a child? Reasons™, basically.  
> Speaking of Kortopi, if you've played the game you probably already have a good guess of what happened to Shizuku and him... :(
> 
> On that note: bloodborne's lore is extremely convoluted and even purposefully vague, which means that soon the "not canon complaint" tag will REALLY start to kick in even more than before since what will happen will be due to a mix between Things As I understood Them and Things I Willingly Changed. Just a heads up.
> 
> If you can guess what Feitan's assigned weapon is before the reveal, here *hands you a virtual cookie*  
> The vicar to be and the blood saint are, respectively, Bonolenov and Pakunoda!  
> I don't think vicars need any introduction but blood saints are a bloodborne special and since I don't know if it'll come up in the future I'll explain what they are here just in case: straight from two descriptions in the game, "[blood saints] received treatment by the Church to cultivate worthy blood" and "the Healing Church nuns are chosen for their merit as vessels for blood, and groomed as Blood Saints. The mere chance of being treated with their blood lends legitimacy to the Healing Church and communion".  
> So basically they're magnified harvesters of the Good Stuff™.


	5. Ties

According to what Chrollo had told him while walking down the stairs, there were overall twelve people under his direct command.  
Kurapika wouldn't be meeting the two spies - Bonolenov and Pakunoda, had called them Chrollo - any time soon, but according to the raven it'd be beneficial if he were to "establish a positive relationship" with the others. To prevent any conflicts and prepare for teamwork should the need arise, he had said.  
He had told him that his team's name was apparently Phantom Troupe, which the blond found unnecessary and overly dramatic. They were just a bunch of crazed hunters scheming to become murderers, they had no reason to be so self-important.

Kurapika had tried to pay attention to everything that the man had been saying, but a lot of additional information simply flew over his head. His mind still felt fuzzy and he spaced out several times during their descent, lost in thought.

What was of his oath now? Nothing.  
He had gotten close to the source of the scourge, he had been living in Yharnam for five years, he had become a hunter, he had been found out.  
He used to think that at least he'd manage to keep this last part from happening, but he had failed even in that.  
If it wasn't for his guilt, for his rage, for his shame, he'd follow right after his people, rotting away on the ground of Cainhurst Castle.

And he still didn't know what to think about the other man's actions.

His eyes shifted up from the steps to the back of the other's head.  
He wanted to ask him about his findings, but he felt too exhausted, both mentally and physically, to discuss the subject further.

When they reached the end of the spiral staircase, Chrollo stopped walking to look back up at him, making Kurapika pause in confusion.

«What?» he asked, and immediately grimaced. His voice sounded unnaturally hoarse and he rubbed a hand against his neck, hoping to soothe his throat if only just a little.  
Chrollo seemed on the verge of asking him something, but thought better of it, simply shaking his head.

«Nothing.» he said thoughtful «... Just, try not to get on anyone's nerves.»

When they got to the back of the old church and Chrollo reached out towards the curtain next to the altar again, Kurapika straightened up, wanting to hide the signs of his previous breakdown from the man's subordinates.

As soon as they stepped into view, almost all of them sat up in their seats.  
While the two of them had been talking outside, the small group had huddled together in one of the corners of the room, Kortopi and the strange girl in the middle.  
Besides Shal, who still had that irritating smile plastered on his face, Kortopi was the only one who had a positive reaction to seeing him, timidly waving a little hand. With the exception of the black haired girl, who merely looked at him with a puzzled expression, all the others immediately glowered at him and tensed, as if waiting for just a nod from Chrollo to jump him.  
Initially, Kurapika wasn't sure why they were so wary of him despite his lack of weaponry on his person, until he caught the woman from the workshop glancing at her leader's bruised cheek and at his rumpled clothes.  
Protective, much?

Raising his hands in a placating way, the taller man simply took a step forward and sent his subordinates a confident smile, gesturing for Kurapika to come closer.

«Everyone, as of today Kurapika here is going to work with us. I trust that you know what it means.» he stated in a light but firm tone.  
There was an edge to his voice that Kurapika couldn't interpret, but his men seemed to understand immediately, forcing their bodies to relax on the spot despite their visible reluctance.  
«Now, why don't you all introduce yourselves?»

Nobody uttered a word.

An uncomfortable silence settled over the room, with most of the troupe members present avoiding looking directly at the two people in front of them and Chrollo still standing there as if nothing was wrong.  
Kurapika just wanted to be handed his things back so he could head back home to his friends and forget about everything.

After one last beat of silence only Kortopi got up and walked towards him, slowly holding out a hand for him to shake.  
So upclose the blond could tell that his previous guess had been correct: under the curtain of hair, the child's face was covered in white bandages, running down his neck and even peeking out of his sleeves.  
Not wanting to make him uncomfortable, Kurapika didn't hesitate in diverting his gaze from the gauzes and in shaking the tiny hand. He found it was incredibly cold.

«Hello,» he said, hoping his tone wasn't too stiff. He felt everyone's eyes on him. «I'm Kurapika.»  
An almost inaudible voice responded from behind the candid hair. If he hadn't already known his name, Kurapika doubted he would have been able to understand what he had said.  
«Kor... to... pi.»  
He attempted a smile. This one was just a child.  
«Nice to meet you, Kortopi.»

From the corner of his eye he saw the irritating blond stand up and stride towards him.  
Kurapika's expression immediately soured.

«Nice to meet you, Kurapika! My name is Shalnark, you can call me Shal, I'm sure you'll be a great addition to the team!» he said, grabbing his other hand and shaking it with vigour.  
Kurapika's short temper was promptly set off by his last few words.

«I haven't joined you!» he spat out, taking a step back. Chrollo threw him an unimpressed look and then sighed.  
«He's right, Shal. This is just a temporary alliance.»  
«Good.» interjected the short man who had attacked Kurapika earlier «Don't like him.»  
«You don't like anyone.» stated his eyebrowless comrade sitting next to him.  
«Shut up. Idiot.»

Ignoring her companions, the woman from the workshop got to her feet and walked towards the exit. Stopping next to Kurapika, she sent him a charged stare.  
«My name is Machi. I'll still be watching you.» she said monotone while looking straight at the blond and then turned to Chrollo «I'm going back to my assigned position now, boss.»  
Satisfied with the nod she received from the man, she left without uttering any other word or even glancing back, leaving Kurapika speechless.

Looking at his bewildered expression, the eyebrowless man sitting in the back of the room burst out laughing.  
«That's Machi for you.» he wheezed out with a quivering voice.  
When his fit finally stopped, his dark eyes zeroed in on Kurapika, making the blond frown defensively.  
«... Hey brat, how's your head?»

The short black haired man snickered.  
Next to Kurapika, Chrollo sighed and Shalnark brought a hand up to his mouth. Whether it was to hide an expression of shock or a widening of his smile, the boy didn't know.  
Kortopi moved back next to the dark haired girl, who had stopped paying attention to the conversation several minutes earlier anyway.

Tensing his shoulders, Kurapika stared back at the older blond and suppressed the urge to raise a hand and touch his previously injured skull.  
"Is he going to ask about me being a vileblood?" he inwardly wondered, unconsciously tightening his fists.

«... It's healed.»  
«Already? Damn,» huffed the man with what seemed disappointment «I thought I'd at least managed to bust it open for a day or two.»

A beat.  
Before Kurapika even had the time to understand the meaning of his words, he felt someone grab him from under his arms. He reflexively tried to struggle, glaring over his shoulder and locking eyes with Chrollo. As he tried to push back against the toned chest behind him, brown eyes finally widened in realization.  
The hit against his head- he had been wondering which one of those people had attacked him, but he hadn't been able to guess who it had been yet.  
Who had been the person that could have killed him.  
Who had been the person that _would_ have killed him, if he had been human.

Swirling his head back around, he found the other man's smirking up at him, lazily sprawled out on an old cushioned bench.

«You bastard! Let me go- I'll kill him, let me go!» he screamed, struggling harder, eager to get his hands on the man.  
«Calm down.» said Chrollo in a low voice in his ear.  
«Fuck you!»  
«Let him go, boss, let's see what the brat is capable of.» exclaimed the other man, running a hand through his dark blond hair. Bringing a hand to his coat pocket, he took out something resembling brass knuckles, but the metal was shaped more like a solid block than the actual bones the weapon was supposed to enforce.  
«Yes, let go, boss.» said his companion, brandishing his spiked staff again and hiding a vicious smile behind his large scarf.  
«Phinks, Feitan...» said Chrollo, sending the two men an eloquent stare, making them lower their weapons, Kurapika still straining against his hold and glowering at the three of them.

At that point even the messy haired girl raised her head, the commotion forcing her out of her unresponsive state.  
Tilting her head sideways, her dark eyes slowly moved from her companions sitting close to her to the men at the entrance of the room.

«... Boss...»

Her voice hadn't been loud or forceful, rather she had almost sounded questioning, but Kurapika still saw everyone in the room immediately turn towards her and even felt Chrollo tense slightly behind him.

«Yes, Shizuku?» asked the leader in question in an uncharacteristically gentle tone, surprising Kurapika and making him turn towards him with wide eyes. The blond would have never expected that the man could even sound like that.  
«It's all so loud. I can't hear the sticky sound very well anymore...»

"Sticky sound?"  
Kurapika hadn't even finished questioning it that Chrollo had already let go of him, walking closer to the girl and lowering himself on his knees in front of her. Next to her, Kortopi started running his little hands along her arm.

«Is it very loud?» asked Chrollo, again using that careful voice.  
«No, it's gentle... Like little droplets...»  
«That's good,» he told her with a tight lipped smile and then turned his head towards the muscular blond man behind him «Shal.»  
Shalnark immediately nodded at him and walked up to them, his smile definitely too strained as well.  
«Come on, Shizuku!» he exclaimed with a much too cheerful voice «Let's go to your room, I'll help you with the sound!»  
«Do I need to take the sleepy water again?» asked the girl, raising a finger to her chin and puzzling Kurapika even further.  
«Don't worry about that, I'll take care of everything!» he answered, dodging her question and taking her hands to help her stand up, Kortopi immediately following after her.

Before Shalnark had the chance to accompany her outside of the room, the girl's black eyes met Kurapika's brown ones. He couldn't tell what she was thinking about, couldn't even tell whether she was really looking at him, but she surprised him by taking a small step in his direction, Kortopi holding onto her vest and looking between them with a curious eye.

«...Kurapika.» she said after a moment, tilting her head sideways again.  
«What is it?» asked the young man, puzzled.

She didn't respond right away, only looked at him inquisitively.  
Behind her, Shalnark threw an uncertain look over Kurapika's shoulder, and the blond guessed that he was silently waiting for instructions from Chrollo.

«... You shouldn't fight with the others. Phinks, Feitan, you two shouldn't be mean to him, either.» she said, large eyes moving from the blond in front of her to her comrades in the back of the room «The boss doesn't like arguments, and it's hard to hear the water...»

Kurapika slowly nodded his assent, uncertain and no less confused than before.

Silence fell over the room when Shalnark and Shizuku left with Kortopi following after them and Kurapika looked back at Chrollo, a silent question in his eyes.  
Meeting his gaze, the man sighed and brought a hand up to his forehead to adjust his bandana.

«Better not to push things further, I get it.» he muttered under his breath, although Kurapika wasn't sure whether he was talking to them or merely thinking out loud «Phinks, Feitan, wait for the others to come back and explain the situation to them. I'm heading out with Kurapika.» he then added in his normal tone.

«Yes, boss.» simultaneously answered the two men, straightening in their seats.

Throwing them one last scathing glare before the old curtain hid them from view, Kurapika followed Chrollo out of the room.  
Bitter at the thought of having to walk behind him again, the blond closed the gap that had formed between them with two quick strides and flanked him. The other didn't say anything, only throwing him a quick glance and not even bothering to hide his amusement.

Instead of heading towards the exit of the church, Chrollo led him towards a new curtain, this one hanging over an archway similarly to the one of the alcove where he had slept.

«Your things are in my room,» told him the taller man «Can I trust you won't do anything stupid?»  
«Contrary to what you may believe, I'm not a child.» answered the younger man testily.  
Chrollo didn't respond to that, which was for the best if Kurapika had interpreted the expression on his face correctly.

When the raven moved back the curtain, Kurapika stopped in his tracks under the archway.  
That alcove was more or less the same size as the one where he had woken up earlier, but while his had been empty if not for a mattress, Chrollo's was cramped and definitely much more lived in.  
Several shelves filled with books and documents covered the wall in the back, though numerous piles of tomes were scattered all over the floor as well.  
Kurapika realized that among all those leather-bound volumes were surely the fruits of Chrollo's research and he made a mental note to ask him about the things he had found out while searching his home after the massacre.  
A small bed had been shoved in the corner of the room, while against the opposite wall were a small desk and a chair, over which was draped Kurapika's bloodied coat, his hat, gloves and guards resting on the wooden surface.

Chrollo handed him the garments and he readily clothed himself with the thick leather garb. He'd never admit it out loud, but he had been feeling almost undressed, naked without it while surrounded by so many dangerous people.  
While he adjusted the protective gear around his forearms, Chrollo walked towards his bed and dragged out a large chest from under it. It unlocked with a click, and when he opened it Kurapika saw his reiterpallasch and his Evelyn resting upon a bunch of other metallic objects. He suppressed the urge to push the older man aside and reach for them, but a shiver ran through his spine at the sight of Chrollo's hands on them nevertheless.

The man firmly gripped the weapons and got to his feet, pushing the chest back with his leg and giving Kurapika an eloquent stare.  
The blond scoffed.  
«I'm not going to attack you.»  
«Alright. Just know that I have my weapons on me this time.» answered Chrollo with a shrug, extending his arms towards him and urging the young man to take back his possessions.

The weight of the weapons against the hunter's muscles felt familiar and comforting.  
Kurapika immediately relaxed, unconsciously sighing in relief and running his fingers along the detailed carvings on the pistol's side, on the rapier's guard.  
Returning Chrollo's look, he made a show of strapping them to his belt and crossed his arms in challenge, as if to brag about his lack of apparent hostility.

Chrollo sent him an unimpressed look, but the blond swore he saw the corners of his lips twitch almost imperceptibly, as if he wanted to smile.

Walking past him, the dark haired man gestured for him to exit the room.

«Let's go.»

***

The remaining tension in his muscles almost completely eased as soon as Kurapika stepped out of the old church, and he exhaled deeply.

Chrollo didn't guide him through the main streets as he had previously done, but made him walk through secondary alleyways and desert back streets, for which Kurapika was grateful.  
The man had forgone his hat and protective cloth yet again, strolling as calm as one can be, uncaring about the yharnamites' animosity.

«Where are we supposed to go? I want to go home.» he asked, turning his head to look at the man beside him.  
«You're lucky I'm taking you there, then.» easily answered Chrollo, making Kurapika jolt.  
«I can get there alone just fine, I don't need assistance... How long was I out, by the way?»  
«Just for the night. And if you're concerned about your friends, don't be,» said the raven in a light tone «I already know everything about them. When my men first noticed you, I sent Machi to keep watch on you and see what you were up to during the day.»

Kurapika threw him an unimpressed look, but was otherwise glad that at least he hadn't been missing for long.  
«You're one creepy bastard, you know that?»  
«No, I'm cautious.» responded Chrollo with mirth «After all, I can't neglect any potential threat.»  
«Any potential- is that why you almost killed that man yesterday, because you thought he could be a threat?» asked the blond with a scoff.  
«Of course not, but I'm still here for a reason and it's because I've never let anyone get the better of me, human or not,» he declared, smiling tauntingly down at him «One day I'll die, but I'd rather it not be due to my own negligence, and people shouldn't expect their actions to be without consequence either...»

His tone made Kurapika bristle.  
Looking up at him with suspicion and trying not to sound too hostile, he spoke.  
«Are you referring to me as well? Are you mocking me?»  
«Absolutely not.» responded the other with a deceivingly courteous expression. Kurapika contemplated kicking him in the shin.

«By the way, there's something I've been meaning to ask you.» said Chrollo out of the blue a few moments later.  
«What?»  
«Did you even make a full contract when you became a hunter or did you just steal some poor soul's identity?»  
«I didn't,» scoffed Kurapika «I'm in the lowest class. I'd rather die than have that thing flowing in my veins.» he added, gesturing to his pouch filled with blood vials.  
«What, wouldn't you like to know what would happen if your blood were to mix with the Holy medium?» questioned Chrollo with a note of irony in his voice, making Kurapika roll his eyes.  
«The person I spoke to made a fuss at first, but eventually they accepted me anyway. I think they mistook my unwillingness for fear of the scourge.» continued the blond, ignoring the other's interjection.  
«Mh... All things considered, I guess it's better that way,» commented the raven some seconds later, thoughtful «The only thing you're missing out on is the Dream.»

The Dream.  
Kurapika had heard of it only in passing, but from what he knew it served as a sort of haven for meditation or something, although he greatly doubted its actual utility. A memory of his meeting with Sheila came forth in his mind and he shook his head, as if to banish the thought of her to the back of his head again.

«I don't care, it's just a stupid dream.»

Chrollo merely hummed in response.  
Now that Kurapika thought about it, the fact that the man was a hunter as well meant that he had been ministered with the Church's blood and that most certainly he regularly consumed it for beast hunting.  
He subtly tried to look for signs of the scourge on his body, but found none, which could either mean that he wasn't actually used to fighting or that he was an incredibly skilled hunter, to the point of not needing the miraculous properties of the cursed fluid.  
From the happenings of the previous day, Kurapika reasoned that this second option was much more likely.

«Say...» he began cautiously.  
«What is it?»  
«How long have you been a hunter?»  
«Why the sudden interest?»  
«Because the fact that you're so strong despite not showing any signs of the scourge and that you have a team of people ready to throw themselves at your feet is questionable at best.»

Chrollo didn't respond to that, only sent Kurapika a tight smile, frustrating the blond even further.  
He guessed that it had something to do with the reason why they wanted to end the Church, but couldn't understand the connection between them.  
He already knew that the man hadn't been completely honest with him, or that he had at least withheld some information from their previous discussion.  
The troupe, that weird girl Shizuku, Kortopi.  
Just what the hell was going on.

Suddenly, another thought crossed Kurapika's mind.

«What about Cainhurst? Can you at least tell me what you found there?» he asked, with a hint of grief in his voice.  
«I suppose I could... But first you'd need to tell me what you know.»  
«What do you mean?»  
«Everything I found had been well hidden. I imagine the elders didn't tell you people much.»

A wave of defensiveness washed over Kurapika.

«Of course they didn't! We were forced to hide to protect ourselves, did you expect they would tell us that everyone in Yharnam wanted us dead?»  
«No, but did they ever tell you _why_ they wanted you dead?»  
«Why they- do you even hear yourself!? The Church told everyone we were abominations, that our blood was cursed and used its power to hunt us down like beasts, that's why they wanted us dead! If the people hadn't fallen for its lies, we wouldn't-»  
«Lies?» interrupted Chrollo «Lies you say? So you truly have no idea what your people did.»

"What _my_ people did?"

Anger rose in Kurapika's chest, and he saw red. Uncaring about his earlier attempts at reigning in his temper, he stepped closer to Chrollo and brought his hands up to his collar again, mirroring his earlier actions on the balcony church.

«What did they ever do that warranted their massacre!? What could ever justify something like that!?» he screamed in the other man's face. His arms shook with how hard he was gripping the leather coat and his breathing was ragged again.

«I don't care about justifying the Church's actions,» answered Chrollo, a deceptively calm expression back on his face «All I know are its reasons. Of course it wanted to be the only bearer of any strand of the Old Blood, but you also ignore something that your dear elders use to take great pleasure in doing during the early years after consuming the forbidden blood.»

Kurapika growled and gave Chrollo a hard push, shoving him against the dirty wall of the alleyway they had been standing in.

«Quit dancing around it and speak clearly, damn it!»

Staring straight into Kurapika's brown eyes after another push against his chest, Chrollo finally forgone his calm façade. He spoke in a sombre voice and for a second what he said made Kurapika's heart stop.

«Your kind hunted people and fed on their blood.»

***

«Starting today you'll join us during patrol. See you tonight.»

Kurapika nodded, numb.

The walk following their conversation in the alleyway had been silent and tense.  
Kurapika hadn't spoken any other word to Chrollo, hardly paying attention to his surroundings, and the raven hadn't even made the attempt to bring him out of his unresponsive state.

The two of them were standing outside of Kurapika's house.  
The silence assured the blond that no one was home, which he was grateful for.  
He didn't want to see anyone.

Staring at him for a long moment with a heavy gaze, Chrollo nodded his head back at him and walked away.  
Kurapika watched him walk backwards along the street they had come from until his figure completely disappeared in the distance.  
When he couldn't see him anymore, he reached back and opened the door with an unfeeling hand, finally stepping back into his home.

Empty, as he had guessed.  
Good.

He walked towards his room on shaky legs, locking the door behind him and collapsing on his bed in fatigue.  
Physically, emotionally, he felt drained, hollow.  
The other man's words kept playing uninterrupted in his head against his will.  
He just wanted his mind to be silent.  
He felt like vomiting.

"It's not essential for your survival, but from what I read in their journals they seemed to greatly enjoy consuming it" he had said.  
"They drained people of their blood while they were still alive and drank it while it was still warm" he had said.

Chrollo had no reason to lie to him about something like that, he knew that it'd only make him angrier, more hostile.  
Part of him still screamed at him not to trust the older man's words, but the other part recoiled in revulsion and fear.  
Although he didn't want to face it, unconsciously he had already understood.

Many of his brethren had used to proclaim themselves hunters, hadn't they? Too many for such a small community.

Had he been present each and every time some of them returned to the castle after a hunt? Had he seen all of their prey? Had the food been tasting the same in those five years?

The reek of blood, had it ever actually disgusted him before coming to Yharnam? Had he been nauseated by it before smelling his people's remains all over the walls and the floors of Cainhurst Castle?

Had the smell of Sheila's blood in the forest actually _scared_ him?

He couldn't remember. He didn't know.

Pushing his head against his pillow to muffle his sobs, Kurapika cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you feel the second hand embarrassment?  
> While re-reading the previous chapter and writing this I realized that it may seem like I don't like Shalnark but please don't misunderstand me, he's my bby and I love him dearly but this is from Kurapika's pov and I just think he'd really dislike him at first, especially considering the current circumstances.  
> *projects her "the kurtas weren't as innocent as we think" theory onto her bb/krkr fanfic* also I DID say that the vilebloods are magnified vampires.
> 
> Fashionborne (might as well):  
> Feitan's weapon, the Bloodletter: https://pin.it/7nhqjlJ  
> Phinks's weapon, the Fist of Gratia: https://pin.it/59nvO87


	6. Reflexion

Gon and Killua came back home in the late afternoon.

They hadn't even reached the front door yet, but Kurapika could already hear them all the way from the kitchen. He had half a mind to get up and lock himself in his room again to avoid them, but he figured that he'd only make them much more worried than they already probably were by doing so.  
They found him sitting at the dining table, head lowered and a fuming cup of tea resting between his hands.

The young man's eyes were still puffy and red from his previous meltdown and his golden hair dishevelled, as if he had run his hands through it several times.  
The two boys initially froze in surprise on the threshold of the room upon seeing him, but immediately ran up to their friend with matching concerned expressions when they noticed the state he was in.

«Kurapika, where have you been? Are you ok?»  
«We've looked everywhere for you, what happened?»

Kurapika tried to force a smile on his face, but it came out looking more like a grimace.

«Don't worry, Gon, Killua.» his voice was hoarse, mellow «It was just a busy night.»  
«I don't believe you!» exclaimed Gon, tightening his fists «You never look this bad and you weren't even supposed to go hunting yesterday night, and you didn't come back this morning!»  
Killua only watched him with suspicious catlike eyes, not opening his mouth to stop or join his friend in his tirade.

«The scourge is getting worse, there's a lot of more work now-»  
«But you shouldn't try to do everything on your own!»  
«-And I have a duty towards the people. You should know what that means, Gon.»

He hated using the boy's accident against him, he hated being the cause of the hurt expression on his face, but he just wasn't in the right state of mind to argue.  
He felt too exhausted, too drained.

He brought a hand up to his temple, massaging it in hope to alleviate his pounding headache. His brain felt like it was trying to burst through his skull from the inside and his eyes were swollen and sore.  
Holding the cup helped him control his tremors, and the scorching heat against his skin grounded him. It made him feel like his mind wouldn't slip as easily that way.  
Tightening his hand around the ceramic, he tried to concentrate on the weird sensation it created on his palm and fingers, hoping to distract himself from the pain in his head.  
His skin burned and healed, burned and healed, burned and healed, in a cycle that wouldn't be broken until he let go of the cup or the liquid lost its heat. He wondered whether he'd still be feeling that pain then.

«I'm sorry, Gon, that was cruel of me to say.»

The boy didn't answer, but only stared at him with hurt amber eyes.  
Kurapika hated that look.

«You're being really stupid, you know?» said Killua instead, taking a step forward and glaring at him with angry blue eyes «We were worried about you and now that you're back you look horrible. How do you expect us to believe that nothing happened?»  
«I don't expect you to do anything,» answered Kurapika in a quiet voice «Thank you for being concerned about me but please don't be, I know what I'm doing.»  
«You're our friend, how could we stop worrying about you!?» snapped Gon after hearing the blond's words.  
«Can't you at least tell us about it?» insisted Killua.

Kurapika merely looked at their faces and then lowered his head, eyes boring into the cravings on the wooden table.

«I'm sorry.»

From the corner of his eye he saw Gon tense, but Killua caught him by his arm and stopped him from moving forward with a shake of his head.  
The two children exchanged a long, charged stare.  
Eventually Gon looked away, biting his lip to stop it from quivering, and walked past Kurapika towards his room. Killua followed after him a second later, throwing the blond one last unhappy look before disappearing into the house.

The tension that had inadvertently formed between Kurapika's shoulders eased. His head and eyes still hurt.  
The young man sighed, moving his hand from his temple to his forehead and leaning his weight against his elbow on the table.

Despite the terrible outcome he had managed to ward off Gon and Killua, but Leorio wouldn't be so willing to give up an argument, he knew.  
He hoped he'd be feeling better by the time the clandestine doctor came home, or at least that his friend would be too tired to be his usual confrontational self.

Kurapika tightened his grip on the cup even further. It still hurt, but it wasn't as painful as before.  
Looking down, his brown eyes bore into the dark tea, his distorted reflection staring back at him.  
It was almost black.  
It almost resembled blood.

He raised the cup to his lips with his shaky hand and drank.

The liquid burned his throat.

***

Despite the seemingly boundless tiredness he felt deep in his bones, it had only been less than two days since the Night of the Hunt.  
Thinking about it made his head spin.  
So many things had happened in so little time and he was just so overwhelmed, it felt like his head just couldn't process everything without melting down.

After drinking the tea, Kurapika closed the door to his room and let his body freefall on his messy bed.  
He tried to fall asleep, but couldn't.  
Despite the exhaustion in his limbs, his mind was restless.

He couldn't stop thinking about Chrollo's words.

The feeling of hollowness that had always accompanied him in those years- despite everything, his love for his people knew no bounds and he wished to reunite with them more than anything, but just what had his body aching for?  
He was terrified of finding the answer.

He just wanted to see them so much, wanted to touch them, wanted to talk to them, wanted to ask them why.  
But his hands would never reach them again, if not in the embrace of death.  
His heart would never know peace.

Did he even have the right to long for justice anymore? How many had found themselves orphans and lonely because of his people's actions?

No, that wasn't right.  
Children, women and men of any age, everyone had been indiscriminately slain without mercy, but had all of them actually been complicit in the homicidal hunt? No.  
For one, if Chrollo hadn't told him he would have lived in ignorance since the elders had kept this last confession from him even upon his parting from Cainhurst.

Was that why they were always so secretive?  
Were they waiting for the children to grow up before placing such a burden on them? Or were they going to take it to their grave, in hope that their hunters would keep silent as well?  
Maybe they had been ashamed of their actions, for they had put all of their kind in peril. No that wasn't it, they wouldn't have kept doing it in that case.  
Then had all the adults, his parents as well, known about it and participated in such cruel practices?  
He'd never know.  
Part of him didn't even want to know.

His gaze fell on his weapons, which he had discarded on the floor earlier that afternoon as soon as he had entered his room.  
Was that another reason why they weren't allowed in the armoury? So that they couldn't guess their real purpose, not protection as they had always been told?

Being put face to face with his possible death the previous night hadn't been as horrific as knowing about his elders' actions.  
Knowing that Chrollo had witnessed him at his worst pit of sorrow hadn't been as horrific as knowing about his elders' actions.  
He couldn't fathom how people he had admired and loved, people he still couldn't help but love, could do something so horrible.

And yet, he wouldn't stop. _Couldn't_ stop.  
Despite the heartbreak he still felt, unjustified murderers had no right to justice.  
But the innocent did. Children like Pairo did.  
And he'd make sure to send their killers straight into hell.

No matter the cost.

***

Having miraculously fallen asleep despite his apprehension, Kurapika rested until a hand shook him out of his slumber just before the Sun set.

For a few seconds he was too disoriented to move and ran a hand across his face, rubbing away the drowsiness from his eyes.  
Standing over him was Leorio, a troubled expression on his face. From the way he smelled, he still hadn't changed out of his work clothes.  
The blond sat up and grimaced when their metallic scent reached his nose.

«Gon and Killua told me what happened.» said his friend in a strained voice.  
«I guessed so.» merely answered Kurapika, head lowered.

A beat.

«So?»  
«So what?»

The thread of Leorio's thin patience immediately snapped.

«What the hell happened!?» he yelled, gripping Kurapika's shoulders and shaking him back and forth.  
«Nothing.»  
«Nothing!? You think this is nothing!? Have you looked at yourself!?»  
«It's just tiredness. I'm fine.»  
«And you think I believe that!?»  
Another shake.  
It was really starting to get on his nerves.

«I was busy and couldn't come back, that's all.»  
«You almost look as bad as you did when I first brought you here!» a wince from the blond «Don't tell me that was all.»

Kurapika almost shouted at him for saying that but he looked away in defiance at the last second, biting the inside of his cheek.  
Mentioning that had been a low blow, but he had no right to feel offended when he had done the same just a few hours prior with Gon.  
Leorio didn't apologize though, only glared at him with angry - but concerned - dark eyes.

Staring at his weapons on the floor to avoid the other's gaze, Kurapika gripped his bedsheets and lied.

«More beasts than usual were roaming the streets and I had to find a temporary shelter to rest. That's all.»

From the trembling of the other's hands he could tell that Leorio wasn't satisfied with his answer, that he wanted to keep questioning him.  
Before his friend could open his mouth, he spoke again.

«If it makes you feel any better, I won't hunt alone anymore from now on.»

Silence.

Kurapika attempted a glance, only to find Leorio's bewildered expression right before his nose.

«So something _has_ happened!» he exclaimed.  
«Leorio, please-»  
«No, don't you "please" me!» interrupted his dark haired friend «You're a stubborn moron, why did you suddenly change your mind on joining a team!?»  
«Don't call me that!» snapped the blond, shouting as well «And I didn't join any team, we're just working together!»  
«But you've always wanted to do everything alone!»  
«Well, I changed my mind!»  
«Why!?»  
«Because it's easier that way, that's why!»  
«So you admit you can't do everything on your own!?»  
«I didn't say that!»  
«Then what did that mean!?»

«Hey.»

They both jumped.

Leaning against his door frame and looking at them with a deadpan expression was Killua.  
They stared at him, their hearts in their throats.

«... Gon asked if we should start setting the table.»

***

Dinner was a tense affair.

Gon now looked more sad than angry and, knowing the boy, he probably wanted to make peace already, but he still avoided his gaze so Kurapika didn't push him.  
Killua seemed to be back to normal, but the blond could feel his sharp gaze on him when the child thought he wasn't paying attention.  
Leorio was openly glowering at him, but that was how all their arguments always went anyway, and he reciprocated his glares.

Nobody said anything throughout the meal, if not polite "could you pass me that"s and quiet "thank you"s.

Before the night truly came, Kurapika put on his hunter garments and grabbed his weapons to head out.  
He was on his way towards the front door when a voice made him stop in his tracks.

«Kurapika.»

Looking up from the floor, he saw Gon standing by the entrance, Killua and Leorio behind him, one leisurely leaning against the wall and the other stubbornly looking away with crossed arms.

«Gon.»

The child looked at him with a determined expression on his face and took a step forward.

«Kurapika, about today... I'm sor-»  
«Don't be. I understand where you were coming from,» interrupted the blond «I'm sorry for how I treated you, I shouldn't have done that.»  
Gon only nodded his head and let out a small sound in acceptance.

«I know you don't like to talk about these things,» he started «But if there's anything we can do to help...»  
«Don't worry about it. I've got everything under control.» responded Kurapika with what he hoped was a reassuring smile.  
Behind the child Leorio scoffed, but he paid him no mind.  
Slowly, Gon nodded again, looking up at him with a small frown adorning his face.

Sighing, Kurapika relaxed his shoulders and showed him a saddened smile, opening his arms.  
The child gasped and bit on his quivering lip but still accepted his offer.

Closing the distance between them with a small sprint, he tightened his lite arms around Kurapika's waist and pressed the side of his face against his leather coat.  
Over his dark head, the young man met Killua's and Leorio's eyes.

Killua immediately looked away and pretended to stare at the lit fireplace, but his eyes hadn't looked as dark and sharp as before.  
Leorio held onto his glare for a second, but he eventually exhaled and ran a hand across his face.  
Okay.

They were going to be okay.  
Everything was going to be okay.

***

Chrollo hadn't given him a time nor a place and he didn't think the older man expected him to walk all the way to the old church, so Kurapika had just taken to strolling through Central Yharnam.

The thought of hunting along someone else irked him.

Leorio had been right, he had always rejected the idea of joining a team or finding a partner.  
First of all because he couldn't risk anyone witnessing his body's healing abilities should he get injured during a fight, but also because he wouldn't be free to roam Cathedral Ward with somebody holding him back.  
He hadn't always been like that, but over the years he had also grown accustomed to dealing with things on his own, so he felt like a partnership was only going to frustrate him.

Come to think of it, hadn't that been one of the reasons why Chrollo had said he wanted him to be civil with his subordinates?

"Teamwork, uh..."

Lost in thought, he didn't immediately notice the dark figure stalking close towards him from behind.  
Only when he passed by a window and light filtered through the wooden bars did he notice the shadow following him.

He swirled around, his heart in his throat, and swung his reiterpallasch as hard as he could. He only cut through air, but before his eyes could settle on the figure in front of him an amused laugh reached his ears.

"Speak of the devil"

«Whoa, careful with that thing!» exclaimed Chrollo, fake worry coating his words «You could have hurt me really badly if I hadn't been paying attention, you know.»

Kurapika scoffed and rolled his eyes.

«If I had known it was you, I would have made sure it actually hit you.»  
«That's so mean!» replied the other, raising his hands in fake surrender «You would willingly hurt a friend?»  
«You are _not_ my friend and you'll never be.» responded the younger man with horror, straightening his hat.  
«Why must you always be so cruel to me?» jokingly asked the raven while gesturing to him with his head to start walking.  
«Ask that question to yourself,» rebutted the blond, falling into step beside him «And find the answer on your own.»  
Chrollo merely put his hands in his pockets and hummed in response.

«Where are we going?» asked Kurapika a few minutes later, breaking the strangely not uncomfortable silence that had fallen over them.  
«You're meeting some of the other members of the Troupe tonight,» easily answered the taller man «Be nice.»  
«You don't need to tell me that.» responded the younger hunter with a sniff «By the way, should you even be walking around like that? What if we encounter any beasts?»  
«Says the one who didn't even notice me earlier.»

Ignoring the dark glare Kurapika threw him, Chrollo shrugged.

«I'm fast, and you're here.» began the raven «You don't need to worry for me.»  
«I don't!» exclaimed the blond, repressing the urge to smack him in the head «Also what am I, your bodyguard?»  
«If you'd like to!» answered Chrollo with an irritating grin «But really, it's fine. Phinks and Feitan already passed through here earlier, so this area should be mostly clear already.»

"Phinks and Feitan"  
Kurapika's mind provided him with memories of the two men and he immediately scowled.

«Will they be... joining us tonight?» even just getting the words out felt like an admission of defeat.  
«No, they're on watch duty. You'll meet three of our strongest men though, so be mindful of that.» responded Chrollo «But I felt like being nice, so our newest recruit will be present as well. I figured you'd appreciate not being the odd man out.»  
«Newest recruit?»  
«Yes. He's a bit skittish, but I'm sure you'll like him well enough.»

The smile the older man sent his way didn't reassure Kurapika at all.

Several minutes later they reached the great bridge that overlooked Old Yharnam.  
From the inhuman screeching coming from the distance and the pungent smell of blood, Kurapika could already tell that that place was in much different conditions than Central Yharnam.  
Before he had the time to ask Chrollo where the meeting point with his comrades was, a loud roar different from the rest cut through the air, forcing him to cover his ears.  
Some birds flew off the roof of a nearby house.

«What _was_ that?» he asked in shock.  
«Oh, that must be them.» commented the man next to him with ease and a confident smile, removing his palms from the sides of his head «Let's go.»  
«Wait, what?»

But Chrollo was already sprinting towards the end of the bridge, and he was forced to follow after him.

The scene that presented in front of Kurapika's eyes both terrified him and left him mystified, his breath caught in his throat.  
The creature before him was something he had never seen before.

With hideous and crooked horns protruding from its head and dark, stained fur covering its body in patches, the beast's body was several meters tall and definitely bigger than anything he had ever seen in his life. Puddles of ill smelling blood littered the floor, some coming from the injuries on the creature's body, some of unknown origin.  
Despite its skeletal form, its thrashing was violent and wild and its shrieks almost unbearable as it destroyed the pavement and the constructions around it with violent swings of its arms.  
A hit, and the stone parapet of the bridge broke down in pieces.  
The dust particles in the air made his eyes water and he was thankful for the cloth covering his nose and mouth.

That thing could easily kill him, he realised with a shiver.

The sheer dread the scene in front of him caused him, the low light and the filthy air distracted him from hearing the gunshots right away and from noticing the other figures in the area.

The sparks of a large firearm among the dust cloud caught his attention before its loudness did. He couldn't see who was brandishing it, but from the looks of it they had to be incredibly strong to be able to handle the recoil of such a weapon.  
Two shadows seemingly flew across his eyes and too large slashes opened on the beast's already battered body, making it screech out in pain.

When a particularly strong gust of wind cleared the air for just a moment, he saw a smaller, but still large, shape in front of the fiend.

Kurapika choked on his saliva.

Was that another beast in front of it? For a second he truly believed that, but despite that person's size those movements were too precise to be a beast's, too tactical, too human.  
Everything was too fast and chaotic for him to clearly tell what was going on, but someone was moving at the creature's feet, avoiding its clawed hands and hitting its lower body.

A loud crack echoed through the air and the giant beast's right leg gave way under its weight, the femur snapped in half. Kurapika shook at the thought of just how much raw strength had been used to achieve that.

Slowed down by the pain and caught up in its cries, the beast couldn't avoid one of the two shadows' attack on its left bicep: the edge of a blade sliced through its flesh and muscle, disabling the limb and exposing the bone.  
Kurapika had the time to watch the light reflect on its metallic surface before its wielder retreated behind a ruined wall once more.

Its right arm was the next to go, wrecked by the shots of the firearm and by the slashing of the second, smaller person.

Letting out pained howls and writhing on its own blood, the creature still tried to thrash its body, but the figure in front of it caught the fur under its snout and forced it down.

Finally, the wind managed to blow away the cloud of dust and Kurapika fully opened his eyes, immediately looking at the person in front of the beast.

He gasped in horror.

«His arm-» he choked out, shaking «His arm is-!»  
«Don't worry.» spoke Chrollo's calm voice in his ear, a hand coming up to grasp his shoulder, making him jump «Watch.»

Moving his wide eyes from the older man back to the figure holding the creature down, Kurapika swallowed the lump in his throat and forced himself not to sway on his feet.

Everything else that was happening got completely overshadowed by what his eyes were seeing.

The long haired man was tall and muscular but his size, although still notable, had stopped being the most shocking thing about him the second the blond's vision cleared.  
In his right hand was a weird object, Kurapika couldn't even tell whether it was a weapon. It looked like two giant claws mounted, or rather inserted, on an arm guard.  
But his left arm...

His left arm looked like the one of a beast.  
It was large, larger and longer than the other, covered in dark, matted fur.  
The veins on his hand were swollen and protruding, with sharp and thick claws at the end of its fingers.  
Blood was dripping off of them.

Kurapika watched the man raise his beastly arm and suppressed a shudder. The hand on his shoulder tightened.  
Moving the giant creature's head so that its neck was exposed, the man drew back his deformed limb and swung.  
His claws cut through the fiend's throat, severing its larynx and swishing blood through the air.  
The beast spasmed and squirmed for a few seconds more, letting out its last, clogged snarl, until the strength finally left its body and it stilled on the wrecked floor.

Taking his hand off his shoulder, Chrollo walked forward before anyone had the time to move again.

«Good job, everyone.»

The man in front of the carcass immediately swirled around.  
His front was covered in blood, some of it even dripping from his wild hair, and his torn clothes could have made him pass for a beggar if it hadn't been for his healthy looking form.  
Still, Kurapika couldn't help but glance at his left arm in shock. It looked even more out of place from the front.  
Another thing that utterly stunned him was the excited smile on the man's face.

«Boss!» he exclaimed in a loud voice, his call echoing through the air.

Two other men came forth.

«Good evening, boss.»  
«Good to see you, boss!»

The first one was incredibly tall and muscular, just not as much of the man that had killed the beast, with short dark hair and an imposing figure.  
Between the ones on his forehead and the ones on his cheekbone and nose, across his face Kurapika could count five large scars, while several stitches held together the skin on his chin and cheeks.  
Held between his hands was a heavy looking firearm, similar to a small cannon at first glance, and the blond identified him as the shooter from before.

The person beside him was a tall, but humanely sized, man.  
A high ponytail kept his long black hair out of his face and a light beard covered the skin above his lips and on his chin.  
At his side...

Kurapika's blood ran cold.

The sword sheath tucked in his belt had the same carvings as his Evelyn, no, they were much more rich and intricate.  
A reminder of its value.  
His fists tightened so hard that he could feel his nails dig into his palms even through the leather.  
Not even him, the last of his kind, had been bold enough to enter the castle's crypts and remove the idol from its rightful place.

"The treasures of Cainhurst have been available to the world for years" supplied his mind, but the sight of such a weapon in the hands of a stranger made his blood boil nevertheless.  
He felt Chrollo's heavy gaze on him and he tried to reign in his emotion, but his breathing was already more ragged than before and his arms were shaking.

«Is this the kid that you talked about, boss?» meanwhile asked the giant man, he too striding forward with loud steps.  
«Yes, it's him.» answered the raven with an easy smile, gesturing to Kurapika to introduce himself.  
But the blond only locked eyes with the ponytail man and glowered at him.

«What are you looking at? You want a fight?» promptly asked the other man, widening his stance and menacingly bringing a hand up to the hilt of the sword.

Kurapika saw red.

He immediately pushed forward with a growl, provoking the man into doing the same, but before his hand had the time to reach his reiterpallasch Chrollo got in front of the blond and grabbed both his wrists, making both Kurapika and the other jump.

«What did I tell you,» he started in a low voice, painfully squeezing his skin «About being nice?»  
«I don't care!» yelled Kurapika in response «That sword is a heirloom for my people, it doesn't belong to him!»  
«Your people used it to murder _people_.» replied the older man without missing a beat «And he's using it to hunt beasts. Use your brain, and really think about whether it matters who it belongs to.»

Kurapika's throat tightened upon hearing these words and he inhaled sharply.  
His gaze shifted again to the long haired man, to the sword at his side and then back at Chrollo.  
He gritted his teeth and tried to clear his mind.

Consciously, the young man knew that the other was right. He didn't have the right to cling to justice and tradition when that same weapon had probably cut through the skin of countless men.  
And yet he wanted nothing more than to take it from the other's hands and hide it away where no one but him could ever find it.

Chrollo seemed to guess about the conflict waging inside him and slacked his hold a little.  
Without turning his head, he spoke to his subordinate.

«Nobu, relax your stance.»

Unseen by his leader the tall man nodded, reluctantly straightening up again but still glaring daggers at Kurapika. The large man next to him sighed and muttered something under his breath.  
Only then did Chrollo finally let go of Kurapika's wrists.

A boisterous laugh suddenly cut through the air and the giant man strode forward, casting an enormous shadow over Kurapika and the raven.  
The blond immediately tensed all over again at the sight of his enormous hand moving towards his shoulder and at the closeness of his other beastly arm, but the man grabbed him before he had the chance to move.

«You really got guts, kid!» he exclaimed in a loud voice, startling Kurapika «I like this guy, boss!» he then said, grinning down at Chrollo, who nodded at him with an amused smile.  
«I'm glad you do.» answered the man, who then turned so he was facing his other comrades as well «Now, isn't there someone missing here?»

He was right.  
The person who had slashed the beast's left arm must have been that Nobu person, but Kurapika had noticed someone else too involved in the earlier fight.

«He's behind that pile of bricks over there.» answered the swordsman gesturing to a crumbled wall behind him with his hand, dark distrustful eyes still focused on Kurapika.  
«About that, boss...» interjected the scarred man in a deep tone «I think it's too early for him to hunt. He's brave and strong for his age, but the kid wouldn't know prudence if it hit him in the head.»  
«That's not true!» suddenly shouted a high voice. A small figure left the cover of the broken stone and came into view.

Kurapika's heart skipped a beat.

Similarly to what had happened during his first meeting with Kortopi, his first thought upon laying his eyes on this new person was a panicked "Killua!?" this time as well.  
Unlike Kortopi though, this child's resemblance to his friend didn't reside in his hair, but his face.  
The same features, the same skin color, the same eye shape. Even the flushed and offended expression on his face was a perfect replica of the one that formed on Killua's whenever he argued with Gon or Leorio.

This boy was in every way a smaller version of his albino friend, differing from him only in the colors of his hair and eyes.

«It _is_ true.» rebuked the short haired man, looking down at him «You're too careless, I could have shot you and the beast almost hit you several times.»  
«But you didn't, and the beast didn't!» shouted the child, pulling on the man's sleeve «I'm strong, I can handle myself!»  
«Sorry little man, but Franklin's right.» commented the ponytail man, rubbing a hand through the boy's hair and messing it up «Next time you'll stay home with the others.»  
«No!» he yelled in protest, while the older men around him exchanged amused chuckles.

Kurapika couldn't listen anymore.  
Shoving the giant hand off his shoulder and grabbing Chrollo by his coat, he glared into his twinkling grey eyes.

«What's the meaning of this!?» he hissed, his other hand reaching up to grab the lowered cloth around his neck.  
The members of the Troupe immediately tensed and reached for their weapons, but Chrollo gestured at them to stay put with an easy movement of his hand.

«Why don't we discuss it civilly and in private?» he suggested, not a trace of unease in his voice.  
The blond glared up at him for a few more moments but eventually shoved him away with a grunt. To his disappointment, the other hardly even staggered on his feet.

«Alright,» commented Chrollo and turned towards his men «You guys start going ahead, we'll be right behind you.»

They wavered for just a moment, but when the man with the beastly arm shrugged and started walking the other followed him.  
When Kurapika felt like they were far enough, he expectantly looked at Chrollo again.

«So?»  
«So, it's what you're probably thinking,» responded the taller man «Kalluto and your friend are related.»  
«Killua is not from Yharnam so why is he even here!? Why did you take him with you tonight!?»  
«He's stubborn, so I allowed him to come just this once. Don't look at me like I'm some kidnapper or something.» he said, making Kurapika scoff «We found him by the outskirts of Old Yharnam last month and he's been with us ever since... He said he came here looking for his siblings.»  
«What!?» gasped Kurapika in surprise.

Killua had never mentioned anything about his family in all that time, so he had always assumed he didn't have one, like him.  
But a brother... Were his parents still alive?

«Wait...» he breathed out «...Siblings? What do you mean, siblings?»  
«Oh, so you don't know what your little friends get up to during the day?» commented the other with a smug smile.  
«Stop doing that and tell me what you're talking about!» snapped the blond.  
«Okay, okay,» responded Chrollo lightly, raising his hands in fake surrender «When I first ordered Machi to spy on you, I also told Shalnark and Nobunaga to keep an eye on your friends. There's a small church near where you live in Central Yharnam and the little ones really seem to enjoy hanging around that place... You should ask them to bring you there one of these days.»

Kurapika abruptly took off his hat and frustratingly ran a hand through his hair not to grab the other man again, letting out an exasperated growl.

«Why can't you just speak clearly!?»  
«I just think provoking you is fun.» replied the man with honesty, not bothering to hide his amusement.  
Kurapika glowered at him from under his bangs.

«I'll kill you.»  
«You can try.»

Inhaling sharply and trying to calm down, Kurapika ran a hand across his face and put his hat back on.

«Whatever... What about that man?»  
«Who?» asked Chrollo, feigning confusion.  
«You know exactly who I'm talking about.»  
Relaxing his shoulders and sighing, the older man gestured for him to start walking.

«It's not polite to speak behind someone's back, you know.» he said with a tight smile «I don't know how much you've figured out on your own already, but let's just say that the Church has a way of doing things that most people would be opposed to. I'd rather leave it at that.»  
«You've already said you won't answer my questions, but you can't expect me to see something like that and not want to know more.» replied Kurapika with a frown.  
«Then think about it and draw your own conclusions.» simply answered the other «I'm sure you're smart enough to get a good grasp of what's going on.»

A pause.

«We should hurry, the others must have encountered other beasts already.» commented Chrollo, breaking into a sprint.

Kurapika remained behind only for a few seconds, watching the man in front of him with an uncertain expression on his face.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

So the older hunter truly expected him to find out everything on his own.  
Okay.  
He'd do just that.  
Whether Chrollo wanted or not, he'd uncover all of their secrets, his, the Troupe's, the Church's. And he'd force him to look into his eyes to admit defeat.  
He could do this.

Opening his brown eyes, he ran after him into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you already guessed that the title is the last thing I think about and always the first word that comes to my mind before I add a chapter? 
> 
> I initially wanted Chrollo to turn up at Kurapika's house because honestly it would have been hilarious since everyone was already mad at him and then kUrApIkA wHo iS tHis cReEpY MaN ISTG iF yOu wOn'T tAlK tO uS. But I think that's a conversation for another time.
> 
> Did Uvogin & co kill a cleric beast? Yes they did. If you don't know bloodborne, watch any boss fight on youtube if you want to know what they sound like and if you hate your hearing.
> 
> I shamefully admit that I had completely forgotten about the existence of the chikage. I was happily thinking about what weapons to assign to everyone and then I got to Nobunaga and thought "oh he MUST have a katana, wait wasn't there a katana in bloodborne anyway, ah- OH FUCK". So yeah :)  
> Its drawback in its transformed state (aka draining your health bar in the game) could have been a great substitute for emperor time's, but at this point I don't want to go back and change everything and I feel like Kurapika has enough self destructive habits already, so I'll just let Nobunaga kick ass with it and pretend this was my plan all along.
> 
> I really like the idea of the PT seeing Kalluto and going "My Child Now", I think it's really fun. Imagine him just standing there like "I am the Danger >:3c" while all these insanely powerful people who pay attention to him and love him stand behind him glaring at anyone who looks at him wrong.  
> I love evil found families <3.
> 
> Updates will likely be slower from now on because unfortunately one needs a pay check to live and a degree to get a decent job, but they'll still come! I'm motivated to get to the end no matter how long it takes me. The things we do for love.
> 
> Anyway, fashionborne:  
> Nobunaga's weapon, the Chikage: https://pin.it/3pZ8OeF  
> Uvogin's weapon, the Beast Claw: https://pin.it/6XgrMix  
> Franklin's weapon, the Gatling Gun: https://pin.it/3MqVGrR  
> Just like Chrollo, Kalluto wields a threaded cane.


	7. Akin

It hadn't taken Kurapika and Chrollo long to reach the other hunters.

The men had been on high alert and everyone instantly turned around with their weapons raised defensively when the two approached them, but seeing Chrollo made the group immediately relax.  
The ponytail man promptly glared at Kurapika in distrust upon noticing him, but the others didn't seem to care about his presence, paying attention only to their leader.

Meanwhile the blond noted with both thankfulness and humour that the three older men had assumed a V formation with Killua's brother sulking between them in the middle. Despite his visible displeasure, it was much safer for the child that way and Kurapika had to concede it to them, it was the smart thing to do.  
The way those eyes looked at him, though- Kurapika couldn't help but see Killua in him even in the littlest things and it weirded him out.  
How such a small boy had managed to survive against a beast, even aided by more experienced people, he couldn't phantom.

"He shouldn't even be in Yharnam right now"

And yet there he was.

«All good, boss?» asked the scarred man, hoisting his firearm on his shoulder and interrupting Kurapika's inner musings.  
«Yes,» nonchalantly replied Chrollo while walking to the front of the group «It was just a misunderstanding, nothing to worry about.»

Kurapika made to follow after him, but instantly slowed his pace when he realised what it would have looked like and stopped by the tail of the formation.

He was uncomfortable with the thought of walking side by side with complete strangers with the threat of beasts lurking behind every corner, to the point where he would have preferred being by the infuriating raven's side, but he didn't want the man's subordinates - or Chrollo himself - to think him weak or intimidated by the situation.  
His mind provided him with an image of them mocking him for acting like a cowardly kid and he inwardly scoffed.  
As if he'd ever let that happen.

Chrollo turned to the group behind him and gestured with his head towards the road in front of them.  
Together they all began walking through the labyrinthine streets of Yharnam, on the lookout for beasts.

The team was numerous and it made Kurapika feel uneasy.  
He couldn't move as freely as when he was on his own and he disliked the fact that the multiple footsteps could mask the sounds of approaching fiends.  
He could also feel several sets of eyes shift towards him every few seconds, which irked him greatly.  
He was thankful that it would last only for a few hours since it was just a simple patrol, but already he couldn't wait for that torture to be over.

The quietness lasted for just a few minutes before they encountered a group of wolfish beasts and hell broke loose.

The giant man immediately leaped forward with an excited grin and sharp claws, but the void he had left behind gave Kalluto the chance to break free from the human shield around him to run forward as well.  
The ponytail man ran after him screaming and trying to grab him by his scruff before he could get himself injured, but Kurapika lost sight of them due to the commotion of the hunt basically right away.

He sliced at the beast closest to him and shot it in the snout, but with his ears he also tried to pay attention to the people around him.  
The reek of blood was everywhere already, making him feel dizzy, and shouted conversations, bets on who'd get more beasts and even laughter were filling the air, accompanying the growls of the fiends and the sounds of the fight, making the blond inwardly wonder why they had to be so noisy.  
He couldn't discern the situation around him as clearly as he could when he was alone and he hated it.  
Was the hunt just a game to those people?

Gritting his teeth, he avoided a creature reaching for him on his left and swung his arm, hitting again the one in front of him.  
He didn't have the time to activate the reiterpallasch, but he still used his Evelyn to further injure the creature. Shots from a simple pistol wouldn't kill it, but he hoped the blood loss and pain would slow it down a little.

The other beast jumped forward and he had been about to stab his sword through its chest in order to kill it as swiftly as possible, but something suddenly pulled on him by the collar of his coat and he stumbled backwards.  
Another wolfish creature collided with the one that had targeted him, making it crush against a building, but only a second later did he notice it was just a corpse.

«Wha-!?»  
«Sorry kid, didn't see you there!» shouted with humour a deep voice and Kurapika stunningly turned his head towards the giant man on the other side of the street.  
«It's all right Uvo,» answered a voice behind him, making the blond jolt and forcing him to notice the hand still holding onto his coat «It happens at least once every time.»

"What the hell is up with these people!?"

Twisting in his hold, he forced Chrollo to let go of him and threw him a glare from above his shoulder before advancing towards the beast he had previously injured.

«Stop joking around!» he said without even turning his head, leaving the man to fend for himself amidst the battle.

The sound of a swinging whip cut through the air accompanied by the dying wail of the fiend that had been knocked against the wall and a muffled laugh reached his ears.

«We're not!»

***

In the end, there couldn't have been a more fitting description for those few hours than "torture" indeed.

None of them had been injured during the first battle - or the others, for that matter - but their ears had to suffer the ponytail man and the one with the beastly arm's shouting match over who had gotten the most kills.  
Repeat for every time they encountered a numerous group of beasts.  
Kalluto hadn't been outwardly scolded for his behaviour, but after an eloquent look from his leader a mortified expression had taken ahold of the child's face and he hadn't left his position anymore, until exhaustion had eventually forced him to climb onto the ponytail man's back.

The usual smell of blood nauseated Kurapika more than it normally did.  
He tried to block out the memories of his people, but his head pounded because of the scarred man's loud firearm and through blurry brown eyes he pictured human bodies at his feet instead of fiendish ones one too many times.

The young man had been ready to head home right away but Chrollo said that they were going _all_ together back to the base with an irritating smile and he groaned.  
He just wanted some quiet.

A large hand suddenly landed on his shoulder, making him jump.  
He looked up with a start, but had to crane his head back to meet the other person's stare.

«So, what d'you think about that?»  
«P-Pardon?»

The giant man showed him a large grin. Some of his teeth were sharper than normal.

«Our fight against the cleric beast! How was it?»

It took Kurapika a second to realise what the other man was referring to, but when an image of the hideous beast from earlier came forth in his mind a shiver ran down his spine.

«That bad, huh?» commented the man with a laugh and patted the blond in the back, almost pushing him off his feet «By the way, I'm Uvogin! What's your name, kid? I'm sure the boss mentioned it but I don't remember it.»  
«It's... Kurapika.» he answered, eyes travelling to the man's left arm for a moment. He wanted to ask but didn't know how, and he was sure that Chrollo had told all the members of the Troupe not to tell him anything, anyway.

«Babysitting now, Uvo? Doesn't seem like you.» commented a voice behind them, making Kurapika bristle.  
«Isn't that what _you_ 've been doing all night?» he asked with venom, turning around to look at the other.  
The tall bearded man stared back at him with animosity, a hand possessively gripping the handle of the sword at his side, the other still holding onto Kalluto's sleeping form.  
Kurapika could feel Chrollo's gaze on him without even looking back, but this time he didn't care about what he had to say.  
He hadn't started it this time, but he had no qualms about finishing it.

«You brat...»  
«Nobunaga, quit it.» commented the scarred man next to him «Let it go.»  
«But-!»  
«Franklin's right, Nobu, live a little!» exclaimed Uvogin, shaking Kurapika by his shoulder like a doll «He's a fun kid!»

"Can't he stop calling me that?" thought the blond in irritation.

The other only scoffed dismissively and looked away, muttering something under his breath.  
Kurapika was about to go after him again, but their arrival at the old church stopped the situation from escalating any further.

Feitan, the short man from that morning, was standing outside of its entrance with his hands in his pockets and his weird weapon strapped to his side.  
His brows furrowed when he saw Kurapika among his comrades and the young hunter tensed, waiting for a fight, but the black haired man didn't comment on that.

«Welcome, boss. How was patrol?» he asked through the large scarf covering his lower face.  
«All good.» replied Chrollo with a smile «Has anything happened here?»  
«No. All quiet.»  
«That's great news. I'll send Shal to take your place now.»  
«Understood, boss.»

Surpassing the sentry, the group followed the raven into the wrecked building.  
The church sure had a different atmosphere in the moonlight.

Despite the dust particles polluting the air, the faint light filtering through the remaining stained glass windows allowed the colors to reflect on the broken walls and tiles, making it almost look like a living painting.  
The altar in the back stood out eerily against the shadows, its white marble seemingly shining in the dark.  
Through the fluttering curtains Kurapika could see the outlines of furniture and pillars.  
He hadn't noticed it that morning but from the looks of it there used to be other statues along the walls, though only broken pieces and half busts remained of them now.

Chrollo walked in a straight line towards the room near the altar where Kurapika had found him that morning, and the blond mused that it had to function as a sort of common room as he reflected on its large dimensions and furniture.

When the taller man moved back the curtain to let them in, the hunter noticed that it was empty of people save for Machi sitting by a corner and Shalnark writing something on a book next to her.

«Welcome back, boss.» said the short woman as soon as their leader stepped in, standing up.  
«Boss, everyone, welcome back!» exclaimed the muscular man with a dazzling smile and getting to his feet as well.

Chrollo nodded at them and then gestured to Shalnark with his head.  
«Has anything happened while I was gone?» he asked again, surprising Kurapika.  
«No, it's all good.» answered the blond, while Machi merely shook her head next to him.  
«That's a relief. Shal, relieve Feitan. Machi, you can go rest now.» he ordered, lowering himself on the armchair where the weird girl from that morning had sat.  
«Understood, boss.» they replied in synchrony and headed in different directions.

Before leaving the room the muscular man stopped by Chrollo's side and handed him the book he had been writing in, piquing Kurapika's curiosity.  
He couldn't wait for tomorrow to come so he could talk to Killua and then try to make sense of the mystery that was the Phantom Troupe.  
The events of that morning and afternoon had left him too drained and exhausted for it.

«Boss, I'm taking Kalluto to bed now.» said Nobunaga, gesturing to the sleeping child against his back.  
«And I'm going to check on Shizuku.» added Franklin after him.

Chrollo gave them permission to go, while Uvogin settled against the wall and got to cleaning the strange claws mounted on his right arm from the blood that had dried on them.  
Kurapika was amazed by how easily he manoeuvred his mutated limb.  
Despite his peculiar physical appearance, the man didn't behave as someone on the verge of transforming into a beast and the blond didn't know what to think of that.  
He had never seen something like that before.

«Would you like to stay?» Chrollo asked him when he finally turned towards him, jerking Kurapika out of his thoughts «... You're already here after all, I'm sure we can find a spare alcove for you.» he then added with humour, making the blond roll his eyes in annoyance.  
«Absolutely not, I'm going home.» replied the younger man deadpan without missing a beat, making Uvogin burst into a laugh.

Chrollo didn't look surprised at all and shrugged.

«All right. You'll join us again in two days, so rest...» he conceded «Don't cause any trouble.»  
«I won't.» scoffed Kurapika, turning his back on the raven not to look at his amused smile «... Goodbye.» he supplied stiffly, leaving the room.

«See ya, kid!»  
«Goodbye, Kurapika.»

Without turning around he reached the large doors of the church on fast feet. Shalnark had already gotten into position, Feitan no where to be seen.  
The other blond waved at him with his usual large smile plastered on his boyish face when he passed by the entrance and Kurapika reluctantly nodded at him in acknowledgement before disappearing into the night.

When he finally reached his house and climbed into his window from the outside not to wake anyone else, he was ready to collapse onto his bed still clothed and all.  
The only things actually stopping him from doing it were the thought of Leorio's anger and consideration towards his friend.

Uncovering his face and taking his hat off, Kurapika tiredly lowered his weapons on his desk and took off his guards and garments.  
Grabbing a clean change of clothes, the young man headed into the bathroom and discarded his dirty clothing in a basket, quickly rinsing away the sweat and grime from his body and hair with a cold bath.  
He contemplated washing his clothes right away, but ultimately chose to leave them for the afternoon alongside his weapons.

Finally he dragged himself onto his bed and hid himself under the covers, falling into a dreamless sleep.

***

When Kurapika woke from his slumber, it was to the ruckus of mid morning Yharnam.

He had half a mind to rest more, but the memories of the previous night forced him to sit up and rub the sleepiness away from his eyes.  
Silently making his way out of his room, he listened for sound in the house.  
He couldn't hear Leorio's snoring which meant that he had surely gone out already.  
He slowly cracked open Gon and Killua's room and peaked in.  
Both kids were still asleep in their beds, so that was good.  
He could work with that.

Making his way into the kitchen, Kurapika started preparing breakfast for the three of them.  
It was a delicate situation and it called for precision.

He set a kettle on the coal stove and set the table while he waited for the water to heat up, also coating several slices of bread with butter and with Gon's favorite jam, making sure to fill the child's plate to his liking.  
When the water was hot enough the young man poured it into three mugs and prepared tea, and if a little more sugar than usual slipped into Killua's cup it definitely hadn't happened on purpose.

He walked again towards the children's room and knocked on the door to announce his presence.  
Receiving no response he repeated the action a couple of times more and a few seconds later one of the two grumbled something in response.  
Suppressing a chuckle he opened the door wide, letting the light of the day filter into the dark room.

«Gon, Killua, wake up.»

The first merely burrowed his head under the covers, but at least the white haired boy seemed somewhat conscious already.

Kurapika sighed.

«Breakfast's ready.»  
Immediately, Gon threw his blankets off and shot up.

«Really?» he half screamed, all drowsiness absent from his voice.  
«Really.» replied the blond, trying to hold in a laugh.  
«Yay!» exclaimed the boy, jumping out of his bed and grabbing Killua's arm to drag him out of the room, ignoring his friend's protests.

When he saw the plate in front of his usual seat filled with food, he squealed in delight.  
Killua sat down next to him and grabbed his cup of tea, eyes widening in surprise at its sweet taste.  
Lowering himself in the seat in front of them, Kurapika smiled.

«I wanted to apologise again for my behaviour. You two were just looking out for me, and I shouldn't have been so harsh.» he said in a quiet voice, laying his hands around his own mug.  
«It's fine.» replied Killua, lowering his cup «We were pushy.»  
«We're not angry!» said Gon through a mouthful of bread.

Kurapika nodded, grateful.

«Leorio already knows this, so I figured you guys should know too...» he continued «I'm working together with another group of hunters.»  
«That's great news!» exclaimed the dark haired child «So it'll be less hard on you!»  
«Yes... That's right. But you see, something peculiar came up...»

Both boys straightened up in their seats at this, sharing a concerned glance.

«What happened?» asked Gon.  
«What do you mean?» questioned Killua.  
"What do I mean, indeed" supplied Kurapika's mind with irony.

«What I mean is, one of them happens to know about my real identity and he mentioned something weird yesterday night...»

He wasn't going to explain his real circumstances nor mention Kalluto just yet.  
Gon's expression slowly acquired a green tinge and Killua's hands tightened around his cup.

«Oh? What did he say?» asked the albino boy in a deliberately calm tone.  
«Well, he lives nearby a church and he told me he's seen you two around there really often... I'm really curious, what _is_ it that makes you spend so much time there? A church sure isn't the best place to go to to play most days...»

One would think the plain wall to his side was the most beautiful work of art in the world from how hard Gon was staring at it.  
Killua wasn't a terrible liar like him and he probably would have gotten away with it if he had been alone, but a raised eyebrow from Kurapika made him pout.

«... Okay, I get it.» he replied a few minutes later, lowering his head «We'll take you there.»  
«But Killua-!»  
«It's alright, Gon. It was going to happen sooner or later.» he said, raising his tense hands and taking a large gulp from his tea.  
«If it makes you feel any better, I'm not angry.» lied Kurapika.

He was, he truly was.  
He couldn't phantom why it had even crossed their minds to hide another child from his and Leorio's knowledge, why Killua had never mentioned having a family, but the thought of his own origins calmed him, steadied him.  
Of course they were allowed to have their own secrets, too.  
But it hurt.  
It was hypocritical of him to feel that way, but it still hurt.

Breakfast was quiet after that.  
The boys helped him clean the dishes after they were done with the meal and then they all headed towards their rooms to get dressed.  
A few minutes later, they were out of the house.

Chrollo hadn't been lying when he said that the church was close to where they lived.

In just ten minutes the children led Kurapika down a narrow street towards a small church near the end of the district.  
It looked nothing like the great churches littering Cathedral Ward or the more populous parts of Yharnam, but it definitely didn't resemble the Troupe's hideout either.  
Its outer architecture was modest and, though its walls were as stained as the ones of any other yharnamite building, the structure didn't seem damaged at all.

The strong smell of incense coming from the inside reached the blond's nostrils before he even stepped up the few stairs in front of it and he scrunched his nose in discomfort. The fragrance was generously used by the Healing Church to ward off the beasts from the holy sites, but he found its odor irksome at best.  
The inside of the church didn't look like anything special: only a simple altar at its back and two empty rows of benches lining its sides.

«Melody, we're here!» called Killua, his voice echoing on the stone walls.

A tiny woman immediately emerged from behind the shadows of the altar.  
Her white dress might have passed for the one of a cleric at first sight, but it was too simple and plain for her to truly be a member of the Church.

«Welcome back Killua, Gon.» she said in a calm voice «Oh, is this a friend?» she then added when she noticed the young man standing between the children.  
«Yes, he's... He's Kurapika.»  
«Ah yes.» she said, walking over to them «The boys have told me much about you, it's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Melody.»  
Kurapika took her extended hand and shook it with a smile.  
«It's a pleasure to meet you, too.» he told her.

Nodding at him, she turned her attention back towards Killua.

«You're going to introduce them to each other, I presume?»  
«I am.» answered Killua, his voice uncharacteristically unsure. Gon laid a supportive hand onto his shoulder and squeezed.  
Melody didn't ask, only nodded her head.  
«Come, then. Alluka is outside.» she said, leading them towards a small door in the back of the church and gesturing for them to walk through.  
So that was the other sibling's name.

Behind the church was a small closed courtyard with a little house right next to it.  
The colourful flowers scattered around the garden threw Kurapika off for a second, so much that he didn't immediately notice the petite figure to the side.  
Right next to the house what seemed to be a little girl was picking up sheets from a large basket and hanging them out to dry. Initially she hadn't noticed them either, but when the sound of the closing door reached her ears she turned around with a large smile.

«Brother, Gon!» she exclaimed, running up to them but faltering when she noticed the young man standing behind the boys «... Who is this, brother?»  
«It's all right, Alluka.» answered Killua walking close to her and taking her hand «He's a friend.»

The uncertain little girl's blue eyes moved from her brother's to Kurapika's brown ones.  
She had dark hair like Kalluto, but her features weren't as sharp as the ones shared by the two boys, though her resemblance to them was still uncanny.  
Killua was definitely the older of the three, but the blond had no idea which sibling came after him in age.  
He slowly leaned down and raised a hand towards the child, showing her a calm smile.

«Hello, Alluka. My name is Kurapika.»

Hearing this, the girl jumped forward and grabbed him with both her little hands, all previous shyness left behind.

«Oh it's so nice to meet you, my brother and Gon talk so much about you!» she said with a huge smile.  
«All good things I hope.» he replied with a chuckle.  
«Yes, yes, you're their hunter friend! I love hearing about your stories- oh, thank you for helping them, I'm really grateful to you-»  
«Alluka, I think you can let go of him now.» commented Killua, making the girl stop shaking the blond's arm «Say, why don't you try teaching Gon how to play hopscotch?»  
«Eh? But I already kn-» the boy's comment was abruptly cut off by Killua's eloquent glare «Oh- Oh! Right! Yes, Alluka teach me please, come on!» he exclaimed in a louder voice than necessary, grabbing the younger girl's hand and dragging her towards the other side of the courtyard.

Sighing, Killua let himself fall in a sitting position on the grass and stared after them, Kurapika following suit.  
All was silent for a few moments, until the white haired boy finally spoke.

«It was true, you know? The part about us coming here to find out about Gon's dad. This was just... A bonus, I guess.»  
«That's something, at least.» commented Kurapika, going for a light tone.

Killua didn't speak again for a while, but the quietness between them was covered by the sounds of Gon and Alluka's playing.

«... I hate my family.» eventually confessed the boy, making Kurapika straighten up on his seat «I'm just a puppet to them, and they don't understand Alluka. I had to get us away.»

Having said that, Killua wrapped his arms tightly over his knees, gripping his own arms with trembling hands.  
His words confused Kurapika and the young man remained silent, waiting for the other to explain himself further.  
But he didn't.

«Alright,» he tentatively began after a few moments «Still, why didn't you tell us about her?»  
«... I was scared you'd be like them.» replied Killua, shadows covering his eyes and his breathing unsteady «They- They locked her away, they never let us see her because they think she's dangerous, that there's something wrong with her, but that's not true! And they, I- I was-»  
«It's okay, Killua,» said Kurapika, putting his arm around the boy's shoulders «It's okay. You don't need to say anything about it.»

The boy nodded and Kurapika drew him closer so he was pressed against his side.

«... We met Melody soon after we arrived in Yharman.» he added after a moment of hesitation «She offered us a place to stay, so we lived here for a few days. She said this church isn't used anymore and that it's become a sort of shelter these days. Gon and I used to leave Alluka here during the day so we could go look for his dad, but then we met that beast and he got injured, so...»  
«So you split your time between visiting her and searching for Gon's father.» finished Kurapika for him, and the boy nodded in assent, falling silent again.

There were many things the blond wanted to ask him and he was really curious about Kalluto.  
It seemed unlikely that such a young boy had taken part in his siblings' maltreatment, but surely there was a reason why he had come looking for them.  
Did he want to bring them back? Did he want to join them? And if so, why hadn't Killua taken him with them as well?

What eventually came out of his mouth surprised even him, though.

«I can't say I understand what you've gone through, but I know what it means to lose a family. I'm sorry it happened to you.»

Killua looked up at him with wide eyes, his mouth open as if to say something but at a loss for words.  
Kurapika had never mentioned anything about his past before that day.  
Not to him, not to Gon, not to Leorio.

Returning his friend's courtesy, Killua didn't ask him any questions either.  
The look they shared was worth a thousand words and he nodded in understanding, a thankful smile forming on his face.

No other statement was needed.

Kurapika threw a glance towards Gon and Alluka, taking in their large smiles and watching them as they jumped through the garden.

«So... How angry do you think Leorio's going to be when you tell him?» joked the blond, bringing Killua even closer and ruffling his candid hair with his other hand.

The loud groan he got out of the boy only made his heart feel lighter, and Kurapika laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All cooking and eating happening here is based on a two seconds google research.
> 
> Despite everything, Kurapika hasn't had such a bad time this time around. Yay! I think it was just due to Alluka's spirit manifesting inside my heart and telling me to let him feel at ease for once, but I can't promise this will last.
> 
> I initially wanted to put this first talk between Kurapika and Killua and his reflections on the PT in one single chapter, but it would have turned out too long and I didn't want to go too long without updating, so here.


	8. Woe

Having spent the whole morning getting to know Alluka and speaking with the kids, at lunchtime Kurapika left Gon and Killua at the church with the girl and headed back home.  
After some talking, Killua had eventually agreed to bring Leorio along the following day so he too could meet his sister and had decided that he would ask for his permission to finally take the girl home with them. Gon and Kurapika had no doubts that their older friend would accept without hesitation, but nothing was saving the boys from suffering the doctor's ire, that was sure.

While walking through the church he crossed paths with Melody.  
Unlike earlier several people were now scattered around the building and the woman was easily making her way through the benches, handing out blankets or clothes from the large basket at her side.  
Meeting his eyes, she smiled, soothing.

«Has everything gone well?» she asked him in a gentle voice. Kurapika nodded.  
«Tomorrow we'll take Alluka home with us... Thank you for having taken care of her all this time.»  
«Oh don't worry, it was no trouble. She's such a sweet girl, I'm sure she's happy to be with her brother again.» insisted Melody, walking alongside him towards the exit of the church.  
«If there's anything you need help with, don't hesitate to ask.» told her the blond, walking down the few steps in front of the building «It's the least we could do to pay you back.»  
The woman nodded in assent, a grateful smile forming on her placid face.

«Thank you, Kurapika. See you tomorrow.»  
«See you tomorrow, Melody.»

The young man parted from the short woman with a smile on his face, disappearing among the busy yharnamites filling the streets.

When Kurapika arrived home, he realized he was feeling relatively relaxed and at peace for the first time in the past few days and sighed.  
Grabbing his dirty hunter uniform from the bathroom as well as the other dirty clothes, he headed towards the laundry room in the back of the house. He wasn't much hungry so he might as well get to washing everything, and he'd rather wait for someone to come home anyway.  
Eating alone just made him feel hollow.

As he scrubbed away the blood that had dried on his shirt, his mind wandered to the previous days' events.

Once again, so many things had happened in such a small amount of time. A part of him was almost disconnected from it all, his lack of agency making him feel like a spectator in his own body.  
His people... His chest ached just at the thought of it, simultaneously mournful and appalled.  
But he couldn't waver.  
He had already made his choice, and that was something no one could take away from him no matter what.

He didn't care about giving up his freedom, didn't care about dirtying his hands.  
Wasn't it hypocritical of him to hate the Healing Church so much, when his actions would avenge cruel murderers as well as innocents? The lump in Kurapika's throat reminded him of all the blood on their hands and his chest squeezed.  
Still, eliminating the Church meant breaking the cycle.  
Whether out of love or vengeance, there was nothing else he wished for.

Speaking of which...  
He really couldn't understand Chrollo's actions.

It had taken Kurapika about a year to become strong and skilled enough to survive a hunt, let alone the time he had needed to learn how to wield his weapons properly. His investigation of Cathedral Ward had begun only about two years after his settling in Yharnam, so how long had it taken Chrollo's men to find out about him? Had they informed the man straight away, or had they followed him even through the night for some time?  
Just the thought of it gave him chills. The fact that people had been watching him and his friends for who knew how long without any of them noticing was terrifying.  
And yet, dealing with him hadn't been a priority according to what Chrollo had told him and the man hadn't cared enough to approach him there and then despite having recognized him.

Which meant that he hadn't been deemed a threat. Considering the kind of people the Phantom Troupe was made up of and their leader himself, this was great news.  
Still, the fact that they hadn't reached out to him to form an alliance earlier on said a lot about their character.

The Troupe as a whole had some kind of history with the Healing Church, that much was obvious.  
He wondered how they had formed in the first place.  
Team ups between hunters weren't unheard of, but they were few and in between and were usually limited to two to three people each, not a dozen of them. Also, while finding companions to go on hunts with wasn't hard work, he doubted that gathering people willing to take on such a powerful institution could be easily achieved in the current climate.

Still the existence of such a group wasn't particularly surprising with how much suffering the Healing Church had caused, and even Chrollo had told him that their objectives were similar.

But what had it done to _them_?

The most obvious answer was that their families, or someone else dear to them, had fallen victim to the scourge of the beast like Leorio's had, only while his friend had chosen to help people through medicine, the Phantom Troupe had chosen to eradicate the problems at their root.  
Maybe this was true for some of the members, but it didn't explain their secrecy and Chrollo's unwillingness to divulge any information on their reasons...

An image of Kortopi and Shizuku crossed the blond's mind, followed by the memories of Uvogin, with his beastly arm and inhumanly imposing figure.

... And it especially didn't explain _them_.

_«The Church has a way of doing things that most people would be opposed to.»_

Kurapika's knowledge on the institution's activities didn't go beyond their blood ministration and widespread presence in the region, but Chrollo's words implied that Uvogin's physical condition had been influenced by something they had done.  
Which meant that the same was likely true for Kortopi and Shizuku as well.

For the man, his best guess was that he had been ministered with something similar to the blood the Church normally harvested, maybe something like the one that had given birth to his kin. The day of his departure from Cainhurst his elders had told him that both the vile blood and the Holy medium originated from the same source, so it wasn't without reason to speculate on the existence of another strand of the blood.  
But then he knew of the scholars stationed around Cathedral Ward, so maybe it had been the result of some kind of research on the Church's part.

In either case, thinking about the reasons why Uvogin had been injected with such a thing in the first place and what that implied made his stomach churn.

"An experiment"

That was the only logical explanation his brain could come up with and he felt bile rise in his throat.  
Why, he didn't know, but he couldn't find any other answer to it no matter the angle he looked at it from.

So, that meant...

Kurapika's eyes moved from the shirt hanging limply between his hands to the wooden basin filled with water he was looming over. He hadn't even noticed how long he had been scrubbing.

«I can't hear the sticky sound very well anymore.»  
«Is it very loud?»  
«No, it's gentle. Like little droplets.»

_«It's hard to hear the water.»_

The young man soaked the shirt he was holding into the bowl and stared at the ripples it created. Particles of dirt and dried blood floated in the now murky liquid.

Water.

What could the Church possibly have done involving water? Or rather, what had it done that had led to the girl hearing it? That was something he couldn't make sense of no matter how hard he tried.  
Shizuku and Kortopi had seemed to share a close bond if the way the child had clung to her was of any indication so it was possible that whatever had happened, they had lived through it together.  
From their behaviour alone though, Kurapika reflected that the girl had obviously been more affected by it. He hadn't forgotten about Chrollo ordering Shalnark to sedate her.

A shiver ran down his spine.  
His fingers tightened around the wet shirt between his hands.

If his reasoning was correct then not only had the Church condemned countless people to an early grave and forced helpless citizens into a seemingly endless nightmare, amassing corpse after corpse in their pursuit of power.  
Just thinking about it made his breath catch in his throat.

"The Healing Church has been conducting human experiments"

***

He didn't know how much time he had been mechanically washing his clothes in the laundry room, hands getting wrinkly from the water and the soaps.

The sound of a door opening and closing eventually caught his attention and Kurapika came back to awareness for the first time in a while.  
He waited in silence to hear who it was and was rewarded but a moment later.

«I'm back! Is anyone home?» called a masculine voice from the entrance.  
«I'm here.» responded Kurapika, drying his hands and getting to his feet. His legs felt numb for how long he had stayed still in the same position and he had to brace himself against the wall for a few seconds before heading out, a large basket full of now clean clothes held between his hands.

Leorio was taking his coat off at the entrance. For a change the typical metallic scent of blood wasn't particularly strong on him, which Kurapika was glad for.  
The tall doctor looked at him poutingly for a second before mumbling a greeting and turning away, making the blond remember that, technically speaking, they hadn't made peace with each other yet.  
Sighing inwardly, the young man leaned against the wall behind him and pretended to look outside the window. From the orange tones of the sky, he guessed that it was about late afternoon.

«... How was work?» he eventually asked.  
«Not that eventful for once.» sighed Leorio after a moment of hesitation «How are you feeling?»  
«Better. I spent some time with Gon and Killua today.» answered the blond, balancing the large laundry basket against his hip.  
«Good.» retorted Leorio, a hand coming up to scratch the back of his head «... Do you want some help with that?»

Kurapika's dark eyes moved from the window to Leorio, then to the basket, then back to Leorio.  
The tension in the older male's body had mostly dissipated and his expression had softened as well, leaving way for the tiredness from his work to show up on his face. Kurapika almost told him no, to eat something and rest, but then realised this was his friend's way of offering him an olive branch.  
Relaxing his shoulders, he smiled.

«Sure.»

They were almost done with hanging the clothes out on the roof when they heard Gon and Killua call out to them from the street below. Looking down, they saw the children run up to the house, huge smiles plastered on their faces.

Both boys were famished and only while listening to their chatter did Kurapika remember he hadn't eaten anything since that morning, noticing his hunger only then.  
Leorio agreed to their proposal of an early dinner, so they all got to preparing everything together.

The atmosphere was completely different from the one of the previous evening and Kurapika was grateful for that.  
Bickering with Leorio over what and how to cook, Gon and Killua playing while setting the table and accidentally bumping against them.  
He loved every second of it, never wanted it to change.  
A voice in the back of his head whispered that everything would be easier if things always stayed like that, but he immediately suppressed it.

He had a duty to accomplish. Despite everything, he couldn't let himself sway off his path and he had to concentrate on it, no matter what.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, he sent Killua an eloquent look.  
Noticing his stare, the boy looked up at him from the other side of the table. He froze for a second, an arm extended towards the piece of bread he had been reaching for, but sighed in understanding.  
Leaning back against his chair and crossing his arms, he exchanged a look with Gon, who nodded at him.

«Hey, Leorio.» he said, catching the older one's attention.  
«Yeah?»  
«Can you come with us tomorrow morning?»  
«Ehhh...» drawled out loud the doctor, stroking his chin with a hand in thought «If there's nothing urgent I need to take care off, sure. Why?»  
«There's... Something Gon and I haven't told you.»  
«Not you too, now.» grumbled the other, dramatically running a hand across his face «What is it?»

Killua looked at Gon for support again. The child was already bracing himself, but he had a determined, if a bit shaky, smile on his face.  
Kurapika subtly shifted his seat further down the table. Leorio had a tendency to flail his arms when he was angry, and he had been accidentally hit in the face one too many times before.

«... Well...»

***

Kurapika never wanted to hear the word "irresponsible" again in his life.

After they had all gone to bed that evening, it had taken ages for his ears to stop ringing and if it hadn't been for his body's healing abilities he would have feared that Leorio had single handedly managed to burst his eardrums once and for all in his hours long tirade.  
His anger had wavered after Killua confessed his reasons for hiding Alluka and running away from home, but eventually all that had changed was its target.

It was now the next morning and all together they were heading towards the church.  
The oldest of the group was still fuming, but at least he was trying to keep up a cool façade for the sake of civility.

Melody received them as warmly as she had the previous day and shook hands with Leorio. Alluka was already waiting for them there, a small bag packed with clothes next to her on the church bench she was sitting on.  
She threw herself at her brother when he opened his arms for her, welcoming him with a huge smile, and then looked up at the others.  
Unlike the previous day she had been prepared to meet Leorio and she walked up to him with an extended hand, bowing a little and thanking him for allowing her to live with them.

All of Leorio's leftover anger immediately dissipated. 

As they were leaving the church, Alluka turned around and tightened her lithe arms around Melody's torso before walking down the steps, thanking her for all she had done for her, Killua and Gon. Despite everything, there was a shaky tinge to her voice.  
A furtive glance at Killua revealed a distant look in his eyes, and Kurapika inwardly reasoned that he had to be thinking about the rest of his family. Considering their past, it was no wonder that his sister had become attached to Melody.

Wait.  
Now that he thought about it, could it be that something similar had happened with Kalluto and the Phantom Troupe?  
Killua had never mentioned the child in his story so it was possible that his treatment had been different from theirs, but what was _his_ side of the story? Obviously he cared enough about his siblings to go look for them, but what about his parents?

While Kurapika lost himself in his musings, Melody hugged Alluka back, stroking her head and assuring her that she was welcome to visit her anytime soon. The girl nodded and let go of her waist, taking a step back and thanking her one more time. With a soft smile, the woman caressed her cheek and said goodbye, disappearing into the church again to take care of the beggars.

Together they all headed home, Kurapika still thinking about Killua's family situation.

He didn't know what compelled him to raise his head but as he glanced around at the people, something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye.  
Turning around to take a better look, his breath caught in his throat and suddenly he was his 12 years old self again, surrounded by strangers, alone in a foreign city.

On the other side of the street was a man. He wasn't as tall as Leorio, but his height was still notable enough that he stood out from the crowd. Kurapika barely had a sideways view of his profile, but those angular traits, that dark blond hair-

_«... It seems like the Healing Church had been preparing for this attack for a long time...»_

Bile rose in his throat.  
He tried to keep his breathing steady and kept walking as if everything was fine. He fell behind, the others were faster than him, but didn't even notice.  
He couldn't see anything if not the man clad in white and black, couldn't hear anything past the sound of his frantic heartbeat in his ears and he dug his fingernails hard into the palms of his hands.  
The man was walking away, Kurapika couldn't see the expression on his face, couldn't tell if he had recognized or even seen him.

_«... Their screams were so loud that they could be heard even back in Yharnam...»_

"Shut up"

Cold sweat started forming on his forehead and chills ran down his spine.  
He couldn't allow it to happen, not in public, not in front of the others, not like that.  
He felt the same urge to run, to hide he had felt five years prior under the man's vicious gaze, felt the same dread chill him to his bones.

_«... Who knows how many corpses one would have to step over...»_

"Shut up"

His breathing had become ragged, he knew.  
The man was hardly even visible anymore, but Kurapika couldn't help staring after him, eyes wide and trembling.  
He kept walking but his body felt heavy, his legs shaky and nearly immovable. Another wave of nausea surged over him and his vision swayed.  
He brought a hand up to his mouth and forced himself to swallow the need to retch.

No, no, no, no.  
He couldn't let that happen.  
He had to remain in control, had to keep walking, had to get home, had to-

A pull on his sleeve snapped him out of his panic and Kurapika jumped.  
Looking to his side in agitation, he met the stare of two huge blue eyes and gasped in horror.

«A- Alluka, I, yo- you-» his breathing hitched and he mentally cursed himself for his reaction, trying to think about an excuse for his behaviour.  
His mouth felt dry and he tried to swallow the lump in his throat, desperately looking for an escape route, but what the child said left him petrified and at a loss for words.

«I know, he feels weird, right?» she began, throwing a quick glance at the street the man disappeared in and pouting a little in that direction «But don't worry, it's all right. He's gone.»

Kurapika stared silently at her for a second, stunned and uncomprehending.  
Her words had been startling enough to partially shake him out of his panic, but now confusion reigned in his thoughts.

«... W- What do you mean, Alluka?» he asked, a bad feeling crawling over him.  
«Oh, it's just a sensation! Kind of like you feel weird too, only I got a bad feeling from him, while you're just different.» replied the girl with a smile, making Kurapika's heart sink even further.  
He tried to search for an answer in Alluka's expression, but the child was merely smiling up at him as if what she had said was completely normal.  
His chest squeezed painfully.

«Alluka, What are-»  
«Oi!» loudly exclaimed someone on the other end of the street, making them both jump «What are you guys doing?»

Several meters ahead were Leorio, Gon and Killua, looking at them with confused expressions. Kurapika hadn't even noticed when he'd stopped walking.

«Hurry up you two, we want to show Alluka the house!» called Gon, waving a hand in their direction.

«Okay!» replied the girl with a grin, letting go of Kurapika's sleeve.  
«Wait...» tried to say the blond but his voice came out strangled, and the girl had already run forward, grabbing her brother's extended hand.

Taking in a shaky breath, the young man compelled his legs to move as well and forced a composed expression on his face. He hoped the others couldn't see through its cracks.  
His eyes remained focused on the back of Alluka's head, searching, but he couldn't find a justification for what had happened.

He felt different?  
It had to be due to his vileblood status, but the girl had never met him before the previous day and had no way of knowing about it.  
How could she guess he wasn't like the rest, what was this sensation she had spoken of?  
And then there was that man... A bad feeling, yes, no wonder she had gotten a bad feeling from him, but how? Why?

First the Phantom Troupe, now this.  
Every time he thought he had found an answer to his doubts, more and more questions just came.  
It would have almost been funny if he hadn't been so tired of it all.

When they finally reached the house Gon and Killua were ecstatic to show her everything, and the child was happy to finally live with her brother and friend, and the people she had heard so many cool stories about.  
The house wasn't much large, yes, but it being two stories high allowed for the existence of a spare room on the second floor, close to Kurapika's. Initially he had used to sleep downstairs in what now was Gon and Killua's room, but due to the injuries the black haired child had suffered during his close encounter with death he had needed to free it for them, and they had never bothered to exchange rooms again.

After spending the rest of the morning with the others and eating lunch with them, Kurapika stood up from the dining table and locked himself in his room with the excuse of needing to clean his weapons.  
To be fair it wasn't a complete lie because he still hadn't done that, but he really just wanted to be alone for a while. He hadn't been much company anyway, having been mostly silent and grim for the whole time, but he hoped the others had assumed he was just readying himself for that night.

Seeing that man again had just brought up so many terrible memories, even his body had seemed to relapse back to that day.  
The alleyway, the tears, the reek, the shock, the loss.  
He could feel it all again, it was an almost physical sensation.  
And then there were Alluka's words... He wasn't angry at her for what she had said, but he couldn't understand what had prompted it and it was an added weight on his conscience.

His hold on the reiterpallasch was unsteady as he wiped it and his reflection on the blade stared back at him with alarmed eyes. As he exhaled shakily, a quiet whimper escaped his lips and he brought a hand up to his face to cover his mouth.  
Holding the weapon close and lowering his forehead against its hilt, scorching tears cut through his cheeks against his will.

He had to be strong for them, he couldn't let his grief hinder him. He hadn't trained to remain weak, he hadn't bled only to break down at the sight of a single man.  
He owed them at least that much.

And yet those moments, those feelings, he had tried to keep everything in the back of his head for so long in fear of reliving all of that and there went all his efforts. Just as how it had happened with Chrollo, he was there again.  
He was in the alleyway, in the hole. In Cainhurst, chained in place and unable to intervene as everyone was mercilessly slaughtered in front of his eyes. In an executioner's garb, swinging the axe down on his people's necks.  
Nightmares, memories, delusions, he couldn't tell which was which anymore, everything was painfully overlapped in his mind.  
It was all his fault.

As he cried uncontrollably, he clung to his weapon for dear life. It hurt, he was ruining his work, his clothes, but he didn't care. Compared to the suffering his people had caused, to the one the Church had caused, to the one that he himself had caused, the embrace of a blade was nothing.

Its only answer was the cold metal against his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finally committed the html code to italicize words to my memory and I'm going crazy. Bit of a shorter chapter this time, but I wanted to close the "Yay Alluka is Here" subplot and then move on to the rest.
> 
> "How did Kurapika get the blood out of his clothes?" That's a mystery between him and the clothes themselves. Also, I have no idea how 19th century laundry is supposed to work.
> 
> I don't know if you've noticed it, but I changed the time skip from 4 to 5 years. Why? Because I read that Kurapika turned 17 around the time he became a blacklist hunter and I wanted him to be the same age he was in the series when he met Chrollo. That's it.
> 
> Ironically, Pariston doesn't get a fashionborne moment yet because clothes in bb are really indicative of one's role and I want to keep his secret for a while >:) although it's fairly easy to guess what he's been up to regardless...


	9. Similar

Kurapika was sitting on the floor, his back slumped against his bed and his knees drawn up before his chest.  
The front of his shirt and his sleeves were torn in several places, died crimson with blood. His injuries had long healed, but the fluid was still too fresh to dry and the wet droplets left ruby streaks across his body and clothes.  
His reiterpallasch laid next to him, filthy and stained.

He couldn't feel anything but a numbing emptiness.

The reasonable part of him told him he should get up and clean the aftermath of his anguish, but his limbs were heavy and the weight on his chest too large for him to move just yet.  
Relaxing the muscles of his neck, the young man let his head fall back against his bed and stared vacantly up at the ceiling. He inhaled deeply and held his breath for a few seconds, exhaling only when his lungs started to burn for the lack of oxygen.  
He just wanted to crawl into his bed and never wake up again, but the light filtering through the window wasn't as bright as before, which meant that dusk was approaching.

Slowly shifting his legs, he pushed back against the mattress with his arms and got on his knees. When he looked down at himself, his heart burned with shame.  
He unbuttoned his ruined shirt with cold hands, slipping it off his shoulders, and used it to wipe the blood off his body. Goosebumps covered his skin, but he paid them no mind.  
With the same cloth he got to wiping the fresh blood that had splattered on the floor and then moved on to work on his reiterpallasch. His movements were mechanical, precise, but his dull eyes betrayed his sorrow.

When he was satisfied with his work he put the soiled shirt on the floor under his bed. He'd just throw it away later.  
Wearily getting to his feet, the blond stumbled towards his desk where his Evelyn laid untouched, letting himself fall on his chair and disassembling the pistol to clean it.  
His ears managed to pick up the conversation happening downstairs and he hurried his movements. It seemed like the others had already begun to prepare their evening meal, and Kurapika guessed it wouldn't be long before someone came upstairs to call him.

When he was satisfied with his work he stood and turned to his drawer, grabbing a new shirt and covering his shivering skin. Taking a deep breath and running a hand through his hair to comb it into a presentable state, he exited his room and went to the roof to retrieve the previous day's laundry.  
He might as well occupy his mind with something else while he waited.

Less than twenty minutes later Killua found him in his room again, where he was folding and dividing the clothes into neat piles on his bed, and insisted that he leave the rest of it for them after dinner and dragged him towards the kitchen without listening to any of his objections. The child hadn't stopped to question his state like he had two days prior, but Kurapika didn't know whether it was because he had managed to fool him with his calm façade or because he had just decided to keep quiet. Nevertheless, he was grateful for it.

Gon and Leorio didn't reserve him the same courtesy, their eyes immediately zeroing in on him as soon as he set foot downstairs, but Alluka's presence in the house stopped them from jumping him as they would have in normal circumstances.

"But this is going to become normal too" he reasoned, looking at the girl as she twirled around the kitchen and helped the older kids set the table. He just hoped she wouldn't mention their conversation to the others. He didn't know how he would react if something like that happened, and he didn't want to find out.

Dinner was louder than usual and even though he would have paid for more silence, Kurapika had been prepared for it.  
Just like earlier that day everyone was making idle conversation, but he only limited himself to speaking when spoken to and nodding along to their words when they were directed at him.  
The blond wasn't hungry, so he mostly moved the food around his plate with the fork to make it look like he was actually eating. Now and then he forced himself to swallow a few bites, but everything tasted foul in that moment and it only felt like a weight had been placed on his stomach.

He felt an intense stare on him and he inwardly groaned. He hoped that Leorio would have mercy on him, but he didn't put it past his friend to stay awake waiting for him this time and cornering him as soon as he came home later that night.

"I'll just lock my bedroom door and sneak in through the window again" he thought, forcing himself to drink at least some water.

He wasn't looking forward to patrol, though weirdly enough it wasn't due to Chrollo or his subordinates this time. In hindsight the other night hadn't been _that_ bad when compared to everything else. For one, he'd rather fight with that Nobunaga guy a hundred times again than keep feeling as drained as he did.  
He feared that he wouldn't be able to keep up with the others in his current state, and the thought of possibly needing their help was humiliating.  
His own weakness scared him more than anything.

No matter what, he had to prove himself to them, to demonstrate that he was strong enough to be trusted with all the information Chrollo hadn't disclosed yet. He didn't want to mindlessly follow the man's orders like a puppet.  
All his anger, all his grief, all his efforts- what good was revenge if he couldn't obtain it with his own hands?  
Chrollo had already challenged him to draw his own conclusions about the Healing Church and he had done just that. He wondered if the raven would reward him by telling him at least _something_ if they turned out to be correct.

Kurapika's hold on his fork tightened.  
He couldn't understand why Chrollo didn't want to talk to him about it and it irritated him greatly. Wouldn't things be easier that way? Secrecy was no good in the situation they were in and it especially bothered him that while the Troupe knew everything there was to know about him, all he had in turn were his own conjectures and hints. It made him feel vulnerable.  
He had so little power over them.

The sound of someone calling his name caught his attention and his head snapped up.  
Staring at him with an uneasy expression was Leorio, followed by Gon. Killua too looked apprehensive now, while Alluka mostly seemed confused.

«Kurapika, are you okay?» was what came out of the oldest's mouth, though from his face it was clear that what he truly wanted to say was "what the hell is going on with you".  
«I am. Why?» answered the blond, feigning confusion.  
«You've been glaring at your plate for a while now.» replied Gon.  
«Oh... I'm sorry about that, I was just thinking about tonight. I forgot to ask the others where the meeting point will be.» he lied «Actually, I think I should start getting ready...»  
«You have other hunter friends?» gasped Alluka, eyes widening in surprise and breaking into a huge smile.  
«No, they're just... Partners, so to say.» responded Kurapika with a tight smile, getting to his feet.  
«Isn't it too early yet?» questioned Leorio in a suspicious tone.  
«It's fine, I'm just going to look for them.» answered the younger man.

As he cleaned his dishes Kurapika forced what he hoped looked like a confident smile on his face and then headed into his room to change, ignoring their concerned looks.

Disregarding the piles of half folded laundry on his bed he grabbed his hunter gear and dressed himself with practiced hands, fastening his weapons to his thick belt and putting the distinctive black hat on. Kneeling in front of his bed, he took ahold of his ruined shirt and shoved it into one of his pouches without even looking at it.  
The faint smell of his blood was reprehensible, a reminder of his weakness.

Locking the door behind him, he headed back downstairs, where his friends were now cleaning the table as well.  
He could see that they were struggling with what to say to him, but in the end they let him go. Followed by the kids' goodbyes, Leorio's usual reminder to be careful accompanied him as he walked out the door.

***

For a while, Kurapika just mindlessly wandered through Central Yharnam.

He hadn't been _completely_ lying when he said he wanted to look for the others, but he also just wanted some more quiet.  
The few people still out on the streets glared at him when he passed by them, but he paid them no mind. As long as they kept their distance and limited themselves to shouting profanities at him, they could glare all they wanted. Should anyone attack him he wouldn't resort to careless violence like Chrollo had during their first meeting, but when situations escalated a small demonstration of strength was the best tool to ward off the angry citizens.

Still, he wasn't in the mood for any of that, he thought as he threw his ruined shirt upon the rests of a pyre.

His feet unconsciously led him to the great bridge and he noted with little wonder the damage it had suffered only a couple nights prior.  
Unsurprisingly the corpse of the cleric beast, as Uvogin had called it, wasn't there anymore, which meant that someone had taken care of it already. Leaving that job to the common folk made him feel guilty, but hunters usually only partook in cleansing Yharnam after a Night of the Hunt. Still, he would have liked to take a closer look at it.

Sighing, the young man walked to the portion of the bridge where the parapet was still intact and leaned on it.  
The Sun was just beginning to set in the horizon. The clouds and the orange hues of the sky almost made it look like tall flames were rising from the city, as if a huge fire was engulfing the desecrated land.  
Wouldn't that be an easy way to punish the Church and free at least one place in the region from the scourge of the beast.

Lowering his gaze, Kurapika stared at the district of Old Yharnam beneath him. He tried to look for the church Chrollo and his men lived in, but the derelict buildings in the area and the lower terrain it was built on hid it from view.  
Closing his eyes, another sigh escaped his lips and he ran a hand across his face in an attempt to ward off some of his tiredness.

He stayed like that for several minutes, merely looking at the lowering Sun and willing his body to gain back some vitality in vision of the approaching hunt.

«Fancy seeing you here, Kurapika.» suddenly said a voice behind him, making the blond roll his eyes. Just a few nights prior the person in question had used those same words and tone when he'd found him in Cathedral Ward.  
Kurapika hadn't even heard his footsteps.

«You think you're funny?» he replied, throwing a half-assed glare above his shoulder without even completely turning around. Chrollo was standing a few paces behind him, his hands in his coat pockets and his usual deceiving smile plastered on his face.  
«I try.» replied the man with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders, walking forward to lean his back against the parapet next to him «What are you doing out so early?»  
«I was waiting for the Sun to set to come and find you.» answered Kurapika. Chrollo only hummed in response, but didn't question him further.  
Still, the way he was looking at him was unnerving.

«What is it?» eventually snapped the younger man several uncomfortable seconds later.  
«Just thinking that you don't look so good. Rough day?» asked the raven with a tilt of his head, making him jolt.  
«That's not any of your business.» retorted the blond, crossing his arms in front of him «Also my face is covered, what would you know?»  
«That's only one more reason to use these guys,» replied Chrollo with a smile while raising a finger to tap the skin next to his left eye «And I'd rather not drag you along if you're not in top condition.»  
Kurapika's earlier thoughts came forth in his mind and he scowled, hands tightening around his arms.

«You think I'm that weak?» he asked, looking down again towards Old Yharnam.  
«I don't. I just think it'd be foolish to risk your life for something like this.» answered Chrollo, leaning his elbows on the parapet behind him and looking up at the sky «There are better things to die for, isn't that right?»  
Kurapika only tightened his lips and lowered his head without giving the man next to him a reply.

He couldn't argue with Chrollo's logic, but this wasn't about him.  
It didn't matter what he would prefer to do.

«I've been thinking about what you said the other night,» he started instead «About drawing my own conclusions.»  
«Have you, now.» said the raven in a pleasant tone, though Kurapika could clearly tell there was a certain edge to it.  
«... If I said I wanted to ask your opinion on them, what would you say?»  
«Let's see, I'd say that you're really annoyed at me for not letting you in on what we know and that it'd be best if you just made peace with it.»  
Kurapika snapped his head towards Chrollo and sent him a dark glare, getting a laugh out of the older man.

«You really should know better by now.» he commented with an amused smile.  
«And you should think about my situation!» retorted Kurapika, slamming his hat on the parapet in front of him to run his hand through his hair in exasperation «Would you be so calm if you found yourself in my place?»  
«I don't understand where the problem is. You want to destroy the Church just like we do and I have the means to gain the information necessary to do it; all you need to do is be compliant with my orders and wait for our plans to fall into place. What of this doesn't sit right with you?»  
«Is it really so hard to guess!?» snapped the younger man, taking a step sideways so he was standing directly in front of Chrollo «I want to participate too! What good am I if I have to completely rely on someone else to bring down the Church!?»

As expected, Chrollo's calm expression didn't falter after hearing his words, though his eyelids lowered almost imperceptibly.

«I see. Tell me, who are you doing this for?» he asked, grey eyes almost black due to the shadows cast by the setting Sun behind him.  
«What?» gasped Kurapika, uncomprehending «My people, of course!»  
«Are you?» insisted Chrollo, lowering his voice and slightly leaning down towards him «Seems to me like you're only trying to appease yourself.»

Kurapika choked on his breath.  
Coldness seeped through his bones and a dark emotion rose from deep inside of him. If looks could kill, Chrollo would have been long dead.  
When he realised the older man wasn't going to add anything else to his comment, the young hunter opened his mouth and spoke in an icy voice.

«What are you trying to say?»

Chrollo held the blond's gaze unblinkingly, not intimidated by his closeness or threatening posture.

«It'd be easier for you to let us lay the groundwork, but you're awfully insistent. Do you truly want to avenge your people or are you really doing this to make yourself feel better?»

At those words, something inside of Kurapika snapped.  
Surging forward with a growl, he swung his arm back to punch Chrollo, but the man caught his wrist before it had the chance to make contact with his face. The blond didn't even try to struggle against the raven's iron grip and instinctively tried to attack him with his other arm, but before he even had the time to react Chrollo harshly pulled on his wrist and used the momentum to slam his knee hard against his stomach, knocking the breath out of Kurapika. Using the blond's temporary stupor to his advantage, the older man forced him to kneel on the ground and twisted his arm up his back.  
Kurapika couldn't stop a pained gasp from escaping his lips and he had to keep himself upright with his free hand not to be completely pushed down when Chrollo dug his knee hard against his spine to keep him still.

«Now why don't you calm down a little?» said the raven coldly, adding more pressure and making his captive's bones grind uncomfortably under his weight.  
«You piece of shit!» roared out Kurapika in anger, trying to turn his head to glare at him with as much venom as he could «I hate you!»  
«Hate me as much as you want, but think about your actions.»  
«Fuck you! How would you react if you were me!?»  
«I wouldn't attack someone without a plan in mind,» replied Chrollo, applying even more pressure «Especially if I already knew I wasn't at my best.»  
Kurapika only snarled at him and tried to throw him off, but couldn't.

Chrollo's hold on his wrist tightened in warning and a moment later he forced his arm even more upwards. Something tore in Kurapika's shoulder and a jolt of pain ran all across his upper body and arm, making him gasp in pain.

«Y-You... Bastard...» ground out the young man between pants, his vision getting hazy from the ache in his body for a few seconds. Chrollo didn't bother to respond to that, only letting out a sigh.  
«Breathe.» he said, his voice back to its usual smooth tone.  
«Fuck you!»  
« _Breathe_.» repeated the man, slacking almost imperceptibly his bruising hold on the other's wrist.

Kurapika let out his frustration with a loud growl and leaned his forehead against his uninjured shoulder, trying to control his ragged breathing. His heart hammered in his chest and he felt sweat form on his temples. He bit his lip so hard that he drew blood, but he didn't care.  
His arm and shoulder throbbed in pain and he tried to clear the fog in his mind by concentrating on that instead of thinking about Chrollo's infuriating insinuations.  
It took several minutes for his heart to slow down and the Sun had almost completely set when his breathing finally steadied. His rage hadn't faded, but the day's exhaustion caught up to him all over again, making his body feel heavy, broken.

«I'm going to let go of you now.» Chrollo told him in a low voice.

Kurapika didn't answer, only lowered his head and bit his lips around the pitiful sound threatening to escape from his throat.

When the weight on his back disappeared and his arm had been let go of, he cradled his hurt shoulder with his other hand and crawled forward to slump sideways against the parapet in front of him. The muscle fibers around his joint were already healing but the more severe the injury, the more energy his body required to heal it. Between his emotional state and physical condition, he couldn't tell how much of it he had left in that moment, if any.

He heard Chrollo ask him whether he could stand up, but he didn't respond.  
He didn't want to admit to his weakness out loud, not after being humiliated like that. Angry tears threatened to spill from his eyes and he swallowed a sob.

"People to greet or welcome me or a place to go home to... I don't have anything like that at all"

"And it's all my own fault"

To appease himself? To make himself feel better? All he had been doing in those years had been for them, all he ever thought about was them.  
He _had_ to give his all to bring down the Healing Church and find the executioners, he _had_ to ruin them with his own hands, just like they had ruined his people. They could drag him down into hell with them for all he cared, but this was his duty as the last vileblood, his penance for not having died along his brethren despite his unforgivable sin.  
Chrollo even _suggesting_ his reasons were anything but that had been maddening, and on top of everything that had happened that day its effects had been devastating.

Mentally, Kurapika cursed himself.  
If he had been stronger none of that would have happened. If he had never intervened that day after the Night of the Hunt none of that would have happened. If he had never met Sheila none of that would have happened.  
If he hadn't been so stupid none of that would have happened.

Everything around him was becoming more and more dark, but he didn't immediately notice it was due to his own conscience slowly slipping away instead of the nearing night.  
He heard movement, but his ears felt muffled and he couldn't find the strength to even raise his head. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a figure clad in black kneel down beside him, though his hazy mind managed to identify who it was only a few seconds later.

Chrollo was talking to him, but Kurapika couldn't make out the words coming out of his mouth and even keeping his eyes open was becoming a challenge. He could hardly even focus on the man, his figure blurry and unclear next to him.  
His head felt light and heavy at the same time and a chill ran down his spine.  
A sudden wave of dizziness assaulted his senses and forced him to squeeze his eyes shut.  
The world around him was fading.  
He was so tired.

Something warm enveloped his shoulders and pulled him sideways. His injured shoulder was pressed against a firm surface and a low wine escaped from his throat. Despite his semi-unconscious state he still attempted to get away to alleviate the pain, but he was too helpless and exhausted to fight whatever was holding him in place.  
The warmth around him was making him feel even more dizzy and a sudden wave of nausea forced him to turn his head and press his forehead against the thing he was leaning on.  
He heard something, but he couldn't discern what it was.

He felt movement.  
The warmth was under his legs too now and suddenly he was flying.  
Only then did Kurapika realize that the things holding him were arms, that the thing he was pressed against was a chest.  
Gathering the last of his energies, he tried to crack open his eyelids one more time and looked up through half lidded eyes.

For a moment his vision filled with quicksilver, then everything went black.

***

Humming.  
That was the first thing Kurapika heard when consciousness caught up to him.

It took him several seconds to actually respond to the sound, and even more time to realise where he was.  
When he first opened his eyes he couldn't immediately recognize the place he was in, until a stone archway and a worn curtain caught his attention. Broken tiles. Fluttering shadows.  
The Phantom Troupe's hideout.

When the young man looked down at himself, he saw that he was laying on a mattress, the same one he had occupied when he spent the night there a few days prior, a heavy blanket draped over his body.  
Carefully, he sat up and brought a hand up to his shoulder. His muscles still ached, but they had healed. Sighing, he ran a hand across his face and massaged his forehead.  
He felt so drained.

The same hum from before reached his ears again and Kurapika raised his head. In looking towards the exit of the large alcove, he was pleasantly surprised to see that this time his coat and weapons were there, laying on a stool.  
He tried to get up, but his vision immediately darkened and he had to brace himself against the wall for several seconds while he waited for it to clear and for the dizziness to fade. He threw on his coat to ward off the cold and retrieved his weapons, but noted with irritation that his hat was missing.  
Chrollo must have left it on the bridge.

Thinking about the man made his insides burn all over again, but he tried to swallow down the bitter taste in his mouth and left the alcove.

He had half a mind to leave immediately, but he knew his body wasn't in the right state to handle a possible fight, so he begrudgingly settled for walking in the hum's direction.  
The soft sound led Kurapika in front of the Troupe's common room and as the blond brought back the curtain he inwardly prayed that the most infuriating members of the group wouldn't be present.

For once his wishes had been granted, and the only person he found in the makeshift room was Shizuku.  
The older girl was standing in front of a small table, and although she had her back on him Kurapika could see that she was arranging something in front of her with her hands. The tune she was humming reminded him of a lullaby, but there was something haunting about it, it had a certain eeriness to it which he couldn't consciously explain.

«Hello.» called Kurapika uncertainly, fully stepping into the room. Shizuku turned around and laid her large dark eyes on him, glasses low on her nose.  
«Oh, you're finally awake. How are you feeling?» she asked, tilting her head to the side the same way she had done during their first meeting.  
«I'm fine.» he replied, walking a few steps forward and looking around «... That was a nice song.» he then added as an afterthought. The two of them had never actually talked before and he wasn't sure how to approach the girl.  
«You think so?» she said, raising a hand to tap her chin and looking down as if pensive «I don't even know how I know it.»  
«Oh, I see... Uhm, I noticed you were doing something, did I interrupt you or...?»  
Shizuku looked at him in confusion for a second, then seemed to perk up and moved aside to show Kurapika her work.

On the table behind her was a large, plain vase. Despite some visible cracks here and there it was mostly intact, although its handles were missing.  
Inside it were some big, beautiful sunflowers.

«They look lovely.» commented Kurapika, coming to stand next to her. Shizuku nodded.  
«Franklin found a whole field of them for me.» she explained with a smile «I wanted to put some everywhere, but he said it's better not to pick them all so I only put them here and in my room.»  
«You like them that much?» asked her the blond.  
The black haired girl didn't immediately answer, seemingly lost in her contemplation of the flowers.

«Not really.» she said eventually, raising a pale hand to caress a yellow petal and surprising Kurapika «But they look really similar to something that helped cheer me up when I was still in the dark place, and their scents are almost the same.»

The dark place.  
Kurapika's mind abruptly went to his previous day's reflection on the human experiments possibly perpetrated by the Healing Church and he instinctively stiffened.  
Shizuku's flat tone hadn't betrayed anything, but unless he was mistaken the light in her eyes had dimmed but a fraction. Still, he couldn't just bring up something like that out of the blue, especially not in front of her.

«Can I ask you something?» she inquired, jolting Kurapika out of his thoughts.  
«Sure.»  
«Why did you fight with the boss?»  
The blond's expression immediately soured at the mention of the man and Shizuku looked at him curiously.

«Because he's an arrogant prick who completely disregards other people's feelings, that's why.» he answered bitterly, crossing his arms and glaring down at the flowers.  
«Is that what you think?» asked the girl, leaning sideways so her eyes could meet his again.  
«What else am I supposed to think after everything that's happened?» he questioned, trying to reign in his emotions.  
Shizuku only hummed for a second, straightening her spine and looking up at the ceiling.

«The boss isn't actually that good with others unless he's acting, you know.» she said, making him turn towards her in shock «If he had wanted to, he could have easily fooled you, I think.»  
«That's no excuse to be an insensitive jerk.» insisted Kurapika, tightening his hands on his arms.  
«I guess. But I don't think the boss was necessarily being insensitive...» she replied, cupping a sunflower between her hands «He's curious about the things he doesn't understand. He can just be really blunt. Still, I understand why it'd make you angry.»

After her little speech she turned towards him, tilting her head again in wait for a response.

Kurapika looked back at her in discomfort for a few seconds before scowling and shifting his eyes to the sunflowers again.

In hindsight it _was_ true that Chrollo's tone on the bridge hadn't been accusatory or anything, but he still didn't think he could be blamed for his reaction. It wasn't his fault if the man lacked the sensitivity not to ask something like that.

«Whatever.» he sighed, forcing his shoulders to relax «How long have I been out?»  
«Oh just a few hours. It's not even midnight yet.» explained Shizuku «Ah, I just remembered. Come with me.»  
«What?»  
«The boss said you should eat something.»  
«I- What?»

But Shizuku had already grabbed his arm and started dragging him along outside of the room. Kurapika was surprised that she had even managed to make him move, seeing how slim she looked.

The older girl led him to a near curtain and invited him in. Inside was what seemed like a dining area, with old tables and chairs scattered around the place.  
There was no illumination there and he couldn't make out much in the dark, but Shizuku easily brought him to a table in the back and made him sit down.  
He heard movement for a few seconds, then a small flame lit in front of him. In Shizuku's hand was a match, which she used to light the few candles placed on the table.

«I don't know how the others prepare our meals.» she said, gesturing to a small basket full of apples in front of her «But there's some fruit here.»  
«Ah... Thank you.» answered Kurapika, uncertain.

He wasn't even hungry.  
He knew he should eat something to help his body recover but the thought of food made him feel repulsed, just like earlier that evening.  
Still, Shizuku was sitting there in front of him with an expectant expression on her face and he felt uncomfortable under her unblinking stare.

Reluctantly, he took off one leather glove and reached out his hand.

***

Kurapika and Shizuku had been in the makeshift dining room for less than half an hour when several voices and multiple sets of footsteps began echoing through the old church.

«Oh, they're finally back.» commented the spectacled girl with a smile.  
Kurapika didn't answer, only tensed his shoulders and straightened up in his seat. He had been dreading that moment the whole time.

He heard Chrollo dismiss his men and after everyone retrieved to their respective rooms everything was quiet for several seconds.  
Someone began walking again and soon the sound of a curtain being pushed aside reached his ears. He didn't even need to turn around to guess who it was.

«Welcome back, boss.» said the older girl, raising to her feet.  
«Hello, Shizuku.» replied Chrollo in his usual calm tone, as a scowl instantly formed on Kurapika's face at the sound of his voice «I'm sorry I asked you to stay up so late.»  
«It's alright, boss. I've been feeling good today and I like Kurapika anyway.» she answered, making the blond in question jolt in surprise. The other hadn't even addressed him yet, so being suddenly put in the spotlight like that unnerved him.  
At the entrance of the room Chrollo let out a small chuckle, but Kurapika didn't know whether it had been caused by Shizuku's words or by his reaction to them.

«You're free to go now.» told her the older man, to which the girl nodded.  
«Okay. Goodnight, Kurapika.» she said, waving down at him and stepping away.  
«Goodnight.» replied the young man in a low voice, lowering his head.

After Shizuku retired, silence fell for several moments.  
Kurapika hadn't even looked back yet, hands digging in his arms and eyes boring into the flames in front of him.

He didn't want to face Chrollo, not after what had happened on the bridge. He didn't even know what to say or do.

«Would you like to go outside?» asked the raven behind him after a couple of minutes had passed.

He didn't, but he already knew the other had intended it more as an order than an actual question. Inhaling and exhaling deeply, Kurapika put his black glove back on, blew out the candles and stood up.  
The dim light filtering through the parted curtain guided him towards the exit of the room, where Chrollo was standing. From the smell alone he could tell what had happened during patrol, and the crimson stains he saw on the man's dark garb when he turned around easily confirmed what his nose had already told him.

Chrollo wasn't looking at him with malice nor displeasure, simply following his movements with his grey eyes. Kurapika tightened his fists and forced himself to walk forward, struggling with the desire to run past the man.  
When he got closer, his brown eyes fell on the dark object in the raven's left hand and he had to hold back an exclamation of surprise.

«I figured you would want it back.» explained Chrollo, raising his arm and offering him the black hat he was holding.

Kurapika looked back and forth between the object and the man's face. Calm and collected, as usual. Shizuku's words from earlier echoed in his head and he inwardly scoffed.  
Tightening his lips, the younger hunter nodded and reached out to take it in his own hands.  
He hadn't bothered to raise the cloth to cover his face again, so its weight on his head was familiar, almost comforting.

Chrollo watched him in silence while he waited for him to adjust the hat, then gestured at Kurapika to follow him when he was done.  
He led him out of the dining room, out of the church. Leaning outside the entrance was Uvogin, who nodded at his leader and saluted Kurapika with a wide grin upon seeing him. He didn't have anything against the man so the blond attempted a smile back, but he was sure it came out looking more like a grimace.

For a few minutes they walked quietly through Yharnam's serpentine streets.  
Despite what he had previously believed, the silence was beginning to make Kurapika feel uneasy.

What now? What was going to happen now? He didn't know, and it made him feel apprehensive.  
For some reason he felt the urge to look at Chrollo's face to try to discern his thoughts, but the raven was walking ahead of him and, if he had noticed his staring, he hadn't commented on it yet.  
Swallowing down the lump in his throat, the blond willed his voice not to sound as uncertain as he felt and spoke.

«You're not going to say anything?»

Chrollo stopped walking and slowly turned around to look at him, making the younger man halt as well. His grey eyes appeased him silently, his face an impassive mask.

«If I did, would you actually listen to me?» he asked in turn.  
Kurapika inhaled and stared back at him, fists clenching and unclenching at his sides.  
Exhaling deeply to give himself some time to think, he agreed with a nod.  
Chrollo's shoulders lowered but a fraction and only then did the blond notice that the taller man had been tense in the first place.

«Alright.» replied the raven before he could linger on that thought «What do you want to hear?»  
«I want to know why you said those things.» replied Kurapika, a frown forming on his face «I want to know why it's so hard for you to understand me.»

Chrollo didn't immediately respond.  
His heavy stare felt pervasive and Kurapika had to force himself not to turn his own eyes away.

«It's the opposite, really.» eventually stated the older man, shifting his gaze from him to the infinite sky above «I _do_ understand you, and that's exactly what I don't understand.»

Kurapika stared at him in confusion, unable to grasp the meaning behind his words, but waited before asking for a clarification.  
Chrollo took one hand out of its place in his coat pocket and grabbed his chin as in reflection, looking down at the ground.

«Putting my thoughts into words... I'm not fond of it.» he said in a contemplative tone «But weirdly enough, your reaction made me think. I don't care about people who have nothing to do with me or my group... But you surprised me.»

Another pause.

«You're much more similar to me than what I would have ever expected.» finished Chrollo, laying his clever eyes on Kurapika's baffled expression.  
«What do you mean similar? We have nothing in common.» he retorted, puzzled.  
«You think? Well, maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. To be honest, I don't really care.» replied the raven with a smile, lowering his hand again «But think about it this way: if I knew nothing about your everyday life or origins and demanded you told me everything about it, would you comply?»  
«I wouldn't, but you're forgetting about threatening to kill me and forcing me to work with you.» answered Kurapika with a scoff «It's a pretty stupid comparison to make.»  
At his words, Chrollo's eyes fractionally widened and a short laugh escaped his throat.

«I guess you're right.» he admitted with a tilt of his head, surprising Kurapika.  
«Will we ever talk about it, then?» he attempted, clinging to the sliver of light at the end of the tunnel.

«... I would prefer not to and I can't promise you anything. I'll hear what the others have to say, and then I'll think about it.» answered the man a few heavy seconds later, a hand coming up to adjust the bandana covering his forehead «We should go now.»  
Having said that, Chrollo gestured at him with his head and turned around, resuming to walk towards Central Yharnam.

His words hadn't immediately registered in Kurapika's brain, but when they did he almost let out a gasp.  
He couldn't believe it.

Gratitude wasn't the right word for what he was feeling, no. Those few days had been filled with too much suffering for him to be grateful to the raven after all it had taken him to get this small concession out of him.  
It wasn't hope either, seeing as he still didn't know whether the conversation in question would actually take place or not.  
Still, a certain elation rushed through his exhausted body.

For now, he was satisfied with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter yet. I don't know what possessed me and I refuse to split things up this time, so hope you enjoyed lol.  
> I know "Similar" and "Akin" are synonyms, but please bear with me, I have no imagination when it comes to names.
> 
> If anyone's curious, this should be the fourth (4th) time Kurapika has cornered/pinned Chrollo against something. I just think it's a neat concept *winks*. Their conversation on the bridge went in a completely different direction from what I had planned, but whatever. I think this works better anyway, now that Kurapika has unraveled a little maybe he'll be calmer in the future.  
> I have a summary of everything that's supposed to happen but the actual scenes are a mystery to me as well, you see. Also either I cut out half of the points I wrote down or this fic will die with me, I think, but since I have no intention of doing so I guess I'll end up like Togashi himself.  
> I Am Not Smart.
> 
> I don't know if you've noticed it but "People to greet or welcome me or a place to go home to... I don't have anything like that at all" is a direct quote from the manga! Which is really sad. Someone who isn't me get this man some therapy.  
> Same thing with Chrollo's talk about understanding himself (and Kurapika). Referencing manga stuff is fun.
> 
> Chrollo's grey eyes... Quicksilver, aka the material the hunters' bullets are made off...Eheheh. I like making these dumb connections.  
> For the sake of trivia, and because I have a physical urge to explain every single detail, I was thinking about this specific version of Lullaby for Mergo -> https://youtu.be/f2B7j_THZw4 when I wrote about Shizuku's humming.


	10. New Perspective

Two weeks had already passed since the incident on the bridge.

Between helping Alluka integrate into the household with the others and going on patrols with Chrollo and his team, life had become somewhat normal for Kurapika again.  
So far the group hadn't yet changed since his first outing with it, so the members of the Phantom Troupe he had interacted with the most were Franklin, Uvogin and Nobunaga.

Luckily, Kurapika and the bearded man had silently agreed to adopt a policy of mutual avoidance, so things had somewhat cooled down and there hadn't been any more fights between them. Franklin never looked outwardly bothered by his presence, but he wasn't partial to him either; if anything, the blond thought that the man simply didn't care about him, which he understood and was somewhat thankful for. On the other hand - and for reasons he completely ignored - Uvogin's liking for him had all but decreased. The giant man's enthusiastic and brash nature somewhat reminded him of Gon so Kurapika wasn't bothered by that per se, but he still struggled with dealing with his spirited behavior from time to time.

That thought surprised him, but in the end working with the Phantom Troupe wasn't _that_ bad, even though he still hadn't gotten used to the sounds of Franklin's machine gun or to Uvogin's rough handling of him. For the first time he experienced the feeling of having his shoulders covered in the midst of a hunt, and inside he was torn between the comfort it gave him and the desire to keep such people at an arm's length.

Chrollo hadn't even told him anything yet.

Although it irritated him, Kurapika wasn't surprised, as he had already expected that the raven wouldn't satisfy his request so easily yet. Still, a couple of nights prior the others had seemed unusually guarded around him, which made the blond suspect that their leader had _at least_ mentioned something, and that thought consoled him.

Chrollo's demeanor hadn't exactly changed in those days, but there was something about him Kurapika just couldn't wrap his head around, and it bothered him greatly.  
He didn't know how to properly explain that weird sensation, but the man's composure somehow didn't seem as fabricated now, less of a mask and more of an actually natural ease. It had put him on edge at first, but he figured it was Chrollo's way of appearing less threatening and extending an olive branch to him after everything that had happened.

Neither of them had brought up their conversation in those days, but that didn't mean Kurapika's mind didn't take him back in the alleyway regularly.  
In hindsight, and if Shizuku had spoken the truth, Chrollo's questions on the bridge had been nothing more than an investigation on his part. A way to get in his head, really.  
The raven hadn't actually said this out loud, but Kurapika guessed that Chrollo thought them similar because he felt some sort of affection and protectiveness towards his own group, like he did towards his deceased brethren.

The young hunter found it weird that it had taken a fight for the raven to understand that, but to Chrollo's credit he _had_ confessed that he didn't care about other people, so he probably just hadn't bothered to reflect on it, or maybe the intensity of Kurapika's feelings on the matter hadn't even actually registered in his brain.  
Regardless, the fact that someone like Chrollo could overlook such an obvious detail still remained baffling, and frankly mildly humorous.  
The older man's behavior wasn't justifiable, but when Kurapika first reached these conclusions he mused that at least everything made more sense if he thought about it that way.

Now as he walked back home with Gon, Killua and Alluka from the church where Melody lived, his mind wandered to what would happen later that night.  
Would they finally talk? Definitely not, he thought and inwardly scoffed. Chrollo had clearly told him he wouldn't say anything any time soon, the bastard. He understood his reasons, but that didn't make him any less frustrated.

Sighing, he shook his head and tried his best to chase away those thoughts from his head.  
His eyes fell on the children in front of him and a smile formed on his lips. The four of them had gone to visit Melody on Alluka's request and had spent the whole morning helping the woman with the beggars, leaving the church only by the time noon came around. As they walked home the boys goofed around as usual, Alluka laughing at their antics and joking alongside them.  
To Kurapika's relief she hadn't told anyone about how he felt "different" from the rest, but he hadn't gotten around to questioning her on that either. Truth be told, he preferred it that way.  
He didn't want to prompt the girl's curiosity and he didn't want anyone to overhear them, so unless anything happened he'd keep quiet and be careful, as usual.  
Furthermore, thinking about that day reminded him of _that_ man.

Why he was in Yharnam, whether he lived there or not, how many times he had passed him by without noticing him before, these were just some of the questions that had been plaguing Kurapika's mind.  
Despite this, he had been doing his best to ignore them in the first place. He wasn't sure he even wanted to know.

Kurapika had gotten lost in his thoughts again, but Gon's shrill voice suddenly made him jump.

«Hey, I remember that guy!»

Head snapping up, Kurapika's eyes were immediately drawn to the noisy child and his pointed finger.

«Gon, it's impolite...» he said and moved forward to stop him, his gaze automatically shifting in the direction the dark haired boy was pointing towards. When his brown eyes settled on his target, his breath caught in his throat «... To do that...»  
«Oh right, I'm sorry.» answered Gon as he lowered his hand, but the blond paid no attention to him.

Standing by a building at the other end of the street were two people.  
The taller of the two was a bald man clad in an elaborate white garb, typical of the Church members delegated to perform the sacred rituals of the cult. He was partially turned around so Kurapika couldn't get a clear look of his profile, but the person in front of him, instead...

A groan escaped Kurapika's throat before he could stop it.

Chrollo wasn't miraculously wearing his hunter garments for once, but that didn't make him any less recognizable.  
The raven was nodding along to whatever the other man was telling him and hadn't seemed to notice them yet.  
Considering the circumstances of his friends' first and only meeting with the Phantom Troupe leader, Kurapika _definitely_ wanted to keep it that way.  
Grabbing Gon by the back of his shirt and urging the other two children with his arm, the blond led the group behind the house next to them and hid everyone from view with a swift movement.

«Oh yeah, it's that weirdo from the cleansing.» commented Killua, crossing his arms behind his head and leaning against the wall «You think he might recognize us too?»  
«I think we should just take the long way around, alright?» suggested Kurapika, gesturing towards a side street and feigning a nonchalance he didn't truly feel.  
«What, why?» asked Gon in an offended tone « _He_ was in the wrong that time.»  
«You're telling me you _want_ that sketchy guy to notice us?» questioned Killua deadpan.  
«I don't! But doing that would be like letting him win.»  
«Gon, Killua, please.» tried to intervene Kurapika in vain, eyes jumping from the street the two men could appear from any second to the two kids «Let's just go, okay?»  
But the two of them only pouted at each other, ignoring the blond.  
Unnoticed by the trio, Alluka's tiny body took a step forward, and then another, and then another.

«Win what? It's not like we know him.» rebutted Killua.  
«I know, but still! We're just passing by!» insisted Gon.  
«We're trying to avoid trouble!»  
«Guys-»  
«But we're not doing anything!»  
«And we don't know how he'll react!»  
«Hey, you two-»  
«So you're scared of him?»  
«No, I'm just not a blockhead like you!»  
«Hey!»

Kurapika let out an exasperated grunt and ran a hand across his face in frustration.

«Stubborn idiots, the both of you.» he grumbled, but went unnoticed by the bickering boys once more.

Just then, he remembered what Chrollo had told him almost three weeks prior in his hideout, about his spies, about a vicar to be.  
The man's name, what was it? He couldn't remember, but that had to be him for sure.  
Did that mean that something had happened? Chrollo hadn't seemed agitated, but the older man's emotions were always hidden behind that calm façade of his anyway, and he had to consider the fact that they were in public too.  
Sighing, he decided not to dwell on it for the time being.

«C'mon Alluka, we're leaving them here.» he said, throwing Gon and Killua one last annoyed look.

But he received no answer.  
He turned his head sideways in confusion and was about to repeat himself, but his eyes only met empty air.  
There was no one there.

Kurapika frantically turned around to see if Alluka had gotten behind them, or had moved to his other side, or had walked ahead into the alleyway already.  
No one, empty again.

«Alluka?» he called in a louder voice, making Killua jolt. After he looked around in confusion and noticed his sister's absence, the boy's face became as white as a sheet.  
«Where's Alluka?» he questioned, aghast and tensing all over.  
«She was just there a second ago!» pointed out Gon with a frown, all previous playfulness left behind.

A thought crossed Kurapika's mind and a chill ran down his spine.  
Abruptly, he turned around again and leaned out of the alleyway, eyes sweeping up and down the street.  
When his panicked gaze settled on the three figures standing several buildings over, his heart skipped a beat and a choked gasp escaped his throat. Next to him Killua peeked his head out too and cursed, Gon tensing up with him.

Alluka was slowly walking towards Chrollo, her back on them and her figure partially hidden by her long jet black hair. The little girl was already just a couple of meters away from the raven, who had turned his attention away from his spy to look back at her with curiosity.  
Kurapika could distinctly tell the second recognition sparked in Chrollo's grey eyes by the slight tilting of his head, and by the time Alluka had shockingly reached out to take ahold of the man's left hand he was already moving, Gon and Killua hot on his heels.

The white haired boy called out to his sister as they hurried over, but the girl showed no sign of having even heard him. From the surprisingly puzzled look on Chrollo's face she must have told him something, but her voice was too quiet for the trio to hear from that distance.  
The sound of Killua's voice and their loud approaching footsteps made the spy grow tense beside his leader, but Chrollo merely straightened and looked up from Alluka's face.  
The second his gaze rose and he locked eyes with Kurapika, the blond got a glimpse of an almost unnoticeable frown pulling on the man's lips.

When they stopped in their tracks just a few steps behind Alluka, a smile formed on Chrollo's face. If Kurapika hadn't known any better, he would have mistaken it for real.

«Ah, Kurapika, what a pleasure seeing you again so soon!» said the older man with mirth, making the blond roll his eyes in annoyance. Ignoring Gon's breathy "He still remembers your name!?", Kurapika crossed his arms and stared back at Chrollo with a deadpan expression.  
«Alluka, come on, come here.» pleaded Killua in the meantime, but his sister didn't move, didn't even turn her head.  
She only stood there, head raised and small hands clasped around Chrollo's limp one.

Killua gritted his teeth and reached out an arm to pull her back, but something made him freeze in his movement.

An inexplicable chill abruptly bit deep into Kurapika's bones and a pit opened in his stomach. Without him even knowing why or how, a suffocating feeling of dread like he had never experienced before rose in his chest, to the point he almost felt his knees buckle under his weight.  
A quick glance at the others assured him that he hadn't been the only one affected by the ghastly phenomenon: Gon and the stranger had paled considerably, Killua looked much more distraught than before and even Chrollo had visibly tensed. Kurapika saw him try to retract his hand, but Alluka didn't let go.  
A child on the other side of the street let out a cry, the people walking by just as unexplainably distressed and panic-stricken. 

Slowly, a voice filled the silence that had settled on the group.

«Killua.»

He didn't know why, but Kurapika felt a shiver run down his spine.  
Alluka's call hadn't been loud, but he wasn't used to hearing the girl speak in such a whispery way.  
Although her voice had kept a certain vim to it, it was off from her usual tone and she sounded distant, almost muffled.  
Killua jolted upon hearing his name and his eyes widened but a fraction. A shadow fell across his face but why, Kurapika didn't know.

«What is it... Alluka?» he asked, eyes never leaving the back of his sister's head.  
Slowly, without letting go of Chrollo's hand, the girl finally turned around, a small smile adorning her round face. A gasp almost escaped Kurapika's lips.  
Her eyes were pitch black.

«Killua... The scent of the Moon... I can smell it.» she said in that same tone, her expression unchanging.  
«... I see,» replied the boy «Still, you need to let go. Come here.» he incited holding out his hand for Alluka to take.

Nobody else spoke.  
Kurapika couldn't understand what was going on, and from the looks of it the others didn't either. Chrollo's face had gone blank again, sharp eyes appraising the two children in front of him.  
The only one who seemed to have a grasp of the situation was Killua, which naturally made him suspect that what was happening had something to do with the reason why their parents thought Alluka dangerous.

For a few seconds the two siblings stared at each other, silent and immobile.  
A small pout formed on Alluka's face and her lips quivered for a moment, but eventually her shoulders sank and her hands let go.

«'Kay.»

Only when the girl stepped away from Chrollo and took Killua's hand did Kurapika realize he had been holding his breath. Forcing himself to exhale, he attempted to fake a confident expression and looked at the older man.  
Chrollo reciprocated his stare right away, his eyes dark and unreadable. After a moment, he too relaxed his shoulders and molded his face in that usual nonchalant mask of his.  
Kurapika's brows furrowed. He wanted to ask the raven if he had any idea of what all of that meant, but that could wait.

«Sorry for the inconvenience,» he started, willing his voice to sound harsher than how he truly felt «We're leaving now.»

Chrollo put his hands in his coat pockets and shrugged, taking a step sideways for them to pass through.

«Whatever you say, dear.» he replied with a smile, making the blond scoff in annoyance and getting a tense laugh out of Gon and Killua. Alluka remained silent, her head lowered, while the stranger's dark eyes bore into Kurapika with interest.

"So he must know who I am" the young man reasoned as he stared back at the tall spy.  
He tried to send him a small nod in acknowledgment and was somewhat pleased to see that the bald man reciprocated his gesture.  
Taking a deep breath, Kurapika turned his attention back to Chrollo.

«See you never, then.» he said, giving the kids at his sides a small push to urge them to start walking and sending the man an eloquent look, making him laugh.

«Anything you want.» rebutted Chrollo when the trio had already walked by.

Who the heavy gaze he felt was directed at, Kurapika didn't know.

When they had put enough distance between them and the duo he tried to question Killua but, despite his numerous attempts, nothing he said managed to compel him to explain what that had been all about.

«One day soon I'll tell you everything.» said the boy, shielding his quiet sister from view with his body «But not now.»  
From the guilt showing on Gon's face and his refusal to look Kurapika in the eye, he must have known something too.

The blond felt something burn in his chest at those words, but he bit down on his tongue not to let his anger out. Something like _that_ couldn't just be dismissed in that way and he dug his fingernails deep in his palms.  
He only hoped Killua would be true to what he had said.

The rest of their walk home was tense, silent.  
The kids immediately ran into Gon and Killua's shared room as soon as he opened the door and Kurapika himself was ready to head straight upstairs and lock himself there for the rest of the day, but the sight of Leorio sitting at the dining table made him stop in his tracks.

«What are you doing _here_?» half shouted the blond, making the young doctor jump.  
«Wow. You're so nice.» grumbled Leorio when he turned his eyes on him, lowering the papers he had been reading «Have you forgotten that this is _my_ house?»  
«I didn't mean it like _that_ ,» rebutted Kurapika with a scoff and coming to stand next to him «Why are you back so soon?»  
«To be honest, I'd like to know myself,» replied Leorio pensively, running a hand through his short hair «A couple of my usual clients didn't answer their door this morning and others didn't come to the shelter, so I got some time to spare. What's up with the kids?» he then added as an afterthought.

Kurapika immediately scowled at that, his body and mind reminding him of the dreadful sensation he had felt earlier.  
Leorio only watched him in confusion as he turned around and stomped upstairs, leaning back on his chair to uselessly call after him.

«Try asking them yourself and see if they'll feel like talking to you at least!» said Kurapika from over his shoulder, ignoring the nonplussed expression on Leorio's face and never stopping in his ascent.

«Well, good day to you too, by the way!»

***

Just as he had predicted, he had spent the whole afternoon in his room, sharpening his reiterpallasch and mulling over the day's events and over what he should and shouldn't ask Chrollo.  
Between the children avoiding looking him in the eye, eluding Leorio's questions and the latter still being angry at him for how he had acted, dinner had been a tense and awkward affair, so Kurapika had almost been glad to put on the dark hunter's garments and leave the house.

The Sun was setting now, and Kurapika had already been walking up and down the length of the great bridge for the past fifteen minutes.

The half destroyed structure had become somewhat of his meeting point with Chrollo over the course of those weeks.  
The next time patrol came around after their discussion in the alleyway it had just felt natural to pass through there again. Chrollo had just happened to be there already, so the two of them had just agreed to always meet there and then rendezvous with the others.

He couldn't wait for the other man to arrive, if only to grab him by that stupid scarf and shake him into talking to him this once.  
This wasn't about him, about the Church or about the vilebloods either, this was about his friends and he had to know what was happening, he had to understand.  
He didn't want to directly address those feelings, but he was scared. He didn't want to feel so helpless, he didn't want to lose the people he cared about again. If anything bad happened to them, he'd never forgive himself.

The sounds of approaching footsteps reached Kurapika's ears and he stopped his pacing, turning around and zeroing in on the person behind him.

«Twice in the same day, what a delight.» joked Chrollo, smug and unbothered by the blond's closeness.  
«You are _not_ getting out of this one.» told him the younger man, hands tingly at his sides «What was all of that about?»  
«Shouldn't you be asking your friends that? I didn't do anything.»  
«That is the most incriminating thing you could have ever said,» replied Kurapika, narrowing his eyes «But I don't care about your involvement. I want you to tell me what that thing was and don't even try to lie, I know you know.»  
Chrollo wordlessly held his gaze for a moment and then sighed.

«Thank you for your trust, but I'm actually not all-knowing.» he replied with a shrug «All I know comes from what little information I got out of Kalluto without telling him I met his siblings and from simple speculation on my part; there's nothing I can say for sure.»  
«And would you be so kind to share that regardless?» asked Kurapika with a mockingly saccharine voice.  
«No.» rebutted Chrollo in a similar tone, making the blond scoff in annoyance «I told you, I can only guess what that thing was... And as long as I don't say anything, I'm not wrong either.»  
«You're horrible.» commented Kurapika with a groan.

Ignoring the man's amused laugh, the young hunter turned around and began walking away towards Old Yharnam.  
Just a moment later Chrollo was already next to him, hands in his pockets and his face for once adorned with a sincere smile.  
As the light of the day slowly faded, the two of them walked side by side through the sloping streets, ears open and on the lookout for beasts.

«I guess there's _one_ thing I can tell you, though.» revealed the raven several minutes later, making Kurapika jolt.  
«What is it?» he immediately asked, as if scared that the man would retract his statement any second.  
To his surprise, Chrollo's face slowly became a mask again under his eyes.

«That family isn't normal.» began the older man, voice flat and seemingly devoid of emotion «Kalluto is too young to understand many things, like why his brother left or why he brought the girl along, but I don't blame your friends for running away one bit. Everything that happened, their parents brought it upon themselves.»

Kurapika furrowed his brows in response, looking up at the other in confusion.  
Chrollo didn't do the same, his eyes fixated on the road ahead, sharp and ever so grey. He seemed calm on the surface, but there was a tension in his jaw and shoulders that even he couldn't completely mask, which surprised Kurapika greatly.

For the first time, the young man felt hesitant.  
Inquisitiveness was in his nature, had always been. Chrollo could claim all the ignorance he wanted, but from his words and behavior the blond still deduced that a history of some sorts existed between him and Killua's family. Whether the other members of the Phantom Troupe were involved as well, he didn't know.  
He considered the possibility that the man had reacted in such a way because of something that Kalluto had told him, but discarded it straight away. From Chrollo's own words and from the simple fact that Killua hadn't brought him along, so far the child's situation seemed much less dire than that of his siblings.

All that was left was Chrollo himself, and his past.

The chance was dangling right in front of him. He wanted to know, wanted to ask.  
The gap that had been there between them since their first meeting was right in front of him, and in that moment his only wish was to close it, if only a little.  
Chrollo wouldn't budge as far as his men were concerned no matter what, that much he knew. But even if they were involved with Killua's family as well, the man didn't need to tell him that, and he wouldn't ask about them anyway.  
Just one piece of the puzzle was enough, one hint, one word. Anything to shorten that distance, anything for him to grasp.  
This was a chance for him to pull himself up to Chrollo's level, or at least to get closer to it. It was exactly what he had been looking for.

A thought suddenly struck him.

His past began and ended with Cainhurst, with the vilebloods.  
Could he ever speak of his previous life without talking about his parents, about Pairo? Was there even a part of him willing to do that? No.  
That's why he had never said anything, no matter what. His home, the gardens, the forest, he had never been truly alone in any of those places. Not one of his memories lacked the people he loved.  
Even at his worst, they had been there.  
As dust. As ghosts.

Then...

Could this man be the same as him?

He had been so caught up in his thoughts, in his own desires, that he had never actually stopped to question that.  
It had seemed so easy to mock Chrollo for not having realised the extent of his emotions, only now was he forced to acknowledge that he had done the same.  
Of course his motifs were obvious, they were his own. And just like that, he covered his eyes and didn't stop one second to _truly_ think about what the raven had told him, about what he had implied.  
But Chrollo had already understood.  
The weight of his words from more than two weeks prior fell upon Kurapika's shoulders all at once.

Similar, he had said.  
A bitter laugh almost escaped the young man's throat.  
Maybe they were both idiots.

Inhaling deeply and unclenching his fists, the blond hunter turned his head back to the street.  
Kurapika chose not to push.

«I'm glad that Killua, Alluka and Kalluto don't live with them anymore, then.»

Chrollo only hummed in response.  
To his own surprise, he was fine with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All references to p!atd are purely casual.
> 
> Reminder that to Gon and Killua Chrollo is just a weirdo who told a man to get rekt and then got punched in the face three weeks earlier. Also this is the first chapter where Kurapika doesn't actually argue with Chrollo. Good for him.
> 
> A few... certain things... were supposed to happen in this chapter, but I think they deserve their own space and I didn't want them to share the scene with the Zoldyck family drama and the krkr "bonding" moment, so next time it is. 
> 
> Bonolenov unfortunately doesn't get a fashionborne moment because we never see what the vicars' clothes look like from the front :(


	11. Secrets of the Night

The last dying wail of the beast echoed through the street.

Kurapika let out a sigh and strapped his Evelyn back to his belt.  
Straightening up, he brought a hand up to his face and lowered the cloth covering his nose and mouth. Some blood had gotten on it in the midst of the chaos and its reek was making him feel nauseous, but until then he had been too busy fighting to pull it down.  
His eyes fell again on the corpse in front of him and he grimaced.

The man hadn't yet fully turned when they had found him in a near alleyway, cowering and tearful.

A distant cry had gotten their attention as they had been walking near the outskirts of Central Yharnam, and they had discovered his hiding place just a few streets over. His weapon abandoned on the ground at his side, initially the terrified hunter hadn't even noticed them, or had been too terrorized to care.  
Kurapika hadn't been able to discern what the stranger had been saying and he had tried to run to him in concern, but a strong hand had gripped his arm and made him stop in his tracks.

«There's nothing you can do for him,» had said Chrollo's voice in his ear «He's too far gone.»

Only then had the hunter finally reacted, as if shocked by the raven's words. Raising his head with a jolt, he had scrambled to his feet and looked around with the last remains of his conscience.  
His face had been hardly human anymore.

Kurapika would have almost called it a game of cat and mouse if it hadn't been for the numerous times the newly transformed beast had suddenly turned around to attack them, only to run away again moments later.  
Franklin had injured it with his gun while they had still been in the narrow alleyway, but he had retreated to the back of the group during the chase to avoid accidentally hitting the others too. Chrollo had ordered Uvogin and Nobunaga to run ahead through a secondary street and block its path from the front while he and Kurapika followed it from behind, but it had taken them almost half an hour to corner it again.  
Only then had the hunt truly begun.

The fight hadn't been strenuous, but the sight of the lifeless form at his feet still made Kurapika feel shaky.  
Copious amounts of blood were gushing out from the many wounds on the creature's carcass and the blond felt his stomach churn.  
The smell could only be partially blamed for it.

He had never seen anyone turn into a beast right in front of his eyes like that.

«I think this should be enough for tonight. It's gotten late, anyway.»

As the others voiced their consent to their leader and started walking, Kurapika looked up, his gaze immediately drawn to Uvogin.  
As usual, the giant man didn't seem fazed by the blood staining his body or matting the fur on his left arm. If anything, he looked displeased.  
If the blond had learnt anything about him in those couple weeks, it was that Uvogin loved the thrill of the hunt.

Something in Kurapika's chest squeezed painfully.  
He wouldn't call anyone of the Phantom Troupe a friend, but despite everything he _did_ like the gigantic man.  
Would that happen to him too one day?  
He had never seen him - or any of the others, for that matter - consume the Church's blood yet, but his physical appearance spoke volumes for his body's conditions. And if what had been done to him could progress on its own, then...

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Kurapika looked away from the man's back and pretended to check his reiterpallasch's conditions as he walked.  
He didn't want to think about that.

Between his revenge, keeping his origins secret and his friends safe and handling the Healing Church, he shouldn't even be allowing himself to feel concern towards those people.  
He already had too much on his plate, especially considering what had happened with Alluka and Killua that morning as well.

Suddenly, Chrollo's voice cut through the silence.

«There's something I need to discuss with all of you when we get back,» he said without even turning around «Be ready for that.»

Ignoring the chorus of "Yes, boss" around him, for a moment Kurapika faltered in his steps in surprise.  
He was sure that Chrollo and the others had meetings and whatnot every night after he left, but the man had never openly announced anything like that in front of him before.  
Considering his meeting with the spy that morning, whatever Chrollo had heard from him surely had to do with it.  
Which meant that something _had_ happened then.  
But still to bring up the subject like that- did Chrollo's words mean that he could finally participate too?

Inhaling deeply, Kurapika hurried his pace and walked to the front of the group.

«Were you referring to me as well?» he questioned in a low voice as he flanked the taller man «Can I be there?»  
«I did say "all of you", didn't I.» simply stated Chrollo with a shrug. A sharp intake of breath at his side made him tilt his head in curiosity «What is it?»

Kurapika jolted with a start and threw him a dumbfounded look.

«Are you _really_ asking me that?» he said, almost offended.  
«Why shouldn't I?» rebutted Chrollo.  
Kurapika was about to remind the older man about his little penchant for secrecy and what had transpired in those weeks, but a barely noticeable twitch of his lip betrayed the raven's amusement. A groan escaped the young hunter's throat and he had to resist the urge to smack Chrollo in the head.

«I hate you.»  
«I've already heard that one before.»  
«Don't talk to me.»  
«You're the one who approached me first.»

The glare he received in response from Kurapika only made Chrollo laugh.

«Anyway,» he began in a light tone «I don't have any issues with you listening in, you can do as you please.»  
«And what about your men?» questioned the blond at his side, throwing a quick glance at the people in the back. To his surprise, they weren't as close behind as he had expected them to be.  
«My decisions are absolute. They may not like it, but they won't give you any trouble for that.» responded Chrollo with another shrug as he put his hands in his pockets.  
Kurapika studied his profile for a couple of uncertain moments before relaxing his shoulders and nodding in acceptance.

«Alright.»

Neither of the two spoke again after that, and they maneuvered through the streets of Yharnam in a comfortable silence, their footsteps accompanied by the ones of the other men.  
It wasn't the first time the group let him and Chrollo talk in privacy, but Kurapika hadn't imagined that they would have done it spontaneously this time, especially since no one had asked them to. He hoped it meant that they had started to trust him, if only just a little.  
He'd much prefer knowing the full picture already, but for the moment he consoled himself with the thought that they might come around if things carried on that way.  
Chrollo wouldn't change his mind just because of it, but maybe he'd become more agreeable.

Truth be told, Kurapika still wanted to talk to him.  
Not necessarily about his past not anymore. It annoyed him to no end, but the other man _could_ make for a pleasant company when he chose not to be an insufferable bastard and rile him up on purpose.  
He didn't know what was worse, the fact that he actually believed that or the way he had gotten used to him despite everything in the first place.

***

The five of them eventually reached the district of Old Yharnam and, after advancing through the sloping outskirts of the area, the decrepit old church the Phantom Troupe had made its base slowly came into view.

Standing outside its entrance was Phinks, his arms crossed and a deep frown on his face.  
The eyebrowless man straightened up when he saw his comrades approach, but his expression remained the same.

«What is it?» straightforwardly asked Chrollo after coming to stand in front of him. The blond's scowl only darkened.  
«Pakunoda's here.»

A jolt seemed to run through the group; even Chrollo's eyes had slightly widened at his subordinate's statement.  
Kurapika instead only looked at the man next to him in confusion, but the raven didn't look back at him, only nodded at Phinks and gestured him to follow them, then headed into the church.  
A slight push at his back reminded the young man to start walking, and when he turned his head he found Uvogin looking down at him with a large grin, his other hand pushing against Nobunaga's back as well.

«Things are going to get exciting!» said Uvogin in what he probably thought was a conspiratorial tone, getting a grunt out of his bearded friend and a puzzled expression from Kurapika.  
«You're only saying that because you're chaos personified.» replied Nobunaga with a groan, making the giant man snort.  
«We'll just have to deal with more problems, then.» interjected Franklin in his usual matter of fact tone, to which Phinks grumbled in response.  
Chrollo didn't comment on any of that, just kept walking towards the back of the church. Kurapika wasn't sure what to make of it, but then a memory struck him.

"The other spy"

Pakunoda... Had the man called her that? The blond couldn't remember, but it had to be her.  
From everyone's reaction her presence there didn't seem like a frequent occurrence, which was unsurprising considering that she supposedly was a blood saint. The Church would never let someone like that freely run around at night and risk being killed by a beast.  
So then what had pushed her to come out despite the dangers lurking behind each corner? Not only was he concerned about that, but he also had to weigh in whatever the vicar had informed Chrollo about.

He didn't like that situation at all.

When they got to the room near the altar and Chrollo pushed back the curtain to enter the common area, Kurapika had to will his body not to lean over the older man to see who would be there.

Inside, sitting on a bench in the back, were only two women.  
One of them was Shizuku. Kurapika hadn't seen much of her since the day he had gotten injured fighting Chrollo, but from the attentive look in her eyes that had to be one of her good days. The older girl politely greeted everyone upon their arrival and even sent him a small nod, waving a pale hand.

Sitting next to her was a short haired woman in a dark dress and candid gloves.

«Boss, everyone, it's been a while.» she said, standing up and affectionately moving her brown eyes across her comrades in welcome, until her gaze settled on Kurapika «And you must be the person I've read so much about.»  
«Read?» questioned the blond dumbfounded, turning his head towards Chrollo. The raven looked back at him and let out a sigh, raising a hand to adjust his bandana.  
«Kurapika, meet Pakunoda. We exchange messages by hiding the paper in the crevice of one of the statues near Oedon Chapel.» explained Chrollo to the younger man, and then returned his attention to the woman «Speaking of which, what was so urgent to make you come here, Paku?» he asked, gesturing to everyone to find a seat.

Lowering herself back on the bench, the woman crossed her arms to her chest and let the small smile on her face fall.

«... Something is moving.» she stated in a grave voice after a few moments of reflection, brows furrowing in consternation «A couple of the other blood saints from my church have gone missing over the past few days... I've heard that it's been happening around the rest of the city, too. I figured you should know as soon as possible.»

Shifting on his seat, Kurapika moved his head from Pakunoda to Chrollo to gage his reaction. The man leaned back on his armchair, a thoughtful expression on his face.

«It's different from the last time.» commented Franklin from one corner of the room.  
«Must be someone else, then.» grumbled Phinks.  
«It _is_ someone else.» said Chrollo, making everyone turn towards him «It's what I wanted to talk to you about. I met with Bonolenov this morning, he told me his superiors have been much more on edge than normal lately. It must be that new branch's doing.»  
«Have we got any news from Shalnark too, then?» asked Nobunaga, scratching his chin in thought.  
«He still hasn't come back from his post this week. I wouldn't be surprised if he heard something as well, though.» replied his leader.

Kurapika listened to all of this silently and attentively.  
He didn't know what Shalnark's role was, but he guessed it was something along the lines of what Pakunoda and Bonolenov did. Information gathering, infiltration.  
The disappearance of the blood saints, on the other hand, could only mean one thing: this "new branch" wanted to harvest the Holy medium, and it certainly didn't care about the consequences of its actions against the Church.  
Now that he thought about it, Chrollo had mentioned something about an internal division of some sorts... The ones responsible for the kidnappings surely had to belong to one of these factions.  
Additionally, the men's words told him that something similar had already happened in the past. And if his assumptions about the Phantom Troupe were correct, then...

Kurapika surreptitiously glanced at Uvogin and Shizuku. The latter looked unperturbed by the situation at hand, but from what little he had seen of the girl he knew he couldn't rely on external reactions alone to guess what she was thinking. The giant man too seemed the same as always, but there was a dark look in his eyes that the blond didn't know how to interpret.

A sudden thought crossed Kurapika's mind in that moment and he jolted in his seat, catching the others' attention.

«What is it?» questioned Chrollo, leaning his elbows on his knees. Kurapika brought a hand up to his chin and frowned down at the floor.  
«It might just be a coincidence but there's something my friend told me... I don't know if it's connected to these kidnappings, but he's a doctor and he said some of his patients have been missing.»  
«Then it's possible a number of them were abducted too. Whatever these people's intentions are, they can't do anything with just some blood uselessly laying around.» reasoned the older man.  
«So how are we going to find these new bastards?» asked Uvogin with excitement, a sharp-toothed smile on his face.  
Nobunaga and Phinks threw him matching irritated looks, but the giant man just shrugged them off.

«For the time being, I think we should keep doing what we've always done.» interjected Pakunoda. Next to her, Shizuku nodded her head and looked up in thought.  
«If they're being so bold, they probably don't even care about a retaliation from the rest of the Church. But if they realise they're being investigated by someone else, they might become more subtle and harder to find.»  
Franklin nodded along to their words, while Uvogin let out a peeved grunt and turned his head in annoyance.

«That's what I think, too. For now, we'll wait for Shalnark to come back in case he's learnt anything new and we won't take any action unless strictly necessary.» stated Chrollo with finality as he got up from his seat «Now, Machi and Feitan should soon be back from Cathedral Ward: inform them of what we've discussed. I'll be accompanying Paku back to the church.»

The mention of Cathedral Ward made Kurapika press his lips together. He hadn't been there in almost three weeks, since the night he had needed to get a new hunter's uniform.  
To think that he had spent the past three years of his life tailing the Church members there.

The young man had been doing his best not to think about it, to relegate everything to the back of his mind, but hearing that name made something stir in his chest nevertheless.  
In hindsight, he had wasted so much time.  
He felt useless.

A chorus of "Yes, boss" answered Chrollo's words and the tall woman in question stood up to follow her leader out of the room.  
Before getting to the curtain, the raven veered in the direction of Kurapika's still sitting form and laid a gloved hand on his shoulder, making the young man tense and look up in surprise.

«You can go if you want now. Thank you for your collaboration, Kurapika.» told him the man. To his surprise, Chrollo had sounded genuinely pleased, his face open and his smile real for once, unlike the flat one the blond was used to seeing on his mask.  
Kurapika didn't know why, but having those grey eyes on him made him uneasy and he felt the need to hold his breath.  
Mentally, he belittled himself.

The man smelled like blood.  
Of course it was bothering him.

«It was nothing.» he said, crossing his arms to his chest as Chrollo let go of his shoulder.  
«If you say so. Goodbye, then.» replied the raven, nodding down at him and stepping past him towards the curtain.  
«... Goodbye.» repeated Kurapika, involuntarily furrowing his brows.

The blond hunter remained seated on his chair for several moments after that, ignoring the Troupe members around him as they moved through the common room and staring holes through the tiles at his feet.

A trivial bit of information like that didn't deserve a thank you, especially if it was uncertain in the first place.  
What had he actually truly accomplished so far? Nothing. Nothing had changed.

He felt inadequate, weak.

Everyone seemed to have a role, or was at least aware of all the pieces on the board. He could accept having to wait for that knowledge to come, he could stand having so little power within the group.  
But being included, he craved it more than anything.

Unconsciously, Kurapika tightened his hands around his arms and hunched up his shoulders. He wanted to be useful.  
He didn't care what, he just wanted to do something, _anything_.

Anything...

Raising his head, Kurapika looked at the remaining Phantom Troupe members.  
Only then did he reach a decision and stood up.

«Goodnight, everyone!» he said as he pushed aside the curtain without even turning around or waiting for a response, striding towards the doors of the church.

Chrollo and Pakunoda were still at the top of the valley, their backs on him as they ascended the uneven path leading up to the city. The sound of his approaching footsteps made the duo stop to turn around, and despite the dark the blond didn't miss the confounded look in their eyes.

«What's the matter?» asked Chrollo in a curious tone to the younger man when he came to stand in front of him, a determined expression on his face.  
«I'm coming to Cathedral Ward, too.» firmly replied Kurapika «It's dangerous for a civilian to be out at night, isn't it? The more we are, the safer it is.»

Pakunoda's brows arched in surprise, but she didn't seem to oppose his proposal and just shrugged in response. Chrollo subtly tilted his head in confusion at his words, bewilderment clear across his face.  
The two of them studied each other for a long moment, silent.  
Kurapika could almost see the gears turn in his head. The man certainly didn't need assistance, that much was obvious and they both knew it. But he didn't care.  
Even if it was for something as insignificant as that, he wanted to do it. To be there.

Kurapika wasn't sure which conclusion Chrollo had gotten to, or if he had reached one in the first place. The fact remained that, a few moments later, surprise left the man's face and his features softened in acceptance.

«That's quite alright with me.»

***

In the end, Kurapika was glad that he had chosen to tag along, and that Chrollo had allowed him to do it.

Pakunoda made for an extremely pleasant company and he was amazed to learn how easy it was to talk to her.  
In a way, there was almost something soothing about the woman. He didn't know how to explain it, but the air she gave off was calm, kind almost. Nevertheless, a certain quiet wistfulness remained in her gaze, a veiled hint at which was concealed beneath it all.

She was more similar to Chrollo than her other comrades in that sense, mused Kurapika as he watched the man in question talk to Pakunoda.

That thought caught him by surprise.

Kindness was most definitely a quality the older man didn't possess, but at first sight no one would think Chrollo was anything but serene; he certainly had done the same.

Maybe this too tied back to how the raven's behavior had changed since their fight two weeks prior, but only now had he consciously noticed it.  
It shouldn't have come as a shock considering the circumstances, but he still couldn't wrap his head around it.  
It felt invasive, it made him feel uncomfortable, he didn't know why and he hated that sensation.

«Thank you for accompanying me here.»

Pakunoda's voice forced him out of his thoughts, and only then did Kurapika notice that they had stopped walking.

About forty minutes after they had left Old Yharnam, the three of them had reached a small square in upper Cathedral Ward. On the other side of the street was a large church adorned with beautiful low reliefs and ornate windows.

«It was nothing. Thank you for being so forthcoming, as usual.» said Chrollo with ease. Next to him, Kurapika nodded and extended his hand, which the woman accepted with a smile.  
«It was a pleasure meeting you, Pakunoda. Do you need help getting inside unnoticed?»  
«The pleasure was mine. Don't worry about that, I have my ways.» she replied smoothly, letting go of the younger man's hand and straightening up «Be careful on your way back.»

Kurapika and Chrollo watched her as she quickly walked into the shadows, waiting silently until her barely audible footsteps completely disappeared and they were sure she was safe.

A few moments later the blond heard the man next to him sigh loudly, and before he had the time to question it suddenly his hat was pushed down on his eyes. Hard.

Kurapika let out a yelp.

«Why did you do that!?» he demanded as he pulled it back up again and brushed his bangs out of his eyes in irritation.  
«You're certainly something else.» said Chrollo with amusement, ignoring both the younger man's indignant glare and his question. With a nod of his head, he incited him to start walking again «Come on, let's go.»

Kurapika stared at the older man's back in shock for a second before flanking him again and throwing him a peeved glare.

«Like _you_ 're any better.»

His words only made Chrollo let out a laugh though, to which Kurapika felt the need to purse his lips and look away.

«You're unbelievable.»  
«Much appreciated. Thank you.»  
«That wasn't a compliment!»  
«It is if I choose to see it as such.»

Chrollo laughed again at the deadpan look on the younger man's face and then put his hands in his pockets with a shrug.  
Neither of them spoke again for a few minutes. Kurapika had gotten so lost in his observation of the fancy buildings around them that the other's new words almost fell on deaf ears.

«What were you thinking about earlier tonight?»  
«Huh? What are you referring to?» he asked in turn, confused.  
«Patrol.» plainly said the raven while glancing down at him «You looked real grim for a second there.»

Kurapika's mind provided him with an image of the stranger in the alleyway, followed by one of his beastly corpse and one of Uvogin.  
The blond's expression soured and he lowered his gaze to the paved street, a crease appearing between his brows.

«Was it that obvious?» he asked bitterly.  
«I wouldn't know. I'm used to paying attention to these details.» explained Chrollo in a sedate voice «If it makes you feel any better, I don't think the others noticed.»

Kurapika only nodded in response, all his earlier apprehension catching up to him again.  
It took him several seconds to answer, and when he did his voice came out uncharacteristically small despite his best efforts.

«I'd hate being you.» he admitted, brown eyes fixated on the ground «If my friends and I were in you and your men's situation, I wouldn't stand it...»  
«I can't say I don't understand where you're coming from, then.» carefully replied Chrollo.  
Next to him, Kurapika tightened his hands into fists and forced himself to turn his head.

Chrollo wasn't looking at him, his mercury gaze raised up towards the starlit sky, but from the wistful look in his eyes the blond could tell that his words had had an effect on him.  
Taking a deep breath, he forced his voice not to falter and spoke again.

«Aren't you ever afraid that you might lose them? That someday you'll make a mistake and that you won't be able to fix it?»  
«... If I let fear sway my judgment, I wouldn't be able to do anything.» slowly answered Chrollo as he lowered his eyes on him, his voice clear in truthfulness «It doesn't matter what I feel. The others chose me. The only thing I can do is repay them with all my efforts.»

Abruptly, Kurapika's heart missed a beat.

The raven's words struck a chord deep within him, to the point the blond had to withhold a gasp from escaping his lips.  
He was sure the shock he felt was evident on his face, but he didn't care.

Chrollo's expression didn't change at his reaction. He only returned his stare, silent, grey eyes deep and unreadable.  
Kurapika felt something squeeze around his throat.

He didn't understand. He had known that man for hardly three weeks.  
Despite this, nothing he had heard in those past five years had come so close to describing his own feelings, and he felt shaken to his very core.

Still profoundly agitated, Kurapika was about to respond, to say what, he himself didn't know, but a faint familiar scent reached his nostrils before he had the time to open his mouth.

Something like lightning struck his body.

All at once, his mouth dried and he felt a shiver run down his spine.  
Chrollo watched in confusion the surprise on his face turn first into horror, then into something darker, vicious.

«What is it?» he asked in a low voice, leaning down towards him.

But Kurapika didn't answer, only stared vacantly up ahead.

Slowly, but steadily, the smell was becoming more intense. As if it was moving.  
As if the person was walking in their direction.

Kurapika's breathing itched.  
He felt like he couldn't inhale anymore. Whatever his lungs were doing, he had no control over them anymore.  
He only felt his muscles strain under the weight of the reiterpallasch when it was already in his hand. He hadn't even consciously moved his arm to grab it.

His heart was beating so fast it almost hurt.

The young man had been about to start walking when Chrollo moved in front of him to block his path, to which he received a deadly glare.

«Kurapika, what is it?» repeated the older man again, but the blond only looked up at him in anger.  
«Move.»  
«Tell me what's wrong.»  
«I said move!»

He tried to push the raven aside with his free arm, but Chrollo only grabbed his wrist with one hand and gripped his shoulder with the other.

«Who is it?»  
«That's not any of your business!» snarled Kurapika in his face, struggling against his hands «Let go of me!»  
«Not while you're in this state. Talk to me, breathe.»  
«I said let go of me!»

A loud smack echoed through the air.  
Suddenly, Kurapika wasn't looking up into grey eyes anymore and his right cheek was stinging in pain.

He hadn't even seen Chrollo's hand move.

« _Breathe_.»

Kurapika slowly turned his head again in front of him. He tried to do just that, but his body was moving on its own, to the point he couldn't control the trembling of his arms and legs anymore.

The smell was coming closer.  
_She_ was coming closer.

He didn't even realise he was talking until the sound of his own whispery voice reached his ears.

«... She's here... I have to kill her...»  
«Who?» questioned Chrollo,  
«She's here... I need to go...»  
« _Who_?»

But before Kurapika had the time to answer, a pair of footsteps sounded in the distance.

From the shadows on the other side of the dark street came a melodious voice.

«Who's there?»

A jolt ran through Kurapika and his muscles tensed all over again, his hand painfully tightening around the handle of his sword.  
Before he had the time to react though, Chrollo harshly grabbed the bloodied cloth around his neck and pulled it up his face.

« _Whatever you see or hear, control yourself. Stay quiet and remain behind me._ »

The words spoken in his ear made the hair on Kurapika's neck stand up.

Over the man's shoulders, he saw a distant shape come closer. She reeked of her own blood.  
She must have been hunting.

He craved to push Chrollo away and run his blade through that body. At the same time, he feared that his knees would buckle the second the man let go of him.  
His head felt hazy.  
He didn't know what to do.

«I don't reckon this is the most appropriate place for a romantic escapade.» began the woman with mirth as she walked closer to them «Out in the open, surrounded by beasts... Quite shameless, I'd say.»

Kurapika bit his lip so hard he tasted blood.  
The hand holding his shoulder tightened for a moment, then Chrollo let his arm fall and turned around.

«You're just as unpleasant as I remember you to be.» he said in a cheerful tone.

Kurapika felt something pierce his chest at those words and he had to physically stop himself from recoiling. Chrollo had used that tone with him in the past as well, but he was too caught up in the moment to reflect on how he hadn't actually heard it in a while.  
His chest constricted painfully, but for another reason.

"They know each other"

Recognising the voice that had talked back to her, the woman gasped and hurried her pace.

Sheila's leather clad body fully came into view, and Kurapika's frantic breathing finally stopped.

«Oh my, so it is you! How nice, I haven't seen you in such a long time.» she said with a smile.  
_That_ smile.  
Her face in the forbidden forest woods years prior flashed before his eyes. He wanted to move, wanted to hurt her.

His body was petrified.

«It _has_ been a few years, after all.» replied Chrollo in that same voice, shifting subtly on his legs so Kurapika's shaking body was kept hidden from view «Believe me when I said I thought the bloodlust had finally gotten to you.»  
«Oh, it's not my fault if I disappeared!» she rebutted with a pout «It's so lonely up here, but my brother needs me here, you see. But what about you? Is that another of your little strays? Seems so shy, aren't you going to introduce us?»

Kurapika's already weak grip on his self control almost slipped and he had to grit his teeth not to speak. His nails were digging into his palm even through the leather of his glove.  
The weight of the reiterpallasch in his other hand, a reminder.  
His vision blurred.

His own blood had already run down his body so many times already. It was only fitting to stain his hands with that of the other person who had started it all.

He could do it. He could end it there and then.

Kurapika's eyes were fixated on Sheila's, so when Chrollo's arm found its way across his shoulders without him noticing he jolted in surprise.  
For a split second, the rage-induced haze on his mind made way for confusion.

«Such a busy woman, you are. It pains me to tell you that my situation hasn't changed in all this time.» retorted Chrollo in a deceptively dissatisfied tone «Also, I'm afraid not. My friend here is a new recruit, you see, so I insisted on going on a tour around Yharnam. But the hunt was already pretty strenuous tonight, and I wouldn't want your unpleasantness to rub off on any of my _strays_.» 

Sheila laughed out loud at those words. Whether her response was genuine or not, Kurapika didn't care.  
That sound grated on his ears.  
His eyes and chest burned, but he felt like he was freezing.

«Please, never change.» she said with a shake of her head after she had calmed down.  
«Wouldn't dream of it.» replied Chrollo with a laugh of his own «Now, you must excuse us. I fear there's not much to see here anymore, and Old Yharnam is far from near.»  
«Oh, but of course! I would hate to keep you.» retorted Sheila, blatantly shifting her dark eyes back and forth between the two of them «It's been nice talking to you again.» she then added, half turning her body in the direction she had come from.

Chrollo nodded and showed her a last saccharin smile before mirroring her action. His arm around Kurapika's shoulders forced the blond to do the same.

«Goodbye, Sheila.»

***

They were in Central Yharnam again.

Chrollo's presence at his side was the sole reason why Kurapika's legs had managed to carry him that far.  
After they had gotten out of Cathedral Ward the raven had tried to let go of him, but had to hurriedly grab him again when his knees gave way under his weight.  
Kurapika hadn't even cared about it, his face a stony mask during the whole time it had taken them to get there.

He couldn't stop thinking about it.  
If he had been alone, his blade would have cut through Sheila's heart.  
He would have been happy to kill her, he was sure.

«... Why did you stop me?...»

His voice had come out raspy, but he didn't care.  
His throat and mouth were dry. Even the embers of his rage had gone cold, leaving his body weak and freezing. He didn't even have the strength to get angry at Chrollo now that he had the chance.  
The only thing he felt was emptiness.

«Because Cathedral Ward isn't safe,» explained the man at his side with a neutral voice «And because she's dangerous. If you had gotten any closer to her in the state you were in, she would have killed you.»

Kurapika pursed his lips and hung his head in shame. The frustration he felt made his eyes burn, but he refused to cry.  
At that moment, he thought that he would have preferred to die trying instead of not doing anything at all.

«... How do you know her?» he asked without even raising his head.  
«She was already a hunter when I became one. Before the others and I moved to Old Yharnam, we worked together for a while.» conceded Chrollo after a moment of thought while he led him through a narrow alleyway «I'm more curious to know how _you_ know her, though.»

It took several minutes for Kurapika to find the words and the courage to respond to that. So far, he had never mustered the strength to admit to his unforgivable sin out loud, not even to himself.

He didn't want to talk about it, but even in the state he was in he hadn't missed the fact that that was the first time Chrollo had shared something about his past. He hated that it had to happen like that.  
He hated that Sheila had taken yet another thing away from him.

«... The massacre... It was all my fault.»

Chrollo's pace slowed down but a little.

«What do you mean?»  
«The castle- it was sealed... The only way to access it, it was... I-it was through blood. Our blood.»

The forbidden woods. Sheila's laying form.  
Pairo.  
Kurapika shuddered just at the memory of it.

«It was I who- it was my blood. I met Sheila outside the castle, I was curious and I, I-»

A choked breath forced his throat to close around the words he was trying to say.  
His legs failed him again, but this time Chrollo slowly lowered him to the ground, sitting beside him at the foot of a house. Bile rose in his throat and he struggled not to keel over to empty his stomach of all its contents.  
His breathing was getting frantic again, but he didn't know how to make it stop.

«I was so stupid, it's all my fault, everything, I- I got hurt and Sheila had my blood but I didn't realise, it didn't even cross my mind. I-if it hadn't been for me none of it would have happened, if I hadn't been so careless they'd still be alive, but I ruined everything, it was all my fault, I, I-»

He was rambling, but his mouth was moving on its own at that point. It was becoming harder to focus but despite his lack of control over his own body his head felt light, so light.  
His chest grew tighter and tighter. The pain was almost unbearable, but he couldn't stop hyperventilating.  
The corners of his vision were turning black. When he closed his eyes, he was greeted by an image of Pairo and his parents.

They were in the hole.  
Their bodies were ashes.

«... I don't deserve to be alive...»

Kurapika slacked his hold on his knee and moved his hand towards his belt. He didn't even know when he had drawn his legs up.  
His eyes vacantly stared at the ground in front of him while his gloved fingers brushed against the cold metal of the reiterpallasch.

«... I should have died...»

Before his hand could close around the blade, something grabbed his wrist and brought it away from the weapon.  
When Kurapika looked up, his eyes instantly met with Chrollo's. For a second, the blond had even forgotten he wasn't alone.

«I don't think anyone inherently _deserves_ to live in the first place,» began the man, his voice barely a whisper in the night «Nor that what we do should be dictated by our past.»  
«That's easy for you to say.» grit out Kurapika, pulling his arm away from his hold.,  
«Here and now, you're alive.» continued Chrollo, ignoring the younger man's words «You control your own life, take advantage of it. Don't listen to what your ghosts have to say.»  
«How could I ever stop doing that? What I've done is unforgivable.»  
«Then stop asking for forgiveness from the dead. You're only shouting into the void and deluding yourself when you receive no answer.»

Goosebumps erupted all over Kurapika's arms at those words and he felt his throat constrict all over again.  
Not without difficulty, he forced himself to speak again.

«... I can't just do that. Not with all the blood on my hands.»  
«One way or the other, the massacre would have eventually happened anyway. » replied Chrollo, making Kurapika shudder «And I don't think a child should bear the weight of all the blame.»  
«A child was naive enough to cause the near extinction of a bloodline.»  
«Nevertheless, a child. I don't blame Kalluto for thinking he can only be useful through fighting, I blame the ones who raised him that way. I don't see any difference between the two things... You weren't the one who killed them.»

Kurapika tightened his lips in disagreement and looked away.

«... I don't want to talk about this anymore.» he said bitterly.  
«Fine by me.» answered Chrollo with a sigh. The blond heard movement next to him, and when he turned his head he saw that the raven had risen to his full height.  
«It's late now. Can you walk on your own?»

Using the wall behind as a leverage, Kurapika pushed against the ground and slowly got to his feet. His vision darkened and he swayed dangerously for a moment, but he managed to remain upright thanks to the bricks behind him.  
When the dizziness had passed, he noticed that one of Chrollo's hands had preemptively closed around his arm. He hadn't even felt it at first.

«Let's go. We're almost there.»

***

Indeed, after a few minutes of silent walking a small house at the end of the district came into view.  
Kurapika had never felt so relieved to see those old walls. He couldn't wait to get that disgusting reek off of him, to scrub away all physical reminders of that night from his body.

Looking up, his eyes found his unlocked window. He didn't think he had the strength to climb up, and a groan escaped him when he realised that he had to wake up Leorio to get inside.

«What is it?» curiously asked Chrollo.  
«The door is blocked from the inside and I have to wait until my friend wakes up to open it.» explained Kurapika with a sigh, walking towards the front door and readying his fist.  
Before he had the time to start banging on it, a scraping sound reached the blond's ears and he turned around in confusion.

«What are you- !?» his words were interrupted by a gasp « _What are you doing?_ »  
«What does it look like I'm doing? I'm climbing the wall.» innocently answered Chrollo, already halfway up to his window «It's not that hard with these bricks.»  
«That wasn't what I meant! Hey!»  
But one of the man's hands had reached the windowsill, and Chrollo easily hoisted himself up and sat himself there with a smug smile.

«See, that was easy!»  
« _Be quiet!_ »  
«Alright.» replied the man with a laugh while looking down at him «Give me a moment, I'm coming down.» he then added, and disappeared into the house.  
Chrollo's presence there deeply unsettled Kurapika, but he himself didn't know why.

A few seconds later the blond heard the front door's metal protections click, and soon it was swung outwards.  
Chrollo regarded him with amusement clear on his face.

«See? Easy.»

Despite everything, Kurapika almost smiled in exasperation.  
Shaking his head, he waited for the man to leave the threshold and make way for him to enter the house before speaking.

«You didn't need to do that, but... Thank you.»  
«It's not a big deal.» responded Chrollo with a shrug of his shoulders «Nice house, by the way.»  
«You didn't steal anything, did you?»  
«I would never.» answered the man, faking an offended tone.  
«I wouldn't put it past you» replied Kurapika with an amused huff, though his face became sombre again just seconds later «... Can you... Keep what happened tonight between us?»

Chrollo regarded him silently for a few seconds.  
Kurapika held onto his gaze without faltering. He tried to discern what the other man was thinking about, but he couldn't get a read on him.  
Eventually, the raven nodded in acceptance.

«Alright.» he said, shrugging his shoulders again and raising a hand to adjust the bandana covering his forehead. Some of the remaining tension in Kurapika's muscles eased.  
«Thank you.»

Chrollo only nodded in response and partially turned away.

«Well, I think you've gotten tired of seeing me for today.» he commented in a light tone, making the blond roll his eyes.  
«You're terrible.»  
Chrollo laughed and fully turned away after his response, throwing him his last parting words before heading back in the direction they had come from.

«Goodnight, Kurapika.»

The young man remained still on the threshold for a moment, watching the man's back as he walked away. With everything that had happened, he almost couldn't believe that that day had been even real.  
Tightening his hand on the handle, he took a step back and took a deep breath.

«Goodnight... Chrollo.»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kurapika's heart: maybe this bastard is good emotions go brrr  
> Kurapika's brain: wtf
> 
> I'm a bit late because I've had a terrible week but now this chapter is the longest one so far, so yay.  
> I know it's reeeeeeally convenient how everything is happening all at once, but please bear with me I am a limited person.
> 
> Have you ever read the interview where Togashi says that Chrollo didn't actively want to be nominated the leader of the PT but still tries his best despite the circumstances? Yeah... I think about it a lot.
> 
> You know that post that says something along the lines of "I look like I'm chilling but I'm actually having a mental breakdown"? Kurapika. I don't think I managed to fully capture the experience, but that was what I had in mind.
> 
> Finally, one fashionborne moment (I've also read on how to add links, I hope it works) (EDIT: spoiler alert, it didn't. I'm just leaving it here to show my misery):  
> Pakunoda, nun of the Healing Church: https://www.google.it/search?newwindow=1&tbm=isch&sxsrf=ALeKk02enb7gSyixYJvhAL7VuryWQD473A%3A1605820165076&source=hp&ei=Bd-2X-zxAa6ajLsP37KO8A0&q=bloodborne+nun&oq=&gs_lcp=ChJtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1pbWcQARgAMgcIIxDqAhAnMgcIIxDqAhAnMgcIIxDqAhAnMgcIIxDqAhAnMgcIIxDqAhAnUABYAGD5G2gBcAB4AIABAIgBAJIBAJgBALABBQ&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-img#imgrc=d02dlRHsmWxjWM


	12. Add a Seat to the Table

By the time Kurapika had woken up and trudged downstairs after a restless sleep, it had been noon.

When he got to the bottom of the stairs he tried calling out to the others, but got no response; only after a quick glance around the floor did he realise that the house was completely empty, safe for him.

From the state of the kitchen and the faint lingering smell of food in the air he deducted that the others had to have eaten lunch not long before his awakening.  
Leorio had obviously left to tend to his patients, but what had initially stunned the blond was the absence of the children.  
The boys hadn't followed through with their quest for Gon's father in a while, and he had thought that Alluka's arrival at the house had completely made them veer off that path. Recently the three of them had taken to playing outside with the other children of the neighborhood, but Kurapika couldn't hear their voices among the noise, and since normally they wouldn't have left without telling him first they had to be somewhere else around Yharnam.

Kurapika realised with a start that they were probably avoiding him, which prompted a groan in response.

The previous morning's events were still fresh in his mind, just like the dreadful sensation he had felt in response to whatever had been going on with Alluka. He had been insistent with them because he was concerned for their well-being, but he hadn't expected them to react that way.  
And as if that wasn't bad enough already, leaving the house alone was more dangerous than ever now, but he knew he couldn't keep them locked inside without explaining the situation to them...  
Which was impossible anyway, since he himself didn't have a clear picture of what was happening.

Kurapika felt like banging his head against the wall, but forced himself to sit down at the table and reluctantly munched on a piece of bread instead.  
His head was already killing him.

Not only had it already been pretty late when he had gotten home, but in a moment of pure stupidity he had chosen to stay up to clean his weapons and wash his clothes. He had only wanted to stop thinking, and in that moment he had chosen the first options available to distract himself until his body had been almost too exhausted to move.  
Part of him completely wanted to erase the previous day from his memories. What had happened with Alluka, arguing with the kids, his worries, the kidnappings, Sheila, Chrollo.

Everything.

Looking back at it with a cool head Chrollo had done the right thing in stopping him.  
Her placement in upper Cathedral Ward alone already spoke volumes about her closeness to the Church, and going by her words alone she had relations within it as well. No matter how angered, the outcome of his actions would have never passed for that of a beast, and her murder by a human hand would have only made the members of the Church even more cautious than they already were.

Nevertheless, just the memory of the encounter made his skin crawl and reminded him of how much more he still had to do.  
He still had no idea how to track down all the former executioners. He was sure that they still worked for the Church, but had no way to effectively identify them.  
So far the only solution he had come up with was to eliminate the institution as a whole, and in that he empathized with the Phantom Troupe even though he wasn't aware of their reasons, but it'd gnaw on his conscience to do it without actually knowing who had passed the judgement and who had executed the order.  
He wanted all of them to die, but for the right reasons, not just because of a mindless killing spree.

Sighing, Kurapika got up from his seat at the dining table and looked around the house. He just mindlessly stood there for a moment, until a realisation struck him.  
Between the kids, the cleaning and everything else there had always been something to do around the house, something to take care of, but for the first time in a few weeks he was completely free.

And he had no idea what to do.

The young man skimmed the shelves for something to read, but he already knew all of Leorio's family's old books like the back of his hand. He then checked the laundry, but the clothes hadn't dried yet. The house was clean, so there were no chores for him to do. He tried checking the food storage in a last, almost desperate, attempt, but they weren't really missing anything.  
Lastly, he contemplated going back to bed to rest some more, but he didn't feel like wasting his time like that.

"So what now?"

Groaning out loud, the blond ran a hand across his face and let his body collapse on the armchair in front of the unlit fireplace.

Kurapika didn't even remember when he had last been without anything to do. Just that awareness drove him up the wall. He knew he had to be patient, but it had come to a point where idleness only made him feel restless and uneasy. Even the prospect of being left alone with his thoughts until the others came back home was dreadful.  
He'd only start to remember, to think about things he'd rather keep in the back of his head.  
He was starting to get jittery already.

Getting up again with a grunt, he walked to the hanger beside the front door and put on a coat.  
He couldn't do anything to help the situation along, but that didn't mean he couldn't monitor the streets. He probably wouldn't learn anything new, but he wanted to know whether the people had already noticed what was happening.  
The Church would never publicly announce the disappearance of the blood saints and Leorio's patients were mostly the poor and the outcasts, but it was possible that the kidnappings were much more common than what he and the Phantom Troupe already knew.

Thankfully the day wasn't much cold, and many people were out and about in the main streets of the district.

Kurapika pretended to be on a casual stroll around the city, keeping his ears open and his eyes vigilant.  
He tried to look for suspicious activity, but around him were only workers, people out on their errands and the occasional hunters on patrol. None of the conversations happening around him revealed anything new either.  
Those were technically good news, but he felt discouraged nevertheless.

A lump of guilt formed in his throat at that.  
He didn't want any more innocent people to die, but at the same time there was nothing he could do to save them. Like Shizuku had said the previous night, if they were to intervene now it'd only become harder to uncover this new group. Still, even though it had to be done, the fact that he had to turn a blind eye to everything that was happening was gut wrenching.

He just hoped it wouldn't take long for that situation to change.

Unsure of what to do, the young man kept walking through Central Yharnam until his feet led him close to one of the main churches of the district and a thought made him stop.

The man from the previous morning - Bonolenov, if he remembered correctly - worked in that area, didn't he? And since he was going to become a vicar, there weren't many more places in Central Yharnam he could find him.  
Chrollo hadn't said much about his report, only that his superiors were becoming agitated... But would the man be willing to explain everything in more detail to him?

Inhaling deeply, Kurapika took a step forward towards the massive open doors of the chapel.  
The smell of the incense was so strong that his eyes almost started to water as soon as he walked inside and he had to hide a grimace. Although the windows were many and wide, not much light filtered through them and much of the space was cast in shadows.  
Some clerics were standing by the altar in the back, but no liturgy was being performed at that moment. Despite this, numerous common folks were scattered around the church, most of them knelt in prayer on the cushions behind the pews lining the wide isles of the structure.

The fact that there were still people whose faith in the Healing Church hadn't yet crumbled was unbelievable and, frankly, concerning, but Kurapika couldn't help but feel a profound sense of pity for them.  
How desperate must they be to cling to it.  
A part of him was angered by it all, by their gullibility, by their refusal to see the truth for what it was, but like with the cleansing he had to remember who was the real enemy there, who was the cause of everything. No matter how misplaced their devotion was, it'd be cruel of him to blame people who had been abused and exploited for years for not letting go of what was possibly their only source of solace.

Kurapika tried to take a better look at the Church members, but Bonolenov didn't seem to be among them. Still, if he just left right after he had come in he'd only attract their undesirable attention on him.

For the sake of keeping up appearances, the blond walked towards a votive stand and stood by it for several minutes, pretending to be praying as well.  
The faceless statue above the candles hovered over him hauntingly and he truly didn't fathom how anyone could find the sight of something like that comforting in any way.  
At least the statues in Central and Old Yharnam were still humanoid despite their creepy appearance and, most importantly, they could only be found inside the churches or as monuments in certain squares. Cathedral Ward instead was littered with them, and the first time he had laid his eyes upon one of the distorted slug-like creatures they portrayed it had nearly given him a heart attack. He had no idea what exactly their beliefs entailed or why the Church obsessively covered each street and building with that imagery, and he didn't even want to find out.

A tall man clad in a white garb descended from the second floor of the chapel, but Kurapika was too lost in his thoughts to notice him.  
Only when he heard someone halt in their steps beside him did he tense up in alertness, but when he surreptitiously turned his head to look at them he was glad he found a familiar face there.

«Am I interrupting you, young man?» said Bonolenov in a low, amiable voice.  
«No, don't worry, I was just... Thinking.» replied Kurapika, surprised by the man's approach.  
«Ah, that's good then. My name is Bonolenov, I'm one of the clerics of this church. Say, you don't come here often, do you? I don't think I remember ever seeing your face before.»

The blond was shocked into silence for a moment, until a twinkle in the spy's dark eyes revealed what game he was playing at.

«My name is Kurapika. And no, I've never really been into this kind of things, this is all very new for me.» he replied, imitating the bald man's tone.  
«It's fine, it's always a pleasure to see new blood develop an interest in our worship.» continued Bonolenov, visibly pleased that the younger had uncovered his performance.  
«Ah, well, as I said I've just recently started to dive into it... There are many things I'm still uninformed about.»  
«Would you like to share your questions with me, then? Helping you is the least I can do. I'm sure I'll be able to clear some of your doubts.»

Kurapika inwardly cheered at that.

«Let's see... I've been introduced to the faith by a friend of mine, but I think he was too concise in exposing your beliefs. I feel like I'd be much more interested if I had a clearer picture... Wouldn't you agree?» he said, hoping the other got the message.  
«Ah, I understand what you're trying to say very well.» responded Bonolenov with a chuckle, turning his head to look up at the statue in front of them «Maybe your friend wanted to pique your curiosity by not telling you much, and you're playing right into his hands.»

Those words made Kurapika's face morph into an offended glare and the bald man had to contain a snicker to keep up his façade.

«I doubt it.» huffed the blond with a roll of his eyes «I didn't have the chance to talk to him about this in depth, and I'm sure he would have liked to rub my ignorance in.»  
«That's a shame, then.» replied Bonolenov in the same tone from before «Well... Something particularly dear to our Church is amity. We want everyone to feel at ease here, so harmony is something that's extremely important for us. We seek communion, both with the gods and others... It'd be a shame to partake in it with someone we had bad blood with, which is why we try to make sure there's as little conflict as possible in our community. It's unfortunate that we can't always be aware of everything that's happening, so many times we have to trust our ears and eyes to have everything under control...» 

"So he understood that from observing them" realised Kurapika as he nodded back at the man with a fake smile plastered on his face.

«I see... Thank you for your assistance.» he said with a nod, pretending to think over Bonolenov's words «You've been really helpful. I need to go now, but I'll think about it.»  
«I'm always happy to help out a fellow citizen. Feel free to ask me anything, anytime.» replied the vicar to be as he accompanied him towards the doors «It was a pleasure meeting you, young man.»  
«Likewise.» returned Kurapika, finally able to breathe again now that he had stepped out of the church «Have a good day.»  
«Thank you. You as well.»

Kurapika had just been about to leave that street when someone suddenly grabbed the back of his coat and bodily dragged him into a nearby alleyway.  
Before he had the time to react he was shoved against the brick wall at his side, the point of a switchblade pressed threateningly to his throat.

«What do you think you're doing?»

In front of him was standing Machi, an angered frown on her usually stoic face.

«I should be asking _you_ that.» he retorted just as bitterly «What do you want from me?»  
«I warned you I'd still be watching you, didn't I? What did you want from Bonolenov?» insisted the woman, blade still raised to his carotid.  
«I just asked him for a clarification. If you've got a problem with me speaking to the others, take it up with Chrollo: he never told me anything about it.»  
«You should watch what comes out of your mouth. Do _anything_ that might compromise our objective, expose or put us in danger, and I won't hesitate in killing you. What you did today was risky enough.»  
«You're wasting your energies over nothing, because I didn't do anything suspicious. I want to eradicate the Church as much as you people do, you don't need to worry about me being found out.»  
« _I_ will be the judge of that.» said Machi, her glacial glare unwavering «And so will the boss after I've talked to him about today. Say whatever you want, I don't trust you.»

Saying this, she lowered her arm and turned her back on Kurapika, walking away again.  
The blond remained still for a few seconds, speechless.  
Talk to Chrollo about today? What was he, his guardian? She was welcome to do just that, he hadn't done anything wrong anyway.

Kurapika almost turned the other way as well, but then a thought struck him and a determined expression formed on his face.  
Pushing off the wall with a grunt, he strode forward and fell into step beside her.

«Do not follow me. What do you want?» sharply asked Machi without even looking back at him.  
«I'm not following you, we're just going in the same direction.» he retorted, his tone deliberately flat and unbothered «And it wouldn't be fair if you got to say whatever you wanted without me being able to defend myself.»

The short woman didn't respond to that, but his words still prompted a peeved eye roll from her.

Neither of them spoke again for the whole duration of the journey.

The silence wasn't uncomfortable per se, but there was an undeniable tension in the air, so much so that even the people they came across cleared their path not to get in their way.

When they eventually got to Old Yharnam and reached the lowest part of the district, Kurapika wondered why he was even doing that. The church where the Troupe members lived came into view, and suddenly he felt doubtful.  
Why did he care about what Machi had to say about him? It's not like the others' opinions of him mattered anyway. She could distrust him as much as she wanted, Chrollo knew just how resolute he was in his intentions.

"But would he still trust her judgment despite everything that's happened?"

That thought bothered him, and he didn't even know why.  
It'd only be fair if Chrollo relied more on one of his subordinates' words than on him. Understandable, really. But he didn't want to be just another pawn on the board, didn't want the other to brush him aside like that, especially after what had transpired the previous night.  
He hadn't drawn any attention in the church, and if Bonolenov had deemed that situation risky he would have sent him away without talking to him. Even if his actions might have been hasty, Machi's hostility didn't match their outcome.  
He understood caution and protectiveness, but he couldn't comprehend the reason for so much apprehension.

As soon as they walked inside the building they headed towards the room in the back, both ready to find Chrollo, but when they stepped inside the raven wasn't there.

Sitting around a small table with a pile of cards in front of them instead were Franklin, Shizuku, Kortopi and Kalluto, while in the back of the room was Feitan, a book between his hands.  
The white haired boy shyly waved a small hand at Kurapika upon seeing him and Shizuku nodded at him in greeting, but everyone else only stared at him in confusion. The blond hadn't set foot into the hideout during the day ever since his first time there.

«Where's the boss?» immediately asked Machi, crossing her arms to her chest.  
«He went out not long ago. Probably not going to come back until this evening.» replied Franklin as he shifted his eyes between the two standing people in the room.  
«Why you here?» inquired Feitan in Kurapika's direction, voicing the question in everybody's mind.  
«I'm here to talk to Chrollo, too.» he stiffly replied, prompting the dark haired man to narrow his eyes in suspicion.  
«Has anything bad happened?» curiously asked Shizuku, but before Kurapika could answer Machi sent him an eloquent look and huffed.  
«That depends on what the boss has to say about it.»

Feitan looked like he wanted to question them some more, but chose not to and went back to reading his book with a scowl, and even the others shrugged in response.  
Unaware - or uncaring - about the tension that had formed in the room, Kalluto raised his eyes from the cards in his hand and looked at them with a bored expression.

«Whatever. You guys want to play, too?»

***

«You're cheating!»  
«No, I'm not.»  
«Yes you are! This is your third win in a row, you're definitely cheating!»  
«Maybe I'm just better than you at this game.»  
«No!!!»

Kurapika had to suppress a snort.

The six of them had been at it for who knew how long, and he had lost count of how many rounds they had played after the first half an hour. He was still mad at Machi for her behavior, but watching her banter with Kalluto over a card game dangerously made his mask of indifference waver.  
The child just kept proving he was Killua's brother through and through.

Thinking about the boy made Kurapika's chest tighten. He hoped he and the others weren't too angry at him, and that they had gotten home safe.

Suddenly his nostrils caught a strong metallic scent closing in on them and he jolted in his seat, but before he had the time to open his mouth a loud voice from outside the church reached everybody's ears.

«Guys, we're back!»

Just a few moments later Uvogin burst into the room, followed by Nobunaga and Phinks. Two large, dead deer were swung over his shoulder.

«Welcome back.»  
«Took you three long enough.»  
«Welcome.»

Simultaneously said Shizuku, Franklin and Kalluto from the table, while Kortopi waved a pale hand and Kurapika, Machi and Feitan nodded at them in greeting.

«We've got dinner everyo- Oh! Kurapika!» exclaimed the giant man at the top of his lungs, grinning happily down at the blond «Didn't expect to find you here!»  
«Hello, Uvogin. I'm just waiting for Chrollo to arrive so I can talk to him, I'll take my leave as soon as that's done.»  
«Nonsense! Why don't you stay for dinner?»  
«No, there's no need-»  
«Oi, that's not for you to decide, but for the boss.» interrupted Phinks with a scowl, making his comrade groan out loud.  
«C'mon, he's not going to say no. We've got more than enough to eat, anyway!»  
«I agree, it'd be fun.» commented Shizuku, Kortopi nodding in assent next to her.

Phinks only sent them a peeved glare in response and then flopped on the seat next to Feitan with a grunt. Despite the scowl on his face, the short man didn't share his opinion on Uvogin's proposal and neither did the others.  
Franklin seemed unfazed by it all, as he did everytime Kurapika was involved, and Kalluto just glanced around curiously. Only Machi looked contrary to it as well.

«Whatever, you'll be the one to deal with him if he doesn't like it.» meanwhile said Nobunaga with a roll of his eyes from the entrance to the common room «Now hurry up and carry those deer downstairs so we can start working on them.»  
«Alright, I'm coming!» grumbled Uvogin after him, turning towards Kurapika once more before following his friend «You stay here, kid.»

Before he had the time to respond to that, a giant hand descended onto Kurapika's head and ruffled his hair, getting an undignified whine out of him. Uvogin cackled loudly and then turned away after that, leaving the blond to deal with the mess the other man had made of his hair.  
Part of him wanted to be angry, but he also had to stop an exasperated smile from forming on his lips.

«Phinks, do you know where the boss is?» asked Machi in the meantime, but the blond just shrugged in response.  
«He passed by us in the forest while we were hunting, but I haven't seen him since. Think he went to get more books.»  
«Again? He's almost filled another alcove already.» said Franklin with a deadpan expression, although his tone betrayed a note of fondness in his voice.  
«The ones he brings aren't even fun.» commented Kalluto with a pout.  
«That's because you're too young to understand them.»  
«No, I'm not!»  
«Yes. You are small baby.» interjected Feitan with a snicker without even raising his head from the tome between his hands.  
«Hey!»

Kurapika listened to all of this curiously and in silence.  
While the others bickered amongst themselves, he subtly shifted his seat so he was closer to Shizuku and leaned towards her to whisper in her ear.

«What are they talking about?»  
«Oh, the boss _really_ likes books.» replied the dark haired girl at a normal volume instead, but luckily no one batted an eye at Kurapika's prying this time «Apparently there's an old castle near the forbidden woods, and he goes there often to find new ones.»

Kurapika jolted in his seat at those words, his eyes widening in surprise.

Chrollo had told him about his outings to Cainhurst Castle, but he hadn't realised that the man had been at it for _years_. Strangely enough, he wasn't angered by the thought of him setting foot into the fortress, if only because he had seen firsthand the raven's collection already. Or a fraction of it, if Franklin's words were true.  
Still, that revelation left him at a loss for words.  
He truly didn't know what to say or how to feel.

It was a weird sensation, knowing that someone else other than him wasn't wandering those hallways of stone seeking for a prize to appease, for a treasure to sell. He had been dealing with the intrusive awareness of his home being accessible to the world for so long and he hated everything about it, but for once he was almost...

Glad.

A shiver ran down his spine just at the thought of that and his fists tightened so much his knuckles turned white.

No, absolutely not. He refused to be glad about it. If anything he preferred it to some random explorer running their disgusting hands all over his home.  
Since it had to happen, it might as well be with someone who actually took care of the things they found. In that prospect, Chrollo just happened to be the perfect candidate for it, that was all.

«... I get it. Thank you.» stiffly supplied Kurapika to Shizuku, who tilted her head in puzzlement at his sudden mood shift.

From the corner of her eye, Machi watched the blond intently to gauge his reaction, but didn't otherwise comment on it. Unnoticed by the young hunter, the three other men in the room exchanged wary looks amongst themselves.

«Is something the matter?» inquisitively asked Shizuku in the meantime, raising a hand to tap her chin in thought.  
«No, it's just... Nothing.» answered Kurapika with unease, crossing his arms to his chest.  
Something unpleasant was gnawing at his conscience, but he didn't know how to define it.

He was still inwardly battling with his earlier musings when he suddenly felt a touch on his arm. Turning his head sideways in surprise, he found one single eye staring up at him, which surprised him even more.

«What is it?»

Kortopi didn't answer, only started to slowly run his hand in circles across his skin.  
Kurapika felt everyone's eyes on him, but was too caught up in the moment to care. He was puzzled by the child's actions, but then a memory of him doing the same thing with Shizuku in the past crossed his mind and some of the tension in his body eased. He allowed his lips to curve into a small smile and let out a sigh, carefully raising a hand to pat the boy's white head.

«Thank you, Kortopi.»

The child nodded his head and let out a small sound of delight in response, making Kurapika's expression soften some more.

«Are you done?» flatly interrupted Kalluto, once more ignoring the atmosphere in the room «Can we start playing again now?»

Phinks burst out laughing at the boy's bluntness and next to him Feitan smirked wickedly. Kurapika threw all of them an unimpressed look, while Kortopi walked up to the other child and swatted a hand at him, making him shriek in indignance.

«That's what you get for being rude.» said Franklin, grabbing Kalluto by the back of his collar to stop him from retaliating.  
The boy looked like he wanted to argue, but only pouted in response and turned his head away with a sniff, getting a snort out of the large man holding him back.

«Shall we start again, then?» asked Shizuku, already shuffling the deck for a new game «Phinks, do you want to join us?»  
«Pass. I'm not getting up from here unless it's to eat.»  
«Feitan?»  
«No.»  
«You guys are a drag.» petulantly commented Kalluto, to which he received matching glares from the two men.  
«Watch your mouth, brat.»  
«Is late for you. You go bye-bye now.»  
«You never learn, do you?» added Franklin, giving the boy a weak smack to the head.

They had been in the middle of their second game when suddenly someone spoke from the entrance of the room, causing everyone to turn around and straighten up in their seats.

«What's going on here?»

Holding open the curtain which worked as a door to the room was Chrollo, a large duffle bag swung over his shoulder and a bewildered expression on his face.  
His eyes immediately found Kurapika's and for once the raven looked genuinely confused, so much was the surprise of seeing the young man among his comrades outside of patrol. A chorus of greetings rose from the others, but the blond only nodded awkwardly up at him.

"Those must be from Cainhurst" mentally reasoned Kurapika as he watched the bag Chrollo was holding.

A lump formed in his throat and his chest squeezed painfully, causing him to turn his eyes away.  
Like earlier, it wasn't anger he felt. It hurt to see his people's possessions outside of his home, but the weird sensation from earlier had come back to make his stomach churn again and he didn't know how to handle it.

«Was today a special day or something?» joked Chrollo as he stepped forward into the room, seemingly unbothered by the heavy weight he was carrying.  
«Boss, I need to talk to you.» straightforwardly replied Machi, throwing a quick frown in Kurapika's direction before turning her attention again on the raven «About _him_.»

Raising his head, Kurapika glared back at her and crossed his arms again.

«And I'm here because _she_ 's overreacting.»

Chrollo looked between the two of them in confusion before letting out a sigh and sitting down on his armchair, carefully laying his duffle bag on the ground next to him and raising a hand to adjust his bandana.

«Alright, what is it?»  
«He's too careless and he doesn't know how to mind his own business. This morning he went looking for Bonolenov and risked blowing his cover.» began Machi callously without even a second glance at Kurapika.  
«I didn't _mean_ to look for him, I just passed by that church by chance. And I wasn't as careless as you say, I made sure not to attract any attention to me.» sharply retorted the younger man, tightening his fingers around his arms.  
«That doesn't change the fact that you should learn to stay in your lane. Don't be a disturbance and be satisfied with what you get.»  
«If Bonolenov hadn't approached me first, I would have left without even seeing him. How can you tell I disturbed him in any way?»  
«I am not talking about this specific case. One wrong move and it's all over, can't you understand that?»  
«Then we're lucky I took all the necessary precautions and that I have no intention of being found out by the Church.»  
«You're unbelievable, haven't you-»  
«Okay, both of you please shut up now.» calmly interjected Chrollo, making both Kurapika and Machi jolt.

The other people in the room had been listening intently to their argument as well, but no one dared step in before their leader voiced his opinion. Franklin, Phinks and Feitan had tensed up considerably during the discussion and the latter in particular had a murderous look in his eyes, but all remained still anyway.

Chrollo and Machi shared a long, eloquent look. Kurapika didn't know how to interpret the severe expressions on their faces, but he had the distinct impression that a thousand silent words were being thrown back and forth right in front of him.  
It took several seconds before the short woman averted her blue eyes in surrender, dissatisfaction clear on her face.

Chrollo stroked his chin in thought for a few moments before sighing again and turning towards Kurapika once more, grey eyes inquisitive and pensive.

«Kurapika, why did you feel the need to talk to Bonolenov, anyway?»

"I wanted something to do"  
"I was bored"  
"I didn't want to wait until I saw you again to ask you"

These were the only things on the blond's mind but no, he couldn't say any of that. Admitting it out loud would be too mortifying, he would never willingly humiliate himself like that, especially in front of so many people.

Chrollo was staring at him encouragingly, expectantly, and Kurapika felt his mouth dry.

«It was an excuse to talk to Bonolenov in person.» he lied.

From the way the other lowered his eyelids and looked at him, Kurapika understood that the raven had caught his lie straight away. He refused to back down though and returned his stare just as intensely, ignoring the voice in the back of his head telling him to look away.

Without breaking their eye contact, Chrollo leant forward in his chair and opened his mouth, but Nobunaga's arrival prevented him from responding to what Kurapika had said.

«Food's ready, everyone. Oh, welcome back, boss.»  
«The boss is here?» loudly called Uvogin from outside the room before barging in as well, sending the raven a wide grin «Boss! Can Kurapika stay for dinner?»  
«Uvogin, I don't think-» attempted the blond, but was immediately shushed by the other with a wave of his hand.

Chrollo seemed to mull over the question for a second, then his lips curved in a smug smile.

«Of course! It'd be disgraceful to let our guest leave on an empty stomach.» he replied with amusement, his eyes finding the younger man's again «I'd love it if you stayed, Kurapika.»

Everyone turned their attention away from their leader to stare at him.  
If looks could kill, the young man was sure he would have been long dead, courtesy of Machi, Phinks and Feitan. Nobunaga had probably started to begrudgingly accept him by then.  
Probably.

«There's really no need to.»  
«Oh, I _insist_.»

"Bastard"

Kurapika hoped Chrollo was feeling all the daggers he was mentally throwing at him. He was doing it to spite him for not telling the truth, he knew.

"To think I was actually starting to think he wasn't _that_ bad"

A shiver ran down his spine and he unconsciously hunched up his shoulders to his ears. He wanted to kick himself just for having even thought that.

Chrollo seemed completely at ease despite the scathing glares the blond directed at him, simply standing up and inciting the others to move ahead to the dining room with a nod.

«Come on, get up.» he told him with an amused smile after it was clear that the younger hunter still had no intention of getting up.  
«I refuse.» retorted Kurapika, scowling up at him from his seat.  
«You're being really childish, you know?»  
« _I_ 'm being childish? This is just your twisted way of making me pay for not giving you the answer you wanted-»  
«Twisted way? I just told you to stay for dinner.»  
«- And stop making that face!»  
«What face?»  
«That one!» exclaimed Kurapika testily, pointing a finger to the raven's fake innocent expression.

Chrollo pretended to be offended for a second, then he smiled again.

Before Kurapika had the time to retract his arm, his wrist was grabbed in a quick move and suddenly he was yanked up to his feet with a hard pull. A choked gasp escaped his lips before he could help it, and he barely managed to stop himself from crushing against the other's chest.

«Wha- What are you doing!?» half shouted the blond in Chrollo's face. He attempted to pull his arm back, but the other didn't loosen his hold.

Unconcerned by Kurapika's struggles to get free, Chrollo started walking and dragged the younger man along with him.  
Only after the second punch to his shoulder did he turn his head to look back at him, half irritated, half amused.

«Take a wild guess.»

***

Kurapika had never been more glad to get up from a dining table.

The food hadn't been stellar, but he wasn't complaining about that.  
He had eaten much worse stuff in his life, especially during his few weeks of journeying alone through the region as a child five years prior. He himself wasn't exactly in the position to criticise somebody else's cooking abilities, either.

The atmosphere in the room, on the other hand, he could have easily gone without. 

To his luck he had gotten to sit next to Franklin, but the tension never fully left his body and all throughout the meal he had felt like an ant under a magnifying glass. A certain jerk at the head of the table had looked quite delighted at the situation, which had made it incredibly hard for the blond not to throw something at his face. His hand had dangerously inched towards his knife one too many times.  
If Chrollo had noticed, well, that hadn't stopped him from pretending everything was normal.

Pushing his seat under the table after the others had started to stand as well, Kurapika looked at his plate and cutlery. Before he had the time to ask, Nobunaga walked by and started gathering everything, which made him jolt.

«Uhm... I can do it myself, you don't need to-»  
«Leave it, brat.» interrupted the older man dryly «We've got shifts, you take work off of me and I'll never hear the end of it.»  
«He's right.» grumbled Uvogin from the other side of the table as he began doing the same with the others' dishes.  
«... Okay, thank you.» hesitantly agreed Kurapika, glancing around at the slowly emptying room «... I think I've overstayed my welcome now. Thank you both for the meal and... I'll see you tomorrow night, then.»

Receiving one last grin from Uvogin and a half nod from Nobunaga, Kurapika too left the dining room, ready to find Chrollo and tell him he was going home once and for all.  
Before he had the chance to walk into the common room, though, the sound of someone calling his name made him stop in his tracks and he turned around in confusion.

Heading in his direction was Shizuku, a single sunflower held between her pale hands.

«Here.» she offered after she had come to stand in front of him, holding out the flower for him to take.  
«Oh.» simply said Kurapika stupefied, accepting her gift. Looking between the girl and the plant, a crease formed between his brows «Aren't these important for you? Why are you giving one to me?»  
«You seemed sad earlier,» explained Shizuku, slightly tilting her head sideways «I just thought it might cheer you up, like it does with me.»

Kurapika didn't know why, but he felt something in his chest tighten at those words.

«I see... Thank you.»

Shizuku only nodded at him in response and then bid him goodnight, leaving him to stand alone by the altar in the back of the church.

Kurapika stared down at the fragile sunflower between his hands, his breathing shallow.

His revenge, Leorio, Gon, Killua, Alluka.  
He already had too much on his plate. He shouldn't let anything or anyone else get to him. He had made peace with that already, hadn't he?  
So why was his vision getting so blurry?

«Kurapika.»

The young man jumped at the voice right behind him, but he didn't turn around. Despite the sound of the wind blowing through the broken walls of the church, it shouldn't have been hard to hear Chrollo's approaching steps, and yet he hadn't noticed them at all.

«What is it?» he asked, trying to reign in his emotions. He knew both his voice and his arms were shaking, but mentally he pleaded Chrollo not to probe.  
«... Didn't you want to go home?»

His tone had changed.

Kurapika didn't know whether it was a good or a bad thing. He knew he couldn't hide his internal turmoil, not from someone like him at least. He wished his body would just obey his commands for once, that it would stop being so transparent and devastatingly susceptible to his emotions. Everything would be easier that way.  
Everything would be easier if he just stopped feeling anything at all.

He knew Chrollo was watching him intently, he could feel it on his skin.  
It felt invasive.  
His sorrows, Sheila... Hadn't he had enough of seeing how weak he was already? He wanted to turn around and shout at him to look away from him, but the thought of showing the raven his face at that moment made him sick.  
His throat felt like something was choking him.

«Yes. I will take my leave now. Goodbye.» he supplied stiffly, willing his legs to start walking in the direction of the exit.

This time, Chrollo's steps were loud and clear.

«... Why are you following me?»  
«The Sun is already setting and you're unarmed.»

Kurapika bit his lower lip so hard it started to bleed.  
No matter what he did, how much he grew, he'd always remain that stupid, helpless child. He didn't care whether Chrollo's actions had stirred from pity, patrocination or anything else, nor why. He just felt hopelessly small.

Despite this, a feeble emotion was beginning to take shape in the back of his head. Like a weed, he tried to extirpate it as soon as it became just distinct enough for him to identify it.  
He couldn't allow it.  
He already had someone waiting for him to come home, he couldn't risk letting anyone else in, especially not people like that, who faced death everyday, who could be swept in her embrace any day.  
He couldn't live through that again.

Aside from the hammering of his heart, the only noise his ears could catch was the sound of Chrollo's footsteps on the broken tiles behind him.

...

Behind him?

...

Ah.

...

"He remained behind me"

Had it been out of pity, out of patrocination, out of anything else? He didn't know. He didn't care.  
Without him even needing to say anything, Chrollo had understood.  
He couldn't extirpate the weed anymore.

It made him happy.

Like the unrelenting heartiness Uvogin always greeted him with, like Kortopi's attempt at cheering him up, like Shizuku's spontaneous gift for him, it made him happy. Just like his friends made him.

Kurapika's chest painfully constricted again.  
A pitiful sob was threatening to escape his throat, but he was able to swallow it down despite the ache. His legs felt weak, like they could buckle any second under his weight, but he forced them to remain steady.  
Miraculously, he managed to step out of the church, nod at the person standing outside as a sentry - whoever it was - and walk several meters up ahead before completely losing his grip on his already slipping self restraint.

A salty teardrop ran down his face, followed by another, and then another, and then another. A beast could jump in front of him and slash its claws at him that second, for all he cared.  
In that moment, the only things which existed in his world were the sunflower cradled in his hands and the sound of Chrollo's boots against the ground.

***

Minutes, hours. Kurapika had no idea how long it took for him to reach Central Yharnam. All he knew was that he felt completely drained and that, by the time the frantic rising and falling of his chest had eased, the two of them had almost reached the outskirts where he lived.  
Chrollo had needed to jump in front of him a couple of times along the path, but he had never turned his head to look back at him, not even one time, and for once Kurapika had been too preoccupied to let the reek of blood get to him.

It was hard to accept everything that had happened. Even the mere thought of it almost took his breath away again and the tears threatened to spill once more.  
He knew that was probably going to be another dreamless night.

When his house came into view, the blond felt both a weight being lifted from his chest and a tremendous sense of guilt clench his heart.  
He hadn't seen the others since the previous evening and then had disappeared on them without a notice for a whole day. He wanted nothing more to tell Gon, Killua and Alluka he was sorry, to tell Leorio he hadn't meant to be rude with him.  
He was so tired of arguing.

Stopping in his tracks in front of his front door, Kurapika took in a deep, shaky breath. He tried to gather his thoughts, but something like a fog had descended on his mind and he found it hard and tiresome to focus. He hoped at least his voice sounded more secure than he felt.

«Chrollo.»  
«What is it?»  
«Thank you.»

For everything. He didn't say that out loud, but something inside him believed it was a necessary addition nevertheless.

A beat.

For an instant, all was silent again, then Kurapika felt something warm touch his shoulder and he jumped in surprise.  
For once, Chrollo wasn't wearing his gloves. He hadn't noticed that before.

«Can you turn around now?» asked the raven, his voice subdued but not unkind.  
«... Must I?»  
«I'm not going to force you, if that's what you're thinking about.»

Kurapika lowered his puffy eyes onto his sunflower and fixedly stared at it for several seconds, as if the plant held all the answers to his troubles. In the twilight, its seeds almost looked black.  
He was sure he looked terrible. He certainly felt like it.  
Forcing the tension in his body to dissipate with a sigh and inhaling deeply once more, he allowed himself to raise his head and turn around to face the other man for the first time since their shared meal.

Chrollo looked back at him calmly, not a trace of displeasure or vexation on his face. When Kurapika's brown eyes finally met his grey ones, he let the corners of his lips curve upwards.

«See? Not so bad, right?»

The blond didn't know whether he wanted to slap that stupid smile off the older man's face, laugh at what had to be one of the stupidest things he could have ever said to make him feel better, thank him for having made an attempt at all, all of it or none of it.  
In the end he settled for a shake of his head and a glare he put no energy in pretending was actually real.

«Shut up, you don't know the half of it.»  
«I guess,» replied Chrollo with a shrug, tightening his hold of the other's shoulder for a moment before letting his hand fall away «I don't particularly mind not knowing.»

Kurapika jolted. Before he had the chance to respond, a loud stomping coming from inside the house caught his attention. Part of him was glad for the interruption, for he truly didn't know what he would have said.

«Who the hell is talking right outside my door at this hour!?» yelled Leorio in indignance.  
Higher, younger voices telling him to remain calm could be heard throughout it all, and a sigh of relief left Kurapika's lips. They were safe.

«... You probably should go now.» he said breathily.  
«I figured that was my cue to leave.» joked Chrollo in response, getting an eye roll out of the younger man «See you tomorrow, Kurapika.»

Having said that, he turned around and walked away the same way he had done the previous night. And just like then, the blond silently stared after him, something not quite like a lump taking shape in his throat once more. He didn't know why.  
He felt like he was locked inside a maze and no matter which path he took, he always ended up in the same, desolate dead end. He wondered how being so nonchalant felt like, or whether he could learn how to pretend being it as well as the other did.

«See you tomorrow.»

Kurapika was still turned in the direction Chrollo had disappeared in when the front door was suddenly swung open and he heard multiple gasps behind him.

«You're finally back!»  
«Are you okay?»  
«Where have you been!?»  
«Why did you leave?»

The chorus of his friends' concerned voices immediately reached his ears. He hated making them worry, but they cared about him.  
It made him happy, and now he was struggling to hold back the tears again. He wanted to keep everyone he cared about safe this once, but he didn't know if he was strong enough. It scared him.

Turning around, he showed them a watery smile. 

«I'm home.»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We just keep breaking the "longest chapter yet" record, lads.  
> Just for the sake of trivia: the name of this chapter comes from italian 70s song "aggiungi un posto a tavola" and I specifically chose it because it goes "add a seat to the table for there's an additional friend". Yeah. There was no need for the PT to add a seat since some of the members were missing, but you get the gist of it.
> 
> In the game the creepy statues are everywhere from the beginning and then they really get... Creepy Deluxe™ in a certain special location, but if Yharnam were a real place I'd like to imagine a sort of ascension of it all, you know? In a "weird statues only somewhere -> weird statues everywhere -> REALLY weird statues everywhere" kind of way, which is what happens in this au.
> 
> Lo and behold, Mr No I Won't Get Attached ends up doing just that. Good for him... Right?  
> We know very little of Kortopi and Bonolenov, which means I can do whatever I want with them and it's fun. They're kind of like blank pages and if I want to make Kortopi the emotional support child of the PT, I Will.
> 
> A two minutes google search told me a family of four can last a year with about three deer. This is a family of twelve and among its members are two giant men, so I assume the number is slightly different for them.  
> I'm pretty sure it's impossible to skin and cook them so fast, but let's pretend it is, because really I know nothing about how it all works. Speaking of which, I think Uvogin, Nobunaga and Phinks would make the worst team of hunters, which is why it took them a day to catch dinner I guess lol.
> 
> And yeah not only did Chrollo [SPOILERS but obviously you already know what goes here], he also steals books from Cainhurst to this day. The disrespect... Truly the worst. That's why I love him <3 I think in canon he'd do the same.  
> On that note, I imagine his and Machi's mental convo consisted in something like this:
> 
> M: Are you really letting this guy do whatever he wants? Despite knowing what will happen if he somehow finds out the truth? Really?? Really???  
> C: It's fine I've Got Everything Under Control™ +B)  
> M: Had it not been for the respect and affection I feel towards you, I would have slaughtered you  
> C: +;)
> 
> Ok all jokes aside I don't know what sort of divine grace helped me update so frequently until last week, but January aka exams month is fast approaching so... Yeah :') Expect everything to actually start to slow down a little.
> 
> Current time where I live: 01:56. Tomorrow I will check my grammar and all, but now I'll go bye-bye like Feitan suggested Kalluto do.


	13. Closer

Kurapika was sitting on the armchair close to the lit fireplace. The evening wasn't much cold, but he hadn't even taken off his coat since setting foot in the house and the heat felt soothing, comforting.  
A warm mug was between his hands, the calming aroma of the fuming tea a blessing for his tense nerves. Mentally, he felt exhausted. He wished he could bury himself under his covers already and forget about everything, if only for the night.

«Here's yours, Alluka.»  
«Thank you.»

The quietly spoken exchange made the blond look up from the sizzling flames, his eyes dry for how long he had been staring at them, unblinking.

Huddled together on the old couch in the living room were Gon, Killua and Alluka, matching subdued expressions on their faces.  
Kurapika watched Leorio as he leant down and handed the youngest of the trio one of the two cups he was holding; the underground doctor then straightened up again and walked to a nearby chair, ungraciously flopping down onto it with a sigh. Some hot brew spilled over the rim of his own cup and splashed onto his sleeve and lap, to which he visibly had to suppress a curse.

The whole ordeal stole a chuckle from the children and even Kurapika let out a short huff of air, but his face became somber again once the amusement had passed.  
All was silent for several minutes after that, each one of them lost in thought and sipping on their drinks. The air in the room wasn't tense, not really, but there was an undeniable build up of suspense.

In looking down, Kurapika's eyes fell on the sunflower resting upon his legs. The warm hues of its petals looked darker in the light of the fire, almost red. Only then did he notice that it wasn't in full bloom like the ones Shizuku had shown him weeks prior, but looked slightly withered. One of his hands fell from the mug and softly caressed the delicate plant.  
He didn't mind that. It was a wonder it had managed to last that long, anyway.

«... So... Are you feeling any better now?»

Leorio hadn't explicitly called his name, but Kurapika knew his friend was talking to him. Nodding his head, he inhaled deeply and forced his body to relax against the armchair's backrest. He didn't feel like talking, but he had no way of getting out of that situation in the first place so he might as well get comfortable instead.

«I am... Thank you.»  
«That's good.» breathed out the older in relief, raising a hand to scratch the back of his head in uncertainty «... Will you tell us what happened?»  
«... There's really not much I can tell you.» a sigh. He heard, more than saw, Leorio take a sharp inhale at his words, which would have made him groan out in frustration if he hadn't been so tired of fighting «There's just a lot on my mind, most of it has to do with my job.»  
«Is it something bad?» asked Gon from the couch, his amber eyes wide but hopeful.  
«Some of it is bad, some of it is good... For one, I want to tell you... _All of you_ ,» he stressed, looking each of his friends in the eye «I'm sorry for how I acted yesterday.»

Killua hunched up his shoulders in response and looked away, a poorly concealed grimace pulling on his lips. Alluka took his hand in a placating gesture, but the boy's expression only seemed to darken.

«Sure, it's fine, don't worry about it.» he said, speaking over Leorio's "You're not getting away with this".  
«Killua, I'm being serious.»  
«Yeah, I got it.»  
«Killua-»  
«No, Gon, it's fine.»  
«Brother, please don't get angry...»  
«Me, angry? No, no. I just think it's funny how people can overlook trust and all of that when it's convenient for them.»  
«Do not.» sharply said Kurapika. For all the wrong reasons, alertness was flowing through his body again, but he refused to lose his cool like that «I was just worried for you, I still am. I know it doesn't excuse my behavior, but don't act like I don't care about you.»  
«What should _we_ say then? If we pushed you to talk every time something was up with you, we'd never hear the end of it!»  
«What happened yesterday was on a completely different level from all of that and you know it, too.»  
«Can anyone tell me what's going on!? I'm the only one out of the loop and you've been acting weird since yesterday!» a pause «All four of you!»

Leorio's yell made everyone shift in their seat.  
Kurapika only looked at the children with displeasure written clear across his face. Killua turned his head away with an irritated click of his tongue and Gon averted his eyes as well, his face acquiring the usual green tinge from when he had to hold something back. Only Alluka seemed to be swayed by the doctor's words, glancing uncertainly at the two boys next to her and then pouting down at her cup.

«I-»  
«Alluka, you don't have to say anything.» cut in Killua, tightening his hand around hers.  
«Either you let her speak or we'll stay here the whole night.» firmly stated Leorio, crossing his arms to his chest and prompting a glare from the boy.  
«What happened cannot be explained and, since you weren't there, you wouldn't understand anyway.» interjected Kurapika, to which his older friend's mouth widened in indignance «And if you're going to resent me for it, I don't want to hear anything about it. Just tell me one thing: is it dangerous?» he then added, looking straight into Alluka's clear eyes.

The girl held her breath and for a moment seemed to cower under his stare. Killua protectively shifted his body so he was partially covering his sister from view and scowled at him. He looked like he wanted to protest, but Gon grabbed his shoulder and called his name before he had the time to.  
The two boys exchanged a long, charged stare, but eventually Killua slowly let out a shaky exhale and sat back.

«Well...» carefully began Alluka «Not really... Not towards us. It's never been cruel with us.»  
« _It_?» insisted Leorio, an alarmed edge to his voice.  
«Like Kurapika said, it's... complicated...»  
«One of you make it easy then, because you can't just expect me to remain calm after hearing something like this! Are you in danger?»  
«Didn't you hear her?» scoffed Killua «We're not.»  
«I heard her loud and clear, but that doesn't change the fact I don't know what this thing you're all talking about is!»  
«Well, there's no need for you to know!»  
«What did you say, you-»  
«Both of you, stop fighting!»

Everyone jumped.

Kurapika hadn't ever heard Alluka raise her voice before. If it hadn't been for Gon's quick reflexes, Killua's empty mug would have shattered against the floor.  
Letting go of her brother's hand, the girl shot to her feet and looked between him and Leorio with quivering lips. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears, but they were firm in spite of the distress in them.

«Stop fighting because of me! I don't want you guys to be angry s-so please... Just stop.»  
«Alluka...»  
«I don't mind telling him! It's not normal and without seeing it he won't understand, but I don't mind. Brother, please, listen to me.»

Killua's blue eyes were fixated on his sister, wide in shock. His hands were shaking, but he tried to hide it by gripping his knees. From his reaction, Kurapika guessed that he wasn't used to seeing her like that either.  
The two siblings stared at each other for a long moment, silent. It took him a while to reach a decision, but in the end Killua nodded in acceptance and let all traces of anger leave his face, leaving only sadness behind. Throwing a quick glance first at Kurapika and then at Leorio, he lowered his head.

«I'm sorry.»  
«It's alright.» reassured the blond as he made his mug rotate between his hands to ease his nervousness, if only a little.

Leorio looked uncertain for a moment, worry and frustration still gnawing at his conscience, but he then let the tension in his body ease with a sigh and raised a hand to massage his forehead.

Alluka let out a whimper and sat back on the couch, throwing her free arm around Killua, who hugged her back in turn. It took several minutes for her to stop shaking and when she did she spoke in a thick, breathy voice.

«It's hard to describe it... It's more than a ghost, but it doesn't have a body, not here, and it lives inside of me.»  
« _Excuse me_?» choked out Leorio. Killua threw him a scathing glare, but Alluka only nodded.

«I don't remember a day of my life when it wasn't with me. It's not always nice, but it's not evil, I swear... It just does what it thinks is right.»

Kurapika listened to all of this carefully, eyes fixated on the children to monitor all their reactions. He hoped Alluka's words would shed some light not only on the thing inside of her, but also on their past.  
Chrollo's words echoed clearly in his head.

_«That family isn't normal.»  
«Everything that happened, their parents brought it upon themselves.»_

He desperately wanted to know more, but he stopped himself from asking in honor of what he had said earlier. A voice in the back of his head reminded him that if he knew more about them, maybe he'd find out something about Chrollo as well, but he tried to suppress it. 

«What do you mean "it just does what it thinks is right", what does this thing do?» unwittingly supplied Leorio with unease for him in the meantime.  
«Well, it's not good to... Some people. It never told me why, but it punishes them.»  
«That's enough.» interjected Killua «Now you know what Kurapika saw yesterday and we told you both it's not bad to us, so we don't need to talk about the rest.»  
«Fine.» agreed the blond before Leorio could have a say in it, prompting a dark scowl from him.  
«I swear, if this is all some kind of sick joke...»  
«It wouldn't be a funny one, then.» said Gon with a pout, speaking for the first time in a while.  
«Never mind that, it'd be preposterous to begin with.» continued Kurapika.

Leorio, who had brought his cup up to his lips to take a calming sip from it, choked on his tea.

« _You_ are the last person who's allowed to criticize me!» he yelled, pointing a finger to the blond «Need I remind you that you're the reason why we're in this situation to begin with?»  
«I know. Did you forget about my apology?» scoffed Kurapika in turn, a hint of irritation in his voice.  
«You still haven't told us where you've been or who you were talking to earlier!»  
«You are not my mother but, if you must know, I just went on a walk, met the other hunters I work with and spent some time with them. I didn't have my weapons on me, so one of them accompanied me back. That's it.»

To be fair, it _was_ the truth. Deprived of all and any details, but still the truth.

«And I'm supposed to believe now you're getting all chummy with people you swore you couldn't care less about?»  
«Is it a bad thing that he's making new friends?» innocently asked Gon.

A jolt ran through Kurapika at the child's words, but he tried to hide it as best as he could.  
The awareness that he cared about the Phantom Troupe - some of its members, at least - was still foreign to him, just the thought of it threatened to make his throat tight again. But friends? Could he consider them his friends? _Did_ he?

«That's not what I mean, the issue here is that you're all irresponsible idiots and I have no way of knowing whether he's telling the truth!»  
«Well, I am.» sharply declared Kurapika after pushing his thoughts to the back of his head «And I'm tired of arguing so now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be retiring for the night.» he then added, getting to his feet and heading to the kitchen to leave his mug in the sink. He'd wash it in the morning.

Leorio looked like he wanted to question him some more, but a loud groan from Killua stopped him before he could.

«Whatever, let's just end it here. I'm going to sleep.» having said that, he pushed himself up the couch and stretched his arms over his head.  
Gon and Alluka did the same, mirroring Kurapika's actions and bringing their cups over to the sink.

Leorio stared after them in shock for several seconds. Inhaling and exhaling deeply, he shook his head in exasperation and ran a hand through his short hair.

«You guys will be the death of me.»  
Standing up, he joined the quartet in the kitchen.

« _You_ will _immediately_ inform me the second anything weird happens, no matter how minor you think it is,» he began, pointing to the children «And _you_ need to stop making me fear one day someone will turn up at my door to announce something I'd rather not hear.» he then finished, shifting his accusatory gaze on Kurapika.  
«Sure, old man.» flatly agreed Killua, to which he received an elbow to his side from Gon and a smack to his shoulder from Alluka.  
«I'll do my best.» meanwhile answered Kurapika, his lips upturned in a bitter smile.

Groaning out loud, Leorio massaged his temples and rolled his eyes, he too abandoning his cup inside the sink.

«All of you to your rooms now, I don't want to hear or see you for the rest of the night. Have a good one.»

Having said that, the tall young man turned on his heels and trudged away towards his room.  
Gon and Killua exchanged a look and shrugged, following in his footsteps after bidding Alluka and Kurapika goodnight. For a moment Killua had hesitated to meet the blond's eyes, but when he had his forced aloof expression didn't completely hide the apology clearly written across his face. Kurapika had chosen not to explicitly comment on it, simply nodding at the boy in understanding.

While Alluka preceded him and went upstairs, Kurapika retraced his steps, walking close to the fireplace and getting to work to extinguish the fickle flames left. As he prodded at the wood and embers, he lowered himself onto his knees and let his shoulders sag.

So much for not arguing with the others.

Running his hand across his face, he massaged his eyes. They still felt sore and swollen, but he was grateful that they hadn't insisted on it. He wouldn't have even known what to say. Moreover, Leorio's last words had left an unpleasant taste in his mouth.  
It plagued him, how they all wasted their time worrying for someone like him when they were in a much more vulnerable situation just by virtue of being normal people.

"But that's because they think I'm like them, too"

If they learnt about his plans for the Church members, about his origins, they'd find him repulsive, he was sure.  
Whether true or not, stories about the vilebloods, about their now forsaken castle painted red with blood, were known all throughout the region, and who was to say Leorio himself hadn't known someone who had died by the hand of one of his brethren? The Church deserved all it was going to get, but would they only think of him as a vicious killer then, as someone who was only indulging in his nature?  
No, his desire to cling to what little was left of his oath aside, the thought of his friends uncovering any of his secrets filled him with dread.

When the ashes finally smothered the fire and darkness completely fell on the room, Kurapika heaved himself up with a sigh. One day or the other that situation was going to drive him crazy, he was sure of that.

Grabbing the flower he had left on the armchair, at last he went to his room as well, ready to let sleep claim him.

He was contemplating where to find a vase for Shizuku's gift when a faint, distant memory suddenly struck him while he was changing into his night clothes, choking the breath out of him.

***

_His legs carried him through the richly adorned corridors of Cainhurst as he ran.  
He bumped against some people along the way, but he didn't turn to their calls nor stop for them, only throwing quick half-hearted apologies from over his shoulder without even slowing down._

_What felt like an eternity later, a familiar figure finally appeared in his field of vision and he beamed._

_«Mother!»_

_Hearing his loud call, accompanied his fast approaching footsteps, the woman in question turned around in confusion, smiling upon seeing him._

_«What is it, Kurapika?»  
«Mother, look what I found!»_

_The blonde woman looked down at his hand inquisitively, her smile warm and sincere. When she saw what he was holding, she gasped._

_«Oh, baby, it's beautiful!»_

_Mindful not to dirty the long dress she was wearing, she knelt to his eye level, a hand accepting the scarlet carnation offered to her, the other coming to caress his hair and cheek.  
As she glanced between the flower and him, a mischievous light glinted in her hazel eyes._

_«Did you_ steal _it from Mizeru's garden, by chance?»_

_The face he made in response to that must have been particularly funny, for an amused laugh escaped her throat before he even had the time to say anything to defend himself._

_«You're impossible, you know how mad he gets when someone touches his plants.»  
«But I just wanted to bring you a gift!»  
«I know, darling, but you shouldn't take things from others before asking them first.»  
«Mhh... Fine...»_

_His mother shook her head in exasperation, but the fond smile pulling on her lips never left her face.  
Putting her arm around his small shoulders, she pulled him close to her chest and held him tight, her chin affectionately nuzzling the top of his head._

_«Oh, honey, thank you anyway... It's too bad that these flowers don't last long after they're cut-»  
«What!?»  
«-But luckily I have the solution just for that! I'll show you.»_

_Getting to her feet in a gracious move, she patted away the creases on her skirt and then held out her hand for him to take, looking down at him expectantly._

_«Come with me, Kurapika.»_

***

His legs shook as he stumbled towards his desk and took the sunflower between his hands again. Holding it close to his chest, he remained motionless for several seconds, struggling to get his breathing under control again.  
When he felt like he could walk without the risk of his knees buckling under his weight, he forced his legs to move in the direction of his closet.

_«It's the best way to preserve them, you see? Now we'll just have to leave it here for a while.»_

Not without any difficulty he swallowed the lump in his throat and emulated what his mother had done all those years ago, pushing his clothes aside to make some space and hanging the sunflower upside down.  
Closing the closet's doors again, he leant his forehead against the cold wood and exhaled a shaky breath.

His fists tightened to the point his knuckles turned white.  
He refused to believe that she had known about the murders. He _couldn't_ believe that about her. Not her, not his father, not Pairo's parents.  
But it killed him that he would never know the truth, that he'd have to carry that burden for as long as he lived.

The only thing he could do was pray, to who, he didn't know, that it hadn't been like that and be true to his objective to the end.  
That was his only reason for living in the first place.

***

Breakfast the next day was a mostly quiet, but miraculously not tense, affair.  
Kurapika had tossed and turned all throughout the night, falling into a light sleep at intervals only to wake up over and over again. From the shadows under his friends' eyes, it hadn't been much different for them either. Despite this, they all fell into their usual routine without any efforts, which was encouraging.

Fiddling with his mug after having finished eating, Kurapika mulled over what to tell the others just like he had the previous day.  
On one hand, the kidnappings were only going to become a pressing issue over time and he wanted them to be safe; on the other hand, Leorio obviously couldn't stop looking after his patients and he couldn't oblige the children to stay home. He couldn't be in multiple places at once to protect them and, even if he could, they probably wouldn't want him to.  
All he could do was give them an advice and hope for the best.  
Taking a deep breath, he spoke.

«Everyone, there's something I would like to ask of you.»

Four pairs of eyes immediately settled on him. For an instant, nobody moved a muscle, seemingly frozen in place.

«What is it _now_?» eventually groaned out Leorio, breaking the silence with a tone that seemed to beg him not to add any more fuel to the fire.

"That's too bad"

«Leorio, make sure you're never walking alone and be quick if you are. Gon, Killua, Alluka, don't go out too far and stick to the main streets as much as possible. Yharnam isn't safe.»  
«What's new? It hasn't been in ages.» continued his older friend.  
«Does it have anything to do with what happened yesterday?» meanwhile asked Gon, his voice coated with way too much curiosity for the blond's liking.  
«It's something I've discussed with the others, yes, but I can't tell you much. It's a... Complex situation.»  
«Whatever. Like Leorio said, it won't be much different than normal.» commented Killua with a shrug.

Leorio stood up from the table with a grunt and cleared the plates, ready to go back to his patients.  
Kurapika distinctly heard him grumble something about never getting a straight answer from him, but he chose not to respond. The fact that the man had allowed the issue to die just like that already was an accomplishment on its own. 

Soon after even the children left to play outside, and Kurapika remained alone in the house once again.  
During the morning he busied himself with the laundry, stretching the activity out for as long as he could, folding and unfolding the clothes until only perfect piles remained on his bed. Taking the now cool ashes out of the unlit fireplace came next, and then it was finally time for lunch.

There was no point in going out like the previous day, so during the afternoon he grabbed a random book from Leorio's library out of desperation and skimmed through its pages in boredom. He had already read it in the past, just like the others, but it was better than pacing back and forth in the living room or staring at a wall. Additionally, the troubles of those familiar characters were a thousand times easier to deal with than his own, that was sure.  
Which reminded him, he wanted to ask Chrollo to give him some of the books he had gathered. After all, the man had been sustaining himself with texts taken from _his_ home for what seemed like a long time, it was only fair to get some of them back.

The passage of time felt excruciatingly slow and the rest of the day remained uneventful.  
Reading hadn't done much to smother Kurapika's restlessness, but as dinnertime and dusk approached a weird sensation gradually began to take its place and he felt as if a weight had been placed on his chest. Something awfully similar to anticipation gnawed at his conscience but why, or for what, he didn't know. It wasn't like he was going to do anything unusual and it annoyed him how he couldn't pinpoint the cause of that feeling.

Upon further reflection, the fact that he had gotten so used to patrolling with the Troupe that he had started to consider it normal was remarkable to begin with, seeing as he had known them for so little time. But then again he _had_ agreed to Leorio's proposal of living in Yharnam not long after he had met him, so he supposed that getting used to the other hunters after barely more than three weeks wasn't so bizarre.

When that thought fully registered, a shiver ran down his spine.  
He had been so preoccupied with everything that had been going on that he hadn't noticed how near the next Night of the Hunt was until that moment.  
In just about a week, the blood-induced transformations would be in full swing again. He wasn't looking forward to that at all, not only because of the toll it would have on the yharnamites as a whole or the subsequent cleansing, but also due to the consequences the hunt would have on him. No matter how many times he partook in it, he'd never get used to all that blood and death.

He wondered how many more full Moons would come and go before the fall of the Healing Church and the end of the scourge of the beast. His wish to see it all crumble down stemmed from an egotistical desire first and foremost, but even with all the destruction left behind everyone would benefit from it. The consequences of using the Holy medium had far outweighed its prodigiousness and no quest for power was worth all those sacrifices.  
They were all simply going to get what they deserved.

***

«I'll be going now.» called Kurapika from the threshold, his body clothed in the black hunter's uniform and his weapons strapped to his side.  
The sky was warm in tint and clear from any and all clouds for once, the setting Sun perfectly visible in the horizon.

«Alright.» replied Leorio from where he was laying on the couch, his face hidden behind one of his medical texts «Be careful.»  
«Say hi to your friends for me!» said Alluka, peeking her head out of Gon and Killua's room and speaking over the boys' goodbyes.

Kurapika reluctantly smiled and only nodded in response, waving one gloved hand before heading out and closing the door behind him. Like the previous day it wasn't much cold, which he was grateful for.

As he neared the great bridge, the weird anxiousness he had been feeling since that afternoon didn't dissipate as he had wished. Rather, it seemed to permeate his limbs to the point they felt heavy and settle down on his stomach, making it churn in apprehension.  
By exclusion, he eventually guessed that it had something to do with the previous day's events, which he had been doing his best not to think about at all. He wanted to kick himself, if only to punish the part of him that _had_ unconsciously been worrying about it and that had prompted that reaction from his body.

He was way past the point of wanting Chrollo not to notice his mood, but he hoped that at least the man would spare him from any comments. What had been going through the raven's mind during their walk and how much he had understood was a mystery to him.  
Still, he didn't know what bothered him the most, the thought of Chrollo actually figuring him out or the one of him reaching a wrong conclusion.

Part of him was curious to know what the raven had even meant with what he had said before Leorio had interrupted them, but he'd throw himself under a beast's claws a hundred times over willingly bringing up that subject with him. Facing him the previous day after his moment of crisis had been mortifying enough.  
A voice in the back of his head reminded him that it had been his choice to turn around in the first place, but he suppressed it in annoyance. 

Despite his best efforts not to, in the end Kurapika did nothing except mull over that situation for the whole duration of his walk from the house to the great bridge, which irked him greatly.  
By the time the still partially wrecked structure finally came into view some wind had picked up, courtesy of the nearing night, but fortunately it wasn't much strong. As he came closer, he was surprised to see a black-clad figure already waiting for him there.

Chrollo was leaning on the bridge's parapet, his arms crossed over the stone and a thoughtful look on his face as he stared down at the city below. He had given no external signs of having noticed him yet, but Kurapika knew better than to let that fool him and he was pretty sure that "unguarded" wasn't even in the man's dictionary in the first place.  
Still, he disliked being ignored, so he made sure his steps sounded loud and clear against the pavement and didn't hesitate in walking towards him. 

«Angry at something already?» inquired Chrollo when he had gotten closer without even turning his head, a hint of amusement in his voice.  
«I'm not.» huffed Kurapika in response, mentally damning the other's bluntness. Coming to stand beside him, he crossed his arms to his chest and pursed his lips, looking at the raven with suspicion «You're never so early usually.»  
«Is it a problem if I am?»  
«Dodging my question won't make me forget about it, you know.»

Chrollo let out a quiet chuckle at that, shaking his head in amusement and partially turning towards him.  
Kurapika regarded him attentively, taking note of the shadows under his eyes. They wouldn't have been much evident on anyone else, but the man's ghostly complexion certainly didn't aid him in concealing such marks, no matter how mild.

«Central Yharnam is closest to where Shalnark operates.» began Chrollo, his tone measured and deliberately composed «He hasn't come back yet so I went to check if he had left a message for us, like we do with Pakunoda, but came away empty handed. I just didn't feel like walking back and forth.»  
«Does his prolonged absence mean he's been found out?» questioned Kurapika, a hint of concern in his voice. He wasn't much fond of the other blond, but he had no reason to wish him ill and who knew what would happen to their objective then.  
«Not necessarily. It's likely that he doesn't have the time to come and go, or that it's too risky to leave. Still, I would have preferred to hear from him.»

Kurapika nodded in understanding, a crease forming between his brows, and tightened his hands around his arms. He didn't like the sound of that at all.  
From the looks of it, Chrollo didn't either.

«What is it he does, anyway? Bonolenov already gathers intel on the Church from the inside and there's not much else around here.»  
«Back to asking questions, are we?»  
«What I asked is pertinent to our shared goal, isn't it?»

Chrollo held his firm stare silently and unblinkingly. Kurapika could almost hear the gears turn in his head and hoped they did so in his favor.  
In the end the raven broke their eye contact first, looking again off to the city below and shrugging. The Sun was truly starting to set at last.

«Have you ever heard of Byrgenwerth?» he asked, voice sombre.  
«The school? Only once, a long time ago.» carefully began Kurapika, his brows furrowing in remembrance and a sour taste invading his mouth «... I was granted permission to leave Cainhurst Castle and the elders mentioned it to me in passing while explaining about the outside world. They were the ones who discovered the Holy medium, weren't they?»  
«Correct. It's lost most of its past prestige, but it's no less operational than before.»  
«What does it have to do with us, though? I was told the Healing Church was born out of a disagreement over the use of the Old Blood and that the scholars split into two factions.»  
«That's how it used to be, but things have gotten more complicated over the years.»

Straightening up, Chrollo put his hands in his pockets and started walking, gesturing at Kurapika to do the same. Flanking him, the blond expectantly waited for the older man to resume his explanation.

«The divide between them only lasted until the previous provost had to renounce his position, but it's already been about twenty years since then. Officially they're still not involved with one another, but in truth the Church has been using Byrgenwerth for a while now.»  
«So what Shalnark does is play the part of the scholar then?»  
«Becoming a scholar would require years and I think we'd truly never have the chance to see him again in that case.» the lighthearted way in which Chrollo had spoken and the way his eyes had narrowed just at that prospect couldn't be any less mismatched «He's a student there. He's tasked with mapping as much of Byrgenwerth as possible, but its structure is rather large and there are several restricted areas, so it's a rather tedious and time consuming job.»

Kurapika slowly nodded along to those words, lost in thought.

Being Byrgenwerth a place of learning, although its original scholars refuted capitalizing on the Old Blood, it was likely that their studies had never stopped. Successful or not, he doubted any person of science would ever back down from uncovering the mystery behind such a prodigy.  
The immediate consequence of that was easy to guess: the Healing Church had taken advantage of the gap left behind by the previous master to exploit the resources and research the College had accumulated up until that point.

Many were the repercussions of such an event he could think of, and tremendous.  
After all, the blood flowing through his veins in that very moment _had_ originated from Byrgenwerth's findings. If there had been anyone knowledgable on the vilebloods' defenses and how to breach them it would have been its scholars, and obviously it had been in the Church's best interests to get their filthy hands on that knowledge and utilize it to murder them all.

Kurapika bit the inside of his cheek so hard the metallic taste of blood invaded his mouth.  
He could tell his hands were shaking and he knew Chrollo had noticed his reaction right away, but he was too busy not to let the anger get the better of him to care. He'd gladly turn on his heel, walk the deserted path that led to the College and kill them all if he could, if that whole situation wasn't bigger than him, if the Phantom Troupe wasn't involved too.

The young man was forced to take a sharp inhale by the thought of the other hunters. It hadn't even crossed his mind until that moment, but it was so clear. Sombering, even.  
He didn't know why they needed a map of the College in the first place, but right then the feeling he got by being struck by such a dreadful realization was more important than the desire to uncover anything else.

Taking a steadying breath, Kurapika stopped in his tracks.

Chrollo only walked a few steps ahead of him and then did the same, turning around to face him head on. No particular emotion transpired from his face, but he wasn't impassive either. He didn't hesitate one second in reciprocating the younger man's stare, his eyes dark in the dimming light, but not hard.

«I don't need a full answer or an elaboration, just a "yes" or a "no" will be enough.» announced Kurapika, slowly, carefully, as if he was treading a fine line «... Or I guess you can give me no answer at all.»

That nasty, annoying sensation in his stomach from earlier awoke again and he found it harder to breathe. But it wasn't anticipation, nor was it simple curiosity.  
He felt like they were at a turning point, and Chrollo was the one with all the cards in his hands.

«Go on.» encouraged the older man in agreement, his voice low but no less firmer than before. His grey eyes remained unwavering, expressive. They told him he had already understood.  
Inhaling deeply, Kurapika spoke.

«Byrgenwerth has been, or is to this day, the scene of the human experiments conducted by the Healing Church.»

The world seemed to stop for a minute. Kurapika couldn't hear anything else anymore, couldn't see anything else anymore.  
Only he and Chrollo remained, immobile, silent.

Kurapika didn't even truly know whether his hypotheses were true, but his conviction in them had been firm since weeks prior. Still, he felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest after having finally spoken those words and seeing Chrollo hold himself back from reacting to them on the spot, but that feeling of lightness was immediately repelled by a pressing anxiety, almost an ache.  
Both of them knew he was right. All that remained was for Chrollo to give him a useless vocal confirmation.

Except it wasn't useless.  
Not to him, not to Chrollo himself.

It took a long time for the raven to reach a decision. Kurapika had been counting the seconds in his head.  
The moment the other man had his answer, just by looking into his eyes the blond had known.  
Eyes were the mirror of the soul. Sometimes, it was true.

«Yes.»

Kurapika could breathe again.

***

«I'm going to start moving your arm now.»  
«Alright.»  
«Make sure not to cry too much, big guy. This is what you get for treating those things like a discus.»  
«Bastard, next time I'm going to treat _you_ like a discus.»  
«Both of you, shut up and let me work in peace.»

These sharply pronounced words were followed by movement, and then a scream.

«You! You fucking-!»  
«It's your fault, your arm is too tense. Don't shout, or you'll wake the others.»  
«Oh I am so going to kill you after this!»  
«You can try.»  
«Pretty sure death threats count as infighting.»  
«No one asked _you_!»  
« _All of you_ , be quiet.»

Kurapika didn't even know whether to laugh, shake his head in astonishment or both, staring at the trio from his seat on one of the benches in the back of the room.

The night was still young and the five of them had just finished patrolling their districts. As it had become the norm, Kurapika had gone back to the Phantom Troupe's hideout with the others. Only to rest for a while before heading back home, of course.

Due to the closeness of the full Moon, many more beasts than usual had been roaming the streets, but it hadn't really been a problem... For the most part.  
At some point they had encountered a large pack of them, but all had been going well at first. Uvogin had just happened to be facing a much larger fiend then average, probably a transformed ex hunter or someone similarly versed in blood consumption, but for once his throwing arm hadn't sustained the weight of his prey. If he concentrated hard enough, Kurapika swore he could still hear the disturbing sound the giant man's shoulder had made while popping out of its socket in his ears. Just thinking about it made his skin crawl.  
Out of all of them Franklin was the only one strong enough to even lift Uvogin's limb without breaking a sweat so it had been unanimously decided to leave the matter to him, and he guessed that Nobunaga had sat at his friend's side to offer his own version of emotional support.  
He wasn't sure it was working.

«Sorry, boss.» meanwhile responded the three men at once, getting an amused chuckle out of the man in question.

Chrollo was sitting in his usual armchair and scrubbing away the blood staining his weapon, its blade carefully balanced on one hand and a cloth in the other. Every so often he shifted his gaze and glanced at his men, an almost fond look on his face.  
He seemed serene.

The two of them hadn't spoken much since earlier that evening, but Kurapika wasn't worried. If anything, the silence between them had given him a chance to clear his head and calm himself.  
His initial reaction to the other man's answer had been one of relief, but then something akin to enthusiasm had rushed through his veins, leaving him restless for much of the remaining night. His chest painfully constricted just at the thought of that, especially in light of the previous day's events.  
Nevertheless, he was glad that, although slowly, that puzzle was finally being put together, and that Chrollo had chosen to shorten the gap between them, if only a little.  
It had made him happy.

«Can I ask you something?» he then said out of the blue several minutes later, after his thoughts and Uvogin's muffled curses had led him back to the upcoming issue.  
«Of course.» easily replied Chrollo, setting his weapon down on his lap and straightening up in his seat «What is it?»  
«Will we remain in a group for the Night of the Hunt, or will we go solo?»  
«Usually we split into two couples and one trio, but since you're here too I guess there won't be an odd man out this time.»

Kurapika hoped Chrollo knew he deserved to be punched for that joke.

«Who goes where?» he continued, without even dignifying the raven of an answer.  
«Uvo and I usually stay on guard and attract the beasts here.» replied Nobunaga with a grunt without looking at him.  
«Ugh- There's too many people out and about, it's annoying- Argh!» began Uvogin from the floor, while Franklin kept working on his arm «Can't draw much attention to my- Fuck!»  
«How can you even attract the beasts though?» asked Kurapika, dumbfounded.  
«You saw the deer yesterday, right? All that blood's gotta go somewhere. We just add some of that shit the Church provides us hunters with and they flock to it like moths to a lamp.»

The blond instinctively scrunched up his nose in disgust at that. He tried to imagine what something like that would smell like, but even just thinking about it made bile rise in his throat. He'd stay as far away as possible from that valley, that was sure.

«The six of us left only need to agree on which ground to cover, and that'll be all.» further explained Chrollo «Phinks and Feitan are already set so, Frank, you'll go with Machi. Kurapika, you're with me.» he then added, looking first at his subordinate and then at him.  
«Okay, boss.»  
«Fine.»

Satisfied with the answers he had gotten, the young man then furrowed his brows in thought again. Silence fell on the room once more, broken only by Uvogin's pained grunts and by Nobunaga's attempts at distracting him.  
A few minutes later Franklin finally managed to move the bone back in its socket, getting a relieved sigh out of the giant man.

«Just a few days and I'll be good to go!» he exclaimed, sitting up and massaging his injured arm.  
«Shouldn't you rest for more than that, though?» questioned Kurapika, a hint of worry in his voice.  
«No need to, I'll be as good as new in no time. You're not the only one with a freakish body, kid.»

The blond didn't verbally respond to that, he only shrugged and averted his eyes.  
He didn't find it much surprising, to be honest. It was most likely another consequence of the blood or whatever else the Church had injected Uvogin with during its testing. His fists squeezed painfully just at the thought of that.  
He took a few seconds to inhale and exhale deeply to calm down and then stood up.

«Anyway, I'll be going now... Chrollo, a word?»

The man looked up from his weapon in confusion at the sound of his name and remained immobile for a moment, but then got to his feet and followed him out of the room.

«This is rather surprising,» began Chrollo after they put some space between them and the others, his tone inquisitive and his face open «Does it have anything to do with that really dark expression you made earlier for a moment?»  
«Was it that obvious?» asked Kurapika with a click of his tongue.  
«A bit. So, what is it?»  
«This new group that's been kidnapping people, what if they take advantage of all the chaos of the hunt and use it as an excuse to break into the citizens' houses unperturbed? If they made the scene look messy enough, no one would be able to tell it was some _one_ 's doing, instead of a beast's.»

Chrollo let out a sigh and leaned against the wall at his back, but allowed his lips to curve upwards in a small smile.

«I'm glad you reached that conclusion, too.» he said in appreciation, a hint of satisfaction in his voice «If that were to happen, my guess is that they'd start from Old Yharnam, considering it's the poorest part of the city and the least protected one.»  
«That's what I thought as well, but still...»  
«Are you worried for your friends?»

The hair on the back of Kurapika's neck stood up at those words and he crossed his arms to his chest in a self soothing gesture. He couldn't do anything to hide the grimace on his face, but he still instinctively turned his head away from Chrollo.

«There's not much they'd be able to do in that situation.»  
«There should be enough hunters around Central Yharnam to discourage any kind of suspicious activity, but we can go there too if you want. I don't think the others will mind remaining in this area.»  
«Are you sure?»  
«It's fine. It'd be suspicious if we showed too much interest in Old Yharnam, anyway.»

Kurapika nodded in understanding, but those words still left a bitter taste in his mouth. Chrollo was right, but guilt still gnawed at his conscience. Who knew how many people were going to be taken away from their homes that day.

«... Alright.» he eventually agreed with a sigh, running a hand across his face in displeasure. «Alright. Thank you.»

Chrollo nodded back at him in response, pushing off the wall and straightening up.

«It's nothing. Will you be on your way now?»  
«I will. See you in two days.»  
«Goodnight, Kurapika.»

Having said that, the taller man turned around and began walking back towards the room in the back of the Church. Kurapika had mindlessly mirrored his actions, turning on his heel and going for the door, but then a sudden thought crossed his mind and he froze in his tracks.  
Swirling back around, he quickly closed the distance between them and grabbed Chrollo's shoulder on impulse to stop him from walking any further.

«Wait a second!»

Chrollo's eyes were wider than usual when he turned them on him. His eyebrows were hidden behind the ever present cloth tied around his forehead, but Kurapika was sure they had to be arched in surprise at his sudden gesture.  
The man looked even more stunned than when he had found him among his comrades the previous day.

«Yes?»

At once, Kurapika felt something pull on his lips. Letting out a short huff of air, he allowed them to curve upwards in a smug smile, just a little.

«Give me some books.»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only ten days since the last update... I've got the power.
> 
> Lots of information, lots of things, lots of not canon compliance.  
> Leorio must be one of the most stressed characters in this fic atm. Kurapika is *himself*, all seemed well with Gon and Killua but then oop! Surprise sister! Ok we can handle that but all of a sudden oop! Some of his patients randomly went missing, everyone is angry and Alluka is possessed???? Yeah... Not the best situation to be in.
> 
> Kuramama's way of preserving flowers is 100% legit, trust me I'm a serial flowers drier lol. Mizeru is someone Pairo mentions in passing in the backstory chapter by the way!
> 
> Would Uvo even be bothered by a dislocated shoulder? Who knows. Probably not, but let's pretend it'd hurt him.
> 
> Teeny tiny detail: finally, Kurapika's said Chrollo's name to his face and initiated physical contact with him without any murderous/violent intent for the first time ;D *lady from the titanic voice* it's been 84 years...
> 
> Soon it'll be the time to write one of the first scenes I ever planned for this story, so I'm really happy! I hope I'll manage to do it justice.  
> On that note, as I wrote in the notes of chapter 1, I have no idea how many chapters long this fic will be, but currently I predict that it'll be anywhere between 30 and 40.  
> The thing is, I have a checklist of all the main events to come, but if I only wrote about them without adding "filler" chapters like the previous one it'd be a pretty boring read, I think. No bonding, no development. So idk we shall see :/


	14. Communion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, this chapter gets a bit more graphic than usual towards the end, so proceed with caution!

It had already been a week since Chrollo had told Kurapika about Byrgenwerth and had admitted to the Church's experiments.  
In hindsight the time had flown by, but to the young man those few days had felt neverending, monotonous even.

The contrast between his everyday life and the things he knew had always been jarring, but ever since he had gotten involved with the Phantom Troupe the prospect of normalcy had started to get further and further away from him. The more he found out about what laid beneath it all, the deeper he got into it, the more alienated he felt.  
A part of him envied his friends, for despite everything the filth of the Church hadn't gotten to them, and they still knew nothing of what was brewing in the shadows, simply trying their best to live normal lives regardless of the horrors around them, or the ones they had lived through.  
In a way, ignorance was bliss.

He hadn't known peace for years, and with all that was happening his internal unrest only seemed to grow stronger by the day. He had never wished to share his turmoil with anyone else and yet, despite everything, he couldn't deny that collaborating with Chrollo and his band of hunters made his restlessness ease a little.  
He feared for his friends, shaken by the prospect of accidentally dragging them down with him, but that was something he didn't need to worry about in regards to the others. They were doing the pulling just like he was, after all.  
Not that he wanted them to, though.

He was willing to admit to himself that he had grown attached to them, which on one hand made his mission feel somewhat less lonely, but on the other it only added more fuel to the fire. Unlike his friends, the Troupe members consciously and deliberately put themselves in dangerous situations and, as a consequence of their activities, each one of them could easily die.  
It was hypocritical of him, but he was torn between being glad for finally having people who could somewhat understand his motivations and wanting them to lay down their weapons and be safe.

At once, a soft knock on his door brought Kurapika back to reality.  
The young man raised his head in curiosity and straightened up on his seat, but immediately winced at the pain in his neck. He had been hunched over his desk for so long that his muscles had gotten stiff.  
Abandoning his reiterpallasch, he brought up a hand and massaged his nape in an attempt to ease the tension with a sigh.

«Yes?»

The door slowly creaked open and, to his surprise, a tiny head covered in dark hair popped into view.

«Kurapika, can I come in?»  
«Sure. What is it?»

Alluka pursed her lips and nodded at his assent, stepping inside the room and leaning against the newly closed door. For a moment she just stared straight at him from under her bangs, quiet.  
Kurapika arched an eyebrow in a silent question, but the girl only hid her hands behind her back and looked away.

«... My brother, Gon and Leorio are already barricading the windows for tomorrow.» she said after a few more seconds of silence, to which Kurapika tilted his head in confusion.  
«Yes, I can hear them very well.» he replied, pausing for a moment to emphasize his words. The sounds of hammers nailing the protective wooden bars into place were clearly audible even through the pavement. «Did they try to make you work too? Are you hiding from them?»

His attempt at humor didn't get the desired effect. Alluka simply shook her head and took a deep breath, keeping her eyes closed for a while as if in concentration.

Kurapika was starting to get worried.

«Did anything happen?» he asked in an attempt to make the girl confess to the reason for her behavior, but Alluka only shook her head again, a small frown now adorning her round face.  
«My brother didn't want me to tell you this,» she began instead, her voice barely louder than a whisper «But I think you should know. I think you might understand... Because you're different. Right?»

Kurapika jolted to full attention at those words, his body instantly tensing as if wary. Alluka noticed this reaction and hunched her shoulders up to her ears, her eyes wide and guilty.

The child pressed herself harder against the door with a wince, and only then did the blond realise his face had automatically morphed into a glare.  
He had to make a conscious effort to let his scowl fall and he forced himself to breathe deeply for a few moments, speaking only after he was sure that his voice wouldn't come out sounding too sharp.

«Have you told any of the others?»  
«No, of course not! I'm not dumb.»  
«Good.» his muscles remained tense, but a relieved sigh escaped Kurapika regardless. His dark gaze never left Alluka's face, but she turned her head away again just instants later. His scrutiny was relentless and it clearly made her uneasy, but she had nowhere to hide «What do you know?»  
«... Not much. It's just a sensation.»  
«And the thing inside of you is to blame for it, I assume?»

Another nod.

«Something - that's what I call it - doesn't talk, not unless it's out, and not like people do... But I can feel what it feels, so it's easy to tell when someone is different than the rest.»

Kurapika's breathing hitched for a moment. So that was how she had known.  
He had already suspected something like that, but that confirmation still lifted a weight off his chest. There was nothing he could do against the unearthly and the unknown, so Alluka's words meant that he hadn't made any more mistakes, that he couldn't have done anything to prevent it.  
For once, it hadn't been his fault.

But still...

«Do you know what makes me different, then?» he insisted, a cutting edge to his voice despite his attempts at keeping his emotions at bay.  
«Well, no... But it's okay, you don't need to tell me! I didn't come here to talk to you about this.»

Alluka's blue eyes almost looked pleading. Kurapika looked back at her in silence for some more tense seconds before slowly nodding in acceptance, forcing the strain in his muscles to ease. She didn't sound like she was lying.

Those were comforting news, definitely among the best things he had heard in recent memory. He had already made peace with the fact that the girl knew _something_ about him, and he was glad to know that it was just that.

"Something".  
Undefined and vague, the both of them. Great.

«Alright. What did you want to talk about?» he questioned, his tone still guarded.  
«Well... Tomorrow night there will be a full Moon.» hesitantly began Alluka, moving her hands in front of her again to fiddle with the hem of her dress «That's when Something's influence becomes really strong and just- I might start acting weird. If I say or do anything strange, that's why... I was thinking about what I told you all that time ago, about what might happen tomorrow, so I just thought you should know.»

Kurapika carefully nodded to this, his hands tightening into fists above his desk. Alluka had made the right decision in telling him that, but he couldn't help feeling frustrated, as if he was trapped into place.

«Is there any way for you to hold... Something back?»  
«I can't, it's too powerful.» replied the girl with a shake of her head, her long hair swaying with each movement she made «Once it's out, everything becomes hazy and faint. It's as if I'm dreaming. I can only wait for it to retreat back inside of me so I can wake up.»  
«I see. Thank you for being so forthcoming.» conceded Kurapika, bringing a hand up to his face to massage his temples in an attempt to ward off his growing headache. «... I'm sure it wasn't easy to go against Killua's wishes.»  
«My brother only wants to protect me.» stated the girl after a few seconds of thoughtful silence, her lips downturned into a pout «But I don't want to be a burden and I don't want anything bad to happen, so I don't mind talking about it.»  
«I understand. You don't need to justify yourself.»

At these words, Alluka's whole body seemed to slack against the door at her back, an audible sigh of relief escaping her mouth.

«Thank you, Kurapika.»

The young man only nodded in response and then averted his eyes from her for the first time, his gaze settling on the weapon on his desk. Just minutes earlier, he had been sharpening its blade in vision of the following night. His reflection stared back at him, distraught and wide eyed.  
He truly was glad that Alluka had chosen to warn him in advance, but now he was worried about what the thing inside of her would say.

His best option was to avoid the girl as much as he could throughout the day, but that just wasn't possible. How was he going to justify it?

Lost in thought, Kurapika almost didn't hear Alluka subtly shift on her feet. When he looked at her again, the child moved her gaze between him and the door, as if asking him permission to leave.  
The blond absentmindedly nodded at her, but a split second later a memory abruptly struck him, forcing him to jolt on his seat, his muscles tensing all over again.

«Alluka, wait a second.» he hastily called, stopping the girl from reaching for the doorknob.  
«Huh?»  
«Days ago- the man we met when we left Melody's church, did he feel different too? Is that why Something came out?»

The child seemed to mull over his words for a moment, raising a finger to tap her mouth as if in thought. Kurapika held his breath in anticipation.

The only members of the Phantom Troupe who truly had something off about them were Uvogin, Shizuku and Kortopi, but that was only because of the Church's experiments on them. Unlike them though, Chrollo hadn't been subjected to them, not if his theory was correct. There was nothing peculiar about the raven, so then why had that thing been drawn to him anyway?

«"Different" isn't the right word...» slowly began Alluka, her tone almost questioning «He _did_ feel weird, but he was just a normal person. Still, I think Something was almost happy to see him, in a way.»  
«What do you mean _happy_?» choked out Kurapika in astonishment, his voice a notch higher than usual «What about that oppressing sensation we all felt?»  
«Oh, no, that was only because Something had gotten a bit annoyed at my brother because he tried to pull it away from that man.» easily answered Alluka, to which a lump formed in the blond's throat. If _that_ had been only "a bit annoyed", he shivered just at the thought of what that thing would do if truly angered «And well... Maybe happy isn't the right word, but I could tell that Something recognized him. I just don't know why, I had never met him before.»

Kurapika didn't reply to that. For a moment, he swore that he felt his heart stop beating. He had to force himself to start breathing again, because by the time Alluka had finished talking his lungs had stopped working on their own.  
It recognized him, but the two of them had never met? That didn't make any sense.

«Alright. You can go now, Alluka. Thank you.»

The girl hesitated for a moment, but then she timidly smiled at him. Bowing her head, she turned around and opened the door, closing it behind her as she left.  
Immobile, Kurapika listened to her departing footsteps until they became too quiet for him to hear, both because of the distance between them and because of the others' combined voices coming from the floor below, accompanied by the ruckus of their hammers against the walls.

Chrollo had told him he had only a vague idea of what had happened and, unless his memory deceived him, he was pretty sure that the man had looked shaken during the whole ordeal too, just like him and the others had been. Still, there _had_ to be something, anything, that could logically explain it all.  
As usual, he just wasn't aware of all the pieces involved, nor did he know whether it concerned the Church as well, or if it was simply tied to the older man's past.

Kurapika ran a hand across his face and through his hair, messing up the golden locks and letting out a groan of frustration.  
He wanted to know everything, but obsessing over that whole mess was useless, he knew. Chrollo likely wouldn't budge if he brought it up, and he didn't want to risk ruining what little trust they had begun to share by insisting on it.

Huffing, the young man let his upper body go limp and crossed his arms on the desk in front of him, burying his head between them.

Knowing that "Something" wasn't hostile and that it hadn't meant to harm any of them eased some of his worries at least, but a part of him couldn't help being curious all the same. He had gotten used to Chrollo eluding his questions, but he wished the man would just be upfront with him again, just like he had been the previous week.  
He wanted to know the raven's connection to the entity which dwelt inside of Alluka. He could deal with the beasts and the Church members, but he stood no chance against that thing.

"If I have to worry anyway, I'd rather it not be for something I have no power over"

He banged his forehead against his desk just for having even thought something like that.

***

When Kurapika woke up the following morning, the Sun was high in the sky.  
He had remained awake until the early hours of the night, both in an attempt to rest as much as possible during the first half of the day and to have an excuse for not leaving his room. Saying that he had fallen asleep wasn't accurate though, rather, eventually he had just passed out from sheer exhaustion.

He was completely disoriented for the very first few minutes, limply laying on his bed without moving a muscle. He despised being thrown off his schedule, and the monthly Night of the Hunt did just that.  
Despite the late hour, he wasn't hungry, nor did he actually _feel_ like getting up, so he decided not to go downstairs just yet. Leaning halfway over the edge of his mattress, he probed around under his bed until his hand brushed against a leather surface. Letting out a satisfied huff, he grabbed the object in question and pushed himself back up, shoving his pillow against the bed frame and settling against it.  
Opening the book on his lap, he turned its pages until he got to the point where he had previously left off and began to read.

Talking Chrollo into sharing his own personal library with him had been one of his best ideas yet. Hearing Franklin mention his leader's hoarding tendencies or seeing the state of the man's room the very first day he had set foot inside the church simply hadn't been enough for the blond to realise the full extent of Chrollo's collection.  
Only after the raven had led him to alcove after alcove, piles of tomes of any kind littering the tiled floor of that unconventional home, and he had witnessed it with his own eyes had the young man truly understood.  
The whole ordeal had left him feeling like a child at a country fair.

Obviously he was glad to have something to fill the time with again, but he had also been surprised to see that he and Chrollo shared the same literary taste, both enjoying diverse genres but overall preferring historical fiction and informative literature. More often than not that didn't translate into the two of them actually agreeing on the topics discussed or having the same ideas, but he found he enjoyed debating with Chrollo over this and that.  
It was stimulating. Fun even, but he'd never admit to that out loud, let alone to the other man's face.

Kurapika had no idea how much time he spent there on his bed lost in his own world, but at some point the sound of familiar approaching footsteps reached his ears, forcing him to swiftly hide the book under his bed again. He found the prospect of having to explain his situation exhausting, so he just didn't.

By the time Leorio had swung his door wide open, he was already under his cocoon of blankets again.

«I understand wanting to save as much energy as possible,» began his older friend, his tone reprimanding, as if the blond was just another one of his patients and he hadn't followed his orders «But it's past three in the afternoon.»  
«So what?» retorted Kurapika without moving a muscle, staring deadpan up at the other. Leorio didn't look impressed at all.  
«Get up.»  
«What if I don't feel like it?»  
«Get your ass downstairs in five minutes and eat something or I _will_ drag you by force.»  
«You can try.»

Leorio only threw him an half assed glare before turning on his heel and going downstairs again, not without mouthing "five minutes" once more before disappearing down the corridor.

Kurapika initially remained sprawled on his bed, but the prospect of arguing with Leorio so early in the day - for him, at least - over something so stupid wasn't appealing at all. With a sigh, he pushed off his blankets and got to his feet.  
He just hoped that he wouldn't come across Alluka, or that at least Something wouldn't be interested in him enough to stop and behave in the same way it had with Chrollo all those days prior.

***

«Don't lower your guard just because you're not alone anymore.»  
«I know.»  
«Keep your eyes and ears open.»  
«Yes, I know.»  
«Kurapika.»  
«What?»  
«Be careful.»

Huffing, the young man finished adjusting his leather coat and turned his head sideways. Next to him were Leorio and Gon, matching concerned expressions on their faces.  
Killua and Alluka were no where to be seen.

To the blond's relief, the girl had never set foot outside of her room for the whole day, not even to eat dinner. Killua had excused his sister's absence by saying that she had been feeling unwell and had somehow managed to ward off Leorio despite his insistence, remaining by Alluka's side the whole time, accompanied by Gon.  
Kurapika had only seen the white haired boy in passing while he snuck food upstairs into his sister's room, but Killua had been careful in not meeting his eye. If he hadn't known any better, he would have thought that the child had been up to something, but in truth he was only looking out for his sibling.

«That goes for you too, you know.» he answered, straightening his spine and adjusting the belts around his waist «Burn the incense Melody gave us and don't open the door to anyone no matter what.»

Receiving a nod from his friends, Kurapika forced a confident smile on his face and said his goodbyes. Taking the rapier secured to his belt into a hand, he turned around and headed outside. After he heard Leorio lock the door behind him and block it with some furniture for good measure, he let his shoulders sag a little with a sigh.  
The air outside already reeked of blood, the snarls of the newly awakened beasts audible in the distance.

Inhaling deeply despite the nauseating smell, he readied his weapon and ran.

The Sun hadn't even set yet, but the road towards the great bridge was littered with the fiendish creatures all the same. It took him longer than usual to reach his habitual meeting point with Chrollo and, by the time he got there, blood was already clinging to both his blade and the soles of his boots.  
He was still too far to see him, but even before stepping onto the bridge he could clearly hear the crack of the man's weapon cutting through air and flesh.

When Kurapika walked close enough for the raven to finally enter his field of view, Chrollo had already taken care of the beast that had attacked him and was pulling his notched whip out of its carcass, the metal shards wedged between bone and muscle.  
Noticing him, the older man nodded at him in greeting, a grin pulling on his lips.

«Good evening, Kurapika. Wonderful night for a hunt, wouldn't you say?»  
«Hello. And no, that's exactly the contrary of what I would say.» retorted the blond deadpan, raising his head to look at the sky and pretending not to notice Chrollo trying to hide a snort «There aren't any clouds and it's not even cold, it's just a waste of good weather.»  
«Better for us, I'd say. Visibility's good, so we'll be fine even if the street lights stop working for whatever reason, and we won't freeze.» declared the raven with a shrug, whisking his whip through the air and cleaning it of the blood and viscera that still clung to its shards, then returning it to its normal state with a metallic click «Anyway, ready to go?»

Nodding in assent, Kurapika readjusted his grip on the reiterpallasch and flanked the older man so they could head together towards the centre of the district and then work their way back later on.

«Have the others gone out already as well?» he asked after a moment of reflection, muscles tense in anticipation for a fight.  
«They have. If they happen to notice anything out of the ordinary, they'll inform me tomorrow.» a pause «Have you warned your friends?»  
«... "Warned" is a big word. They don't know anything about what's going on.»  
«I see. Well, I already told you, I don't think you need to worry about them. Just keep your eyes open and don't get distracted.»  
«Who do you all think I am? I've been doing this for three years.» he replied sulkily, to which Chrollo slightly tilted his head in confusion. A subtle, yet obvious, way of asking him for a clarification «Don't look at me like that.»  
«Like how.»  
«You know _exactly_ what I mean.»

Chrollo opened his mouth, but a low growl coming from behind their backs stopped him from replying.  
Guessing what was about to happen, Kurapika immediately swirled around and intercepted the attack directed at them with a swing of his rapier. The half-transformed beast had tried to attack them with one of its clawed hands, but the blond's blade sliced across the creature's hairy limb before it could land any damage.  
Not giving the beast the chance to strike back, Chrollo ran past Kurapika under its muzzle and pierced its chest with his sharp cane. The creature abruptly let out a shrill wail upon feeling the weapon cut through its skin and heart, but the pain only lasted for a few seconds before its body sagged, dead.

While Chrollo tilted his arm downwards and made the corpse slide off his cane with a kick, Kurapika threw him a wicked smile and spoke in the most saccharine voice he could muster.

«Maybe _you_ 're the one who shouldn't get distracted. You're such a fragile creature, after all.»

The raven stared back at him with an almost offended expression for a moment, but this time he couldn't stop an amused chuckle from escaping his lips. Shaking his head, he straightened up again and smiled wryly at Kurapika, his eyes still twinkling in mirth.

«And you like to call _me_ a bastard.»  
«If you can't beat them...»

Avoiding the hand Chrollo swatted at his shoulder, Kurapika turned on his heel and started walking again without waiting for an answer, his lips upturned in a poorly concealed smile.

Just like that, the two of them traversed Yharnam's serpentine streets for the next several hours, their hunt sporadically interrupted by few minutes of rest between one slaying and the other.

Spilling blood and leaving only corpses in their wake was an unquestionably efficient way to sterilise the surface of the septic wound which aggrieved the city, but their proceedings were too superficial to cure it from the vermin festering in its core, they knew.

Kurapika, for one, couldn't help being reminded of the Healing Church for each beast he killed. Watching the creatures fall dead at his feet always left a sour taste in his mouth, the reek fouling the air an ever present reminder not only of his actions, but also of the other hunters, of the beasts themselves, of the institution.  
His brethren might not have been innocent and the people of Byrgenwerth might have been brainless for having let the situation escalate in the first place, but ultimately the Church had been the cause of everything, with its blood ministration and disregard for human life.

Inwardly, he hoped that at least some of its members would meet their end that night.  
By the claws and fangs of the beasts, by the same Holy medium they so worshipped and the blades of a hunter, he didn't care. Rather, he'd gladly play that role himself, and Chrollo would have no reason to stop him this time.  
If anything, all things considered he'd probably want to join him this once.

«Should we go back?» questioned the raven from his seat in front of Kurapika, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Minutes earlier they had climbed on the roof of an old house around the outskirts of Central Yharnam, both in need to clean some excess blood from their weapons and to take a break in order to eat something.  
The Moon had been at its highest in the sky by then.

«Alright.» agreed Kurapika with a sigh, packing his half eaten sandwich and standing up «Do you think we should change area? This neighborhood seems mostly clear.» he then added as an afterthought, running his eyes up and down the street below.  
«Fine by me.» he heard Chrollo say in response. Turning his head back, he watched the taller man as he got to his feet and stepped on the edge of the roof next to him «Let's go.»

Together they dropped down on the ground, weapons ready in front of them just in case. Kurapika glanced back and forth once more, unease growing in the pit of his stomach.

«Don't you think it's weird? How quieter it has gotten.»  
«Either our colleagues have been working really hard, or tonight there have been less turnings than usual.»  
«If I didn't know you any better, I would think you had lost your mind.» flatly rebutted the blond, unimpressed.  
«You got me.» easily admitted Chrollo with a smile and a shrug of his shoulders, though his following words were pronounced in a much more sober voice «I was thinking the same thing. I don't want to reach an hasty conclusion but it seems awfully suspicious, doesn't it.»  
«Definitely suspicious.» agreed Kurapika, a deep frown creasing his forehead «I say we keep exploring some more.»  
«You think it'll get us anywhere?»  
«I think it's worth to try.»

Chrollo stared back at him for a long moment before sighing in acceptance, his free hand coming up to adjust his ever present bandana.

«Fine. Do you have any leads?»  
«What am I, a dog?» scoffed the blond in response. Ignoring the flat look the other threw him - «I didn't mean it like _that_.» - he still pulled down his mask and took a deeper inhale than usual, focusing on the scents in the air. A wave of nausea stronger than the others immediately hit him and he had to fight off the need to retch before he could speak again «... I don't know if it means anything and it's hard to tell with so many corpses around, but there have been less killings to the east. The smell of blood coming from that direction is not as strong.»  
«Are you sure about that?»  
«It's noticeable enough now that I'm paying attention to it.»  
«Alright. Show the way.»

Nodding tensely, Kurapika tightened his grip on his rapier and gestured at Chrollo to follow after him.

They walked in silence for a long time, stepping over gradually decreasing carcasses - both human and not - and puddles of blood and guts, the air seemingly still.

Growls and shouts alike echoed in the distance, but they were far from them, from other parts of the district, maybe even from Old Yharnam.  
It wouldn't have been unusual for sound to propagate that far in the dead of the night. What was unusual, though, was the almost complete lack of noise in that area.

The more they marched on, the more it became obvious that Kurapika's predictions had been right, yet he found no satisfaction in that knowledge.  
Every now and then he found himself thinking that he'd rather go back to facing the fiendish packs he and Chrollo had left behind than keep dealing with that eerie stillness.  
He felt like anything could jump them from the shadows any second.

The conditions in which the streets versed were abnormal too.  
From the damage dealt to some buildings and the faint splatters of blood on the ground and the walls, it was obvious that hunters and beasts had been there before, but that part of the city lacked the usual grisly results of a fight. Shreds of clothing, the glint of abandoned weapons, even torn pieces of hirsute flesh occasionally caught their eye, but there was a major detail neither of the two men could ignore.

There weren't any bodies. 

***

Minutes later, when the metallic scent of blood started to become strong again, Kurapika hardly managed to hold back a gasp, the shock forcing him to stop in his tracks. He had been so concentrated on trying to think of an explanation for what was happening that he had forgotten to cover his nose again, the repulsive reek burning its way through his nostrils.

«What is it?» slowly questioned Chrollo next to him, sharp eyes still focused on their surroundings.  
«There's blood up ahead.» he hastily answered, raising his mask again and suppressing a gag «Not much, but there's something off about it. I don't think I've ever smelled anything like it before.»

At that point Chrollo turned his head and silently regarded him for a moment, a thoughtful frown on his face.

«I see. Ahead we go, then.»

Having said that, the raven readied his weapon and started to walk, Kurapika following suit.

Only minutes later, it was the older man's turn to stop, his free hand gripping the blond's shoulder to make him do the same.

«Can you hear that?»  
«... Barely.»

It was a faint, faint noise.  
The silence amplified the sound of their footsteps so much that Kurapika feared he would have missed it if it hadn't been for Chrollo's suggestion.

«What do you think it is?»  
«I don't know, but don't lower your guard. I have a bad feeling about this.»

"You don't say"  
Kurapika restrained himself from replying like that out loud, but his muscles automatically grew tenser regardless.

As they walked closer the sound became louder in their ears and easier to identify.  
Growling. Chewing. Gurgling.  
The blond felt a pit open in his stomach. He was gripping the handle of his sword so hard he was sure his knuckles had turned white.

«Chrollo.»  
«I know.»

Inhaling deeply despite the sickening smell, Kurapika turned his head sideways and met the other's gaze head on.

«Together or alone?»  
«You said there's something different, right? I don't want to take any risks.»  
«Alright.»

Careful not to make any loud noises, they approached the house closest to them and climbed up to its roof. To their luck the buildings weren't much distant from one another, so they could jump from house to house without breaking a sweat.  
At that point, it wasn't long before they were forced to freeze in their tracks.

Kurapika didn't turn around to gauge Chrollo's reaction at what laid beneath them, but he swore he felt the man tense next to him. He couldn't blame him, for he too felt something akin to lightning strike his body as soon as his eyes settled on that creature.  
The sight of it and of what it was doing made it harder to breathe. He felt so overwhelmed that at first he found it hard to even find the words to describe it. 

Beasts tended to be wolvish in appearance, though their looks also varied depending on the advancement of the scourge and on how much blood they had consumed prior to their transformation.  
The creature underneath them retained the same sharp claws and fangs as them, but its monstrous body looked skeletal in comparison to the rest of its kind, somewhat similar to the one Uvogin and the others had killed the night he had met them but in a much more extreme state of malnourishment. It almost looked fragile, but he knew better than to underestimate an enemy. None of that was what truly shocked him, though.  
Two were the things that made the breath catch in his throat.

The first, the flaccid skin hanging from its body and head, the muscles of its back exposed as they contracted and relaxed with each movement it made. He couldn't tell whether it had happened as a result of a fight or if the creature was naturally deformed like that, but the limp tissue and visible fibers made for a gruesome sight nonetheless.

The second, what was at its feet, and what it was doing with it. Lumped together in front of it was a macabre assortment of corpses and body parts, both human and not. Saying it was eating them would have been a mistake.  
Kurapika watched in an aghast silence as the creature tore away pieces of flesh and bone from the body of a fellow beast with a powerful bite. It chewed loudly, snarls and grunts leaving its throat as it gobbled down the blood coming out of the meat, its teeth grinding the mouthful into an indistinguishable pulp.  
But it didn't swallow it.  
Turning its head to the side, it spit the mash back out, saliva trailing down its mouth and body. After it was done, it lowered its muzzle to the ground, licking the blood that had flowed out of the corpse at its feet until the paved street was clean again.  
When it was done, the cycle started again.

Bile rose in Kurapika's throat at the sight of the fiend's fervid drinking, a wave of nausea forcing him to abruptly avert his eyes and cover his mouth and nose in disgust. He was thankful he had already been kneeling, because he feared he wouldn't have been able to remain upright otherwise.  
Chrollo's hand found its way to his shoulder again, but it took the blond a moment to acknowledge the other man's action.

«I'm fine.» he said through his teeth, voice low and strained «It's just the smell.»  
«Alright.» carefully replied the raven, his fingers tightening for a moment before he let his hand fall again and he turned his head back towards the beast «What do you think?»  
«That it certainly doesn't look like a hard hitter, but the fact that it has amassed so many bodies speaks volumes about how dangerous it is.»  
«Agreed. With a body like that, I assume its greatest asset must be speed. It looks like something out of a nightmare, but it shouldn't be too durable.»

Having said this, Chrollo silently got to his feet and incited Kurapika to do the same.

«First off, let's get off this roof. You attack it from one side and I from the other?» he proposed, his voice barely louder than a whisper.  
«... Fine.»  
«What is it?»  
«I told you, there's something off about it.» frowning, Kurapika looked down at the beast and at its gruesome meal once again, his lips downturned into a grimace «I don't know. Whatever. Just be careful.»  
«You too.»

With these words, they nodded at each other and parted ways, descending the building from two opposite walls.

Readying both his reiterpallasch and his Evelyn in his hands, Kurapika took a calming breath and got into position. An almost inaudible metallic clicking told him that, on the other side of the house, Chrollo had done the same with his own weapons. He didn't know if the beast had ignored it or if it had been too busy gobbling down blood to notice, but he was glad regardless.  
Closing his eyes for a moment, he counted the seconds in his head.

"Three"

"Two"

"One"

"Zero"

With a hard push he left the cover of the wall, an arm already raised and pistol ready to fire. As soon as the fiend came into view he pulled the trigger, shooting it in the chest before it even had the time to react.

While he had taken a moment to stop and aim, Chrollo had taken advantage of the opening he had created to run up to the beast. Kurapika's field of view was obstructed, but he clearly heard the familiar whizzing of the other's cane as it extended and morphed into a whip midair, striking the exposed muscles on the creature's side.

The fiend let out a high pitched shriek upon feeling the whip's shards slash against its body and swirled around with inhuman speed, a clawed hand already extended and ready to strike. As Chrollo jumped backwards and barely avoided the attack, Kurapika ran forward and swung his rapier as hard as he could, tearing through the muscles across its back.

For a split second, satisfaction weighted down his movements.  
He had thought that the beast couldn't retain full control of its upper body in those conditions, but it did, and by the time he had retracted his arm its wide mouth was already moving towards his head.  
Instinctively, he pulled the trigger on his reiterpallasch and shot. The fiend recoiled back from the pain of a second quicksilver bullet piercing its chest, which Chrollo aggrieved by lashing again and again at its back while it was still thrashing.

Kurapika sidestepped the clawed hand headed his way and opened a gash on the beast's flank with a swing of his arm, but had to retrieve several steps back to avoid a pounce.  
They had been wrong in thinking it fragile and correct in guessing which its strongest point was, for in a matter of seconds it turned around and jumped towards them again, claws and fangs sharp and threatening.

As the hunt went on the fiend never seemed to lose its agility and its movements became more and more erratic, though not as fervid as before.

Kurapika's chest burned for the lack of oxygen and his heart almost hurt for how fast it was beating, but the only thing he could do was keep fighting. If he tried to take deeper breaths he choked on the smell of blood, if he stopped to rest he risked getting hit. His only option was to swing his weapon, shoot his remaining bullets, avoid the creature's attacks and run.  
Chrollo wasn't in much better conditions than him, but at least he could _breathe_.  
At the very least, if not their relentless onslaught, the creature was seemingly starting to suffer the consequences of blood loss, swaying on its limbs and almost falling over every once in a while.

Neither Kurapika nor Chrollo had let down their guard just yet, but even doing so couldn't help prevent the unthinkable.

The raven aimed at the beast's chest and whisked his whip through the air. Like most of his attacks, the force behind the swing had made it strong enough to break through skin and muscle, opening a gash across the fiend's chest and tearing a pained howl out of its throat.  
Unlike the other times, though, before the notched whip had the time to go back to its master, the beast opened its mouth and moved.

Kurapika, who had been standing only a couple of meters to the side, watched the scene in front of his wide eyes play out as if in slow motion, petrified. Chrollo himself had been too shocked to react, his hand still firmly gripping the handle of his weapon before he had the time to realise what was going to happen and to let go. 

The fiend closed its fangs around the shards of the whip, the sharp edges sinking deep into the flesh of its mouth, and abruptly turned its head sideways, pulling on its metal wire. The raven was forcefully jerked forward with it and staggered on his feet.  
Between the forces pulling at its opposite ends and the damage it had sustained because of the sharp teeth of the beast, the whip broke.  
Chrollo managed to regain his footing and stepped back; his reaction had still been swift despite his stupor, but an attack had already been headed his way.

If it hadn't been for his quick thinking, one of the claws of the beast would have certainly cut through his neck, maybe even severed his head from his body.  
To his luck, only two of its claws succeeded in their bearer's intent.

When Kurapika saw the two gashes split open the other man's chest, the first thing he felt was an unspeakable, familiar dread, a sensation so blood chilling that he would have never expected to experience again in his life.  
Then came the rage, scorching and invigorating, like a blazing fire. His breathing hitched and trembled not in fear, but in anger, his eyes burning as if coated with red.

Meanwhile, Chrollo stumbled backwards and pressed his free hand to his wounds, his other arm still raised defensively in front of him despite the conditions of his weapon. In spite of the blood trailing down his body, he remained standing, his usually collected expression forgone in favour of a pained grimace.

Gritting his teeth, Kurapika ran forward and slashed his rapier once, twice, against the beast's flank, as strong as he could, forcing it to turn its attention on him.  
From the corner of his eye, he noticed Chrollo readying his arm to strike again.

«What the hell are you doing!?» he shouted without even turning his head to look at him «Step back and heal your wounds, I'll cover you!»  
«They're not deep, I can handle it.» he heard the other man say, to which a growl automatically found its way out of his mouth. If it hadn't been for the wretched and seemingly undying fiend in front of him, he would have turned around and forced the raven to stay put with his own hands.

In his frenzy, he didn't notice Chrollo gradually starting to do just that, though not out of his own will, nor because of the pain.

A vicious satisfaction bloomed inside of Kurapika when the creature's cries finally became weaker, its movements slow and heavy. When it finally collapsed to the ground and exhaled its last dying breath, the blond almost fell to his knees himself, such was the exhaustion he felt.  
Uncovering his face despite all the fresh blood surrounding him, he remained immobile for a split second, willing his heart and breathing to slow down, but then the awareness of Chrollo's conditions hit him head on and his throat closed up once again.

Swirling around, his dark gaze immediately settled on the older man, who was now leaning heavily against the wall of the house they had descended from earlier, his complexion ashen.

«What the hell were you-» but the words died in his throat. Strapping his weapons back to his belt, he closed the distance between them and grabbed Chrollo by his shoulders, taking note of his unfocused and glazed over eyes «Hey, hey, look at me! What's going on?»  
«... I think... I know... What was off about the blood...» slowly answered the raven, his voice abnormally breathy and hoarse «... That thing... Was venomous.»  
«What did you- No, it doesn't matter, why haven't you healed yourself yet!?»  
«... Take me to the church...»  
«What!?»  
«Machi's a medic... We've got stuff... I just need to rest for some time.»  
«You can't be serious, you're going to die if you don't take the healing blood right n- !»

Chrollo's legs gave way under his weight, but Kurapika quickly caught him before he could fall. The man grimaced when the leather of his clothes brushed against his open wounds, but he still didn't utter a sound.  
Carefully, the blond lowered him to a sitting position on the ground, panic truly starting to swell in his chest.

«If you won't take it on your own I _will_ force it down your throat!»  
«... I don't want it... The others and I... Never do.»  
«I don't care!» screamed the blond in his face, a desperate edge to his voice.

When the other man didn't react nor even try to move, he ground his teeth and took the matters in his own hands.

Kurapika's trembling hand found its way to one of the pouches at his belt. Its cursed contents had never been used before, but he didn't care. He didn't care why or how that thing had been produced, nor where or who it came from.  
He didn't even care that the Church had made it. Everything had become distant.

The only things he could focus on were the smell of Chrollo's blood, a stark contrast to his colorless skin, and the erratic rising and falling of his chest.

Grabbing one of the vials in his pouch, Kurapika immediately took off its cork and brought it up to the raven's lips, but Chrollo only turned his head away and let its crimson contents spill down his chin.

«Drink it!» ordered the blond, grasping the other man's jaw with his free hand and forcing him to turn again towards him, but Chrollo kept his mouth sealed shut through it all.  
When Kurapika had to let go to take a new phial, he spit what few droplets of blood had managed to get past his lips to the ground.

«...... I won't...»

Kurapika wanted to slap him hard across his face for being so stupid, but the oppressing mixture of panic and terror in his chest forced him to frantically repeat his actions, and again Chrollo refused to drink the blood.

«I don't care about your stupid oath or whatever it is!» he eventually snapped after several other attempts, his voice tight and loud in the silent neighborhood, his gloves now stained with all three strands of blood, Chrollo's, the Church's, the beast's «Just take it!»

Frustrated, he shook the raven by a shoulder to get his attention again. When Chrollo put up no resistance and limply let his body be pushed around, Kurapika felt his heart stop.

«Chrollo?»

He tried shaking him again, but the man gave no response, his eyes barely even open anymore.

«Chrollo!?» he called again with growing apprehension. The panic swelling in his chest was making it harder to breathe, the edges of his vision were becoming darker and darker «Chrollo! Hey!»

But the raven remained silent. His chest was hardly even moving anymore.

Kurapika felt the blood drain from his face, white noise ringing in his ears.  
He reached for his pouch again, but when his fingers only brushed against empty leather an horrified gasp immediately left his lips. Mind racing, he scrambled for the matching sachet on Chrollo's belt and opened it, but was shocked to find out that there wasn't anything in there either. A thought struck him, and the realization which followed it left him petrified.  
Chrollo had never even bothered to actually carry any blood vials with him.

Aghast, Kurapika looked back at the other's sickly white face with wide eyes, sweat trickling down his temples.  
Brown didn't meet grey. Chrollo's eyes were closed.

«Don't you dare.» he gasped, voice barely louder than a whisper « _Don't you fucking dare._ »

His shaky hands automatically gripped the raven's shoulders again, but his arms remained stiff. He was starting to hyperventilate, bile rising in his throat both because of Chrollo's unresponsiveness and the revolting mixture of blood scents fouling the air.  
In front of that sight, he felt weak, helpless.  
He didn't know what to do.

For several seconds, the only thing he could do was call the older man's name over and over again, terror painfully squeezing his chest and making it hard to think straight.

Then, a thought.

He didn't even stop to ponder over it, his body rapidly moving on its own without even giving his mind the chance to catch up to it.

Harshly, he pushed one sleeve up and pulled on his glove until the leather gave way, exposing the fragile skin and veins of his wrist to the light of the few street lamps illuminating the street. His other hand immediately found its way to the handle of the reiterpallasch. Neither fear nor hesitation clouded his judgment.

Gritting his teeth, he took a deep breath and cut.

The pain was blinding and he couldn't hold back the low grunts of anguish coming from the back of his throat, but he ignored everything and pushed onwards. When he was sure his body would need at least some minutes to heal the wound, he retracted the blade wedged between his flesh with a pained groan and strapped his weapon back to his belt, then without wasting any time he immediately reached for Chrollo.

Putting his uninjured arm around his shoulders, Kurapika pulled the raven's body until he slid from the wall and partially fell to lay on his lap. After having forced Chrollo's lips apart, he took a sharp inhale and moved.  
With his gloved hand, he gripped the back of the man's head and adjusted its position, then, without missing a beat, he brought his wounded wrist up to his mouth.

Because of his emotional state and the pain he had felt, the cut hadn't been precise nor clean, but he didn't care.  
Blood was gushing out of the injury in copious amounts. Crimson and thicker than water, it stained his skin and streamed down his wrist. Not all of it reached its intended destination, but Kurapika still watched tensely as it mostly dripped down past Chrollo's lips into his throat, hope and dread equally present in his mind.  
The anticipation was killing him.

His blood was special, wasn't it? It came from the same source of the Church's blood, didn't it? Then it'd certainly retain its healing capabilities even if consumed by another, right?  
Those were the only thoughts running through his head, his eyes moist and fixated on the raven's bloodless face.

For the longest time, nothing happened.

Kurapika had been on the verge of letting out a desperate sob when something changed in the air.  
With a jolt, he raised his head and uncaringly took a deep breath, promptly choking on that new repugnant smell. Steadily, the reek of putrefaction became more and more intense, so much so that he couldn't immediately identify its source, such was the nausea he felt.  
When he looked down again, his breath died in his throat and his head swayed.

Chrollo's chest was covered in sticky crimson, his wounds still open and bleeding, but the liquid coming out of them wasn't normal blood anymore.  
It was much denser and darker, to the point it almost seemed black, and the clots reeked of decay and rot. The raven let out a gurgling sound, and when Kurapika tilted his body and head sideways he watched in horror as the sick blood leaked out of his mouth. When it started to trickle down his nose and eyes as well, the blond barely managed to suppress a retch.  
Despite this, some of the fog that had fallen on his mind dissipated.

He wasn't in the right state to stop and examine what was happening, but Chrollo's chest was starting to move again. Dizziness and nausea clouded his vision, so it took Kurapika a while to notice.  
When he did, he almost couldn't believe his eyes, having to take a few seconds to process what was happening, adrenaline making his heart quicken.

As he tried to reign in his emotions again, he allowed his face to break into a watery smile for a moment, pulling the man up in a sitting position and tightening an arm around his shoulders. He couldn't feel Chrollo's light breaths because of all the protective leather covering him from head to toe, but the faint movements he felt against his chest were enough.

"Thank goodness"

After having taken a moment to calm down, Kurapika tensed again and looked around the deserted street.  
The beast they had killed had obviously been the reason why that part of the city had been so desolate, but now that it was dead the other fiends could walk there unperturbed again.  
They couldn't remain there.

Closing his eyes, Kurapika weighed his options.  
Going to the church in Old Yharnam would be the best course of action, but they were far from even just the entrance to the district and carrying Chrollo all the way there would leave them open to all and any attacks. It was too risky.

Then the only thing he could do was...

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he opened his eyes and maneuvered Chrollo's limp body until he was leaning against his back. Taking ahold of his arms and moving them so that they rested above his shoulders, the blond got to his knees and pulled the older man up with him, then slightly leaned forward so that the raven wouldn't fall down again.  
Grabbing the other's legs, he pushed hard against the ground and stood up.

Chrollo's weight on his back made Kurapika stumble for a second, but he managed to remain upright. He tried looking at the raven's face to see if he had had any reaction to what was happening, but his expression hadn't changed once.

Pursing his lips, Kurapika turned his head forwards and took a steadying breath.

Then, he ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I liveeee.
> 
> I usually call Nanika just that, but imo "Something" overall fits this setting better. My guess is, since I don't speak japanese, even though they mean the same thing "nanika" ends up sounding like an actual name to me, so while writing it just doesn't sound as mysterious as I'd like it to be :/
> 
> If Kurapika being a bit of a tsundere is a crime, call me a criminal. Arrest me, officer.  
> Speaking of Kurapika, good job for being a jinx.  
> And while I'm at it, ah the blood starved beast. If you want an idea of what this thing is, here: https://youtu.be/Vtj19enwgSE. The person who made this video made killing it seem like an easy feat but, trust me, it's really not :'')  
> Fun fact: in the game you encounter it in the church where I put the PT's hideout, so I guess they were destined to clash since I practically evicted it lol.
> 
> The those who don't know bloodborne, what happened there with Chrollo is yet another non canon compliant thing, but we'll just leave it at that for the moment.
> 
> By the way, "corruption" = wound and "people doing the corrupting" = vermin is a simile I borrowed and adapted from a certain series I love a lot, aka Legend of the Galactic Heroes. I don't remember if it's present in the old ova or in the new anime adaptation, but I devoured all the novels in less than a week months back and this was one of the many things that just stuck with me (this is my way of telling you to watch/read logh I swear it's 100% worth it).


	15. Corruption

When the familiar, old house at the other end of the street finally came into view, Kurapika almost felt like crying in relief.

His ragged breathing and pounding heartbeat were loud in his ears, his throat sore and dry as he pushed his body further for those last meters.

He wasn't sure how he had even managed to run all the way over there without ever collapsing or getting injured. The adrenaline rushing through his veins likely was the only thing keeping him upright anymore. His legs felt like they could cede any second and the frantic rising and falling of his chest did little to actually appease his need for oxygen.

Ironically, if it hadn't been for the same creature that had put him in that situation he probably wouldn't have gotten there so easily, and definitely not unscathed. The mountain of corpses it had amassed had been wondrous and between its victims, the beasts he and Chrollo had killed earlier and the ones slain by the other hunters, he was glad to see that the area had remained clear.

The prospect of shelter helped ease Kurapika's immediate worries, but the apprehension gripping his heart didn't leave. If anything, it was becoming stronger again.

Chrollo had never stirred, not once, for the whole duration of the journey.

From the wet feeling starting to permeate through the back of his coat, his bleeding hadn't stopped either. The man's head laid limply on his shoulder and, although it was hard to tell, Kurapika was sure that the blood coming out of his mouth, nose and eyes had started to run down the front of his coat, too.

The reek of decay almost made his eyes water, but the nausea it caused him was the last of his problems.

He didn't know what to think of what was happening and it terrified him. Earlier after the fight he had acted on pure impulse, his decision to give the raven his own blood fueled only by dread and adrenaline, but he would have never expected such a reaction from the man's body. If he had to be honest, he didn't even know what he had expected to happen to begin with.

Inwardly he had begged for anything, anything but death, and to be fair he had gotten just that: Chrollo was still alive. That much he was already grateful for.

He clung to the hope that that elation wouldn't be a temporary one, that he hadn't uselessly postponed something inevitable.

As long as the body behind him remained warm, he could deal with the unknown, he could deal with the consequences of his actions, whatever they entailed. He'd get home and he'd think of a justification, of a cure of some sorts.

"Just stay alive"

When he finally reached his house, Kurapika had to remain still for several minutes to catch his breath, desperately grasping for air and leaning heavily against the front door for support. Trails of sweat trickled down his temples and messy strands of hair clung to his forehead, his hat left behind and lost somewhere along the path he had taken.

The smell of incense immediately welcomed his burning lungs and he had to muffle his coughs into his free shoulder.

His throat felt like sandpaper. 

After his fit had passed he tried to straighten up again, but his legs wobbled dangerously under his and Chrollo's combined weights, his muscles strained and sore from the hunt and the run. For a second, he truly feared that even his arms would fail him.

When he felt like he had gathered enough energies again, he slowly detached himself from the door and carefully stepped back, throwing a look over his shoulder at the deserted street behind him.

He only hoped that he wouldn't lose his balance for what he was about to do and that he wouldn't attract any lingering beasts by making too much noise.

Unable to use his hands to knock on the door, he tightened his hold on Chrollo, braced himself and kicked. 

«Leorio! Leorio, it's me, open the door! Leorio!»

For a few moments, all remained silent. Then came the sound of multiple, heavy and fast approaching footsteps.

«Kurapika, is it you!?» came his friend's muffled and incredulous shout from behind the wooden door «What the hell is going on?»

«What happened!?» chimed in someone with a much higher voice - Gon.

«There's no time to explain, just let me in!»

The scraping of furniture against old tiles that came next was loud and it grated on the blond's ears, but it also lifted a weight off his chest.

While his friends cleared the entrance, Kurapika willed some of the panic to melt away from his face and tried to get ahold of his emotions. He wouldn't be able to evade their questions for long, but he didn't want them to see him shaken and wide eyed like that. He had to be calm, or at least look the part, he had to breathe.

When the door finally swung open and Leorio's concerned face came into view, his muscles immediately grew tense again.

The taller man already had his mouth open to say something, but when he noticed the person draped across his friend's back and the copious amounts of blood staining his clothes he blanched. Gon leaded into the doorway too and let out a loud gasp.

Before they had the time to truly process what was happening, Kurapika pushed forward into the house and closed the door behind him with a kick.

«Kurapika, that man-!»

«Now's not the time, Gon!» he yelled reflexively, turning his body as if to uselessly hide Chrollo's face from view «Think of barricading the door again! Leorio, I need to use your bed, put something on the sheets!»

It took a second for the doctor to react, but then the shock gave way to resoluteness and he turned on his heel, running into his room. Similarly, Gon nodded with determination and got to blocking the entrance again.

A third set of footsteps echoed from the ceiling and a moment later Killua too emerged from the top of the stairs.

«What's going on?»

«Go help Gon, I'll tell you later!» shouted Kurapika from over his shoulder as he followed after Leorio, who was already laying old sheets on the top of his mattress to shield it from the blood.

«What happened?» hurriedly asked the doctor when he was done, his expression grim and a troubled frown creasing his forehead.

«He got injured and I didn't know where else to take him.» tightly replied Kurapika as he manoeuvred the still unconscious Chrollo onto the bed «Keep him up, I have to get his clothes off him so I can check his wounds.»

«Did you forget who you're talking to?» scoffed Leorio in turn, though his hands were already moving.

Together they stripped Chrollo out of his sullied clothes, the torn fabric sticky and slippery under their fingers. Finally uncovered, the stench of the open gashes was almost unbearable, the blood clots viscous and almost black as they oozed out of the man's chest.

Kurapika visibly had to suppress a retch and even Leorio's face acquired a green tinge, both at that abnormal sight and at its smell.

«What the hell happened to him?»

«I don't know.» lied the blond through his teeth, mentally scrambling for something to tell the other and tightening one fist so hard that his knuckles turned white around the clothing between his fingers «The beast we fought had some kind of poison and it reacted with the blood vial he took.»

«Besides whatever this is, have there been any other changes since he drank it?»

«Yes, he's _breathing_.»

Leorio cursed under his breath and walked up to one of his drawers, quickly gathering jars and a bag full of gauzes and laying them on his bedside table.

Kurapika tried reaching for them, but the doctor immediately slapped his hand away.

«Don't touch them! Go wash yourself, I'll start cleaning the wounds and get the kids to sterilize the bandages in the meantime.» yelled the doctor, straightening up to his full height and coming to stand between him and the bed.

«If you think I'm taking a single step out of this room, you're delusional!» retorted Kurapika in a low voice, ready to push the other aside.

In the low light of the room, the pallor of Chrollo's skin against the red and black of his blood was almost blinding. His bleeding wasn't as copious as it had been back in the alleyway anymore - assuming what was happening in that moment could even be defined like that - and the rising and falling of his chest was steady. All signs pointed towards the fact that he was getting better, that his blood had worked.

Still, his body was petrified, his legs rooted to the ground. He couldn't leave. That revolting smell burned its way down towards his lungs. The same thoughts from earlier plagued him, the corners of his vision growing dark.

What if it was just a momentary, apparent recovery? What if his efforts had been useless?

«If _you_ think I'm letting you anywhere near those injuries or my stuff while you're still filthy like that, _you_ 're delusional.» returned Leorio just as fiercely, gesturing to his bloodied clothes and stained hands «I need to get all this blood off my hands too so go, you're just wasting both of our times.»

«What did you just say-»

«The door is blocked again!» shouted Gon as he ran into the room, followed by Killua, whose eyes widened in surprise upon recognizing the man passed out on the bed.

«Good, now grab that bag, go boil some water and soak the gauzes for a few minutes.» tersely ordered Leorio, brown eyes still narrowed in displeasure «While you're at it, get him out of here and make him calm down.» he then added almost as an afterthought, indicating Kurapika with a wave of his hand.

The blond's scowl only darkened at those words, but before he could reply he felt a hash pull on his sleeve and a voice behind him called out to him.

«Kurapika, listen to him.»

Swirling his head around, he met Killua's stare head on and glared at him. The boy only furrowed his brows back at him and pulled on his arm again.

Meanwhile, Gon took that chance to sneak past him, grab the bag full of bandages and then run towards the kitchen.

«I'm _not_ leaving.»

«If you remain here, you'll only make it worse.»

«Then I'll just sit back!»

«Kurapika-»

«Can't you see that you're shaking, you moron!» snapped Leorio again, making the both of them jump «If you want to make yourself useful, do what I told you and pull yourself together!»

The blond turned around again and opened his mouth to shout back at him, but the words died in his throat.

Leorio's figure in front of him was blurry. It felt like a slap to the face.

His fingers were still tightly closed around Chrollo's ruined shirt. He hadn't even noticed and Leorio was right, his arm, no, his whole body was shaking from head to toe.

His breathing had gotten irregular again, he hadn't even noticed, how long had that been going on for? He felt sick, his head was so light, was it because he was tired? He had been hunting for several hours and he had lost so much blood, his body had fully healed his wound but that disgusting, sick thing was still coming out of the gashes on Chrollo's chest in clots and everything was blurry. Chrollo's face was so pale and covered in viscous black, he couldn't leave him and the shirt in his hand had become so cold, his fingers were sticky and covered in crimson and black, the smell was revolting but he was still breathing. How long would he keep breathing? He didn't want to leave, but he couldn't breathe and the red covering Chrollo's skin was blinding, but he couldn't look away from him, what would happen if he left? No, it couldn't happen, why shouldn't his blood be good enough? But why hadn't it healed Chrollo yet? Why-

«Kurapika!»

He gasped.

«Wha- what, I-»

«Kurapika, you need to breathe.»

«Come with me, everything will be okay.»

Leorio's hands left his shoulders and were replaced by the fingers Killua wrapped around his wrist. Before his head had the time to process everything, he was pulled off the wall - but when had he leant against it in the first place? - and out of the room. His legs moved as if they had a mind of their own. 

He couldn't understand anything. His chest felt constricted.

Only when Killua had already almost led him to the top of the staircase did his head jerk up as if in shock, a pitiful sound leaving his throat as he turned his back. The door to Leorio's room was ajar, the fickle lamplight coming from within spilled out into the dark corridor. The only other light in the whole floor came from the kitchen where Gon was waiting for the water to boil. If it hadn't been for it, everything would have been pitch black.

«No, no, Killua, let go of-»

«Do you remember when Gon and I first came here?»

«What?»

When he turned his head again, Killua's sharp eyes found his straight away. The boy stood at his height, feet planted a couple of stairs higher than where he was standing, a pale hand still tightly clasped around his wrist.

«When Gon and I first came here.» repeated Killua, his voice careful and barely louder than a whisper «Do you remember it?»

«No, I- I don't, I don't know.»

«You're just not in the right state to think about it but listen to me, just let Leorio be, he can handle it.»

«It's not that simple! I have to be there, it's-»

«No you don't, all you have to do is take a step back! There's nothing you can do right now for that man, so think about calming down instead.» insisted the boy, bodily dragging him up those last few steps.

He didn't know why he didn't fight him again. He didn't know why he let himself be moved like that. His own body felt foreign to him, everything was hazy and faint.

When they got to the second floor everything was dark and silent, except for the sounds coming from behind the door to Alluka's room. When they got closer to it, a soft giggle came from inside and out in the corridor echoed a call spoken in a singsong, distant voice.

«Killua... I'm lonely... Killua...»  
«Ah- Something, give me a moment, I'll be right-!» but before he had the time to finish speaking, the door cracked open and Alluka's small body leaned into view. Both her sclerae and her irises were pitch black and her lips were upturned in that same, small smile from all those days prior.  
_Something_.

Kurapika didn't care. He just wanted to go downstairs again, but his legs felt heavy and everything else just felt like too much.  
Killua chose not to let go of him, so when the boy ran forward to hush Something into behaving he was dragged along as well. Unaware of his and Alluka's conversation the previous day, the child was on edge, tense.  
If his head hadn't been screaming at him, Kurapika probably would have been too. It was virtually impossible to tell what Something was looking at, but he swore he could feel its dark gaze on him.

«Please wait for me, okay? Something really bad happened and I need to help, but I'll be with you again very soon.»

The temperature immediately dropped.  
Something pouted at those words and grabbed the hem of Alluka's dress in an almost childish display of disappointment, but a few seconds later it hung its head in acceptance.

«... 'Kay...»

After Something had retreated into its room again, Killua hurriedly led Kurapika into the bathroom and closed the door behind him with the promise to bring him a clean set of clothes in some time.

For a second, the blond just stood there, numb and unresponsive, his eyes fixated on the wooden door in front of him but unseeing.  
Slowly, he took a step back, and then another, and then another, until the back of his knee bumped against the bath and he heavily fell into a sitting position on its edge.

Howls and screams echoed outside in the distance and on the floor below footsteps made the old tiles of the house creak in protest, but no words were being spoken.

He looked down.

His hands were stained crimson and black. The air was spoilt, the metallic scent of blood quickly filled the room and almost made him gag.  
The scent of the beasts' blood, the scent of the Church's blood, the scent of his blood, the scent of Chrollo's blood.  
The scent of death, so similar to the one of Cainhurst.

Uncaringly, Kurapika brought his hands up to his face and wept.

***

When Killua later knocked on the door to announce his arrival, Kurapika was sitting on the edge of the basin again, only this time his hair was damp and his mostly bare skin covered in goosebumps. When he had felt stable enough to get up and strip out of his dirty clothes to wash the blood and grime off his skin, the blond hadn't even bothered to wait for the water to turn warm, simply letting its numbing chill turn his lips blue. He felt as if all physical sensation was muffled, distant.

Killua had to have noticed the red circling his eyes, but he didn't comment on it.

«Here.» he said, extending his arms in front of him and offering Kurapika a fresh change of clothes. The older couldn't find it in him to verbally reply yet, but he still nodded in gratitude. 

After the boy had left, he carefully stood up and began dressing himself. The lingering, faint trembling of his fingers made it hard to close the buttons on his shirt and he gritted his teeth in frustration. He didn't want to waste any more time than he already had. 

Abandoning his blood stained hunter garments and weapons in one corner of the room, he finally left the bathroom and walked towards the stairs, feeling as if a knot had been loosened around his neck. Something didn't say anything that once, but he didn't care to mull over its muteness.  
As he descended the steps to the floor below, his eyes fell on the backs of the two children standing by the entrance to Leorio's room.  
He couldn't discern what they were whispering back and forth, but the low murmur of their voices was loud in the silence.

When a wooden beam creaked under his weight, they both raised their heads and turned around to look at him. Unsurprisingly, curiosity and confusion were both crystal clear across their faces. They didn't say anything though, only exchanged a look and then moved aside for him to walk through.

Leorio was hunched by the bed looking down at Chrollo, his brows furrowed as he spread what looked like some kind of ointment across his wounds. The raven's skin was still very much torn open and raw, but he wasn't bleeding anymore. Kurapika's own sharp intake of breath sounded loud in his ears and he hurried over to the bed.

«He's alive.» stated Leorio before he had the time to question it, his voice uncharacteristically subdued «But I don't know what's happening. The bleeding completely stopped on its own a few minutes ago. I think the Church vial he drank is finally starting to take effect, but I just can't understand why it's reacting like this. I've never seen anything like this in my life.»

Kurapika's hands automatically tightened into fists at those words and the grimace already creasing his face soured even more, both in worry and in guilt.  
He didn't want Leorio to feel at fault for not knowing what to do, especially since he wasn't even aware of the truth. At the same time, the blood he had given Chrollo had to have started doing _something_ at last, but he still couldn't think of an explanation for his body's initial reaction.

«I see.» he replied after he had swallowed the lump in his throat and he had been sure his voice wouldn't have sounded too hoarse, eyes fixated on Chrollo's blood stained face. As long as he kept breathing, everything would be fine. He had to remain calm «I apologise for my earlier behavior. I wasn't thinking straight.»  
«... It's alright, I get it.» conceded Leorio with a heavy sigh. Straightening up, he cleaned the remaining ointment off his hand with a towel and inhaled deeply for a few moments, closing his eyes as if in consternation «I'll dress his wounds, but considering the circumstances I don't think there's anything else I can do. I'm sorry.»  
«Don't be, that will be enough. Thank you.»

Only after he had finished bandaging Chrollo's chest did Leorio turn around to truly look at him for the first time since he had come back. All his previous anger had dissipated, leaving only concern behind.  
Kurapika hated being looked at like that. It made him feel weak, as if he was an object to be handled delicately. It wasn't Leorio's fault and he couldn't even blame him for worrying, but he couldn't stand it.

«Are you alright?»  
«I am. I'll take care of everything from now on, I'll leave you my bed. Thank you for everything.»  
«I don't think it's a good idea, you should rest-»  
«I would have stayed awake all night regardless. I can handle it.»

They looked at each other for a long, tense moment. Gon and Killua were still on the threshold so he couldn't see them, but he could almost feel their own agitation too.  
Leorio's tentative hold on his patience almost slipped, he knew. A deep crease had formed between his brows again and his breathing had gotten quicker for a moment, but that newly found anger dissipated just as quickly as it had stirred.  
Sighing, the taller man brought a hand to his face and massaged his temples, letting his back curve under the weight of exhaustion.

«Fine. Just... Don't push yourself.»

Kurapika only nodded in response, eyes lowered to the ground. Leorio walked past him and hushed the boys away, not without all of them pausing to look at him before leaving. He didn't even need to turn around to tell.

When the sound of closing doors reached his ears and he heard all movement cease, his shoulders went limp. He tried to take a steadying breath, but that smell still lingered in the air.

When he looked up, his eyes immediately focused on Chrollo.  
His face was still covered in blood. Between the run and all, some of it had unsurprisingly trailed down his neck and not even his hair had been spared, some dark strands covered with drying blood and sticking to his face.

After having taken a moment to compose himself, Kurapika turned around and went into the laundry room to find a couple of large bowls, which he filled with warm water. After he made sure he had enough clean towers at hand, he carried a chair over to the edge of the bed and rolled up his sleeves.  
He dampened the first washcloth he got ahold of and started by wiping away what little blood had remained around Chrollo's chest after Leorio had taken care of him, careful not to touch the bandaged area.

When he retracted his arm and his knuckles accidentally brushed against the unconscious man's shoulder, he jolted. Pursing his lips, he took a shaky breath and extended his free hand to touch him again to check.

Chrollo's skin was freezing cold.

Even though he had waited a few seconds for the heat of his fingers and palm to transfer to him, when Kurapika pulled his hand back nothing had changed.  
His eyes started to sting again, but he managed to keep everything in and he forced himself to move once more.  
Chrollo had lost a lot of blood and his body had been bare for a while. He was still breathing. At that point, everything would probably be fine.

He had to remain calm.

Hurrying his movements, Kurapika finished wiping away all the blood from the raven's chest. Before moving on, he retrieved some more old sheets from the back of Leorio's wardrobe and covered him with them, hoping that they'd help restore some of his body heat.

Chrollo's face was in the worst conditions of all.  
Although most of the blood was smeared across his chin and jaw, the one that had come out of his eyes had tried into macabre trails down his cheeks, as if it wasn't anything but shed tears. Moving his hair back with one hand and turning his head his way, Kurapika dampened a new towel and leaned down to wipe the foul smelling fluid off his face.

The stark contrast between the dark tint of the blood and Chrollo's ashen complexion finally started to fade, and when most of the filth had been washed away Kurapika almost let out a bitter laugh.

Chrollo's expression was perfectly serene, as though he had simply fallen into a peaceful slumber, completely unaware of what had happened since he had lost consciousness up to that very moment. So up close the blond could feel his faint breathing, he could see movement under his closed eyelids, as if he was dreaming.  
He didn't know what he had even expected to see or why it made him react that way, but the lump in his throat tightened.

It all felt wrong.

He didn't want to see Chrollo in such an unguarded state- no, he didn't want it to be because something else other than his own will had forced him into it.  
Because the sight in front of his eyes wasn't unguarded. Chrollo was unguarded when he sat on his armchair surrounded by his men inside the church they had made their home, when he crouched down in his alcove and picked books to give him, quicksilver eyes ever so intelligent and sharp.  
What was in front of him wasn't any of that though, it wasn't Chrollo choosing to let his barriers down even just for the slightest moment, it was _vulnerability_.

And he couldn't stand it.

Like the night they had met Sheila and Chrollo had mentioned his past to him, he felt like something had been taken away from him before he had even had the chance to truly sample it. Like a missed occasion.  
It was frustrating, being deprived of the things he wanted to build on his own. It made him feel helpless, like a puny child at the mercy of his own weakness.

The blond took notice of the pain caused by the nails digging into his palm before the cold that had been seeping into his other hand. If he hadn't been roused from his thoughts by that automatic reaction, the latter probably would have gone unnoticed for much longer.  
When he realised what he had been doing, he inhaled sharply and jerked back as if burnt.  
Chrollo remained motionless on the bed, his head still turned his way and his expression peaceful, like nothing had transpired at all. Kurapika retracted his guilty hand to his chest and gripped his shirt with faintly trembling fingers.

Maybe there _was_ something positive about that unnatural slumber, actually.  
He immediately got angry at himself for having even thought that, yet it was also true that, if the other man had caught him in the act, he would have probably buried himself. Not that he didn't want to do it regardless.

Taking a shaky breath, he relaxed his shoulders and glared down at his hand, as if the thing had a mind of its own and it had been its choice to stroke Chrollo's face. Except it definitely hadn't been his decision either and he couldn't comprehend how or why it had even happened in the first place. Sighing, he ran his other hand across his face and pressed his fingers to his temples.

"What the hell am I doing"

Without uncovering his face, Kurapika looked at Chrollo from under his hand. The more he stared at him and at his relaxed features, the stronger was the pull of the frown on his brows. Letting his arm fall, he hunched his back and leant forward on his knees, pursing his lips in the process.

«... You better wake up, you know that, you bastard?»

Chrollo didn't give him an answer, but Kurapika hadn't been expecting one anyway.  
Shaking his head, he brought his chair closer to the bed again - he had pushed it back earlier in a knee-jerk reaction - and glanced at the remaining blood on the raven. It had mostly been wiped away by then, but there was still some of it under his eyes and he hadn't even gotten to the man's hair yet.

Kurapika eyed Chrollo's bandana, dirty with sweat and splatters of blood, surely the beasts'.  
He had never seen him without it, even the few times they had met outside of patrol and he had been wearing normal clothes the thing had been there wrapped around the man's head. Considering that the dark strands easily reached his eyes anyway and that he never seemed bothered by them, he doubted that Chrollo used it to keep his hair out of his face, but at the same time the other didn't seem to be the kind of person who cared about his looks enough for it to be some kind of weird fashion statement. Regardless, whatever were his reasons for never parting from it, it had to go.

Leaning over the older man, he gently raised his head with one hand and slipped the bandana off with the other, loosening Chrollo's hair around his face in the process. He was too caught up in his thoughts to notice it right away but, after he had moved back, a dark figure on the man's forehead caught his eyes. When he looked down in confusion and took a clear look at it, he froze.

"What is _that_ "

His hand had found its way to Chrollo's skin on its own once again, but that time he didn't care to retract back. From the looks of it, it was some sort of weird tattoo, but he had never seen such a design in his life, nor did he know what it represented.  
At first it looked like a circle vertically crossed by a straight line and horizontally cut in two halves, but upon closer inspection he realised that the round shape was actually just two separate curved lines, of which the upper one was much smaller than the lower one. At the centre of the tattoo was a small diamond shaped form and its four sides were perpendicularly traversed by a small cross.

He couldn't tell how old it was but, since Chrollo's skin was perfectly healed, it definitely had been there since before their first meeting and, despite his attempts at imagining what it was, he just couldn't come up with anything. He thought it vaguely resembled an eye, or maybe some kind of weird anchor, but he doubted it actually was either of those things.

A few more seconds of quiet contemplation later, Kurapika shook himself out of his stupor. There was no point to racking his brain over it.  
Sighing tiredly, he grabbed the damp towel again, finished cleaning Chrollo's face and then began to rub the blood out from his hair. There wasn't much of it, but since it had begun to dry it still took him a while to get it completely off.  
After he was done, he leaned back against the backrest of his chair and hung his head. All that remained for him to do was wait.

Wait, for who knew how long.  
The prospect of being left alone with his thoughts without anything else to do was dreadful to the point he almost wished he hadn't been so quick. Now he had nothing to distract himself with, and his mind could remind him of what had happened as much as it wanted. Logically, he knew that there wasn't anything he could have done to prevent that situation, but he still couldn't help but wonder.  
If he had been quicker, maybe he could have stopped the beast. If he had been stronger, maybe it wouldn't have even come to that.  
Tightening his lips into a thin line, he crossed his arms to his chest. He didn't know if the chill he felt was just a fruit of his imagination or if the night was truly starting to get colder, but he made an attempt to ward it off nevertheless. 

Several minutes later, as the weight of those events started to constrict his chest again, Kurapika forced himself to take a deep breath and looked at Chrollo again. Had some color started to flow to his cheeks again? He wished he could tell, but he didn't know. Truth be told, his eyes felt strained and his whole body heavy, but he refused to leave or rest.

Slowly, he reached out one hand and brushed his knuckles against the raven's jaw to check. Still cold, but at least he wasn't as icy as before.  
His blood had truly been useful, then. He was glad.

Kurapika held his breath for a moment before slowly exhaling and bringing both hands to his face to massage his eyes.  
Chrollo was getting better. Under the covers, under the bandages, his wounds were probably starting to heal. Maybe he'd even wake up soon. Everything was going to be okay.  
He had to believe that.

***

Time passed excruciatingly slow and he had no idea what point of the night it was. The barricaded window prevented him from looking outside and Leorio didn't have a watch in his room, so he could only guess.  
Chrollo's face definitely wasn't as ashen as before, but he still gave no signs of having regained back consciousness.

Distractingly, Kurapika brushed back some hair from where it had dried over the man's eyes and looked at his tattoo again. With something so eye-catching inked in his skin, it was no wonder that Chrollo never showed his face around with his forehead uncovered.

A sudden pitter patter coming from the corridor outside of the room made him jump. He turned around just in time to see the handle of the door lower, and then a small figure slowly crept into view. The first thing he saw was a head covered in long, dark hair.  
Then came the eyes and that small, flat smile.  
Kurapika immediately tensed, all previous exhaustion seemingly swept away by the sudden apparition.

When it saw them, Something laughed as if delighted and began to walk closer. The blond shifted his chair so that Chrollo was mostly shielded behind him, but he was too stunned to move or do anything else. His nails dug hard into his palms and, even though they would have probably been useless against the entity in front of him, he cursed himself for not having his weapons with him. 

Something took notice of his reaction and paused in its steps, head slightly tilted to the side and its smile unwavering. Kurapika had no idea how to interpret its behavior. Alluka had assured him that it wasn't needlessly hostile, but the prospect of dealing with it alone gave him chills.  
A few seconds later, Something moved again. As the distance between them became thinner and thinner, Kurapika stopped breathing.

It stopped right in front of him, and time seemed to freeze. He felt like those black voids were staring right through his soul and he couldn't bring himself to look away.  
When two small, frosty hands touched his cheeks, he flinched back, but Something didn't let go of his face.  
Its smile widened.

«... It's alright... Child of blood...» Kurapika's sharp intake of breath at those words was loud in the otherwise silent room, his eyes wide and alarmed. Something brought their faces closer together and giggled.  
«... It's alright...»

Having said this, it let its hands fall from his cheeks and stepped past him.  
The blond remained petrified for a moment, but when a rustling sound reached his ears he swirled around in shock.  
Something had sat on the bed next to Chrollo, its smile almost imperceptibly wider as it stroked the man's head and hair with small fingers.

Kurapika had to stop himself from grabbing its arm and pulling the thing away by force.  
Swallowing the lump in his throat, he tried to smooth out his glare and gripped his thighs with shaky hands. He didn't want to come across as too aggressive in order not to trigger any bad reaction from it, but it took him more time than he would have preferred to find his voice again.

«What do you want with him?»

Something didn't respond straight away, didn't even show any signs of having heard him.  
Seconds later, when it raised its head to look at him, its movements didn't cease and neither did its smile falter.

«... The scent of the Moon is strong...»  
«What does that mean?»

Something didn't answer, only looked back at Chrollo and giggled in the same childish way from before again. Kurapika had to hold back a growl.  
That was the same thing it had said when it had first come out. Alluka's words from two days prior, about it knowing Chrollo, felt like an additional weight on his chest.

«How do you know him?»

No answer.  
Frustrated, he dug his nails hard into his legs and bit the inside of his cheek until he drew blood.  
At that point he wasn't even angry because he wanted to know more, he just wanted to understand and to placate the part of him that was still shaken because of what had happened, and that had been awoken once more by Something's arrival.

Minutes later, when the thing shifted in its seat and leaned down, Kurapika jolted to full attention once again.

«... Newborn...»  
«What?»  
«... The blood... It has been purged... Flora will be sad...»  
«What are you talking about?»

Something didn't even look at him. For the first time, its movements stopped and Alluka's small hand rested immobile upon Chrollo's head. The indistinct black filling the child's eyes prevented the blond from guessing what Something was so focused on, but there was really only one thing it could be looking at so up close.

«Do you know what that symbol means?» insisted Kurapika, suppressing the urge to grab the thing by the shoulders and force it to pay attention to him.  
«... The Moon... Paleblood...»  
«What is that? And what did you mean by newborn? Who is Flora?»

Silence.

"There's no point in trying to talk to it"

A bitter taste invaded the blond's mouth at that thought. He didn't want to accept it, but it was clear that Something wouldn't tell him anything else, and even if it did it'd only make everything more confusing.  
He couldn't see how Chrollo's tattoo represented the Moon but, out of the few words the being had said, that was the only thing that made sense. And the purged blood... Was that what had happened earlier? But then who was this Flora, what did she have to do with Chrollo?

Before Kurapika had the time to dwell further on these questions, a loud thud, followed by a rushed set of footsteps, came from above the ceiling, jolting him out of his thoughts. 

«... Killua has awoken...»

Barely a few seconds later the boy swung the ajar door open, wide eyed and alarmed. The second he noticed the livid look on Kurapika's face and his possessed sister sitting on the bed next to Chrollo, he blanched.  
Before the child could say anything, with his eyes alone the blond conveyed a simple order to him: _take it away_.

From the way he hunched up his shoulders to his neck in response, he guessed that Killua had to have understood.

«Something, I told you not to come here, that man is unwell.»

There it was.  
It was the same feeling of dread, the same frear, the same blood chilling terror. Kurapika had been prepared for it that time, but his throat closed as if a hand was trying to choke the breath out of him nevertheless.

«... But Killua... The scent...»  
«I know, but you need to understand that it's a delicate situation. Please, come back to bed with me.»

Having said this, the boy took a step forward and extended his hand, just like he had done all those days prior. It took Something a long time even just to straighten up again, its lips downturned into a pout as it tightened its hands on the sheets to signal its disagreement.  
When it stood up and took its first steps away from the bed and past him, Kurapika automatically let out an inaudible sigh of relief.  
The irrational side of him desperately wanted to be angry at Killua for having let Something get away from him, but he knew that that would be unfair to him.

As the boy hushed Something out of the room, the two of them met eyes over Alluka's head. Killua didn't say or sign anything, only looked at him, a small frown pulling on his brows. Kurapika didn't have it in him to blame him.  
Before the door closed, he sent a small nod his way, then he hung his head and let his shoulders sag under the weight of his exhaustion again.

***

Minutes. Hours. Time had become a blur again. Just an indistinguishable mesh of seconds as he waited, and waited, and waited.  
At first he had attempted to occupy it by trying to find a meaning to what Something had said, but the words escaped him even in his head, they mixed and echoed until they were nothing but an incoherent jumble of sounds and noise. At some point he had even gotten so lightheaded that he feared he had actually blacked out for a while without even noticing.  
He was so tired.

Busy as he was running his hands across his face to massage his eyes and temples in an attempt to ward off his exhaustion, when Chrollo's eyes at last twitched in a way much different than that compelled by the act of dreaming, he missed it.  
Only when his hands had left his face and he had been about to sit back against his chair had he looked up by chance.

Through half lidded eyes, Chrollo was looking up at the ceiling.

Before he had the time to know what he was doing, Kurapika bolted to his feet, never minding the gasp that promptly left his lips or the way his heart stopped beating for an instant. The sound his chair made when it knocked back against the floor was excruciatingly loud, but he didn't care.  
Closing the small distance between him and the bed, he leant down and grabbed Chrollo's shoulders, forcing him to look at him. He wanted to speak, but his mouth had become dry and he couldn't decide which words to say first and in what order.  
The raven furrowed his brows in confusion for a moment upon seeing him, but then his features relaxed again.

«I take it I'm alive, then.»

His voice was hoarse, but he had smiled while saying that, and his eyes gained back some of their usual glint as he shifted under the covers to test his body.  
The breathtaking euphoria that had been flowing through Kurapika immediately froze in his veins and he didn't dignify that remark of an answer. The casual tone in which the other man had spoken made his blood boil.  
Like it didn't matter. Like he wouldn't have minded either outcome.

His hands were still planted on Chrollo's shoulders when the raven pushed himself up into a sitting position, wincing a little as he did so. When he saw the gauzes tied around his chest, he huffed out a laugh.

«That thing surely did a number on me. I've never even needed to replace my cane before... To think that I had to lose it in such a stupid way. What a pity.»

_Smack._

Kurapika's hand had moved on its own.

He didn't know whether Chrollo's reflexes were slower because of his barely newfound consciousness or if he just hadn't cared to evade the hit, but the sharp sound his palm made upon coming into contact with the raven's cheek rang loud and clear in his ears.  
His skin stung.

«You idiot! What the hell were you thinking!? Why didn't you ever tell me about the blood!? Do you have any idea how dangerous that was!? And you almost died, you useless bastard, who cares about your stupid weapon! Have some decency!»

Chrollo's expression had never changed during his outburst, not even when he had grabbed him with both hands again and dug his nails hard into the bare skin of his shoulders out of anger. Besides a fractional widening of his eyes and an automatic turning of his head, he hadn't reacted to being slapped either. Rather, he had remained as still as a board.

When the words inadvertently caught in his throat and he was forced to stop yelling, Kurapika realised that, at some point, his breathing had gotten ragged, the movements of his chest erratic and his muscles tense as he struggled to get ahold of himself.

A few seconds later, Chrollo slowly turned his head forward again and slightly tilted it back to look up at him from under his bangs.

«Are you feeling any better now?»

His voice had been low, his tone cautious almost, devoid of all its previous nonchalance. No particular emotion transpired from it, but Kurapika didn't believe for one second that the carefulness with which the other had spoken was actually a sign that he was intimidated by his anger.  
Gritting his teeth, he tightened his hold on Chrollo one more time before letting his hands fall, picking up his chair from the ground and then heavily dropping back onto it with a sigh.

«No.» hunching over, he rested his elbows on his legs and brought a hand up to massage his forehead. The momentary rush of adrenaline he had felt upon seeing that Chrollo was awake had passed already, leaving him even more tired than he already had been. His head was killing him.  
After a few seconds of quiet consideration, the raven closed his eyes and nodded as if in acceptance, but he didn't otherwise respond to that.

«Are we in your house?» he asked instead, idly looking around Leorio's room with an absentminded curiosity.  
«I carried you here after you had passed out.» tightening his hands into fists again, Kurapika looked down and bit his lower lip, eyes staring holes through the pavement at his feet «... Why didn't you take those vials? I would have understood if you were affected by the scourge, but that's not the case.» 

"You aren't, right?"

That thought made the hair on the back of his neck stand up and a pit opened in his stomach.  
No, not even Chrollo, no matter how good and well versed he was in the art of dissimulation, could fake immunity to something like that. He could try to retain all the control he wanted over his mind, but the bodies of those addicted to the Holy medium spoke for themselves, with their beastly teeth and sunken eyes. No, there was something else, there had to be.

Chrollo didn't reply to his question, but for once his silence wasn't one of denial. Rather, it was one of reflection. Thoughtfulness wasn't a foreign look on his face, but Kurapika wasn't used to seeing it directed towards something he had said, not like that.  
The situation was similar to that of the previous week, when they had talked about Shalnark and Byrgenwerth, but the atmosphere between them was nowhere as tense as it had been back then. The urgency, the pressing ache, he felt none of that.  
His desire to know more certainly wasn't any weaker, but what had happened had completely drained him of all his energy, leaving him unsuited for any kind of intense confrontation at all.

A soundless eternity passed, then Chrollo leant back against the bed and looked down at his hands.

«Obviously, by not drinking them we don't run the risk of becoming dependent on the blood, let alone that of turning into beasts.» he started. He spoke candidly, no hint of discontent or reluctance in his voice. If anything, he almost sounded distant, as if lost in the recollection of a distant memory «Everyone has a role and it's imperative to follow the rules. Not drinking the Church's blood isn't one. I don't think we've ever verbally discussed it, actually. We could say it was a collective, unspoken decision, I suppose.»

A pause.  
If Kurapika's eyes didn't deceive him, Chrollo's expression darkened but a fraction.

«Everytime anyone, be they a hunter, a medic or whatever else, requests a new batch of vials, the Church utilises its blood saints to satisfy it. I'm sure you can guess where our reasons for not drinking it stem from.»

It took the blond a second to connect the dots. On his legs, his hands tightened into fists. Under his breath, he uttered a name.

«Pakunoda.»

Chrollo nodded in affirmation, a crease forming between his brows.  
He didn't say anything else. Kurapika didn't ask.  
That was enough.

«You didn't drink one drop of it.» he said instead. The tension that had built up in the other man's jaw eased. He didn't know if what he saw was just a mirage born from his fatigue, but he thought that Chrollo's eyes seemed to soften too.  
«I see.»

There was something subdued about the way he had said that, almost gentle. No explicit words of gratitude came, but Kurapika didn't expect any, nor did he think he deserved them.  
If there had been just one more blood vial in his pouch, if Chrollo had carried some with him, he would have ignored his wishes and made him drink the blood.

Merely seconds later there was a shift to Chrollo's posture. Kurapika already knew what would come next; mentally, he braced himself.

«How am I still alive?»

There it was.  
He closed his eyes for a moment, grimacing as if the recollection of those events pained him like a physical wound, then he crossed his arms to his chest and sat back. There was no point to stalling or dancing around it.

«I gave you my blood.»

Eyes fixated on the edge of the bed and unmoving, not without omitting bits and pieces, Kurapika recounted the story of that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kurapika: I am Very Much calm, yes.  
> Narrator: He was, in fact, not calm.
> 
> I don't know whether I managed to make it come across the way I wanted, but that one paragraph before Killua drags Kurapika out of the room is supposed to be kind of a panic-induced stream of consciousness moment. Not sure I nailed it but eh, I tried.
> 
> Is Chrollo's reasoning behind his refusal to drink the blood too ooc and sentimental? Probably. Should I care? Also probably. But DO I care? No >:3
> 
> Btw, this is the rune tattooed on his forehead, Moon (super long link incoming because I still don't know how to make them work mea culpa forgive me): https://www.google.it/search?tbm=isch&sxsrf=ALeKk030Gnp_Yxc2sJohMN8GE739gGCwLA%3A1609620412083&source=hp&ei=vNvwX4fmAuWAjLsPmJyMsA8&q=bloodborne+moon+rune&oq=bloodborne+moo&gs_lcp=ChJtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1pbWcQARgAMgQIIxAnMgQIIxAnMgIIADICCAAyAggAOgcIIxDqAhAnOggIABCxAxCDAToECAAQAzoFCAAQsQNQ_gpY7yBglCdoAnAAeACAAZoBiAH6BpIBAzcuMpgBAKABAbABBQ&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-img#imgrc=QuGQGEtS4_d7XM.  
> I admit I kind of sucked at describing it lol.  
> Since it's a tattoo here I imagined it all in black, but you can think of it in the original colors too if you prefer.  
> Once again, like Chrollo's body's reaction to Kurapika's blood, we shall wait for an explanation. I wanted to put everything in one chapter but things got a little out of hand ahah.
> 
> I know it was about time for *something* to happen, but a part of me is scared that I'm moving too fast with Kurapika's feelings ahah. I think there's some real life psychology behind the whole "you'll feel more attached to people if you experience something out of the ordinary with them" thing, which is something that has happened a few times already, and their relationship Is my first priority, but eh.
> 
> This will likely be the last update until February because Exams™ :( Believe me when I say that I'd much rather lose my mind over this dumb au.


	16. Metamorphosis

It hadn't taken Kurapika long to recount the night's events. Once he had started speaking, the words had just begun to spill out from his mouth on their own, as if a dam had been breached.

When he finally got to the end of his story, he felt like a knot had been loosened around his throat.  
There was something liberating about vocalizing what had happened; calming, even. In hindsight, the past hours felt like a blur. Giving an order to things, separating his emotions from the singular events, explaining everything as clearly as possible, talking made it all easier. It was as if all the pieces of the night were falling into place, as if they were becoming more distinct, even to him.  
The fact that Chrollo, who had seemingly been on the brink of death, was awake and had listened to him only made everything feel even more weird.

Despite how little he had said about his own feelings on the matter, Kurapika didn't doubt that his voice had betrayed at least some of his internal turmoil.  
He hadn't cared to mask it behind a fake, wobbly - and likely useless - composure though. He didn't doubt that the other man had noticed his agitation straight away, so there was no point to hiding it.

Chrollo had never interrupted him, not even once. He didn't know what to make of his silence and, since his eyes were still glued to the bed, he didn't know whether his words had stirred a change in his expression.  
The curiosity was starting to weigh on his chest, but a part of him didn't want to raise his head to see. What he felt wasn't fear of what the other would say per se, but something akin to shame had insinuated itself under his skin. Rationally, he knew there was no reason for him to feel that way: there was nothing else he could have done to save Chrollo's life, nor could he have stopped himself from reacting the way he had. Still, that lack of control over himself, that feeling of helplessness, he couldn't stand them.

The rustling of the sheets brought Kurapika back to full attention, but he remained motionless, back hunched and elbows still resting on his legs. From the corner of his eye, he noticed Chrollo bring a hand up to his chin in thought. What the raven said next caught him by surprise.

«I'm probably not under the Church's contract anymore.»

Eyes widening, Kurapika laced his fingers together and forced his head up to look at the other man. Chrollo looked pensive, but not preoccupied. His words gave him pause for a second, but then he sharply inhaled in understanding.

«So what Something said about the blood...»  
«Yes.» confirmed Chrollo with a small nod of his head «It's not a strict requirement anymore so you haven't gone through it without any problems, but in the past, in order to become a hunter, a blood contract had to be stipulated. By what you've told me, my guess is the vile blood must have worked as some sort of neutralizer...»  
«Which means this thing was the result of the interaction between the two different strands.» concluded Kurapika. Ignoring its smell and not daring to look directly at it, he grabbed one of the stained towels he had discarded earlier and held it out for Chrollo to see. When the raven's fingers brushed against his knuckles as he carefully took the towel from his hand, Kurapika had to suppress a jolt.

He was warm.

Pursing his lips, the blond rigidly sat back and clenched his fists on his knees. While Chrollo studied with interest the sickly black blood, he fought to keep his breathing steady.  
The previous, ghastly coldness of the other's skin was still a phantom on his fingertips and its newfound heat unexpectedly made Kurapika's throat tighten. Time had seemed to be at a standstill, but it felt like it had only been minutes since the malformed beast's venom had almost taken Chrollo's life, since his heart had almost stopped beating.  
Ignoring a sharp pang of unease, he took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts.

A pressing question was beginning to take shape in the back of his head. Thinking about it made him feel nauseous, but he had to know.

«Is anything like this reported in the journals you found in Cainhurst? I doubt such a reaction would have gone... Unnoticed.» the second the words left his mouth, something in his chest squeezed in pain. He ignored it.  
«It isn't.» replied Chrollo instead, taking him by surprise «I think it works differently for your kind since your blood is fully nonhuman... Whilst my body was only a vessel where they happened to come in contact.»

Kurapika furrowed his brows and looked down in thought.  
According to Chrollo's logic, since both the vile blood and the Church's blood were foreign to his body, it was likely that only one of them could exist at a time in a normal person, hence his adverse reaction to their mingling.  
Indeed, regardless of whatever was going on with Something and its cryptic statements, Chrollo _was_ a human being.

With great horror, a realization struck him. He swore he could feel all color drain from his face.  
Hunching his back to rest his elbows on his legs again, he brought a hand up to his face and let out a trembling breath.

«Chrollo. Tell me something.»  
«Yes?»  
«If I were to consume the Church's blood and eventually turn into a beast... Do you think my body would retain its healing capabilities? Is that another reason why my people had to die?»  
«... It's likely that inside you the two strands would actually blend. I haven't read anything about your people becoming beasts, but I wouldn't put it past your elders to completely hide such happenings. Fear of self healing beasts... I presume it was another of the Church's reasons for wanting your kind dead, yes.»

Kurapika bit his lower lip so hard that he drew blood and dug the nails of his free hand into his palm.  
The armory. Of course. How hadn't he thought about that before. To hunt people, to kill those who turned into beasts.  
His heartbeat was becoming unsteady and the corners of his vision dark, but he didn't have the mind to care for either of those things. Instead, he slowly raised his head and looked at Chrollo again.

The raven's gaze was still directed at the towel between his hands.

The thing was useful only in virtue of the ailing blood it was soiled with and there was no point to studying it so intently, thought Kurapika, but a twitch of Chrollo's eyes revealed that in truth his attention was actually elsewhere. It then became obvious that the other man was giving him space by pretending not to have noticed his state - despite he obviously had - which made the blond's chest squeeze in shame.  
Self consciously, he straightened up and crossed his arms to his chest. In doing so, his eyes flicked to the bandages tied around Chrollo's torso and a thought made him freeze.

Aware of his reaction, Chrollo let the towel fall to the ground and returned his stare with a slight tilt of his head, his dark hair swaying in tandem with each movement.  
There was nothing out of the ordinary about his demeanor, nor did he seem bothered, but Kurapika knew he was too perceptive not to have gotten to the same conclusion as him.

«What are you thinking about?»

Chrollo's voice hadn't been any louder than usual; regardless, in the otherwise silent house, to Kurapika those few words had sounded like a scream. His mouth felt dry.  
Swallowing the lump in his throat, he tightened his arms around his chest until the clenching of his muscles made it harder to breathe.

«... I just realised something.»  
«What is it?»  
«Don't play dumb with me. You know it too, I know you do.»

Chrollo made no pretense of being oblivious to his thoughts.  
Nodding, he laid back against the headboard and brought a hand up to his chest.

«If great quantities of the Church's strand of blood turn people into beasts, then-»  
«But you didn't drink a lot of it!» tensely cut him off Kurapika as he averted his eyes to the floor. Invisible hands closed around his neck and strangled him, tighter and tighter, until barely any air could slip through «It wasn't much, I'm sure of it! Most of it reacted with the Old Blood, so it's not like there could be much left in your body anyway-»  
«Kurapika-»  
«- Fully transformed beasts need time to develop and much more blood than what I gave you! You can't be- it's not possible, it's-»  
« _Kurapika_.»

Moving to the edge of the bed and sitting in front of him despite the cramped space, Chrollo grabbed the younger man by his shoulders and lightly shook him to snap him out of his own head.  
Kurapika jerked his head up with a gasp; when they met, Chrollo's eyes, calm and cool, were a stark contrast to his. Despite his state, he thought about how he must have looked like and mentally cursed himself, for having so little control, for not having realised such a thing from the start.

«I... No, it can't be...»  
«Kurapika,» repeated Chrollo in a quiet voice, tightening his hold and slightly pulling him forward «I need you to calm down. Breathe.»  
«I can't-»  
« _Breathe_. Do it and then we'll talk about it together with a clear head.»

Gritting his teeth, the blond dug his nails into the flesh of his arms and hung his head in resignation. He had to get ahold of himself, he wanted to, but he couldn't help thinking about it over and over again.  
The regular rising and falling of the other's chest was right in front of him and he attempted to focus on it, inhaling and exhaling when he did.  
Chrollo didn't say anything, but neither did he let go of him. The weight of his hands on his shoulders was a grounding presence, an additional support to the steady breathing he was trying to imitate, and he was grateful for it.

Everything was becoming hazy again and his ears filled with white noise. Despite being seated, for a moment Kurapika felt like he was stumbling down.  
He tried to concentrate on the warmth seeping through his shirt from Chrollo's skin, he kept using his breathing as a reference, but the lack of oxygen contributed to his general exhaustion and made everything seem faint.  
Closing his eyes, he hunched his back further and cursed under his breath.

«I'm sorry.» was what he whispered next, his voice uncharacteristically hollow, before he laid his forehead on Chrollo's collarbone and let out a shaky exhale «I feel awful.»  
«It's alright.»  
«I just need a moment.»  
«It's alright.»

A new wave of dizziness hit him head on, making him sway despite his position. The hands on his shoulders didn't move though, rather Chrollo used his hold on him to prevent his body from sloping in any direction.  
Kurapika didn't want to admit it, but he was thankful to him. It wasn't the first time he found himself in a vulnerable position in front of the other man and he hated himself for it.  
Yet, through the haze in his mind, he considered that, if he had to be seen in such miserable conditions, at the very least he was glad it was by someone as levelheaded as him.

There wasn't anything particularly soothing about Chrollo per se but, just as he knew when and which buttons to push, he also knew when to remain quiet, and his seemingly unwavering composure was almost reassuring, in a way.  
Considering the volatility of some of his men, it was no wonder he was able to keep such a cool head no matter the situation he was in. It had happened with Sheila, with Something, with the beast they had fought earlier, even with him, numerous times, like their early fights or when he was introduced to the Troupe. Most of it was due to his reflective nature, but it was almost as if he did it more so for the sake of the people he was with than for himself.  
Even while the venom had been breaking down the cells of his body, while he had let fear get the better of him, Chrollo had never lost his nerve.

As if it wouldn't have mattered.  
Just like when he had woken up.

Biting his trembling lip, Kurapika grimaced and kept forcing air into his lungs at a deliberately slow pace. Minutes later, he finally cracked his eyes open and looked down at the chest in front of him.  
Chrollo's heartbeat was perfectly steady, his body was warm. If he concentrated hard enough, he swore he could almost feel the blood flowing through his veins.  
His blood, which wasn't fully human anymore.

With a heavy sigh, he finally slacked his steely grip over his own arms. He didn't need to check to know that in some points his nails had managed to break through skin, but he didn't care.

«... How are your wounds?» he murmured moments later, still unmoving.  
«There's a lingering ache, but I don't think they're open anymore.» replied Chrollo in a similarly quiet tone from above his head. His mouth was so close that he could feel his breath against his hair «Would you like to see?»  
«Yes. I want to know if they're fully healed or-»  
«That's not what I meant.»  
«Huh?»

Slowly, Kurapika detached his forehead from Chrollo's collarbone. When he straightened his spine and finally looked up again, their eyes immediately met.  
He didn't jolt under the other's intense stare, nor did the raven's expression falter at his confusion.

«Would seeing what little my body can do on its own now make you feel better?»

For a moment, after a sharp intake of air, Kurapika stopped breathing altogether. His instincts told him to avert his eyes again, but in truth he couldn't, nor did he even want to.  
Chrollo was obviously waiting for an answer, but he didn't pressure him for one. His hands were still on his shoulders and he just kept looking at him, patient.  
So close as he was, his vision was filled with brilliant quicksilver, and Kurapika felt like he was drowning.

«I want to see everything.»

His voice, breathy, had come out seemingly on its own, so much so that it took him a second to realise he had spoken at all. It wasn't usual of him to be so unthinking and he scolded himself for it.  
Chrollo only nodded in affirmation instead. His fingers slightly tightened for a moment, then he let his hands fall in a fluid movement; the abrupt lack of heat and weight almost left the blond feeling disoriented.

Meanwhile, Chrollo brought his hands up to his bandages. When he untied them and carefully started to unwrap them, Kurapika felt his mouth go dry.

«Wait-» he gasped, instinctively grabbing the other's wrists to stop him, but then the loose gauzes slid down the raven's torso on their own, exposing the pale skin of his muscled chest.

Kurapika immediately froze.  
Unlike his body, which never bore any sign of scarring or injury by virtue of his blood, Chrollo's front was marked by two long scars. The skin there looked reddish and irritated, as if a scab had been torn away before the wound underneath it had completely healed on its own, but the gashes were completely closed.  
In truth they were much less visible than they would have been after a natural recovery, but to Kurapika it didn't matter. He had wanted to know, more than anything, but then the prospect of actually being faced with the results of his decision had filled him with dread, and the pressure on his chest only intensified upon seeing them.

«Do you get it now?» began Chrollo a few tense moments later without even making an attempt to free himself «You were right, I drank too little of your blood to truly become like you. You have nothing to feel guilty for.»  
«But you- don't you care about not being human anymore?» insisted Kurapika, unconsciously tightening his shaky fists around his wrists.  
«I still mostly am, but it makes no difference to me. Do you think your ancestors would fault you for having tainted their bloodline to save a life?»

That quietly spoken question felt like an arrow through Kurapika's heart.  
His grip tightened even further.

«You don't know _anything_ about my people.»  
«I am not talking about them, I'm talking about what _you_ think. Now answer me, according to you, would they?»

Gritting his teeth, Kurapika glared at Chrollo and sunk his nails into the skin of his wrists.  
A part of him wanted to shout that _yes, of course they would_ , the other didn't know what to say or do.  
He had made peace with the fact that he would be the last of his kind, that their blood would die with him. It was what he deserved, the last burden he'd have to carry to his grave after the annihilation of the Church.  
The awareness that someone else was even just the least bit like him made his head spin, because it went beyond just the blood.

The thing that was now flowing through Chrollo's veins carried a sin, _his_ dreadful sin, and as such it should have stayed with him alone. He had no right to share its weight with anyone else, to _taint_ anyone else with it.  
He didn't deserve to stop feeling so alone.

«It doesn't matter what they would say.» he replied in the end, looking away with a growl.

Chrollo looked like he wanted that conversation to carry on, and he even tried to catch his attention again by moving his arms, but after another scowl from Kurapika he realised his attempts were futile.

«I understand.» sighing, he then let his shoulders fall in resignation and allowed the tension in his muscles to dissipate.

A few moments later Kurapika took a deep breath and followed suit, letting go of his wrists. His eyes caught the red marks his hands had left behind on his skin and he winced in guilt, but Chrollo had already turned his head sideways to look around the room without having noticed them.

«Alright. Do you know where I can find a blade or something so we can check?» he asked, his voice oddly lighthearted despite the circumstances.  
«I think this will suffice.» mumbled the blond in response, taking the other man's left forearm once more, only with both hands this time, and turning it to take a closer look at his bruised wrist; the lingering shape of his fingers was faint, but it _was_ there, undeniably so. That sight made his stomach churn «I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do this.»  
«It's nothing.» easily replied Chrollo, turning again to look at his skin in curiosity «Is it healing?»  
«... I think so, yes. It's taking your body much more time than it would mine, but I think the bruises are slowly fading.»  
«That's your proof, then. I'm only fractionally different from what I was before.»

Kurapika pursed his lips in displeasure and looked up at the other man's face again. The raven only shrugged with a hint of a smile.

«Are you having second thoughts about all of this? I don't suppose I can give it back to you.»  
«Don't try to put words I never said in my mouth. It's not about you having it.»  
«No. It's about _you_ having shared it with anyone in the first place, right?»

Whether he voiced it through words or silence, Kurapika knew that Chrollo was already perfectly aware of what his response would be; he could clearly see it in his eyes. It should have made him feel trapped, and in any other circumstance it definitely would have, but in truth he was relieved. He didn't have the energy nor the desire to work up an explanation.  
Despite a lingering sense of shame, a part of him was even glad that he didn't have to do all that, that he didn't have to put any effort into it.

He chose to remain silent. Chrollo chose not to push him any further than that.

«... There's something else I wanted to ask you.» began Kurapika instead after some time, brows furrowing in thought and eyes flicking between the raven's silvery gaze and his tattoo.  
«What is it?»  
«About what Something said-»

But before he had the time to finish his question, the door handle to the room creaked, making him jolt on his seat. He hadn't even noticed that someone had been approaching.  
Just as he turned around the door was opened, the sound of its squeaky hinges accompanied by Leorio's raspy morning voice.

«Kurapika, the Sun is ris- huh. Uhm, am I- should I... Huh...»

His friend's awkward fumbling and wide eyes left him feeling confused, especially when he noticed that Leorio wasn't looking neither at him nor at Chrollo. Rather, he seemed to be doing his best _not_ to look at either of them, and it was only then that Kurapika realise he was still cradling the raven's wrist between his hands and that what little space was between his chair and the bed was occupied by their legs, which were still touching.  
The blood drained from his face.

«Good, let's take the bars off the windows.» he briskly said, letting go of Chrollo and quickly rising to his feet to step away from the bed without looking at either man.  
«Uh-»  
«I'll start here, you can start with the ones in the living room and I'll come join you later.»  
«But-»

When he glanced at his friend with a less than amiable expression, Leorio looked back at him with an unimpressed glare, but then he sighed in defeat.  
Looking uncertainly between him and Chrollo for a moment, in the end he settled for nodding in acknowledgement at the latter and then disappeared behind the door again, not before throwing one last quick, eloquent look in the blond's general direction.

After Leorio's heavy footsteps became distant enough, Kurapika quietly sighed in relief and let the tension in his muscles ease. A poorly concealed chuckle forced him to stop breathing altogether for a moment.  
When he turned his head and looked down again, Chrollo was still smiling in amusement, his eyes twinkling in mirth.

«Do _not_.» he hissed, crossing his arms to his chest as if he was trying to hide.  
«I haven't even said anything.»  
«Good. Don't.»

But the blond's harsh tone and words only promoted another laugh from the other man.  
He couldn't tell if it was due to that whole situation in itself or if Chrollo simply found his reaction funny, regardless, Kurapika felt something squeeze in his stomach at the sight of that genuine smile. His eyes took a glimpse of the way his muscles clenched and unclenched with each snicker and, for the first time, he felt heat rise to his cheeks at the raven's state of undress.

«Whatever.» turning on his heel, he opened Leorio's wardrobe, grabbed one of his folded shirts at random and then threw it at Chrollo's face «Hurry up and get dressed so you can help me.»  
«Oh, but don't you think your friend will mind me taking his clothes?»

Ignoring the raven's teasing tone, Kurapika went straight to the chest in the corner of Leorio's room and retrieved a claw hammer to remove the nails from the protective wooden bars covering the window.

«He won't.»  
«What about what you wanted to ask me, then?»  
«It doesn't matter, we'll talk about it later.»

Chrollo let out another short puff of air at his dismissal, but then came the sounds of rustling fabric and of the mattress being freed from his weight.

«You're always so bossy with me...» a pause «Don't you ever feel bad about the way you treat me?»  
«Chrollo.»  
«Mh?»  
«Shut up.»

***

After Kurapika and Chrollo had taken care of the bars in Leorio's room, the two of them had started helping the doctor clear the other windows and unblock the door.  
A deadly silence, interrupted only by the noises of their work, had hung between the three of them for the whole time.

Once again, Kurapika was doing his best not to look at either man's face and kept his eyes fixated in front of him.  
The same couldn't be said about Leorio. Not that he had caught him in the act, but subtlety was about the farthest quality from him, and the blond could _feel_ his friend's curious gaze on him every time he turned his back on him. On the other hand, the tension seemed completely foreign to Chrollo, who looked perfectly at ease despite the fact that a good portion of Leorio's stares were directed at him too.

Between what he had seen earlier and what Gon and Killua had probably told him hours prior, Kurapika was more than sure that whatever was going on in Leorio's mind most certainly wasn't good, and he wasn't looking forward to being alone with him at all.  
In all honesty, he wasn't looking forward to being alone with any of his friends. They were going to ask him for _multiple_ explanations, but he felt so exhausted that even just thinking about it made his head spin. If he was lucky maybe he'd be able to postpone it until the evening, but it all depended on how much rest he'd be able to get and on how long the cleansing process of the streets would take.  
Either way, it wasn't going to be a pleasant experience for him, that was sure.

Not much time later, as they were storing the bars back into their chests, the door to the remaining bedroom on that floor cracked open and a sleepy Gon stepped outside, likely awoken by the noise of wood knocking against other wood.  
When his gaze fell on Chrollo, conscious and well, his eyes comically widened and he froze. The raven sent a polite - and _fake_ \- smile his way.

«Good morning.» he said, his tone just as cheerful as it had been when they had met more than a week prior. The boy instinctively tense. From the corner of his eye, Kurapika noticed Leorio make a face, certainly offended that earlier he hadn't been greeted too, but then the doctor went back to carrying the bars with a huff.  
«... Good morning.» replied Gon with a pout, glancing suspiciously back and forth between Chrollo and his friend.  
«What a face. Are you really so displeased to see me again?»  
«Uhm...»  
«Gon, why don't you start preparing breakfast? We'll take care of your window in the meantime, okay?» intervened Kurapika, subtly elbowing Chrollo's side in warning.

Gon didn't need to be told twice, and in no time he ran past them into the kitchen without adding anything. Grunting, Kurapika grabbed the raven next to him by his collar and dragged him into the boy's room.

«Stop antagonizing him.»  
«I'm not, I was just trying to start a conversation.»  
« _By making him uncomfortable?_ »  
«By making a joke.»  
«What you consider joking is honestly alarming.»  
«You're just being dramatic.»  
«No, it's you who just can't help acting like a bastard with innocent people. Now come help me, these are the last bars on this floor.»  
«Whatever you say, boss.»

Having already turned around, Kurapika glared at Chrollo from over his shoulder and menacingly raised his hammer as a warning.

«I _will_ kill you.»  
«And waste all your efforts?»  
«Taking your life here and now will repay my efforts.»  
«That sounds impractical.»  
«You want to bet?»  
«Hey.»

Brown and grey irises immediately slid to the threshold. Standing there was Killua, hair messier than usual and two dark circles under his eyes. The sight of Chrollo put him on his guard, just as it had done with Gon, but he was able to keep his hostility in check, unlike his friend.

«... Alluka needs resting. Try not to make too much noise.»

Satisfied with Kurapika's silent nod, the child took a step back. His eyes glanced back and forth between the two older men in the room and they lingered on Chrollo in particular for a moment more, tense and distrustful, then he disappeared, as quiet as he had come.

«You know, it's truly incredible how much he looks like him.» whispered the raven a few minutes later while they removed the nails keeping the remaining bars in place. He didn't specify who he was referring to, but there wasn't any need to.  
«That's why I was so taken back when I first saw him.» replied Kurapika, his voice just as quiet and a pensive expression on his face «... How long will you keep them separated? He came here for them, he must miss them.»  
«I don't doubt his affection towards his brother, but you must know by now of the sister's circumstances. He came here because he thought he'd honour his duty towards his family by bringing them back.»  
«So what, you're trying to overwrite what his parents taught him by precluding him the chance to see his siblings? He's just a child.»  
«It's precisely because he's a child that I can still do this. You'd rather he remained as he is now, blindly loyal to people who didn't even try to stop him despite all the danger he'd face?»  
«No, but then I think that something obviously happened between you and his parents, and that you're taking advantage of this situation to get back at them in your own twisted way... And I also think that you know more than you let on about the entity inside Alluka, especially in light of what I told you earlier.»

The silence that followed these words was tense, just like the look they exchanged.  
Kurapika's tone hadn't been accusatory for once, rather, he had spoken dispassionately, confident in the accuracy of his assumption. Likewise, Chrollo's face hadn't betrayed any particular emotion, just a keen consideration.  
It wasn't long before he looked away and turned to the nails again.

«Regardless, as things stand, if they were to meet now there would only be more problems to deal with. I'm sure you understand.»  
«I do. But I also understand that, when the time comes, you'll have to yield.»

Chrollo only let out a small chuckle at that and shook his head. Turning his head sideways to look at Kurapika again, he smiled.

«When the time comes, we'll see. But don't you think you're just as guilty as I am? You haven't said anything either.»  
«Don't compare me to you.» scoffed the blond in turn «I just wanted to give them time to adjust, I'm not egotistical like you.»  
«But it's the same, isn't it? Despite everything, I don't wish him ill; I'm giving him time too.»

Pulling off the last remaining bar, Kurapika rolled his eyes and made a face.

«Whatever. Nothing I say will make you change your mind anyway.»  
«Pot, meet kettle.»  
«You are _worse_ than me.»  
«What I love the most is the self assured way in which you said that.»  
«Because it's true.»  
«Uh-uh, do keep going.»  
« _Listen_ now-»

A loud banging noise came from outside the room, and his retort was abruptly cut off.  
The surprise momentarily stunned the both of them, but then came the sound of multiple footsteps and somebody started shouting in protest - Leorio, judging from the voice, and then Gon, and Killua - and adrenaline started coursing through Kurapika's veins.  
Uncaring that it wouldn't do much against whoever, or whatever, had barged inside the house, he grasped the wooden bar between his arms as if it were a bat and ran out, followed by Chrollo, who had done the same.  
When they barged into the living room, they froze again.

In the corner of the room, holding the two struggling Gon and Killua, was Machi. Kneeling just a couple of steps away was Phinks, an arm wrapped around Leorio's throat in a chokehold and the other holding the doctor's wrists in place against his back. Standing by the front door was Nobunaga, weapon drawn and ready to strike.  
When everybody's eyes settled on them, the glares of all three Troupe members in the room immediately dissipated.

«What's the meaning of this!?» shouted Kurapika, taking a step further and raising his bar in a menacing manner «Let go of them!»  
«Why are you here?» asked Chrollo in the meantime, his tone curious rather than hostile.  
«It's way past dawn.» growled Phinks in response. He didn't let go of Leorio, but at least his hold slackened a little «You didn't come back. Did you think we wouldn't suspect anything had happened?»  
«I didn't expect it'd come to this, no.»  
«What did you think I would do to him!? And how about you release them already!?» snapped Kurapika again, glaring back and forth between Machi and Phinks.  
«We don't take orders from _you_.» replied Machi with a scowl of her own, seemingly unbothered by the children straining against her hands.  
«But you do from me.» intervened Chrollo, coming up to stand next to Kurapika again; his voice had taken an authoritative tone, but in truth his expression hadn't changed much. Still, all his subordinates - even Nobunaga, who hadn't been doing anything in particular - straightened up «Leave them.»

Despite their visible reluctance, they obeyed.  
Gon and Killua immediately ran to the opposite wall and scowled at their ex captors, while Leorio, finally able to breathe properly, scrambled to his feet and turned around to glowered at them.

«What the hell is your problem!?» he screamed in Phinks' face, raising a hand to massage his bruising neck. Before the other man had the time to reply, Leorio swirled his head around and glared at Kurapika too «And you- why do you know these people!?»

From the way he wildly gestured around the room with his arm, it was clear that "these people" included Chrollo as well.  
Kurapika clenched his fists and opened his mouth, but a hand on his shoulder prevented him from speaking.

«We're simply partners, he has nothing to do with what just happened.» calmly answered Chrollo, to which Leorio audibly grit his teeth «Consider this a misunderstanding, there won't be a second time.»  
«Don't screw with me! You think you can get away with this just like that!?»  
«I didn't say anything about-»  
«I know what you said!»

Leorio made to stride forward, but he hadn't even taken a second step when the sound of a blade cut through the air and the sharp edge of Nobunaga's weapon barely stopped before hitting his skin.

«Move, and I'll cut you.»  
«You cur-»  
« _Nobunaga_.»  
«Oi, leave it.»  
«Didn't you hear what the boss said?»  
«You're only making things worse, stop it!»

Ignoring his comrades' reprimands and Kurapika's shout, Nobunaga locked eyes with Chrollo and remained silent. The two of them looked at each other for a tense moment, but it wasn't long before the bearded man visibly forced himself to inhale deeply and sheathed his sword.  
Once more without the threat of injury, Leorio seemed torn between turning on him and advancing towards Chrollo again, but then Gon's sudden intervention left everyone stunned for a moment.

«Why don't we all sit down and talk about it like friends?»

Seven pairs of eyes immediately moved to the boy, some confused, some angry. Killua made a grimace and swatted at the back of his head.

« _You idiot!_ You can't just say something like that!»  
«Why not?»  
«Why not!?» interjected Leorio with a shriek, wildly motioning around the room with his arms again «Do these seem like reasonable people to you!?»  
«I concur with Gon.» stated Kurapika, no less angry than his friend but still able to keep his cool, if barely «There's no point to fighting like this.»  
«Oh, so you're on _their_ side then, figures.»  
«What does it have to do- I never said that!»  
«Well, there's clearly no need to!»  
«I really don't care about talking to either of you.» commented Phinks in annoyance «I only came here just in case the brat needed a reminder of what happens to the people who mess with us.»  
« _What!?_ »  
«Shut up!»

He wouldn't raise a hand against Leorio, but Kurapika was sure that, if it hadn't been for Chrollo's hand holding him back, he would have stormed towards Phinks barehanded, uncaring about his full body shivers of tiredness and cold.

«Whatever, now we know that nothing happened. I say we just go back now.» suggested Nobunaga, to which Machi hummed in agreement.  
«No, now you are staying here and you're telling me what he meant by that!» dissented Leorio as he pointed at Phinks, who snorted in response.  
«And who's going to stop us, _you_?»  
«That's between them and me, there's no need to talk about that now!» then replied Kurapika, making the doctor's glare turn on him again.  
«So you expect me not to worry after hearing something like that!? You expect me not to think these people aren't a danger!?»  
«Isn't that one more reason to let them go?» stage whispered Killua behind his hand, making Gon shrug in uncertainty.  
«Considering his involvement with them, no it isn't!»  
«I don't need you to stick your nose in my business!» snapped Kurapika.  
«You should listen to the boy. There's no point to all of this.» sighed Chrollo.  
«Don't you dare tell me what to do! Out of everyone here, _you_ are the one I trust the least!»  
«Good for you. Can we move on with our lives now?»

Leorio looked like he was on the verge of exploding. Despite the circumstances, both Gon and Killua had to suppress a snort. Machi, Phinks and Nobunaga mostly seemed annoyed, while Chrollo had his usual stoic mask on his face.  
As far as Kurapika was concerned, he couldn't bring himself to feel as strongly as his friend. His anger at the others' behavior had been hot, but brief; the rush of energy he had previously felt had already dissipated, leaving him feeling even more exhausted than before, and all he truly wanted was to lie down and rest at once.

Behind them, a floorboard creaked.

«Brother, guys… What's all this noise?»

Alluka's eyes weren't even truly open and she looked barely conscious on her feet, so much so that she needed to lean against the wall to keep herself upright. Killua and Gon immediately ran to her to keep her from falling.  
With some surprise, Kurapika noted that that was the first time Something hadn't come out despite Chrollo's presence and its fascination with him, and wondered whether it was due to the girl's physical condition.

«Don't worry Alluka, everything is fine.» meanwhile told her Killua, wrapping an arm around her in a soothing gesture «Why don't we go upstairs again now? Gon you come too, we'll make it into a sleepover. Doesn't it sound cool?»  
«Uh-uh, yeah!» replied the other boy, glancing back and forth between him and the other people in the room «Come on, let's go, up, up!»

Before disappearing into the house, Killua turned his head one last time and glared at them. Raising his free hand, he brought a finger to his lips and clearly mouthed a command: " _be quiet_ ".  
When he had done that, his eyes had remained fixed on Leorio more than they had on the others, making the doctor grunt in annoyance.

«I think that was our cue for us to end this, no?» sighed Kurapika after the three children had left, pinching the bridge of his nose with a hand. His head was killing him.  
«No, I don't think it was.» hissed Leorio in turn «I demand an explanation, and I want it now.»  
«I think the way you're going about this needs some polishing, you know.» casually commented Chrollo. While his people smiled derisively, Kurapika elbowed him in the ribs and Leorio glared at him.  
«You stay out of it, this has nothing to do with you!»  
«I wouldn't talk like that if I were you.» interjected Machi, crossing her arms to her chest with a huff «First you insist that we stay here, then you want us to remain silent... Well, whatever, I don't care. I'm heading back.»  
«Why, you...»  
«Me too. It was funny at first, but now the spectacle's getting boring.» agreed Phinks with a sneer. Nobunaga nodded along to their words and then turned to Chrollo.  
«Boss, are you coming with?»  
«Well, I-»  
«Hey! I never said you could leave!» snapped Leorio again.  
«Stop us, then.» snarled Phinks.

Kurapika ran a hand across his face and groaned in frustration. It was like someone was pummeling his brain with a hammer, but at the same time his head felt light.

«Leorio… Please.»  
«No, don't! I'm willing to remain here all day!» came his friend's distant retort.

Someone replied to what the other had said, but Kurapika couldn't quite catch who had spoken or which words they had spoken. Remaining upright was becoming a challenge, and even his vision was slowly becoming darker and darker.  
Subconsciously he knew what was happening, but something like a fog had descended on his mind, making it hard to think or focus.

Something warm encircled his waist before he could fall to the ground and accompanied him in his descent. He could hear syllables, just barely, different in timbre and tone, and together they all sounded like his name.  
Bits and pieces of words told him that the argument hadn't even ceased, or maybe it had and the people speaking were fighting over something else, he couldn't tell.

The pavement he was sitting on was cold, but there was warmth at his side and he didn't care anymore. Let them be at each other's throats.

In the meantime, he could get some rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aliveeee (and back before February!!) but I'll also be much busier come the new semester so it's likely that updates will unfortunately remain irregular T-T  
> I wanted to talk about other Things™ too in this chapter, but I didn't want to cram too much information all together :/
> 
> Pov: you're Leorio.  
> You walk into the room and you see your friend sitting really close to the mysterious dude he spent the whole night watching over and he's gently (???) holding his wrist. What do you do.  
> But also do you think I made him too aggressive during the fight? I kind of feel bad about it lol.
> 
> #letkurapikarest. Chrollo's quite beefy, I imagine his chest should be comfy enough.
> 
> I know everything is really messy but I'll explain things a little more clearly here, so buckle up.
> 
> *Technically* what happens in the game when you consume vile blood is you become, well, a vileblood regardless if you're a normal human or a hunter already tainted by the Old Blood ("Feel the spreading corruption burn. Now, thou'rt too a Vileblood"), but I thought it'd be fun to spice things up a little.  
> Bloodborne throws blood types incompatibility out of the window already, but is there someone stopping me from saying that at least the Church's blood and the vile blood cancel each other out? Nope.
> 
> Just as you need to consume a lot of the Church's blood to turn into a beast, in this au you need to consume a lot of vile blood to become one instead of instantly becoming a vampire lite.  
> Basically, Chrollo received more blood from Kurapika than he had from the Church, but, since most of the former reacted with the latter, he's just A Little Bit of a vileblood now.
> 
> About the not being human anymore bit, the way I interpreted it even while playing the game is that, while the Church's blood awakens men's dormant beastly nature, the vile blood turns them into something Other than human altogether. The end results are inhuman creatures either way, but I think there's this difference in their origin. But That's Just A Theory™. Bear with me, this fic is also a way for me to just talk about bloodborne stuff on and on.
> 
> As for the vilebloods turning into beasts, well, if your food is poisoned, you'll end up poisoned too. You drink a lot of infected yharnamites' blood- boom you get the beastly scourge too!
> 
> Unnecessarily complicated, I told you. The sad thing is, this is only the beginning :)


	17. Insight

When Kurapika came to again, it was to the afternoon Sun.  
It took him a while to turn on his back and open his eyes to see where he was and, when he did, he couldn't immediately recognise the room he was in, no matter how familiar it was.

When it finally clicked that he was laying in Leorio's bed - devoid of all the blood stained towels and blankets that had previously been covering it - he ignored a wave of dizziness and sat up with a jolt. He couldn't even tell whether he had simply fallen asleep or if he had truly blacked out, and the heaviness of his limbs wasn't of any help.  
The last thing he remembered was the argument with the others that morning, then he had lost consciousness.

Throwing off the covers, he stretched and moved to the edge of the bed. Despite the grogginess he still felt, he moved his feet to the floor and stood up. While he waited for the room to stop spinning, he closed his eyes and listened.  
The house was mostly quiet, but he could hear hushed voices and the rattling of crockery coming from the kitchen, which meant that there was someone home.  
Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair and left the bedroom. 

«Ah- Good morning, Kurapika! We were just about to call you.» greeted Alluka as soon as she spotted him. She was in the living room, setting the table; unlike hours prior, she looked perfectly fine. From the kitchen, Gon and Killua tensely nodded at him. Considering the mess and the clutter around them, they probably had been making lunch.  
«Good morning. Where is...»  
«Leorio is helping outside with the cleansing.» replied Gon with a nod towards the window.

Kurapika had guessed that already, but an inquisitive look from Killua discouraged him from rewording his question. Their guests certainly weren't on the upper floor, and it only took a glance around the house to see that they had long left.  
His eyes fell on the front door. He hadn't noticed it earlier, but the wood was cracked in some points. Likely a result of the Troupe members' break-in.

That thought brought a wince to his face. What they had feared he had done to their leader, he didn't know. It wasn't hard to figure out that they all shared a fierce loyalty towards Chrollo, but he had never thought that they would go to such lengths to ensure his safety, even when it wasn't necessary. But then again, they _had_ been just as wary of him even when he had been standing in the middle of their lair, unarmed and defenseless, so, no matter how weird, it probably was just a fixation of theirs.

Sighing, he walked over to the boys and eyed the pot on the stove.

«Do you need any help with that?»  
«Nope, we've got it! Leorio prepared everything before he went out, we're just heating it up.»  
«He said not to wait for him.» added Killua, a pensive note to his voice «… You know, he was still really angry.»  
«I figured.»  
«What happened was really weird, wasn't it? Such freaky people, and in our house no less.»  
«You don't need to run circles around it.» sighed Kurapika, sending the boy a flat look «Just be upfront with me.»

Killua scowled up at him and then averted his eyes with a grunt.

«That man you brought here… He didn't hesitate to hurt a normal person.» quietly supplied Gon, his tone almost confused, as if he couldn't comprehend how anyone could do such a thing «And he… You know...» he then added, gesturing to Alluka with his head. The girl noticed the stares sent her way and hunched her shoulders in embarrassment.  
«I- I don't mind! Something just automatically reacts to him, but it doesn't bother me, and I'm sure Kurapika has his reasons...»  
«Oh, I'm sure he does.» scoffed Killua in turn «I'm sure _he_ finds his reasons for hanging out with such creeps valid, but I just doubt any prudent person would.»  
«If we take into consideration past occurrences, you don't have much room to talk.» reprimanded the blond, motioning to Alluka and making her look away in discomfort.  
«That was different, none of us was at risk.»  
«I'm not at risk either.»  
«To be fair, those weird people _did_ look angry at you at first.» commented Gon with a pout «They didn't seem very nice.»  
«They're just… Protective.»

Killua snorted in derision.

«Yeah, right... You could have at least told us you and that man knew each other.»  
«I thought that it would have given you unnecessary preoccupations. Also, I'll have you know that I met him on the day of the cleansing too, we just happened to cross paths again.»  
«Wait, then-!» interjected Gon with a gasp «The night you didn't come back, the times you remained out more than usual...»  
«I was with them, yes. I did say that I had started working with other hunters.»  
«While omitting just some minor details.» scoffed Killua with sarcasm.  
«I already told Leorio this, but there's really no reason for any of you to get involved.» lectured Kurapika «The others and I have an agreement, and I know how to handle myself. That's it.»

The boy still looked contrary, but a loud groan from Gon prevented him from replying.

«I trust you, but it's all so messed up and those people are so weird, and you can't just tell us not to worry about you. You're our friend, it's unfair!»  
«I understand that it's hard,» conceded the blond, settling a hand on the child's shoulder «But, with everything that is happening, I need you to focus on yourselves. All will be fine in due time.»

Kurapika tried to show the boy an encouraging smile, but Gon only tightened his lips and looked away in disagreement. His shoulders dropped with a sigh, and he retracted his hand in defeat.  
Killua scratched the back of his neck and pretended to be paying attention to their lunch. By the dining table, Alluka, who had been mostly quiet, looked down and fiddled with the hem of her dress.  
They all remained silent.

They moved again only when their food had finished cooking, but still the silence remained heavy. All throughout the meal, only the sound of cutlery clicking against the dishes echoed through the house. While Alluka had never shown any will to argue and actually seemed uncomfortable about that whole situation, it wasn't unusual of Killua to resort to muteness and disapproving, sharp stares, which was exactly what he had done. Even Gon, who usually was the one more prone to outbursts of the two, had remained sulky and grim.  
His day had barely even begun, yet Kurapika already couldn't wait for it to end. He had been expecting something like that to happen and, despite how much he hated being the cause of their discontent, pushing the children away had been easy, because it truly was better that way, for all of them.  
The less they knew, the less they cared, the better.

When they were done cleaning the table and washing their plates, he held in his breath and straightened up.

«I'm going to head out now.» he calmly stated as he dried his hands. He didn't need to turn his head to know that, next to him, Gon had tensed up all over again «I don't know when I'll be back, but it'll probably be this evening.»  
«And it's not for the cleansing, is it?»  
«There are things I need to discuss with the others.»

Gon visibly bit back a comment at those words and looked away. 

«Let me guess, you want us not to move from here?» interjected Killua instead, half assedly glaring at him.  
«I want you to be safe. I would prefer you stayed home, but there's nothing I can do to force you.»  
«But… If everyone is out today anyway, is it really a problem if we go too? If anything bad happened, I'm sure someone would notice.» commented Alluka in a low and uncertain voice.  
«Don't let numbers lull you into a false sense of security.» gently reprimanded Kurapika. Heading to the front door, he grabbed a coat from the hanger and slipped it on «… Whatever you decide to do, please remember to be careful.»

Having said this, he turned around and left.

***

As soon as Kurapika stepped outside, a wave of nausea hit him and he was momentarily forced to brace himself against the door. He had been so preoccupied with everything else that he had forgotten about the stench of the hunt, and it had taken him but an inhale to suffer the consequences of his lapse.  
He had been completely unprepared.  
Shaking his head, he brought a hand up to his mouth and swallowed.

He hadn't even noticed that he had closed his eyes, but when he opened them several seconds later the world had at least stopped spinning.  
Sighing, he ran his hand across his face and detached himself from the door.

The streets of Yharnam were as filthy as one could expect after the gruesome happenings of the previous night.  
Luckily, everyone's hard work was already showing its fruits, and most corpses had already been amassed in piles, and the blood absorbed by soil and dust. 

Several people glared at him when he walked by without raising a finger to help, but Kurapika didn't pay attention to any of them. Rather, he put his hands in his pockets to ward off the cold and took step after step without averting his eyes from the road in front of him. His mind played Something's words in a loop.

He didn't even know where to begin.

When Something had called Chrollo a newborn, it had likely been referring to the change in his blood. Had its knowledge of that phenomena been an intrinsic one, like it had happened with him, or had it noticed it only later? There were merits to those questions, however that wasn't even the most pressing issue at hand.

_The scent of the Moon._

It had almost been two weeks since Something had first met Chrollo, but he clearly remembered that it had mentioned the same thing in that occasion as well.  
But had he ever noticed anything off about Chrollo? No - or at least not in that sense - and even the man himself had looked puzzled at the time.

"It's not like the Moon has a scent anyway"

He took into consideration the hypothesis that it could be a metaphor for something else, or for something abstract, like a concept, but discarded it almost immediately. The entity's words sounded cryptic to his ears, but that didn't necessarily mean he had to start looking for symbolism elsewhere to understand them.  
If anything, despite its manner of speaking, Something's general behavior didn't allude to any deeper meaning; on the contrary, it was quite straightforward. Its emotions seemed to be a bit volatile and it got upset easily, but so far its actions hadn't been complex at all. Being in physical proximity to Chrollo and receiving comfort and company from Killua, that was all it had wanted so far, almost like a needy child.  
But then again Alluka had also talked about punishments… Whatever that meant. He was confident that, one way or the other, their parents had to be involved, but he still wished that Killua hadn't interrupted his sister's explanation all those days prior. Nevermind that though, that was a secondary issue as well.

The only answer he had gotten out of Something was that Chrollo's tattoo represented this alleged Moon, this _paleblood_ , as it had called it. He had never heard of such a thing and for a dreadful moment the thought that another strand of cursed blood could be in circulation made the breath catch in his throat, then he mentally scolded himself. The exact fact that he had never heard of it almost gave him solace - either it was unknown even to the Church, or it wasn't widespread at all - and, paired with the mystery that was Something, maybe it was a clue to uncovering the entity's nature.  
_If_ this paleblood Moon and Something even shared one in the first place, that was.

The thought of the creature possessing Alluka and the one tied to Chrollo being similar gave him pause. If that were the case, the nature of their bond had to be completely different.  
For one, Alluka herself had confessed that Something had always been within her, and the thing had some degree of influence over her, there even was some sort of physicality to it. If he had to take Something's words literally, he'd guess that Chrollo and this Moon had to have had some sort of contact for him to smell like it. Yet, unlike the child, initially Chrollo had seemed genuinely oblivious to the existence of a link between him and this other being.  
Still, the fact remained that that very same Moon was inked on the other man's skin, and he couldn't help but wonder what that symbol _did_ mean to him, then.

And then there was Flora. Someone connected to the Church, maybe? Something _had_ mentioned its blood after all, but why would she be saddened by its purging, and how would she know about it in the first place? He had never even heard of such a person in the whole month since he had met Chrollo and the others, and in his experience the Phantom Troupe certainly wasn't a group willing to let outsiders breach their ranks.

Groaning, Kurapika forced the tension in his shoulders to dissipate and slightly tilted his head back. A gust of wind threw his hair in his eyes and he moved it back with a peeved movement of his hand.

Without even noticing, he had already reached Old Yharnam, and the steadily worsening conditions of the buildings around him told him just how close he was to his destination. Furrowing his brows in thought and making sure not to catch anyone's attention, he looked around.  
Despite its decrepit state, that was likely the most densely populated district of the entire city. The temperatures had lowered since the previous day, nevertheless it wasn't unusual to see someone dressed but in mere rags in there. The people's eyes were sunken, their skin sickly in color. Whether out of hunger and exhaustion, or because the beastly plague was gnawing at the minds and bodies, he didn't know.

Kurapika tightened his lips into a thin line and averted his eyes.  
If his and Chrollo's suppositions were right, not all of them had been able to rest through the night, but not because of the beasts. He wondered whether the others had caught sight of any suspicious activity, and, if they had, whether they had done something about it. They had already decided not to get in the way of the kidnappers, but being unresponsive to anything weird happening right in front of their eyes would have been just as suspicious.

As lost in thought as he was, Kurapika didn't see a small figure on the other side of the road turn and take notice of him in surprise. After a moment of hesitation, the person tightened their lithe arms around the large bag they were holding and soundlessly walked his way.  
If it hadn't been for the tug at his coat, Kurapika still wouldn't have noticed them.

«You're Kurapika, right?Are you going to the base?» curiously questioned Kalluto, lips pursed into a pout and catlike eyes narrowed in childish suspicion. The blond was surprised to see the boy there, _alone_ , and that he had even approached him first.  
«Oh- Kalluto, hello. I am. And… Why aren't you with the others?» despite his attempts, his fake lightheartedness didn't fool the boy, who frowned at him, offended.  
«Why, do you think I can't handle myself?»  
«Not at all, that's not what I meant, just- it's the others who always want to keep their eyes on you, right?»  
«Hmpf, sure they do. Too bad that it's the middle of the day, so I'm free to do what I want!»

Kalluto's naivety for not having guessed his diversion and the confidence behind his words made Kurapika's lips curl into a one sided smile. Shaking his head, he gestured at him to remain by his side and started walking again.

«Oh, I see. Then, may I ask what you've been up to?»  
«The boss' clothes got ruined last night, but everyone's busy today so, since I couldn't remain at the base anyway, I went and got new ones for him!» easily answered Kalluto with a self satisfied grin «I wanted to get him a new weapon too, but he already has so many of them stacked away.» he then added sulkily.

Kurapika's steps faltered.

«What do you mean, you couldn't remain at the base?»  
«Aren't you curious to know? Well… Me too.» huffed the child, a hint of displeasure transpiring from his voice «… I only know that Shizuku was unwell again, and that she needed space to rest, so I left.»  
«Ah… I understand.» Kurapika furrowed his brows in worry and tightened his hands into fists. Hoping not to sound too intrusive, he tightened his lips and looked ahead «Still, why would you need to leave? Your home is large, after all.»  
«I don't like it when she gets like that... It makes me feel weird...» Kalluto made a grimace and pressed his bag harder to his chest «I don't like it at all. That's why I waited until I was sure her medicines had worked to go back.»  
«I understand. I'm sorry.»  
«It's fine, I...»

But Kalluto's voice quietly died down before the rest of his sentence could reach Kurapika's ears, and the blond was left hanging like that. A glance at the boy's expression told him that he didn't want to discuss that topic any longer.  
With a silent exhale, Kurapika nodded in acceptance and remained quiet.

"... Am used to it" was what his mind immediately supplied as a fitting conclusion of Kalluto's words.

The distance dividing them from the derelict church wasn't much anymore, but it wasn't little either.  
In the meantime, he had a lot to think about.

***

A little more than a week prior, Nobunaga had told him how he and Uvogin attracted the beasts to their location. The smell of animal blood mingled with the Holy medium was certainly less intense than it had been the previous night, but it was far from gone.  
Kurapika made a face in disgust and brought up a hand to cover his nose and mouth, if anything to trick himself into believing it would do anything to ward off the smell. Kalluto looked up at him and huffed out a laugh.

«Is it really that bad to you? You're really sensitive for a hunter.»  
«Of course it makes me feel sick, it can't be helped. Doesn't it bother you at all?»  
«Mhh, not really, it's just some blood. Why can't it be helped? Are you a newbie?»  
«What?»

Kurapika looked down at Kalluto in astonishment, a retort ready on his tongue and certain that the boy was purposely trying to antagonize him, but the genuine curiosity in his eyes stunned him into silence.  
Kalluto tilted his head sideways and smirked.

«So?»  
«… No... I guess I _am_ quite sensitive, then.»

Kalluto threw his head back and let out a short laugh, then hurried his pace and surpassed him to the entrance of the church.

«Sucks to be you.»

Kurapika remained immobile for a moment, then slowly followed after him.

 _Kalluto didn't know._  
He had no idea.

Shellshocked, the blond walked into the church and looked around.  
Muffled voices came from the room in the back, and the fluttering of a curtain hid the boy's body from view. From somewhere on his left, likely one of the alcoves, came other voices, quieter than the others. Franklin's, from the low timbre of one of them, maybe Machi's too. Considering the direction they were coming from, they had to be with Shizuku, in her room. Which meant that Kortopi was there as well.  
Swallowing the lump in his throat, he squared his shoulders and walked deeper into the building towards the altar in the back. The sound of subdued and barely audible whimpers reached his ears when he passed by the alcoves, and he felt coldness seep into his bones.  
Frustrated, he dug his nails into his palms and grit his teeth.  
He couldn't do anything to help.

Kalluto's voice was louder than the rest, and Kurapika could clearly hear him tell the others what he had been doing. The child's eagerness brought a bitter smile to his face. How he managed to be so lively in those circumstances was beyond him.

Taking a deep breath, he extended his arm and moved the curtain aside before his presence could be announced. Everyone - except Kalluto - promptly turned to him in surprise, but his eyes only found Chrollo's. For a split second the raven sent a faint smile his way, but the expression on his face must have been eloquent enough that it soon turned sour and strained.

Kurapika felt something in his chest squeeze.  
What he felt upon figuring that Chrollo had already understood something wasn't surprise, but relief. Looking at the other's face, he realised that he had been expecting it to happen, to which he tightened his fists even more.  
Should he even have taken it for granted in the first place. He had come to the hideout to seek dialogue, not comfort, and neither Kalluto's words nor Shizuku's conditions were enough for his objective to be swayed. Yet, just like that morning, he couldn't deny nor reject the sense of thankfulness that had taken over him.

«Ah- Kurapika, good to see ya!» greeted Uvogin before anyone else opened their mouth to speak, dragging the blond out of his thoughts.

Nobunaga shrugged one shoulder and nodded at him in acknowledgment. He didn't seem particularly bothered by his presence, but then again even earlier he had only really been aggressive towards Leorio.  
Phinks and Feitan only sent him matching glares, but they didn't otherwise interject. Kurapika noted with interest that the short man's left arm was wrapped in bandages, thick splints at its sides. Likely the reason he hadn't gone to his house with the others that morning, he reasoned.

«Good morning, everyone.»  
«I was just about to tell you!» said Kalluto, who was standing just by Chrollo and his armchair «I met him on my way back and we walked together.»  
«Did you now.» replied the raven, turning his attention to the boy at his side with a newfound smile «And you had him agree to follow you all on your own? Good job.»  
«I-! No, he was just coming here on his own already.»  
«Mhh, I see. Thank you anyway, Kalluto, you've been really helpful.»  
«No, it was nothing...»  
«Ah, is he actually getting flustered right now?» questioned Nobunaga in jest, making Uvogin burst into a boisterous laugh.  
«You shut up!» yelled the boy in protest, the flush on his cheeks growing intense in embarrassment.  
«Leave him alone.» agreed Chrollo, though his lips further curled upwards into an amused smile.

Kurapika watched him hold onto it for a second more before he let it slip away with a quiet sigh. Standing up, Chrollo took the bag still held between Kalluto's arms and then nodded at the others.

«I will be gone for a while. Keep everything under control for me.»

Satisfied with the replies he received, he stepped forward and looked at Kurapika once more. Tightening his lips, the blond found the opening in the curtain behind him again and walked backwards until he left the room, saluting the others with a nod.  
Chrollo followed after him, and soon they were alone in the nave. Idle conversation had already picked up in the room in front of them; it was loud enough to render the voices coming from behind unintelligible, but not enough to completely mask the moans and whines. A shiver ran down Kurapika's arms and he grimaced.

«I just need to put these in my room.» Chrollo told him in a low voice, raising the bag with his new clothes with a hand «You can wait for me outside if you want.»  
«We're leaving?» he asked in confusion. The raven gave him a searching look and then averted his eyes to the curtains at the side of the church.  
«Do you want us to stay?» 

At that softly spoken question, Kurapika tensed up. His instinctive reaction would have been to say no, but he couldn't lie, not even to himself. He had wanted to leave the second he set foot there.  
Taking a small step back, he hid his shaky hands in his pockets and inhaled deeply.

«… I don't.»

Chrollo nodded in understanding and shifted on his feet, directing his body in the direction of his own alcove.

«Okay. I'll be only a few minutes.»

Nodding, Kurapika watched him go for a moment, then he turned and headed in the direction of the entrance, trying to ignore the voices as best as he could.

Outside, a gust of cold wind brought the foul smell of blood right under his nose, making his grimace worsen. Hunching up his shoulders, he leant against the stone wall at his back and waited.

***  
Not long after, the sound of approaching footsteps reached his ears.  
Turning his head sideways, he caught Chrollo right as he was stepping out of the church. Noticing his staring, the raven tilted his head sideways and huffed.

«I didn't take long, did I?»  
«No, it's not that.» sighing, Kurapika detached himself from the wall and turned to the path uphill «How are you feeling?»  
«Not any different from this morning.» taking his hands out of his pockets, he pulled back one of his sleeves and then extended his arm «I made a test later, this is the result.»

Walking closer, the blond took ahold of him and looked where the other was pointing. It was faint, but a discoloration of the skin in the back of his forearm revealed a thin, long scar; probably the work of a blade.  
Kurapika's brows furrowed in displeasure and he bit the inside of his cheek.

«You didn't need to.»  
«I did. I wanted to know how different it would be.»  
«But we had already checked.»  
«Beasts and man wouldn't leave me with simple bruises.» hinting at a smile, Chrollo took his arm back and pushed his sleeve down again «But I think this isn't the reason why we're here.»

Tightening his lips, Kurapika looked towards the church.

«… You could have told me Kalluto doesn't know anything.»  
«I didn't think it'd make much of a difference, to be honest.»  
«… I guess so… How long has Shizuku been feeling unwell for?»  
«A couple of days. It's not unusual for it to happen during this period.»

Frowning pensively, the blond nodded in understanding and started walking, immediately flanked by Chrollo. He didn't know where he was going, but he didn't want to remain there.

«Kalluto mentioned something else earlier.» he started a few seconds later.  
«Did he?»  
«Please don't play coy with me.»  
«I'm not, I just want to know.»

Kurapika flatly looked at the other man for a moment, then rolled his eyes.

«Is anything possessing Shizuku, as is the case with Alluka?»  
«There isn't.»  
«So there shouldn't be any reason for Kalluto to be bothered by her condition. And yet, he is.» taking a deep breath, he glanced back and forth between the road ahead and Chrollo «Just like there's nothing possessing you, yet Something still reacts to you.»

The raven hummed in response as he thought over his words and slightly tilted his head back to look up at the sky.  
Kurapika followed the curve of his neck up to his forehead with his eyes, taking in the placid expression on his face and the newly wrapped cloth around his head.  
He was pleasantly surprised that Chrollo hadn't avoided or outright dismissed his questions as usual, but was instead considering them. His behavior had been agreeable enough that it shouldn't have come as a shock, but Kurapika was glad regardless.  
The sound of Chrollo's voice made him joilt.

«I didn't understand it either at first.» he said, still not looking at him «When I told you I couldn't say what had happened for sure, I was being honest.»  
«Does that mean that you are now?»  
«I think I have a good guess. It's hard to tell.»  
«Alright. Tell me, then… What _is_ that thing?»

Letting out a slow exhale, Chrollo lowered his head and turned to him.

«Before I can answer that, there's something I need to ask you first.»  
«What is it?»  
«What do you know about the Church's beliefs?»  
«Huh?» Kurapika tilted his head sideways and gave the raven a searching look, perplexed «What does that have to do with anything?»  
«Just answer the question.» insisted Chrollo, no hint of humor in his voice.  
«Well, not much.» crossing his arms to his chest, Kurapika furrowed his brows in recollection «Bonolenov mentioned a couple things to me, but I don't think there was anything worthy of note.»  
«I see. What do you think was the aim of its experimentation?»  
«I assumed Byrgenwerth's studies sought a deeper understanding of the blood, but then the Church started pushing for the creation of a strand free of the plague… And failed, considering the circumstances.»  
«You're not that far off. Byrgenwerth _was_ neutral at first, but, more than making a clean strand, one of the Church's objectives was to have one they could control. Almost all test subjects died though, so this particular plan was deemed a failure and was ultimately discarded.»

Kurapika frowned in confusion. He was about to ask Chrollo what any of that had to do with what he had asked, but as he mulled over those words in his head a second time a gasp tore out of his chest on its own.

«Wait, you're telling me-!»  
«Draw your own conclusions, I'm not going to say anything else about this.» interrupted Chrollo, an unusual edge to his voice. He still wasn't looking at him.

Kurapika pressed his lips into a thin line and dug his nails into his palms. Swallowing back the bile that had risen to his throat, he forced himself to breathe and spoke in a strained voice.

«Alright. What about its other plans?»

Chrollo remained silent for a while.  
Kurapika didn't push him, but he couldn't help glancing at his face every few seconds, taking note of the far off look in his eyes. He wasn't used to seeing the other man making such an expression, and, the longer he waited for an answer, the stronger was the pull of the frown on his face. He realised the anticipation he felt wasn't borne out of frustration, but worry. For what, he didn't know.

When Chrollo spoke again, his words made him choke on his own saliva and his eyes widened in shock.

«What do you think of the gods, Kurapika?»  
«Wh- _What_!?»  
«What?»  
«That's completely off topic!»  
«Is it?» Chrollo made a face and slowed his pace, eyeing him with interest «To be quite honest, I'm having trouble finding the words I want to say. I think starting from the beginning is our best option.»  
«You… You're not trying to tell me this is the work of a god, are you?» asked Kurapika, his expression a combination of both bewilderment and aggravation «That's just...»  
«Preposterous?»  
«I was thinking crazy.»  
«Fair enough.» Chrollo let out a short laugh and shook his head, as if conscious of the other thoughts crossing the blond's mind in that moment «I understand what this may sound like. That's why I wanted to hear your perspective, so we can work our way up.»  
«I…» Kurapika hunched up his shoulders and looked away, still shaken and uncertain. Furrowing his brows, he shook his head «I don't even know where to begin.»  
«How about the beginning?»

Sending Chrollo a peeved glare, Kurapika huffed and started thinking, ignoring the part of his brain that was still shouting at him that none of that made any sense.

«… Nothing.» he eventually replied, pressing his lips into a thin line and looking off to the decrepit buildings on the side of the road «I think nothing of them.»  
«So you don't believe in them?» questioned the other man. The blond tried to look for notes of judgement in his voice, but didn't find any; only genuine curiosity and interest, if only masked behind a conversational tone.  
«I'm not sure. I think some of the adults in Cainhurst used to adhere to one faith or the other, but I never paid much attention to these things when I was a child. And now… Now I just think that, if there _is_ something, then it doesn't care about us as much as people do about it.»

Chrollo hummed in understanding and nodded along to his words. When Kurapika finished speaking, he turned around to look at him and saw the corners of his lips curl upwards into a small smile, to which he arched a brow in confusion.

«What is it?»  
«Nothing… I was just thinking, people are...So very interesting.»  
«You speak as if you weren't one as well. Are you going to hit me with some other crazy hypothesis now?»  
«Don't worry, I very much am one. Just, your thoughts, you're beliefs- they're you. If your life had been any different, you wouldn't be here talking about this, or at least not like this.»  
«If you're trying to say how amazing life is and all of that, save it. I would trade everything in a heartbeat to change literally anything about the past.» hissed Kurapika.  
«That wasn't what I meant.»  
«But it's still what your way of thinking implies.»

For the next several seconds, the two of them stared at each other in a strained silence.  
In the end, Chrollo turned away first.

«I see. I didn't intend to offend you.»

Kurapika held onto his glare some more, then averted his eyes with a huff.

«Leave it. I know you're not going to change your mind.»  
«That doesn't change the fact that upsetting you wasn't my intention.»  
«… Whatever.» a particularly strong gust of wind blew past them; some cold air managed to get past his coat collar, sending shivers down his spine. He crossed his arms to his chest to fight them «... By your logic, something must have happened to you that led you to a conclusion different from mine.»

From the corner of his eye, Kurapika watched Chrollo give a small nod of affirmation. His face, which had grown sombre during their tense exchange, eased into a more flat expression while retaining some of its seriousness.  
Once again his reply wasn't immediate, yet, instead of mere seconds, that time it took him a few minutes to find the words to say.

Kurapika took that time to breathe, breathe despite the nauseating stench of blood, and to appease his anger. He had no desire to fight. Not with him as well.

«I heard stories when I was younger in the place I grew up.» carefully began Chrollo, eyes fixated in front of him, but clearly not really seeing «About the gods, and their supposed deeds.»  
«… Where you grew up?» a small, quiet gasp made his chest jump. Kurapika tightened the hold of his hands and fully looked to his side, eyes widened in surprise.  
«Not far from here, not close. It doesn't matter anyway.» for an instant, a small, bitter smile graced the other's lips «What I meant to say is- I guess there are circumstances in which you can only sit back, and listen.»  
«You don't seem that much of a passive person to me.» mumbled the blond, a pensive frown on his face «I… Can't see you doing anything like that, not unless out of your own interest.»

Chrollo huffed out a laugh and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he turned towards Kurapika and smiled at him.

«You're right. I suppose there would have been a certain fascination on my part regardless.»

Kurapika pressed his lips into a thin line.  
He wanted to know regardless of what, or who, but he knew that the other wouldn't budge, not on that. He still couldn't believe that Chrollo had spontaneously brought up his past, and he didn't want to say anything that could dissuade him from disclosing more.

«And how does the Church fit in all of this? How do Alluka and Shizuku?»

"How do you?"

«The others and I are only truly certain of this thanks to what Shalnark has discovered over the years… And because we've seen first hand the consequences of what it's done.» carefully began Chrollo, voice growing sombre word after word «The beings that you and I merely call gods- the Church refers to them as Great Ones.»  
«Great Ones?»  
«I don't know whether it's even possible, but each faction has a head, and each one of them seems to pursue ascension.»  
«Asce- no, wait, that's-» Kurapika stopped walking and took a step back, shaking his head in disbelief «This is just- none of this makes any sense.»  
«Does any of this make any sense?» questioned Chrollo, gesturing to the city around them with a nod of his head «You're free not to believe a single word, but then I don't think you will be satisfied with what I have to say next.»

Digging his fingers in the sleeves of his coat, Kurapika bit the inside of his cheek and frowned at the ground.

«… I… I need to think about this a minute.» eventually was his ragged response. Chrollo didn't bat an eye, understanding.  
«I think we can find some place to sit.»

***

Not very distant from where they had been walking was what Kurapika mused had probably been a small park once.  
The bushes and plants were mostly withered, but a few trees remained standing despite the multiple signs of deep scratch marks on their bark. They stayed away from the benches in their shade, instead choosing one on the edge of that small green space to bask in the little sunlight that managed to filter through the clouds.

Kurapika intertwined his fingers together and leant his elbows on his thighs, deep in thought. Next to him, Chrollo silently sat back against the cracked backrest of the stone bench, leaving him alone with his thoughts and giving space and time to reflect on his words.

Minutes flew by.

By the time the blond straightened his spine again, the wind had picked up once more. At the very least, the scent of blood wasn't as strong as it was before.  
He took a deep breath, and held it in until his lungs started to burn. Then, with a heavy sigh, he collapsed against the stone at his back.

«… If I were to assume that the experiments performed on Shizuku had something to do with this ascension thing, would I be right?» he asked, voice barely louder than a whisper.  
«You would.»  
«But then… What happened?»  
«What, indeed.» Chrollo let out a puff of air and slightly shook his head, as if to dispel a distant memory «I don't know the specifics, we never asked. I don't think she'd be able to recount them anyway...Neither she, nor Kortopi.»  
«He was with her, wasn't he? I always thought they had a special bond… But he's not as affected, is he?»  
«Not at all. I assume it's a matter of time, different practices. Maybe disposition, too. Regardless, the thing remains that she's just particularly sensitive to certain things because of what was done to her.»  
«I see… Then, how did they get away? I doubt the Church would release such important… Test subjects.» just the use of that word made bile rise in Kurapika's throat. Sinking his nails into the fabric of his trousers, he bit his lips, not daring to voice the rest of his thoughts.

"Not like it released Uvogin for the hunt"

«We have a poor understanding of that too.» stated Chrollo, voice deliberately devoid of any emotions «We suppose that something that led to a momentary state of mayhem within the Church happened, allowing her to run away and bring Kortopi with her. Neither Shalnark nor Bonolenov had become spies yet, and Pakunoda's field has nothing to do with this, so we don't know for sure.»

A crease formed between Kurapika's brows.  
Slowly, he turned his head to the side and got a clear look of Chrollo's face. His features weren't as tense as they had been earlier.  
He was lying.  
He didn't know about what, or why, but that was the distinct impression Kurapika got after looking at his expression. The first thought that formed in his mind as soon as he recognized it; it had been weeks since he had last seen it directed his way, but Chrollo's mask was there, and he felt like an invisible hand had reached out to his throat and squeezed.  
Just as slowly, he turned his head back. Something in his chest burned.

«… I see.» a pause. He released a leg and ran a hand across his face, massaging his temples to give himself some time to breathe more deeply «… What about the rest?»  
«If we take Kalluto's sensitivity to her into consideration, then… I guess we could call it a rebound.»  
«Rebound?» Kurapika glanced at Chrollo again, tightening his lips. He was speaking the truth, again. What was there about Shizuku and Kortopi's escape that he wanted to hide?  
«What he experiences isn't even that bad, but it wasn't intended for him in the first place. You could consider it a punishment for being unconditionally faithful to the wrong people, I guess.»

"Punishment".  
That word sent shivers down Kurapika's spine.

_«Well, it's not good to… Some people. It never told me why, but it punishes them.»_

«So the god- Great One- Alluka's Something and Shizuku are connected? How?»  
«You're asking me to guess the actions of a god?»  
«I'm asking you to explain where those children's family fits in all of this. You've met them, haven't you?»

Chrollo leaned further back against the bench and looked at him in silence for a moment, his expression stony.

«I have.»

A refusal.  
Kurapika forced the tension in his muscles to ease. He hadn't even expected to get that far in the first place.  
A lie and a rejection, some insight. He was willing to accept that exchange.

But still.

«… Will you at least tell me what caused all of this? Why would Something - whatever it is - mingle with humans, even punish them?»  
«I think… This is due to the very nature of those gods.»  
«Huh?»

Chrollo gave him a short nod and turned his head to look up at the heavens.  
The Sun wouldn't set for a few hours more, but the sky was growing darker already, as if in anticipation of the night.

«The gods of the Church may bear different names, but in substance they aren't any different from the ones that used to be adored back home… Elders everywhere love telling stories. I frankly envy their way with words; I guess that's all some people have. There's one thing all the stories I've been told have in common, and it's that the gods are sympathetic in spirit, and often answer when called upon… I suppose one of them listened to the people's cries and chose to answer their prayers.»

Kurapika let Chrollo's words flow uninterrupted and remained quiet.  
He didn't know why, but when the full weight of the raven's words settled onto his shoulders he felt a profound sense of sadness; something akin to an ache, both physical and not, burrowed deep within his chest.  
Was it pity?  
That day he had woken up not even truly believing in the existence of gods, yet there he was, hearing of a sorrow so intense that it had evoked the compassion of one.

His mind couldn't help but conjure a question.

"Hadn't the suffering of my people been horrible enough to invoke such sympathy?"

Maybe their adoration had been too weak, or directed towards mere false idols.  
Maybe none of the gods had lent an attentive ear.  
Maybe the gods had deemed them abominations too.  
Maybe the gods had thought it a fit punishment for their crimes and savoured the sacrificial blood of the innocent, few or many that they had been.

He realised he had stopped breathing only when his lungs started to burn for the lack of air. His eyes burned too, but no tears came out. Emptiness, that was all he felt.  
And a coldness that sank deep into his bones.  
He tried to fend it off by closing his arms around his chest, but he felt no warmth. He only became aware of the trembles running down his body, and he bit his lower lip until he bled.  
His vision grew hazy and all noises became muffled. Minutes could have gone by, he could have remained alone, and he wouldn't have known any better.

The touch of a hand on his shoulder and the sound of his name brought him back to reality.  
Eyes widening, he raised his head and looked to his side. Chrollo was right next to him, close, closer than he had been earlier, and he was looking at him. The icy fingers of that invisible hand grazed against his neck again.

"Look away from me  
"Don't move from here"

Both, neither. What did he want? He didn't know, he couldn't tell.  
He didn't know what to say, what to do.

Chrollo's eyes were so close. The light had gotten dimmer, and their color darker, but no less intense than it usually was. His sharp features had lost all their previous gravity, easing into something more open, softer almost. He didn't say anything. In compense, his fingers tightened almost imperceptibly, sending a jolt of electricity down the blond's spine.

Kurapika's pride burned with the realization that that wasn't the first time they found themselves in such a situation, that it hadn't even been half a day since the last time, but he looked back at the raven and he felt his mouth dry.

Part of him didn't care.

Just for a moment.  
For a moment, he decided to listen to that part. For a moment, he decided not to think.

Pressing his trembling lips into a thin line, he let go of his arms and reached out a hand, grasping the front of Chrollo's coat and pulling him forward towards him. Holding his breath, he sank against his chest and laid his head in the hollow between his neck and shoulder, then inhaled and exhaled deeply.  
He tensed up for a moment, tightening his fists around the fabric between his hands and waiting for a rejection, a word of dismissal. For a moment, he could tell that Chrollo had done the same.

But none of that came.  
Slowly - he would have said hesitantly if he hadn't known any better - and arm wrapped around his shoulders, followed by another, and squeezed.

Biting his lips, Kurapika closed and pressed his forehead harder against Chrollo. Once again, the irony of that situation didn't escape him; he felt like a mockery of his past self. Once again, there he was, seeking comfort in someone else and burdening him with his own problems.  
But Chrollo had been offering him a safe harbor where to dock for a little while, so had it been so terrible of him to accept?

He didn't care if it stemmed from a false sense of security, nor if he had just deluded himself into perceiving it, but he could feel warmth again, and in that moment it was enough.

He didn't know how long it had taken for his heart to stop hammering. Just like that morning, he had been imitating Chrollo's breathing, and eventually his technique had worked.  
He knew he'd have to let go soon, or say something, anything. Almost in horror, he realised he didn't want to.

In the end, it was Chrollo who broke the silence first. His voice was low, and calm, almost a hum in his ear.

«Can you smell it, Kurapika? They're starting to light the fires.»

Slowly raising his head, the blond took a deep, tentative breath.

«I do.»

Chrollo's arms tightened for an instant, as if to remind him of their presence, then moved away. When the raven pulled him back by his shoulders, Kurapika almost let out a protest.  
When their eyes met, Chrollo smiled at him.

«Let's watch the pyres.»

***

They found a small square not far from the park. Some people had already gathered around the lit flames, the smell of burning flesh permeating through their clothes and sticking to their skin like a layer of grime. In a sense, despite all the disparities between them, they all were equal in front of that spectacle of death.

Kurapika and Chrollo stood side by side, silent. Only when the first whimpers and cries began to resound did the blond turn to the man next to him, voice low and brown eyes almost red in the light of the pyre.

«May I ask you something?»  
«That depends entirely on your question.» came the raven's response, though his serene expression contradicted his words.  
«You've described your feelings towards the gods as a fascination. Was that what led you to getting that tattoo?»  
«Mhh… You're right, in a way. I didn't truly believe in the elders' stories at the time, nevertheless I must admit that they were important to me. I got it as a reminder before I found out about everything else; I guess you could think of it as an homage.»  
«For someone who likes to pretend he's unaffected by everyone else, you're oddly sentimental.»  
«I told you, it happened when I was younger. I think I was about your age, actually.»  
«You're talking as if you were an old man, you're not that much older than me.»  
«I may not be old, but we can't exactly be considered peers either.»

Kurapika rolled his eyes in exasperation and shook his head.

«Whatever. Stubborn bastard.»

Out of respect towards the dead and their loved ones, Chrollo repressed a snort.  
When the humour passed, his face grew somber for an instant, then it settled on his usual calm expression again.

«Kurapika?»  
«Mh?»  
«Come to the church tomorrow.»  
«What?» turning his head, Kurapika looked up at the raven with wide eyes «Why?»  
«Shizuku should be feeling better already by then, I'm sure she'll be happy to see you, just like Kortopi will. Uvogin will be ecstatic, too.»  
«What about the others? I highly doubt all of them want me there.»  
«Is it a problem?»  
«I don't want to participate in unnecessary arguments, and I don't want to cause any trouble.»  
«Then you needn't worry about any of that. It won't happen.»

Kurapika gave Chrollo a searching look, noting how the shadows of the flames danced on his skin.  
His face was open, almost peaceful. Despite the atmosphere around them, his lips still seemed to be hinting at a smile.

Averting his eyes, Kurapika stared at the fire of the pyre in front of them and mentally cursed its heat. It felt like his skin was burning, just like its embers were.

«I'll think about it.»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to publish this chapter for Valentine's day so that it could be kinda read as a date but I FAILED -_- not only because of life, but also because this chapter just didn't want to be written.
> 
> Kurapika: I can excuse miraculous blood that turns people into beasts but I draw the line at humans wanting to be gods. Poor guy, everything he's ever believed in was wrong.  
> The Great Ones are fascinating creatures, arguably the real victims in all of Bloodborne (if you've played the game you know what I mean), but when Chrollo says "To be quite honest, I'm having trouble finding the words I want to say" that's also me speaking because I *really* struggled a lot with that whole part. I feel like there were so many more things I should have said, but couldn't :/  
> Tiny little mention of his past there. Worry not, we'll get back to it in the future.
> 
> A couple of you asked me just who Something was and well… I don't know if its name will properly come up at some point, regardless, now that you know of its connection to Shizuku, maybe there's a thing somewhere that might hint at it *wink*.
> 
> I wanted to finally talk a bit about the Dream and finally explain what it is and the changes I made but… I derailed from my plan… T-T A problem for future me to handle I guess.
> 
> It is Very Late where I am now but I'm posting this chapter straight away regardless. Dumb grammatical errors to correct will be yet another problem for future me.


End file.
